by Leigh Walker
What if Kyan was right, and The Division didn’t care about me?
“Woah, Ri—I’m sorry, but you’re broadcasting right now. I can hear everything.”
I don’t know if I can just walk away from my old life.
“I know you don’t want me listening in. I’m sorry. But when you’re upset, your thoughts are hard to ignore.”
“I’m upset, but not that you can hear me right now. I want to know what could happen.”
“You might not like the answer,” Finn said, “because you won’t ever be able to go back to civilian life. It doesn’t work that way.”
“So…I’m going to be a secret agent for the rest of my life? I’m only seventeen. What’s The Division going to want with me when I’m too old to fight?”
“They’ll use you for intelligence, training, and testing.”
“How do you know what they’ll do?”
He shrugged his big shoulders. “I had the same questions, and that’s what they told me.”
“We can’t ever go back to normal life?”
“We aren’t normal.” Finn’s gaze held mine. “It’s complicated.”
“I know that I’m telekinetic, you’re a telepath, and Rachel’s a projector, and blah, blah, blah, but why do we need to be sequestered from the rest of society forever? Why can’t we, like, retire someday? I don’t think it’s legal for the government to try to keep us as soldiers forever—”
The muscle in his jaw jumped. “Who said anything about legal?”
“What do you mean?”
Cranston never ate with us, but Finn still leaned closer, keeping his voice down. “I mean, who says they have to follow some arbitrary legal guidelines? They haven’t so far. Who do you think is governing this unit?”
“The State Department?”
“The State Department doesn’t know we exist.”
“The Department of Defense?”
He shook his head. “Nope.”
“Homeland Security?”
Finn looked thoughtful. “We were under their jurisdiction for a while, but we got moved off-book.”
“So who do we go to, if we have a grievance?” My mind raced with the questions. I should’ve considered all of this before, but I’d been too busy playing with my superpowers and staring at Finn’s biceps. Stupid hormones!
He laughed. “I strongly recommend not having a grievance. There’s not a lot you can do about the hormones, though.”
“It’s not funny.”
“It’s important to keep a sense of humor. The fact is, if there’s a problem, you have to go to Cranston. He has superiors, but we don’t often have access to them. There are files on all of us, records, but the agency controls the files. We don’t have a lot of options.”
I swallowed hard. “Have there ever been any recruits who didn’t…work out?”
“Only a couple that I know of. Two guys who were recruited after me couldn’t develop their powers. Another one had powers that were too wild to control. And there’ve been some recruits who didn’t want to stay, even after they completed training.”
“What happened to them?”
“The ones whose powers didn’t work right got transferred to another department. The ones who wanted to leave were treated like defectors—enemies of the state. Last I heard, they were in a maximum-security federal prison for life, each one being held in isolation.” He ripped his napkin into little pieces. “The one with the defective powers is…dead.”
I gaped at him. “You’re kidding, right?”
“Riley…no, I’m not.” He sat back a little. “You still don’t get it, do you?”
An icy chill ran up my back, and I thought about what Kyan had said. They don’t care about us. They use us. “But they can’t treat us like they own us—we’re humans, American citizens who have rights. We’re not their property.”
“You sound pretty sure of that,” Finn said, “but you shouldn’t.”
“Are you saying…wait, what are you saying?”
“I’m saying that you and I have special powers and that the government thinks our powers will protect our country. We are assets. We are necessary for homeland defense. You might have been able to get out before you knew what your power was and knew what the rest of us could do, but you know the truth now. And you can’t un-know it. You’re a lifer, Hanover. Welcome to the club.”
“So…does Kyan have a point? Should we try to leave?”
Finn shook his head. “Kyan’s an asshat. He has no idea what could happen to us if we bailed.”
“Why didn’t you tell me about all this that day at the fence, when I wanted to leave?”
Finn didn’t look at me. “I couldn’t. Cranston gave me a direct order.”
