As he sat there alone, he realized something else. Then, as now, she’d run from help. He remembered how she’d told him that day on the dock in Manaus that he hadn’t been able to find her because she hadn’t wanted to be found.
“Once bitten, twice shy,” he muttered to himself as realization dawned. He understood now that his hesitation—his damned foolish mistake in not coming home to her at the news of the baby—had made Catt run for cover. She wasn’t one to ask for help. Hell, her whole life was spent helping others—her father, her patients. What would it take to win her trust again, to let her know that he would be there for her—that he would have been there in the past, if only she’d let herself be found?
Chapter Eight
Catt lay in the bed, her arm across her eyes. She ached with grief and pain, though when she’d heard Ty come down, she pretended to be asleep. As he took a shower and went to bed, she lay there listening, desperately needing him, needing his touch and his arms around her. Why? her brain screamed. He abandoned you when you needed him most! Yes, that was true—then. But now…oh, Lord, he’d been so solicitous toward her and incredibly caring each time she’d wanted his support. Perhaps he was right—with age he’d matured. And with maturity, he was able to anticipate her needs much better than he had in the past. Turning onto her side, she opened her eyes. The moonlight shining through the houseboat windows revealed that he was lying on his back, his hands behind his head. She knew he wasn’t asleep, either.
Her heart won out. Catt pulled the sheet aside and slowly sat up. Her hands were damp and she wiped them nervously across her thighs, which were covered with the thin cotton nightgown.
Ty heard the bed creak and moved his head slightly to the right, acutely aware of the noise. Catt was sitting up. His heart began to beat a little harder in his chest. The moonlight exposed the suffering lines of her face. Just the way her mouth was pulled in told him everything. He knew how much she needed him—and he knew that her stubborn determination to harbor her pain alone would keep her from reaching out to him. It was up to him to let her know he was there—but he had to be careful with her, or she would run from him like she’d run before.
“Catt?”
Ty’s voice was like low, rumbling thunder throughout the cabin. The sheet fell away and exposed his naked upper body as he sat up—he’d worn a pair of pajama bottoms to bed out of respect for Catt. Now, with his hands resting on the sides of his mattress, he studied her tear-filled gaze. She was trying so hard to be brave. To not cry. But he knew she was grieving for the past as well as the present.
She tried to speak. Opening her hands helplessly, Catt forced herself to look directly at Ty. His eyes burned with tenderness. It gave her the courage to speak in a wobbly tone. “I—I need to just be held for a little while, okay? I know it sounds stupid. I know our past. But—if you could—”
Before she could say anything else, Ty had moved across the aisle and settled down beside her. A sigh escaped Catt as the warmth of his near-naked body brushed against her left arm. She felt the strength of his embrace as he drew her toward him. A small cry of relief escaped her lips and she turned and moved fully—completely—into his awaiting embrace. It was so easy to surrender once she had silenced her screaming mind, which told her she was a fool twice over. Her heart, however, sang with a quiet joy within her breast.
“That’s it,” Ty rasped against her hair as she settled against him, “just let me hold you, darlin’, if only for a little while….” Shutting his eyes, he pressed his lips to her damp hair and felt a shudder of old fear moving out of him as Catt surrendered effortlessly to him. She slid her arms around his naked torso, her cheek pressed between his neck and his broad shoulder. The feel of her soft but firm breast against his burning flesh, separated only by the thin barrier of her nightgown, made him tremble inwardly.
“Just let me hold you….” he whispered, and began to gently rock her back and forth in his arms as he had so many times before. Somehow, the slight rocking motion always helped Catt relax. He felt the tension begin to bleed out of her as she leaned more fully against him. She was trusting him—finally. Ty realized he had a chance to salvage what he’d once destroyed between them. Though his mind wasn’t functioning at all, his heart, which was thundering in his chest over Catt’s unexpected invitation, was guiding him now. He grappled with his escaping emotions. Trying to listen to the wisdom of his head and not this vast, overflowing cauldron of feelings for Catt, which were now moving wildly through him, was impossible.
