by Gale Storm
As the taxi entered the grounds of the college, she leaned forward and tapped the driver on the shoulder. “I'm sorry, but I would like you to take me back to the studio. Please stop at that Chinese place we saw a few streets back on our way there."
The driver turned and looked at her then with a grin, made a U-turn and headed back the way they had come.
When he pulled up to the gates at the studio, it was eight. She wondered if Tyrone was looking for her, and where he might be. “Please wait for me. I'll be back as soon as I can.” She opened the door and approached the guard. “Has Mr. Shields left yet?"
“No, Miss Roessel. In fact, he has a ground search started for you. Where have you been?"
She smiled shyly. “I took a ride. Can I go back in?"
“Of course. I'll call Shields's office and alert him you're found.” The man picked up the phone, but she stopped him before he dialed the number.
“Please, let me tell him. Would you mind paying the taxi driver for me?” She pushed a hundred-dollar bill into the man's hand. The guard cocked his head at her.
“Okay, Miss, but I would have a better story for him than you just went for a ride. He's been raging like a mad bull; it's a wonder the place is still standing."
Tarry felt a sweet warmth flow through her; then it was gone as she saw in her mind's eye the image of Tyrone and the woman wrapped in his arms.
“Thank you.” She entered the grounds and walked to the door marked number two. His car sat poised to move as before, and she tried to recall the elation she had felt in his company over the past three weeks. He had been kind to her, she realized. Treating her like a fragile doll that he wasn't sure what to do with. How had she allowed sex to get mixed up with her work? She knew better, but as she remained still in front of the door she knew with all her heart that it hadn't just been sex. Another shiver shook her as she realized she was madly in love with Tyrone Shields; and that though he wanted her, he didn't love her in return. The thought was staggering, and enough to make her turn back toward the gate. Her feelings were too confused. She wasn't sure what to do. She needed time to herself to think her emotions out, make them clear as a mountain sky in August.
Suddenly, the metal door to the studio opened, and he was in front of her. “My God, Tarralee, where on earth have you been?” he demanded as he wrapped his arms around her in a lover's hug. He kissed her lips, saying, “Dear Jesus, I've just alerted the police that you'd disappeared."
His voice was clipped and husky. If she hadn't known better she would have thought he was truly concerned about her.
“When you didn't come back...” She paused. Looking past him, she saw Marion standing in his shadow alone, there was no one else. “I took a taxi, but realized I hadn't enough cash to get to your apartment.” Both Marion and Tyrone stood silent and stared at her. It was apparent from the twinkle that came into Marion's eyes she either doubted the story or thought Tarry was a fool, but Tyrone was harder to read. His face was in shadow, and now his voice grated with annoyance.
“Do you have any idea the trouble you could have been in, woman? Or how many gray hairs you've put on my head? Why didn't you tell someone where you were going? Why didn't you...?” He stopped for breath eying, her with frustration.
Tarry broke in before he could continue. “I don't know why you're so upset. I only wanted to get this, and I've told you before I can take care of myself.” She held up her Chinese take-out cartons and smiled at him.
“You're bent on proving that point to me, aren't you, Tarry? Did I ever mention you're the most stubborn, independent, exasperating woman I've ever met?"
She had to smile as he fumed. He really was angry. If he didn't care about her, he wouldn't be so angry. She stepped closer as she realized that not only Marion was watching but that several guards and studio extras had joined them.
“If you feel that way, Mr. Shields, then take me back to the mountain. I'm getting lonesome for my dogs.” She made her voice teasingly light. His eyes glowed at her as she watched him grit his teeth. “I really do miss my animals, and I hate the smog and the noise of this city.” Her voice was only a whisper as she added the last.
“I'm personally surprised that you managed to last this long, Tarry.” Marion spoke up for the first time, and Tyrone jumped as he realized that everyone was listening to their conversation.
Tarry smiled at her. “Sometimes even a wolf has to adapt to survive, Marion. I believe it is called survival of the fittest."
