I roll my eyes. “You said we have things to talk about. I don’t think me being naked is going to help move that conversation forward.”
“Fair point,” Urien says, gesturing to a darkened archway on the other side of the room.
A soft, warm light appears as I step through it, and my jaw drops. The closet is nearly the size of my apartment back in New York, and it’s stuffed with clothes. Not just clothes but clothes. Gorgeous dresses along with simpler, more comfortable things. But I’m pretty sure that I couldn’t wear all of this in a lifetime. “How?”
“Kaya,” Brae says, smirking. “I think she likes you.”
I aim for the comfortable things first. Even with these, I could spend forever just marveling at the beautiful fabric and colors. I don’t want something that’s too strenuous to put on. The two males are pretending like they’re not close enough to catch me if I fall, but every time I step they step with me.
I cover the smile as I pull a soft, deep blue shift nightgown and pull it over my head. It falls to my knees and I feel like I’m wearing a cloud. God, if humans knew clothes in Allwyn were this comfortable they’d be storming the gates begging to come in.
Movement catches my gaze out of the corner of my eye, and all the oxygen goes out of me. It’s a mirror. It takes up the whole back wall of the closet, and it’s me. But not me. I look like a ghost.
I’m skinny like I’ve never seen myself before, the whiteness of my skin only emphasizing the fact. My hair shimmers prettily, but it’s still not my hair. I move my hand and the reflection moves with me. But I can’t seem to reconcile the woman that’s there with who I am. I walk up to the mirror slowly, reaching out to touch it.
My palm lines up with the new reflection. That’s me and isn’t me. My eyes aren’t even the same. No longer green, they’re silvery grey now, and swollen from my tears. My lips just barely hold a tinge of pink. The rest of me is white. How can this possibly be me?
Brae steps up behind me, wrapping his arms around my waist. Up against him I look like I was photoshopped into real life. He’s too big and too colorful. I’m washed out. Nothing. Even the heat of his embrace doesn’t make me feel better. “I look like a skeleton.”
“You are stunning,” he says. “You’re a beautiful woman, Kari. That doesn’t change because your hair isn’t red. You are beautiful.”
The words settle in me, and I’m not sure if I believe them completely. But maybe I’ll come to see what he sees after I’m used to the stranger in the mirror.
“Do you want to see the house? And everyone else wants to see you too.”
“Okay,” I say, tearing my eyes away from my image. It feels strange to be doing something normal. To not be running. But I lean on the two of them as they lead me out into the rest of the house.
CHAPTER THIRTY
________
KARI
This house is amazing. They don’t give me a grand tour—I’m sure that will come later, but the small piece that Brae and Urien walk me through is just as lovely as the room I woke up in. There’s a courtyard with those same beautiful archways looking out on it, and I see glimpses of more rooms, so very different. In every color and shape, and I know that I’m going to be curious to explore every bit of this place before I leave.
It’s easy to walk when I have their strength, down a large set of stairs and into a huge common room, again open to that gigantic garden I saw from the windows upstairs. The first thing I see is what looks like a dining area. A long table filled with an incredible amount of food. Suddenly, I’m ravenous. I haven’t eaten in…days. I was too sick to eat while we were running, and I’ve been sleeping for at least two. I swear to the Goddess I’m about to stuff my fucking face.
Between us and the dining table there’s a large circular section that’s stepped down into the floor, filled with couches and pillows in rich colors. It’s there that the rest of the guys are waiting for us. They’re trying very hard to look casual and failing completely. Aeric is lounging on his side on one to the couches, but the way his body is tense almost makes me laugh. He’s clearly posing. Kent is leaning forward, elbows on his knees, rubbing his hands over his face. I can’t imagine the state that he’s been in, if he thought he was going to lose me again.
Verys looks the most natural, just sitting quietly. But there’s tension in him too. When we step into the room, they all look up in unison. “Hi,” I say lamely. I can tell that they all want to come over and say hello, but they don’t want to overwhelm me. They all stand though, and Brae and Urien help me down the steps into the area with the couches.