I couldn’t read minds, but I could tell there was something else.
I didn’t think he’d say anything more until he finally looked up. “And I was being selfish.” He smiled without humor. “One more thing to never forgive me for.”
18
And Now, For Something Completely Different
“Today’s going to be a little different,” Cranston announced the next morning at breakfast.
“Thank God,” Emma said under her breath. “My ribs are so sore from all the training. I feel like I need to tape them, and athletic tape is not a good look.”
I blinked at her groggily. I’d barely slept with Finn’s words running through my mind all night.
“We’re doing levels testing today in the sweat lodge,” Cranston said.
Kyan and the others groaned.
“Why?” Emma whined. “We just did it last summer!”
“Because we need to check your levels.” His eyes flicked to me. “Not everyone’s been tested yet. All of you, meet me in the sauna in ten.” He stalked out.
“Sweat lodge?” I blinked at Emma.
“He calls it the sweat lodge, but it’s a sauna, and it’s gross. Ugh, I hate levels testing!”
I wrinkled my nose. “Isn’t it cultural appropriation to call it a sweat lodge? The Native Americans built special structures for sweat rituals, meant for cleansing and unification. So shouldn’t we call it something else because we’re not Native Americans, and we’re doing it in a sauna?”
“Of course we should call it something else, but don’t think for a second that Cranston cares.”
“What sort of test is it?”
“It’s pretty weird.” She grimaced. “They dope us up with this psychedelic drug that puts you into a dreamlike state. Then they stick us in the sweat lodge, a.k.a. the sauna, so we have a group hallucination.”
“They drug us?”
“Don’t get your panties in a twist. It’s perfectly legal. The government developed the serum for military purposes.”
“The military purpose being a group hallucination.”
Emma nodded. “Cranston can observe us on our monitors, and it helps him see how we’re interacting on a higher, more mindful level. The drug’s supposed to simulate a combat environment where confusion and adrenaline are running high. Have you ever taken anything before, like LSD or mushrooms? Any kind of psychotropic drug?”
“No. Never. I don’t like drugs or alcohol. Not my scene.”
She nodded. “Most people with psychic power don’t like drinking or drugs. Altered states are not good for us because we already have so much going on in our heads. This drug is specifically made for people with developmentally advanced brains, and it’s low-dose, so it won’t make you flip out the way a street drug would.”
My stomach rattled nervously. The idea of a drug-induced mind trip did not sit well with me. “Why are they making us do this?”
“It lets Cranston measure things he couldn’t otherwise and also helps him prepare a combat strategy, based on how we work together with our skills. It’s also a litmus test to measure our levels—how developed our psychic powers are at a given time.”
“It sounds…scary.”
Emma shrugged. “It’s not that bad. The med
icine just makes you feel sort of sick for a while afterward. He probably wants to do it because you’re here, and we’ve never had a true telekinetic before. He’ll want to see how it changes the group dynamic.”
Maya came over, looking sour. “The drug itself isn’t that bad, but sometimes, Cranston likes to mess with us. Do you guys remember the bugs?”
The others groaned and nodded while I swallowed, hard. “What happened?”
Maya grimaced. “I hate bugs, especially crawly things and spiders. Anything that creeps near me and could disappear into my underwear should be doused with lighter fluid and burned in the eternal pits of hell. Ugh. Anyway, it’s become a borderline phobia. I’ve been working on it for years because it doesn’t pay to have phobias when you’re a trained secret agent for the government, right? Cranston knows about it because it’s in my file. So he puts me under—this was three years ago, I think? And he’s having us run this course, and all of a sudden, I trip and fall into a ditch crawling with every type of centipede imaginable.” She shivered. “I could throw up just thinking about it.”
I clutched my stomach. “Me too.”
“He wanted to check my response to the stimuli, so he had the chemist add in that part about the centipedes just for me. Wicked, huh?”
I winced. “Wicked disgusting.”
