“Ryker,” I resignedly say his name out loud. “His name is Ryker. He was the one that told me about The Pump before the Trials started.”
“You really do know him? I thought he was lying,” Val admits.
I tell her briefly about our past run-ins. “After he told me about the Pump, he returned to see me. He gave me names for my emotions and ones I hadn’t felt yet. He taught me what being mad, happy, jealous, and excited was like. He explained to me what love is . . . I think he may have loved me. And I may love him—I even thought I was going to leave this place with him. Then I realized that what’s going on here is bigger than escaping for a fantasy. The problems here aren’t going to go away if I don’t see them happening. I needed to return and find out what’s really going on, so that’s what I did.”
“All that time and you never told me. All these things happening to you, and I couldn’t help you.” Val shakes her head, obviously disappointed in me. “I have all these feelings inside me right now, but I don’t know what to call them. I want to punch you in the face, but then again, I don’t. I kind of understand why you didn’t tell me, but I wish you would have. You’re my best friend, Mena.”
“You’re my best friend too, Val, and I am truly sorry. I really am. You can’t imagine what I was dealing with. Everything was unknown. I was scared to tell you. I realize that I shouldn’t have been,” I say with the regret I know I should be feeling. “I’ll teach you what Ryker taught me. We’ll get through this. And I’ll help cover for you when you’re sick. Just please forgive me.”
“Forgive?” Val doesn’t know the word.
“Yes. We need to put this in the past and move forward. I want you to not want to punch me in the face anymore,” I offer.
“We’ll see,” she says with a hint of a smile. Even though it’s only a glimpse, her smiles lights up her entire face like I’ve never seen it before. It’s amazing.
But I have to scold her for it. “Don’t do that outside of this room. Got it?”
“I know. I know.”
I hope she’ll be in better control of her physical reactions and expressions. Otherwise, this will turn out very badly.
CHAPTER THREE
Val and I walk to the cafeteria in the training building together. She is limping, and I’m realizing that my body is more damaged than I originally thought. I could definitely use more rest, but my bed doesn’t tempt me enough to miss dinner or finding out the results of the Third Trial. I find myself wondering who’s made it back so far and who I will be United with at the United Ceremony. It’s strange to think that I will be United in only a few weeks time. It’s also something that I know I don’t want to be forced into. I want to choose my life partner. Me. Not the government. That’s something I know, even though The Pump is still flowing through my veins.
But I gave up the right to choose when I decided to return. I know I won’t have enough time to change anything before the ceremony. There’s not enough time. So I must be United in the Republic. It’s inevitable.
“You never told me how you placed,” I mention to Val, as we walk down the hallway.
“I think I came in third. What about you?” Val asks.
“Second. Kinah took first place.” I slow my pace so that I have time for another question. “How do you feel about being United?” I ask before we reach the cafeteria’s double doors. Her forehead wrinkles as she thinks about my question. She loses her cold Exalted demeanor in an instant—at just one question. “Val, your face!” I whisper a warning. While she is new at pretending to be someone she’s not, her slip-up worries me.
Val molds herself into a rigid Exalted once more, and says, “I hadn’t thought about it before now. I . . . I don’t know. It’s something that we’ve always known was going to happen. I want to be United. I want to have a life partner. But it’s not going to be easy once I live with someone. How can I keep up this act every second of my life?”
“You’re right about that—it’s going to be difficult,” I admit. Since I won’t be paired with Ethan, I will have the same trouble Val is going to have. I know I should probably be worried, but the feeling doesn’t surface.
“What about you? Do you want to be United?” Val asks me as we linger outside the doors.
I open my mouth to tell her no, but notice Ethan approaching. He doesn’t need to hear my response—it might hurt him—so I keep my answer to myself for now. Val and I nod in his direction as he joins us in the hallway.
“Hey,” he greets us. I can tell he wants to smile. He must be so full of pride about being the first to finish. I want to be happy for him, but I just feel numb.