Kent steps in front of me, and he reaches out like he wants to touch me. But he hesitates. I nod, and he crushes me to him. So close that I can barely breathe. I don’t mind. “I was worried,” he whispers. “If you didn’t wake up—”
“I know,” I say. “But I did.”
I sit on the couch near Aeric, who says nothing, but pulls me in for a fierce kiss that says more than words would be able to. And warms me up more than is probably advisable. I should have chosen a thicker nightgown. There’s no way that they’re not going to notice that my nipples are now standing at attention through this flimsy fabric.
There’s a part of me that wants them to notice. I’m nervous about whatever it is that they’ve agreed to tell me. It could be good—I hope it is—but given my luck recently I’m not exactly holding out hope. But if we’re swept away in some sexiness then we won’t have to talk about it.
I don’t even mean to make to the sound of immediate comfort that comes out of me when I lean back. “This house is amazing,” I say. “Where are we?”
Aeric settles behind me as I curl up, letting me lean against him as I bring my feet up. Kent doesn’t miss a beat, lifting my feet into his lap, massaging them slowly. Fuck. My eyes basically roll back into my head.
“We’re still in the Carnal Court,” Verys says, appearing in front of me with a plate of food. Including bread and honey. He noticed what I liked at that banquet. This feels crazy. And amazing. In my wildest dreams I never imagined being spoiled like this.
The bread melts on my tongue. It’s fucking perfect, and I’m so hungry that I can barely savor it. “This is my home,” Urien says.
“Wow,” I say.
Aeric laughs softly. “Urien was born a Tiarne—a prince—of the Celestial Court. But his magic chose Carnal. So he’s a Tiarne here as well, though he’s not part of the line of succession.”
I look over at Urien. He has a small smile of embarrassment on his face. “It has its benefits,” he says, gesturing to the space around us. “The grounds here are woven with magic. The house and land change to meet the needs of those who live here. It will provide space for everyone to live, and your rooms will be what you desire—even if that desire is not a conscious one. There will always be food. Whatever you need will be provided.”
“Okay, I love that,” I say. “I need that for my apartment in New York. That will be really helpful.” Everyone goes quiet, and it feels like all the air has been sucked out of the room. But I think I’m the only one who doesn’t know why. “What’s going on?”
Kent’s hands have stilled on my feet, and he’s sharing glances with the other men. But he won’t look at me. So I look at Urien, “I’m healed, right? It’s gone?”
“It is.”
“So why is everyone quiet when I talk about going home? She got what she wanted when she tried to kill me, and I’m fixed. Right?” I put down my empty plate on a nearby table.
“It’s not that simple,” Kent says. “You didn’t see what happened.”
Urien clears his throat. “The crystal Ariana forced inside you was channeling your vitality away. But it can work both ways. It was clear the way it was fighting back. It would take an extraordinary amount of magic for an object to have that kind of will. And it became clear when we tried to destroy it.”
“She manifested,” Aeric says. “Just an image of herself, but she saw us, and saw you. And w
hen she left, she pulled as much power as she could manage with her before the crystal was left powerless.”
I feel sick to my stomach. So she knows I’m alive. But it doesn’t matter. It shouldn’t matter. She already took everything. “I don’t understand. It’s over.”
“We want you to be able to go home, Kari,” Kent says. “Of course you know I want that. But in the human realm, completely unprotected? There’s nothing stopping her from coming back. And you won’t—”
He doesn’t finish. I won’t survive it this time.
Anger floods me in a way it hasn’t been able to in a long time. “This is ridiculous. I’m no one. Why am I being targeted? Why are any of us? She said there are more, and that human magic was special, but that’s it. This isn’t fair.” I know that I sound like I’m whining, but I don’t care. After everything, I should be able to go home. I want to see my shop. I have friends, had a life.