Maya nodded solemnly. “Needless to say, my psychic levels went up a lot in that test because I had to scramble to get out of the ditch and kill everything with more than two legs. There was no way I was leaving all those crawlers in there, even if they weren’t real. But it was so gross—totally not worth it.”
I processed the information, still unable to form an expectation about what lay ahead. “What happens once he puts us under?”
“You feel as though you’re awake. It’s like dreaming while you’re awake. We all experience the same basic hallucination. It’s usually some sort of predesigned course,” Morgan explained. “But Cranston loves to throw in some intimate touches for each of us, to personalize the experience. He watches what’s happening on our monitors. No matter what’s in store, it won’t be boring.”
Josh patted me on the shoulder. “Don’t worry about it, Hanover. You’re going to do fine.”
Emma shot him a look. “Don’t sugarcoat it. He’s going to put us through the wringer, you know. He’ll probably think it’s fun.”
“Can you stop?” Josh asked. They glared at each other for a moment, and I felt alternatingly calm—courtesy of Josh—and about to throw up—courtesy of Maya’s story about the centipedes.
I got up, leaving them to their pissing contest, and headed down the hall, wondering what this test was going to be like. What surprises did Cranston have in store for us? Curiosity was getting the better of me, again…
…I just hoped it didn’t deliver the cat treatment.
“Most of you know the drill,” Cranston explained. “I’m heating the sauna to one- hundred-fifty degrees, hot, but not so hot you’ll pass out. At least, I hope not. We all know Josh has that propensity.”
“Can you please stop bringing that up?” Josh’s face reddened.
Cranston ignored him. “I’ll administer the drug out here, then you need to change and head into the room. There’s water in there for everyone. The test only lasts about an hour, but it feels longer than that. I’ve updated your monitor settings with a specific chip for the simulation. I’ll be following along during the test.”
Curious about how it worked, I asked, “So…can you can see what’s going on inside our heads?”
“Not exactly,” Cranston said. “It’s not the same thing as Finn’s ability. I can’t hear your thoughts. But I can monitor the activity, get some visual modeling, see how you’re working together, how you use your powers, and what sort of combinations you come up with.”
“Combinations of what?”
“Of fighting units. I want to see how you use your power in simulated combat and how you guys complement each other. We learned that Emma and Josh, for example, are extremely well-suited to fighting together. Emma can tell in advance who’s going to pop, and Josh can incapacitate them before they do. It can be very useful to ascertain smaller pods to break into for deployment.”
“Oh,” I said, as if this were a rational conversation.
“Are you ready, soldier?” Cranston asked.
HELL no. “Yes, sir.”
“The shot goes in your shoulder.”
My vision blurred. “Shot?”
Josh came over and grabbed my hand. “It’s okay, Hanover. It doesn’t hurt—”
“Ouch!” A sharp pain fired in my shoulder.
“—much.” Josh smiled sheepishly.
“Thanks.” I rubbed my shoulder and gave Cranston, who was backing away with an enormous syringe, a dirty look. “To Josh, not you.”
Cranston shrugged and shot up Morgan.
“When do you start to feel it?”
“It takes a little while,” Josh said. “Go get changed with the girls, and head in. It doesn’t kick in usually until we’re all in the sauna and meditating.”
“Okay. Thanks for trying to keep me calm, by the way. I appreciate it.”
“My pleasure, Hanover.”
Finn stalked over, rubbing his freshly shot-up shoulder, and glared at Josh. “She’s not a delicate flower, you know. She doesn’t need rescuing every five minutes.”
Josh deflated. “You know I don’t think that about her. You can see inside my head.”
“I don’t like what I do see in there.”
Josh’s eyes flashed. “Then feel free to stay out.”
Finn opened his mouth, but Cranston interjected. “Enough, you two. Let’s get going.”
Josh walked away, shoulders slumped, but Finn stayed. “Are you ready for this?”