Catt sighed again. How good Ty felt to her! She nestled more deeply into his arms and savored the male scent of him mixed with the soap he’d used while showering. He was strong and yet held her so gently, as if she were a fragile cup that might break. Here she felt safe. Finally, safe. The word circled her aching heart and made it soar with a joy that thrummed through her as she felt his warm, moist breath against her cheek.
“Better?”
She nodded, unable to speak. Reaching up, she slid her hand across the roughened stubble of his jaw in response. Words were foreign to her right now. Instead, she luxuriated in the safety of Ty’s embrace and the gentleness that she’d once fiercely loved about him. She was starved for what he effortlessly gave to her. Why, oh why, had he abandoned her before? Yet, her heart whispered, he’s not abandoning you now. He’s here holding you and trying to make you feel better. That was true, and Catt allowed her sensitive fingers to move upward, following the curve of his cheek. She felt Ty stop rocking her, felt tension sizzle through him.
The grief was making her crazy, Catt decided, but she felt helpless to stop the flow of feelings she had for Ty. Just getting to touch him in such an intimate way began to dislodge a little parcel of grief from her heart. Was touching him that healing to her? Catt closed her eyes and continued to gently move her fingers across his cheek, following the hard line of his jaw. She was remembering. So was her heart. And so was her body. That wonderful warmth that always lay in her lower body whenever Ty was with her in the past was back now, for the first time in a long time.
Catt marveled at her physical body. It did, after all, have a mind of its own. A wonderful heated sensation throbbed throughout her abdomen, and like the brilliant light of a million suns, radiating fingers of pleasure began to move upward through her and downward toward her toes. The feeling was delicious, and Catt moaned softly as she unconsciously pressed her lips to Ty’s strong, broad shoulder. Her fingers trailed down his jaw to the thick column of his neck.
Ty didn’t know what to do. He knew what he wanted to do, but was it wise? Was it the right thing? Catt’s fleeting touches haunted his heart, reawakening feelings for her that had never died. Should he make love to her? That was what she was asking in the way she was touching him. His skin burned as if branded where her lips traced a path across the naked flesh of his shoulder. Her fingertips glided from the column of his neck up to the hard line of his jaw again. There was no mistaking what Catt was asking of him now. Torn as never before, Ty closed his eyes and shuddered as she pressed herself more insistently against his chest. He felt himself hardening to such a degree that it was almost painful. He wanted her. All of her. In his heart, he knew that if Catt would allow him to love her just one more time, he could begin the healing between them, ease the burden in her heart and the grief she’d carried so long by herself.
Somehow, Ty sensed and knew that loving Catt was the most right thing in the world at this moment, but it had to be her call. She had to initiate that choice, not him. And whatever it took, he had to go slowly, not make any moves that might destroy her leisurely, exquisite exploration of him. But it was hell to sit there quietly with Catt in his arms as she slowly reached out to him in so many silent, satisfying ways. He’d never been more afraid in his life as in this moment. One wrong move, one wrong decision, and he would turn Catt off. She would shut him out of her life forever this time. Fear shuddered through Ty, setting his heart pounding in response.
Catt felt Ty t
ense as she moved her fingertips from his neck to trace the outline of his shoulder. She was lost in a haze, a hinterland between grief and joy. There were no words, nothing that she could say to him. Each time she touched him, pressed a small, exploratory kiss here, one there, on his damp, tense flesh, it was releasing her from a dark prison she’d lived in for nearly a decade. Somehow, Catt knew he would understand her silent exploration. She had no idea if she was making a mistake, she was simply driven by the spreading warmth that throbbed in her lower body, and the yearnings of her heart, which cried out for Ty’s presence, his touch and his tenderness.
Because her grief was boundless, Catt sought refuge in the joy that moved through her each time she touched Ty. Rubbing her cheek against his neck, she allowed her fingertips to move with delicious slowness downward from his shoulder to his heavily muscled upper arm. She felt so many tiny scars here and there as she moved her fingers outward in continued exploration. At his elbow, she felt a welt of a scar and wondered briefly how Ty had received it. She knew it hadn’t been there before, when she’d known every inch of his hard male body. This puckered scar was recent. It hurt Catt to think of the pain he’d endured before it had healed.