Had I wanted to be United with one of the trainees, Ethan would’ve been my first choice. He’s always been there for me, and we share a bond that I don’t share with anyone else. We had grown closer during our time training for the Trials and through our shared secret regarding the Pump. It looks like Kinah will take that place in his life now. She will be United with him at the ceremony, not me.
If I were free to choose anyone, though, I would choose Ryker. I have very strong feelings for him—feelings that may be something akin to love. My heart must be strong if I know that through the veil of the Pump. Ryker. I gave him up to come back here—to help the people of the Republic, both citizens and Exalted alike, to gain true freedom. I hope I made the right decision.
“I finished first,” Ethan whispers as I look away from him.
I can’t bring myself to meet his eyes. The memory of guilt is strong. “I know,” I answer. “Well done.”
The hint of the smile threatening to break over Ethan’s face disappears. “Kinah finished first,” Ethan states. There’s a definite undercurrent to what he’s really trying to say.
“Yes, she did,” I say in return. I push my long hair out of my face as I wait for him to say more. He needs to get to the point before someone sees us hanging around in the hall.
“I . . .” he starts and then abruptly stops.
I look up and notice that he’s looking at Val. “She knows,” I tell him, while keeping a straight face.
He looks at me pointedly. “She knows what?” he asks, the muscles in his arms bunching under his black t-shirt.
I simply say it again, “She knows.”
I turn and push open one of the cafeteria doors, so that Ethan can’t ask anything else. He must know what I’m talking about. Ethan holds the door open for Val after I let it go. I glance back and notice her giving him a big smile as she passes him. His face instantly pales.
He’s definitely got it now.
As we enter the cafeteria and make our way over to the thumb scanner and food window, I take a look around the room. All of the younger trainees are staring at the Exalted that have returned from their Third Trials. It is our first time back in public, and they want to know who won. They whisper to each other, making guesses about the best of us. I scan my thumb and stare back. I need to promote the Exalted state of mind—strength. I finished. I am no longer a trainee.
A cook citizen slides my food tray through the slot in the wall. I haven’t eaten food like this in more days than I’d like to remember. My stomach clenches and growls at the sight of it. After my physical, I thought I’d get a fattier meal, but it’s the same exact boring meal that I’ve received for the past year. Doesn’t matter. I’m famished, so it seems like an extravagant feast.
Val, Ethan, and I sit at the table that we always sit at during evening meals. Kwan and Trudi are already at our table eating their specially planned out meals. Across the aisle, Kinah sits with three other returned trainees. She’s staring at me with triumph in her dark eyes. But I don’t care. My food is holding all of my attention right now. As soon as my tray hits the table, I greedily dig in. I have to force myself to take the time to chew so that I don’t choke. When I finally come up for air, I realize that something’s not right. Ethan, Val, Kwan, and Trudi are here. There’s Kinah, Chasin, and Neima. There are other’s missing, that’s a given, but wher
e’s Az? Az was set to finish first. He should be here.
I nudge Val with my elbow and nod over to the table across from ours. She whispers, only loud enough for Ethan and I to hear, “Az.”
Az’s absence is very unexpected. I never imagined Az would come in below second place. Honestly, I’m a little surprised that he didn’t beat Ethan. Maybe he’s dead. It’s the only rational explanation for why he hasn’t returned yet. Az has always been the top male performer in our year. He’s the definition of an Exalted: strong, tall, muscular, and skilled. Unfortunately, he has a huge flaw, which most likely led to his demise . . . His brain is weak.
I don’t know who I will be paired with. Ethan will be United with Kinah. That, I know. What I don’t know is which male trainee finished second. It has to be either Kwan or Chasin. As I look between the two male trainees, I think of Ryker. Then I feel a grumbling and an aching deep down inside of me. With it comes the faint hint of a headache. It’s starting . . . the withdrawals are coming.
