by Adams, Renee
“Guys, I think someone was watching me.”
Both of them look up at me, then look around the lobby. A chill takes over in the air, dropping the temperature a few degrees in the room. I think it’s from the icy glare the men are shooting in all the nooks and crannies of the room. As if the ice in their stares will produce whoever was watching me.
“Cori, I’m here.” Martin walks towards us with his arms outstretched like he is going to give me a hug, but then with a frown, he drops them. In this moment, there is nothing more in this world that I would want than a hug from him. He is a solace to me, a father figure of sorts. After quick introductions and handshakes from the guys, we all head outside to my car.
“Well honey, there isn’t much that can be done, except we will pull the tapes on the building. But I’m thinking we won’t see much because where you’re parked is close to the dead zone where the cameras don’t reach. I’m sorry. But I will make a report, and I will personally escort you to and from your car every day for a while.” Martin seems disappointed in the outcome of this, the lines of worry etched on his face, I don’t think he expected anything to happen at his post.
All I can do is nod, while Damian shakes Martin and Gages hand. Guess he has made some new friends while he was here. Damian escorts me to his truck by keeping an arm around me. He can touch me for the most part and I don’t feel anything, thank God. It’s hard enough not being able to be touched by others, but if I couldn’t get comfort from one of my best friends it would be heartbreaking.
As I’m walking to Damian’s truck, Sam runs out of the building and up to Gage. She hugs him but he shrugs her off like he doesn’t want to be touched. Interesting, maybe Sam is his girlfriend although I know that’s against the rules. But she is the boss so I’m assuming the rules don’t apply to her. Something inside of me hurts seeing her embrace him. It hurts because I will never get that skin to skin affection again. Damian takes great care when he is touching me, making sure not to put too much of his skin against mine, making sure that I know it’s him when he touches me. Olivia is the same way, Jack is for the most part, but he’s young so for him all rules are off because he forgets.
“Earth to Cori, what are you thinking, babe?” Damian says with a knowing smirk on his face.
“Oh, um, nothing. I just want to get home and go to bed.”
“Uh huh, sure, that’s all you were thinking about. Not about that guy back there. It’s written all over your face. I can see right through you.”
Shit.
“D, no, it’s not like that. I was just curious is all. I’ve never seen them together, so I guess I’m just surprised that they are, whenever she has talked about him it seemed like she hated him.”
“I don’t think they are, he was quick to get away from her. Besides, I think he has it bad for you, you’re just too blind to see it.”
“What? No! He does not! Ugh, D, I do not like him that way.” I’m beyond aware of how childish I sound. I know soon I will be sticking my tongue out at him as if we’re five.
“Whatever you say, babe, but that guy growled when I touched you. A man who doesn’t have it bad doesn’t growl.” Damian just pulls off with that smirk on his face still. Classic rock blares through his speakers, the perfect type of music when something is on your mind.
As soon as I get home I need to call my insurance company and a towing company. Damian said he will come pick me up for work since Olivia has been put on bed rest. Apparently this baby girl is going to be a bigger baby. She is such a tiny woman that I can’t imagine how she is going to get her out.
~~
Xavier is on top of me, forcing himself into me dry slits. The pain is too much, the ripping and tearing. He squeezes my breast hard and bites my neck. Tears stream out of my eyes and fall into my ears muffling his grunting and groaning as he takes what he wants.
He seems to get off on me crying out so I bite my lip as he and his friends take turns violating me. I refuse to give him the satisfaction of crying for him. He deserves nothing from me, not my pain and not my reaction. He can see my tears, and every once in a while he dips down and licks them off my face. He hasn’t cut me yet, but I know it’s coming.
I feel the blood running down my neck, I feel him pushing into me, and then I feel nothing. No pain, no Xavier, none of his friends, no cold floor hard on my back. Just nothing.
I toss and turn the rest of the night, only sleeping long enough to get to right before a dream, but not actually having one. Then I wake up again. It’s broken sleep, yes, but it is better than nightmares.
I’m pissed. So beyond pissed I’m actually shaking. That bitch Sam came running up to me like an overly enthusiastic girlfriend. She did it in front of Cori on purpose, like she was laying claim to me. I saw Cori as she was walking to Damian’s truck and as soon as Sam threw her arms around me she started frowning.
I’m at a loss as to what to do about Sam, her advances seem to become increasingly bolder. I have told her every time she has tried to grab me that I’m not interested, but she has some hair up her ass that I am.
Today was going good, I got measured and cast for my leg. The physical therapists seemed surprised that I was giving an effort two days in a row, but shit they will be doubly surprised tomorrow when I head back again. I’m tired of being in this room, tired of being in this chair, and tired of not living my life.
When I made that decision the other day, I didn’t take it lightly. I’ve been slowly trying to make changes to get my ass outta this seat and outta this place. But first, I need to secure a place to stay. Allyn is from this area and he said he would come by my room tonight to tell me some good places to look, but, for now, I’m going to throw my trust into my laptop and this spotty internet.