Sighing, she closed her eyes and continued to trace the rest of his arm. There was so much dark hair covering his forearm that she smiled a little to herself. Ty’s massive chest was covered with a thick, dark carpet as well. Inhaling his male scent, she felt her senses blossom. As her fingers trailed languidly along the back of his wrist, she felt him turn his hand over. Her fingertips grazed his palm and he drew in a deep, ragged breath. He was holding himself tightly in check, she knew. Catt appreciated his control, for she needed that right now. More than anything, just reacquainting herself with him, with his magnificent male body, was a gift that was assuaging her grief. She could no more explain it to him than to herself. Right now, Catt was following the dictates of her overburdened heart. Right now, the powerful masculine qualities of Ty, who had once loved her, were a safe place to lose herself within. He was a wonderful harbor in her present storm of life.
As her fingers glided tentatively across his large knuckles, Ty gently threaded his fingers between hers. Catt was utterly relaxed against him. She was exploring him like a wide-eyed child. He recalled the first time they’d made love—on a beach at Half Moon Bay. They had lain in the light of the moon that night on a blanket, listening to the waves crash and foam before being absorbed by the sandy shore. Catt had never had a man before him. And she was his first. But he had had enough experience to know that she had to initiate everything. Ty recalled how he’d patiently allowed her to divest him of all his clothes, how she’d looked at him, savoring him, gliding her fingers across every inch of his body. In exploring, Catt had lost her fear of him. When she was done, she had moved to his side and asked him to love her. He’d never forgotten that incredibly beautiful and tender night. Not ever.
It was the same now, Ty realized. She was retracing an old pattern of introduction with him once again. That realization made his heart soar with hope. Somehow, the grief of Mandei and her child’s death, as tragic a loss as it was, was also paving the way for a door deep in Catt’s heart to be opened after it had been so painfully shut and locked all those years ago. Humbled by her strength, by her courage, Ty rasped, “Come here, let’s get more comfortable….” And he moved Catt easily around until he lay on the bed with her, at his side, so that she had full access to him. As Catt lay beside him, he gazed upward and saw the desire in her eyes, the warmth, the need of him burning in them. Her lips were parted, just begging to be caught, tamed and kissed, but he placed steely control over himself. As her hand moved gently across his chest, he sucked in a ragged gasp of air. Eyes shuttering closed, Ty worked to stop another response, but it was impossible. Catt would clearly see his need of her, there was no doubt. If only he could quell his own needs—but hot fire licked up through his lower body. Pain throbbed, along with his hunger to have her in every possible way.
Just moving her fingers through the coverlet of silky, thick hair on Ty’s chest sent tiny tingles of joy up through her hand and arm. Catt felt him tense as she explored his massive, well-sprung chest, but she could not help herself. Right now, she felt as if she were caught in a web of some extraordinary heat and joy. Her heart was opening rapidly, ravenously. All she could do was follow the dictates of it, follow her own animal senses as they filled her with a bright, bursting demand for life.
Leaning over, her body meeting and touching his, she felt her breasts brush across his chest. She wanted to kiss Ty. She needed to feel his mouth against hers. He could take away her pain. He could take away her grief. Eyes closing as she leaned over him, she felt his hand come to rest on her shoulder. Yes, to kiss Ty was what she wanted more than anything else. As her lips glided against the hard line of his mouth, Catt felt his fingers dig deeply for an instant into her shoulder, not painfully, but hungrily. Joy spiraled through her. She felt his lips soften, accepting her exploration of him. How strong his mouth was, she thought, as she pressed her own more surely against his, feeling the power of him and savoring it completely. Catt wanted that power. She wanted to sip and take it into herself.