A small voice whispers that if I leave and go home, that means leaving them too. That the life I was living isn’t the one I really wanted. But I push that voice down. I haven’t gotten that far yet, and this feels like one too many losses.
“We don’t know,” Brae says. “But we’re going to find out. Nothing is going to happen to you. I swear it.”
“You can’t just keep me here,” I say, my voice cracking with the pain and anger that I feel. “That goes against my consent. Your most precious rule. So if I choose to leave, you have to let me. You have to listen to me.”
The silence is deadly this time. And Brae’s face looks ashen.
Slowly, Aeric slips his hand around my waist. I try to push it away but it’s unyielding. “It’s true,” Aeric says. “We cannot force you to stay. But we hope that you will. None of us wants to see you die.”
“Your protection,” Urien says, “is not the only reason we want you to stay.”
I don’t let him continue. “I need to be alone for a few minutes.” I stand, and they rise to help me, but I hold up a hand. “I’m fine.”
It’s not as easy without their help, given the frustrating weakness in my limbs, but I manage. And they let me go. Rage and frustration and sadness are warring inside me as I force myself up the stairs.
Do I really want to leave? No. I can’t pretend that I do. After experiencing this, going back to the quiet and frankly lonely life I was living seems nearly impossible. And it might have been wrong of me to just leave like that. But I didn’t think I would never be able to go back home.
And maybe that’s dramatic of me too. Maybe I’ll be able to go back one day. But losing everything when you think it’s going to come back to you. Losing everything and realizing that nothing will ever be the same takes your breath away. I just need a few minutes by myself to think. Maybe cry again without their eyes on me. Without their kindness and almost unbearable understanding.
I find my way back to my room without much trouble and let myself sink into the piles of pillows and blankets waiting for me.
CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE
________
KENT
We’re all holding our breath as Kari leaves, and none of us speak until it’s been long enough that she won’t hear.
“That went well,” Aeric mutters.
“She’s right though,” Brae says. “We can’t force her to stay here.”
“Of course not,” Aeric snaps back. “But I’m also not about to let her go off and get herself killed by that bitch.”
Verys speaks, voice calm. “No one wants that.”
“She doesn’t want to leave,” I say. The rest of them look at me, expressions ranging from curious to skeptical. “I don’t doubt that all of you care for Kari. But you haven’t known her as long as I have. She already lost everything once, and she fought to build a life for herself again. It’s not that she wants to leave; it’s that everything is collapsing around her a second time. There’s nothing she can do to stop it because it’s not her fault.”
Brae nods, and all the other guys look like I’ve made a fucking lightbulb go off in their head. I can understand why she needed to be alone, but we need to talk to her about this. And she didn’t even get a chance to hear the whole fucking mates thing.
I fight down the spike of jealousy in my chest, the way I’ve been having to since they first told me. When she was still unconscious. I have known her the longest, and the fact that they feel like they have some kind of claim to her irritates me like there’s sand in my shoes.
And at the same time, it doesn’t. They love her the way I love her. Purely and passionately. And they’ve shown me that they’ll go to the ends of the earth for her. Plus, just like the discussion about going to New York, if Kari told them that she didn’t want them, they would back away. Even if it was devastating, they would let her go.
I can’t necessarily think it would be the same were this group entirely human.
But if I’m going to be fucking honest with myself, it’s not the fact that they love her. It’s the fact that I’m human, and I can’t be her mate. I’m not sure I totally understand all of it, but the way they describe it is almost reverent. A soul-deep connection that—once accepted by both parties—binds you together.
Not every fae is given the gift. Mates are chosen by the Goddess. Or by Allwyn. That’s a little fuzzy for me too. But that’s the way it is. Sometimes it’s clear why people are chosen as mates, and sometimes it’s not. But apparently this situation is…rare to say the least.