“No.”
He reached out and brushed the hair from my face, which made me swoon, but only a little. His harsh words to our friend annoyed me. “I’m not a delicate flower, true. But I also don’t need to be rescued by you. I’m pretty sure I can handle Josh.”
He opened his mouth but then closed it, still looking pissed.
“Okay?”
“Yeah, I got it, Hanover.” He stalked off before I could complain about the nickname.
I headed to the girls’ locker room, changed into a white tank top and running shorts, and quickly went into the sauna. It was hot, of course—too hot already. “Does it stay this temperature?” I complained, sinking down and grabbing a bottle of water. Emma was right. The sauna was gross. It was wood-paneled and dingy, with sticky benches, spider webs in the corners, and questionable stains on the concrete floor.
Emma scrunched her nose and gingerly maneuvered herself to sit next to me. “For a super-secret top elite government agency, you’d really think we’d have better perks. I suppose they don’t want us to get too soft.”
“It’s really yucky in here.” I eyed a nearby spider web, close to panic.
She patted my thigh. “It’s okay. I mean, it’s gross, but it’s going to be okay. Pretty soon, you aren’t even going to know you’re here.”
I nodded, even though it didn’t make me feel any better. “When we’re done with this, do you want to come back and clean this room so we don’t have to deal with the gross-factor ever again?”
“That’s a good idea. Yes.” She smiled at me in approval as we watched, Morgan, Maya, Rachel, and the boys file in. “Are you ready for this?”
“It doesn’t matter, does it?”
“No.” Emma leaned back, her eyes fluttering closed. “Try to relax. The experience is sort of like throwing up—you just have to let your body do its thing, and go with the flow. Only in this case, it’s your mind’s lead you have to follow. Trust your instincts. Remember that no matter what happens, there’s a time limit on this. It’s like a dream. You’ll wake up. It’s not forever.”
“Okay.” My stomach roiled. “Do you guys ever throw up from this drug?”
Emma looked thoughtful. �
��Josh has passed out a few times—”
Josh gave her a filthy look. “Shut up!”
“—and I think Rachel puked the first time. Right, Rach?”
Rachel rolled her eyes. “Whatever. I was a sweat-lodge virgin.”
Rachel didn’t often speak. When she did, everyone listened, as though there was a neon-colored sign above her head that read, “Drop What You’re Doing! The Popular Girl is Talking!”
“So I might pass out, and I might throw up.” I tried to sound matter-of-fact. “I can live with that.”
“Just pray there aren’t any centipedes,” Maya said.
I crossed myself. “I will.”
The door opened, and Cranston stuck his head in. “Your monitors indicate a change in brain activity. You need to stop talking, collect yourselves, and get ready.”
He shut the door, and Emma turned to me. “I’m right here, if you need me.”
“It’s going to be okay,” Josh said.
Kyan snorted. Finn rolled his eyes.
“Unless you puke.” Rachel smiled.
“Or unless there’s a ditch full of centipedes.” Maya shivered. “But if there is, I’ve got your back. I know what a fighter you are, ever since you hog-tied me and left me for dead in the middle of the gym.”
My head pounded. “My killer instinct kicked in—”
“I’m over it,” Maya interrupted, “and I want you on my side.”
“Okay. I am.” I nodded a little erratically, noticing that my vision was blurring. “Is anyone else feeling this?”
“A little.” Morgan sounded sleepy. “I just want it to be over. And I really hope there aren’t any centipedes or rats. I hate rats.”
“Shut up!” Maya swatted her sister. “Let’s think happy thoughts. Maybe that will help.”
Their voices faded out as I rested my head against the wooden paneling. The fear left me, replaced by sluggishness and a dull curiosity about what might happen next. It seemed as though this were happening to someone else.
Even though that wasn’t the case, the thought comforted me, and I drifted off.
Think happy thoughts. Think happy thoughts.