It shouldn’t be too much longer now before I’m working towards getting on my own two feet. If you can call a fake foot your own. Once I decided that I wasn’t going to let this stop me, the nightmares have eased up some. Especially in their intensity, I’m not waking up gasping for air, and I haven’t seen that piece of shit Xavier in my nightmares either. That is a welcome relief because for a good few days he was haunting me more than the flashbacks. I would see him hurting her, hear her call out for me to save her, but I couldn’t because I was still in the desert, still missing a leg. The mind has a funny way of taking your deepest fears and amplifying them.
A knock at my door brings me out of my musings; must be Allyn. Using my crutches instead of my chair, I hobble along to let the old man in. It would be awkward trying to get two wheelchairs into the doorway so I use my crutches. Sure I could leave my door open, but I’m not overly friendly with anybody else. Plus it gives Sam the feeling of an open door policy with me which I certainly do not have.
“What took you so long to answer the damn door?” the grizzled old man apparently doesn’t like to be kept waiting.
“Had to get my crutches, hold your horses, not like you have anywhere to be after this.”
“Listen, boy, I have plenty of shit to do than to help your sniveling ass out. Besides, you got bigger fish to fry than worrying about finding a place to stay. You need to be worrying about how you’re gonna help Cori, and how you’re gonna get that psycho away from you.” Allyn knows all about what Sam is doing. He told me that he never liked the girl and that anyone with that much enthusiasm every day is fake as can be. He isn’t wrong.
He thinks I need to report Sam to get her off my back, but I just want her to get the hint and go away, not lose her job. He called me crazy for putting up with her shit. He told me that in his day women didn’t act like that, and his CC never acted like that either. Then he went into some long story about how women these days don’t have the same class as women of his generation. Women those days were classy, they didn’t dress with their ‘tits and ass’ hanging out. He isn’t wrong, I’m sure.
After talking with him for a little while, he told me that tomorrow I’m to be waiting outside for that girl to get in. To make sure that I e
scort her. He says that if she can feel safe with me that in the long run it will help me when I make my move.
He also gave me a long tongue lashing for not getting him when her tires were slashed. I don’t think Cori knows how cared for she is here. In just a few short weeks she has made such an impression on us that we want her to get herself better. She deserves more than to be the ‘prison riot girl.’
After Allyn left, I felt better. His harsh talk and attitude is something that makes me feel better. He’s quick witted and sharp tongued, but he’s very caring. He wants me to succeed, and I appreciate that. He wants to see me get my forever. He says that he sees a lot of his wife, CC, in Cori. They are both strong women who don't let life knock them down. CC stood by him through the war, stood by him when he lost his legs, and together they stood by each other until her end. I want that.
That kind of love and life where no matter what, you know your other has your back. That every night when you lay your head on your pillow you go to bed knowing that you are loved and cared about by someone. I never thought that after all of this, that I would become some mushy, touchy-feely guy, but I think even the hardest men just want to feel the emotion of love.
Now, I’m not saying that I love Cori, but I have a strong connection or a pull to her. She deserves happiness in her life, whether that be with me or some other guy. She has lived through a lifetime of pain in one short year.
Crawling into bed, the weight of the world has finally jumped off my shoulders for the night. Sleep comes easy for once, and the dreams are held at bay. But what I didn’t anticipate was waking up to Sam sitting on top of me, sucking on my neck.
“What the fuck do you think you’re doing?” I practically bounce her on her ass. Her body hits the floor with a dull thud. This girl has gone too far, and I realize now that Allyn is right. I need to report her ass. She’s obviously unstable.
“I just wanted to see you. I figured I would give you a good wake-up call.” Her eyes are bright and wild like something has possessed them.
“No, I told you no already. Get the hint, because I’m about to report your ass. I don’t want you, and I never have!”
The intensity in her eyes dims before flaring back to life. This time, though, she looks angry. No, not just angry, she looks fucking livid. The wild look in her eyes is back. I can see that I’m talking to a mentally unstable person, and something isn’t right inside of her head.
“How dare you! You have a beautiful girl throwing herself at you, but you want that cut up bitch? She can’t give you anything. She can’t even be touched! So you want that bitch? We will see about that. Fuck you and fuck her!”
As she storms out of my room she slams my door which then wakes up a couple of the other residents. After her little outburst, it just solidifies the need to report her ass. I don’t fear for me, though, I fear for Cori. I can’t do much to protect her sitting in my chair, but I will be damned if I let this whacko get to her.
The morning comes far too quickly, and I had nothing but broken sleep. I feel like I slept with one eye open at all times in case her ass decided to come back. Unfortunately, we can’t lock the doors to our rooms even though this isn’t like a normal hospital.
I think I’m gonna get a hold of that guy Cori knows, Martin I think is his name. He’s the Chief of Police here at the rehab. He seemed nice enough and maybe he can point me in the right direction on getting some help dealing with this girl.
Looking forward to moving on with my life, I am reminded that I also get my dd214 today, which is basically an overview of my military career. It will show that I’m leaving active duty, which is being forced upon me, I don’t think I would leave if I didn’t have to. It will also show that I’m separating from service and that my character is honorable. Basically, a fancy sheet the military gives that shows that you have done good work by them. It’s one step closer to discharge.