But the one thing they made sure to tell me was that, as with all things, it has to be chosen. Just because Kari is their mate doesn’t mean that she’ll want to be. Or is forced to say yes. But still, having that bond with her at all…
I would do almost anything to have that kind of connection with Kari. To know without the shadow of any fucking doubt that we’re meant to be in each other’s lives. That it was more than just a coincidence that made me go into her shop that day.
“Let me talk to her,” I say. “Since she’s upset about New York, I’m probably the one that she’ll listen to right now.”
Urien nods. “Fair enough.”
I have the way to her room memorized. I could get there with my eyes closed. We all could, now. There wasn’t a second when she was unconscious that she was alone. One of us was always next to her, listening to her breathe. I barely dared to sleep when I was with her, in case I missed something. The relief and thankfulness I felt when Brae came sprinting down the stairs to tell us that she’d woken is not a feeling that I’m going to forget anytime soon.
One of the large double doors to Kari’s room is open, and I knock on the frame softly.
“Go away.” The response is immediate.
“It’s me.”
She looks up from where she had her head under a pillow, her now white hair flying madly around her face. I know she’s angry and sad, but she’s also incredibly cute like that, and I can’t help but smile. “Fine,” she says. “But just you.”
“I’m alone,” I say, sitting on the bed near her.
“This is bullshit,” she says. Her voice is quiet, almost absent.
I place my hand on her ankle—the only part of her I can reach right now. “You don’t have to hide the fact that you’re angry from me,” I say. “You’ve earned that much.”
“It’s bullshit,” she says, voice much louder now. “Why does stuff keep happening to me? I didn’t ask for any of this.”
I don’t say anything, just watch as she sits up and forces herself off the bed. She’s unsteady on her feet, but I don’t intervene. She needs this.
“I didn’t ask for that fall. I didn’t ask for my entire dance career to be taken away, and it was. Even when I tried, they fucking dropped me anyway. Even though I promised to slow down, to take it slow, they said no.
“So I started over. And you know what, it wasn’t perfect. But it was fine. It was getting there. I had you. I still had Emma and Odette. I had customers who liked coming into the shop. It’s not like I had any choice in whethe
r or not I was born with magic. I didn’t ask for any of this!” She collapses on the bed again, and I catch her. Hold her.
I spread her out and roll her underneath me so I can be her shield. I’m not sure if she knows that she needs it, but she does. “It doesn’t make sense,” she says. “It doesn’t. I’m no one.”
“You keep saying that. But you’ve never been no one to me.”
“I know.” I hate the sadness that’s bleeding into her voice. “But in the grand scheme of things I am no one, Kent. Just a former ballerina who happens to be good at making potions. And the only reason I’m good at that is because some human and fairy fucked a thousand years ago, and whoops, there was a baby.”
“Stop it,” I tell her, putting enough anger in my voice that her eyes snap to mine. “You’re saying these things, but I know you don’t mean them. You love having magic. I can see it when you work, the joy in your eyes when you tell someone about the ingredients you use and why. And even though it broke you, you’re always going to love ballet. I don’t know why she picked you, or why we’re both here, but we are.”
I kiss her, taking her lips furiously. Fuck, she’s perfect. And I still can’t believe that after all this time I’m allowed to kiss her. Touch her. All the things I’ve wanted for so long. The way her body goes pliant under mine has me hard instantly. I have to wrench my thoughts away from all the things we could do while we’re alone. She’s still healing and vulnerable, and she needs to be the one that chooses the time and place.
“How can I do this?” She says. “Start over again. Leave everything I’ve ever known? I don’t think I can. It’s beautiful here, but how can I just abandon everything?”
“You can do it,” I say. “You’re not alone. And you’re not abandoning anything. Just because you can’t go back to New York and live doesn’t mean you can’t visit. Or that people can’t visit you here. You don’t think Emma and Odette would kill to visit Allwyn? And I’ll be here too.”
Fevered: A Reverse Harem Fantasy Romance (The Carnal Court Book 1) Page 18