The shot I was given, filled with a massive dosage of The Pump, is starting to wear off. Dr. Fredericks must have known it would last just long enough for me to return. And now what, a pill for breakfast every morning just like I’ve been taking my entire life? Is he going to inject me every week? I can’t escape an injection. How will I see clearly if I have to scheme and strategize under the drug’s influence? Will I even be able to? I’m stronger without it. I’m better without it. I’ll have to find a solution.
Beside me, Val is turning a pale shade of green. Her upper lip sweats as she stares down at her full plate of food. When no one’s looking, I gobble up what’s left of her lean cut of steak. Then, I eat her peas. They stink and they taste even worse, but I eat them for her. Just as I’m about to eat the last bite, the cafeteria doors swing open wide. Our stoic instructors enter. They have an announcement to make.
CHAPTER FOUR
Garret, Millie, and Force stride into the cafeteria, their steps purposeful and their presence magnetic. My eyes stay with them as they stop at the front of the room. The golden couple stands close to one another while Force stands an arm’s length away from them. The three instructors are all clad in black with one purple armband wrapped around their sculpted biceps. When they look over the room, everyone falls silent. We all respectfully wait for whatever announcement they are about to bestow on us.
Garret gives a slight nod to Millie, cueing her to speak. Garret was my weapons training instructor along with Ethan. He specializes in knives, like we do. He is a legend amongst the Exalted for being extremely accurate with his blades. He never demonstrated his abilities to us during training, which I was disappointed about. Val tells a different story of his United, Millie. Apparently, Millie likes to show off quite a bit during training. She’s an amazingly gifted archer.
Millie takes the cue from her United and steps forward. She clears her throat and then opens her mouth to speak. Her voice is almost musical, but that’s silly since we don’t have such things here. I’ve only recently learned of music. Lily liked to hum . . .
“Well done to our returning trainees,” she begins. “As you may have gathered, we are still waiting on some of your fellow trainees to return to the Republic. We will be holding the United Ceremony in one month’s time. I can reveal the results thus far. As you all know, we score on a point system, and the Third Trial is worth the most points. That being said, our first place male is Ethan.” Millie motions toward my friend, who stands to accept the honor. I can see the faint rise of his chest as it swells with pride. The other trainees stomp their feet to show their acknowledgment of the favorable ranking. Then, surprisingly, Millie announces, “Our first place female is Mena.”
My heart stops. Did she just call my name? I was sure my points weren’t high enough. Even though I won the First and Second Trials, Kinah was too close in her scores not the have beaten me with her victory of the Third Trial.
To my left, Kinah rises from her feet. First place was to be her honor—not mine. She is in denial. Millie’s face becomes even more rigid—if that’s even possible. She has no patience for Kinah as she stands expecting the first place honor. She glares at Kinah and says, “Kinah, you will receive the third place ranking because you failed to follow the only rule of the Third Trial: don’t kill your fellow trainees. This is a serious offense. You will leave here with Force, after this announcement, to receive the rest of your punishment.”
All eyes flick over to the massive girl. They watch as Kinah drops to her seat defeated. A third place finishing for her may be worse than death. Her face is blank. It’s so strange to see her this way. I want her to stand up and scream in rage, but she can’t. Just like I can’t stand up and scream joyfully that I received first place. Besides, I don’t feel it yet, and I shouldn’t be joyful. I won because Kinah killed a trainee. Who was it? Who has died because of the Republic?
After I pull my attention away from Kinah, I sneak a glance at Ethan. He must be about to burst with excitement. He placed first and he got me . . . his prize. That was the problem with Ethan and me. I knew he had some feelings for me, but he was too focused on continuing on with this charade that the Republic has us going through. He wanted me because I had a good shot at placing first. For him, it’s more about ownership—ownership of me.