The pain in his tight lower body was excruciating as her lips grazed his. With a groan, Ty opened his mouth. He felt helpless beneath her ministrations, her seeking, and when she moved the tip of her tongue across his lower lip, he groaned again. Mindlessly, Hunter moved his large hand against her slender shoulder. He could feel the strength of her, the femininity of her as his fingers slid along and captured the back of her neck, bringing her down more surely against his mouth. He heard Catt moan, but it was a moan of pleasure. That drove him over the edge as her mouth blossomed hotly beneath his powerful, returning exploration. Her tongue met his, touched fleetingly, and he captured her and drew her more deeply into him. The brush of her taut breasts against his chest, the way her hand slid down the line of dark hair in the middle of his belly, her fingers seeking and finding entrance beneath his pajama waistband, told Ty what she was asking of him.
Catt drowned in the splendor and power of his capturing kiss, as he shifted her onto her back. She willingly lay beside him, her arms around his shoulders, her mouth clinging hotly to his. Yes, she wanted him in every possible way. Nothing mattered anymore—not their past, not their fragile present. The driving force within her was to create life, to feel alive and no longer allow death to hold sway on her. As she felt Ty’s hand move commandingly down to her shoulder to remove the strap of her nightgown, Catt accepted that whatever they shared between them had never died. It was alive. It was wonderful, and she lay in awe of the volcanic explosion of feelings her heart released as he removed her gown easing it over her legs and allowing it to drop to the floor. As he stretched his long, hard body against hers once more, he smiled down at her. It was a smile of welcome, filled with tenderness. She met his burning, narrowed gaze and smiled tremulously in return.
As his hand came to rest alongside her firm breast, Catt moaned. Then his thumb moved upward to encircle the taut nipple and she cried out softly, pressing herself wantonly against him. His smile was one of a man who knew his woman, knew what she wanted and knew what she liked. It was so easy to close her eyes and surrender to Ty in every way. Tonight, Catt knew, she was safe with him. Tonight he could love her and she could return that love, which had, miraculously, never died.
Ty felt her hand move boldly beneath the band of his pajamas as he lay above her, her head resting on his forearm. He saw the sparkle in her slumberous eyes, and liked the softness of her now pouty, well-kissed lips. She had always been a bold lover and was no less so now. Glorying in her assertiveness, he felt her tugging at the material. Leaving her side for a minute, Ty removed the pajamas.
The instant his hardened body met and touched hers, Catt moaned and closed her eyes. She felt him slide his arm beneath her neck and shoulders and bring her fully against him once more. It was a possessive gesture. Just the burning touch of
their damp flesh meeting made her sigh raggedly with need. Reaching out, Catt slid her fingers downward across his hard, flat abdomen. Instantly, Ty tensed. As her fingers slowly, deliciously, curled around him, she heard him growl. It was a growl of warning, of pleasure, and she lifted her chin upward. She was not disappointed. His mouth fell upon hers in a plundering, commanding motion. Within moments, she felt his heavy warmth settling above her. It was so easy to open her thighs to him, to feel his knee nudging between them, opening her even more for that sweet assault. Yes, this was what she wanted. Needed so desperately that the ache in her lower body was becoming almost painful in its intensity.
When his lips tore from her mouth and settled on the hardened nipple of her breast, Catt cried out. Instantly, her fingers dug deeply into his bunched shoulders. As he began to suckle her in slow, deep motions, her hips automatically lifted to receive his thrust into her.
A cry of joy tore from her parted lips. She threw her head back. Her spine arched to receive the power of him as he plunged deeply into her hot, slick depths. His suckling of her combined with the light-ninglike bolt of fire that jolted through her, and all she could do was moan with pleasure, surrender to him and meet him with equal fervor and driving need. Her fingers ranged upward and she gripped his hair as he teethed her nipple gently, his mouth sending wild fluttering sensations throughout her. She felt him groan as she closed her legs over his and captured him with her femininity. They were joined. They were one once again. In that glorious, heated moment, Catt knew without a doubt that she loved Ty. The love they’d had, had never died. He was deeply within her body now, and the driving force of his hips, the ragged breath near her ear, the powerful movement of him as a male taking her, capturing her, was all she wanted.
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