After a quick shower with my bathroom door open so I can hear if Sam comes back or not, and a decision to use my crutches all day instead of my chair, I head out my door ready to go see Martin. I only met him yesterday, but he seems like a good guy. He has a fatherly mentality that gives you the warm and fuzzies when you talk to him. Cori really seems to like him, and if he’s okay by her, then he’s okay by me. I want to get out to the parking lot to see Cori when she gets here and make sure she gets inside safely. Allyn promised me last night that he would look out for her, too. His words were something like “what the hell makes you think I wasn’t all this time? I could sock you in the face for not telling me about her tires.”
Slowly but surely, I make my way outside to breathe in the sweet sea breeze. It really is a beautiful sight to see and hear with the waves cresting on the rocks and the fog lifting off of the water. The cool air clears my head and gives me some much-needed breathing room. It can get suffocating in that building, and it certainly is suffocating with all of these problems that have come up since I decided to not be a hermit. It was a decision that has brought a lot of drama but some happiness, too.
After being in hell at the sandbox, I never thought I would find happiness again. I’m not truly happy, but I’m doing better than I was. I don’t know if true happiness is something that can happen to a guy like me, but I am hoping. I have goals now, whereas I didn’t before. I don’t want to go back to being the guy who fucked against bar bathroom stalls. The man whore with a different girl every night. I want to be the man who has a career and stability.
I never thought I would ever say this, but I want a wife and kids and that whole stupid white picket fence bullshit. I want the ever after that is out there for me, and I’m not going to get it sitting on my ass waiting for it to come to me. I can see a future with Cori, but she doesn’t seem to want to have anything to do with me.
As Damian’s truck pulls up, Cori jumps out looking a little worse for the wear. She seems to have had a hard night, can’t really blame her since her sense of security here has to be shattered. I can’t imagine that anywhere a person goes they don’t feel safe.
“Hey, Gage, going somewhere?” Damian yells out the open door.
“Yeah, just around the corner.” I don’t want to say anything more because who knows where the girl is. She could be watching me from the windows.
“Want a lift?”
After getting into Damian’s truck a sense of awe hits me. I haven’t been in a vehicle in months. Well, I was in an ambulance when brought here, but strapped to a gurney is not my idea of riding in a vehicle. Giddiness takes over me, and I can’t help the smile that spreads across my face.
“So what is it you want with Cori? You have to know how much she has been through, it’s been all over the news. So what exactly are you wanting?” I guess this is the best friend talk.
“I just want her to be well. I’m not going to lie and say that I’m not attracted to her because I am. I just want her to be well, even if well doesn’t include me.”
He nods, apparently satisfied with my answer. I told him before where I needed to go and he seemed to know where he was headed which is good because I had no clue.
“I scouted this place when Cori accepted the job. She is like my little sister, and shit, she’s been through enough. I didn’t want her walking blindly into the unknown in this place. I wanted to know what she would be dealing with. I didn’t know she would be dealing with people slashing her tires, though. I trust Martin will try to find out what is going on. You have to know, this girl deserves the best. She deserves a man who will protect her, help her, and nurture her. She doesn’t like to be touched, but I know she is working on it.” Damian pauses like he’s thinking about what to say next, and scruffs his hand roughly across his chin. “You know I was the one that found her? I initially thought she was dead she was so bloody and beaten. If it wasn’t for her inner strength, I don’t think a weaker person would have lived. I know I wouldn’t have.” He is visibly getting choked up talking about this. It makes me uncomfortable, being two dudes sitting in
a truck outside a police station. But I want him to keep talking. To keep telling me about her.
“How is she holding up, really though, Damian? I can see the bags under her eyes, and she’s always yawning, so I know she is exhausted.”
“Man, I shouldn’t be telling you all of this. If she wants you to know she will tell you. Hell, she told me yesterday that she didn’t even like you, I don’t believe her, though, but I know you like her. Now, I don’t know what is going on between you and that other girl, but I can promise you this. You hurt her, and I will gut you. She is family to me, hell she’s my wife’s best friend and really she’s mine, too. Her recovery hasn’t been easy, many nights my wife slept next to her, many nights Olivia wanted to hold Cori but couldn’t. I slept on the floor with my gun outside her door for days because her nightmares were so intense that I felt like I could chase them away, but I never could. She needs someone who will crawl into the pits of her hell and slay whatever dragons are chasing her. If you think you can be the slayer she needs then you have my blessing, and I will help you in any way I can. But if you don’t think you have the ability to one day love her, then step aside and let her keep on keepin’ on.”
Damian helps get my crutches out of the back of the truck and then helps me into the station. I don’t really know this man, but I think he could be a friend.
“Martin, can I speak to you for a second?” The older man’s back is facing me, and when he turns around he seems a bit stunned.
“What’s up, Knight?”
“I need to talk to you about that nurse, Sam. She’s harassing me. Last night I woke up to her sitting on top of me kissing my neck.” I see Damian out of the corner of my eye staring at me with his mouth wide open. Guess he wasn’t expecting that one.
“I’m surprised, nobody has ever complained about her before, but it’s not often we get younger guys here. Has this been the only incident?”