That’s not what I want. I want to be with someone I love. But instead, I’m here, on the path to being United with Ethan, my friend. I remind myself that there are more important things I need to deal with—that’s why I returned. And besides, what good is being with the one you love when you can never truly be free. Had I left with Ryker, I would’ve had to live in constant fear of being hunted. I would’ve brought war down on the people of Toledo Lake. That would be selfish of me.
Val squeezes my knee as Millie makes her next announcement. I focus back on her as she says, “Kwan and Valesca have placed second. Kinah is third, Trudi has placed fourth, and Neima is fifth. Because Az has not returned yet, we cannot give out any other male placements. That is all. Well done, trainees!”
Millie steps back. She gives the floor to her United, Garret. “You all possess great strength. You will be taking the most important jobs within the Republic. You will begin tomorrow, unless your injuries prohibit you from walking. Job schedules will be given out on a weekly basis until a permanent job has been selected for you. You will receive your schedules on Monday mornings during your physicals. The medical citizen performing your check-up will hand you a schedule on your way out. Does everyone understand?” he asks after giving our orders.
“Yes, Instructor,” we chant.
“Good,” Garret unclasps his hands from behind his back, letting them fall to his sides. He looks over the crowd and finally stops on me. “Mena,” Garret calls my attention. “Dr. Fredericks has requested a meeting with you.” He holds his right hand palm up and flicks his fingers inward, motioning for me to follow him.
Oh no. I’m glad I don’t have the ability to feel scared right now, because I would probably start crying. What could he want with me? Am I in trouble? Is this about the Pump?
As I stand with my food tray in hand, all eyes in the cafeteria watch me. I leave my tray with the checkout citizen at the door and follow Garret and Millie out of the cafeteria. We remain silent, though I want to ask them why our leader wants to see me. That would be out of character for an Exalted. I must remain confident.
Behind us, I hear Force say, “Kinah, follow me.” She is to be dealt her punishment for killing a trainee.
Our two groups exit the building into the fresh air and well-manicured walkways. The citizens that take care of the landscaping are very precise with their work. It’s almost as if they measure each blade of grass and each shrub with a measuring stick before trimming. Everything is perfectly spaced. Everything is the perfect height. In stark contrast, the world beyond these walls is a chaotic mess. Outside, things are wild and unruly. I’ve seen weeds that are taller than I am. Outside, thorns and brambles scratch at your ank
les and tear your skin when you walk past them . . . Ryker is also beyond the walls.
I liked it better out there.
“This way,” Force grunts to Kinah. They split apart from us and head toward one of the training buildings. I hope he gives her the punishment she deserves. The word “murderer” comes to mind as I watch them go. It is a term that is no longer used, though it remains in our dictionaries. I probably shouldn’t have read that word and its meaning but I’ve always strived for knowledge. And now, Kinah will always be a murderer to me.
We pass the Exalted’s apartment building, which was once used as a hospital. We still use the first floor as an infirmary, but only the one floor. Garret and Millie continue on ahead. I follow close behind, keeping up my air of confidence. We enter the courtyard that is surrounded by the Ambassador’s apartment building, the Capitol, and several other buildings meant only for Ambassadors. I remember sneaking over here and watching them during lunch breaks. They have the good fortune of not having to take the Pump. They smile and laugh. They cry and panic. Watching them have those emotions used to be so strange for me. I didn’t know what they meant or why they did it. Then when I began to feel emotions as well, I hated them. It isn’t fair that they are allowed to really live and we aren’t. That’s another secret I hope to learn the answer to.
There are several Ambassadors milling around outside in the courtyard. A woman off to our right is laughing at something her companion said. I notice that Garret and Millie ignore her, though I know they can hear her. She sounds like a braying donkey. I may be mistaken, but it looks like Garret’s shoulders tighten ever so slightly.
We turn right and approach the Capitol. It stands atop stone steps, and its façade is held up by enormous stone-pillars. United Republic of the Saved is scrolled across the top for all to see. It is grand.
Denounced (Exalted Trilogy: Book 2) Page 2