She turned then and climbed into Tyrone's car, quietly closing the door while looking pointedly at him. He straightened, his whole body rigid. He spoke an aside to Marion and nodded to the guards as he came around the car and folded himself into the classic Lamborghini. He didn't speak to her as he backed out and sped through the parking lot to the gate. With only a curt nod to the attendant, he joined the moving traffic procession on the street.
For the first time in her life she understood the expression “so thick you could cut it with a knife.” Tyrone drove with an intense concentration that made her tense. It was obvious he was trying to control his temper before saying anything to her. But she wasn't about to let him off the hook. She wanted him angry with her, just as angry with her as she was with him.
“I really do want to go home, Tyrone. To say that I haven't enjoyed being here and sharing LA with you would be understating the obvious, but my place is with the things I love. I've been thinking about this since we first arrived. I really don't fit in here, and it will be Thanksgiving this weekend. I must be home for that."
“I had thought you wanted to have Thanksgiving with my family.” His voice remained distant, sending shivers down her spine.
“That would be fun, and I'm truly appreciative of the offer; but I do have a home and five brothers, and I've always cooked holiday dinners for them. Donny has a fiancée, and he was planning on bringing her to meet me at last when we talked."
She realized when she ended that her explanations sounded lame. She chewed her lip as he sped down an off-ramp.
“You're not your brother's mother, Tarralee."
“No, I'm not.” Her voice rose a fraction in defense. “But I do love them, and care about their future. Don isn't asking for my approval. He just wants me to meet the woman who has made him happy.” Her front teeth worried her bottom lip.
“There's something else, isn't there, Tarry? You always chew your bottom lip when you're upset. Did you know that? That's your poker tell. Something is wrong, and it wasn't wrong before you took off in your taxi for two hours.” They were stopped at a red light, and he had turned to stare into her face as he drummed his fingers on the wheel.
She cleared her throat and looked out the window at the other cars. She needed mountains, snow and empty spaces about her now. She didn't want to confront him about the woman or the differences that existed between them, but she knew she couldn't lie to him, either.
“I'm lonely for my home, Tyrone. I'm not a city person, and I'm not into crowds, or the fast pace. It all exhausts me. I'm sorry, but that's the truth. I've wanted to say something to you; but this past month has been so busy, what with work and then our evening outings, I just haven't known how to bring it up before."
A honk from an impatient motorist made him turn back around and drive forward. He shifted gears as he entered the traffic.
“And...” He prompted.
“And what?” she stalled.
“You're frightened of something."
She looked at him in the light from the passing cars. She knew she shouldn't be surprised by his shrewdness, but she was. After all, he made his living reading people's reactions to events. And she wasn't sophisticated enough to hide her emotions.
“And...” She looked away from him again. “...I've realized you were right the other night. We both want different types of lives. There's no hope for us except a tawdry affair. You don't need that, and I definitely don't need it. So, I've decided to stop this before it gets out of hand. I
really don't have enough experience to deal with you or any of this."
His hands gripped the steering wheel and his knuckles were white, but she didn't notice.
“Damn, damn, damn!” The words were muttered through his beard. He swung the car onto the shoulder and braked to a stop, stalling the engine. He turned, looking down on her.
“You saw me with Senna, didn't you?” he demanded.
So, he wasn't going to allow her to get away easily, she realized as she nodded slowly.
“I never said there wasn't another woman.” His voice was grim. “I never said I would be faithful or that I could offer you anything permanent."
“I never doubted there were other women, Tyrone. I never asked, did I?"
“No, you never did. You never asked for anything from me. You never would.” His voice had grown soft as his hand came out to touch her short hair. “Tarry, I've been jaded by my life experience. I've seen divorce from every side. I've seen what a breakup can do to two normally sane people. I wanted to avoid this with you. I didn't want to hurt you. Do you want to go home to the mountain tonight? I'll drive you, or tomorrow Charley could fly you."
She closed her eyes and thought of white mountain peaks, crisp air, the glowing eyes of the dogs ... and the emptiness of the cabin.
“I'd like to go home this weekend. Tonight, I want to share these with you.” She touched the cartons between her feet. “And your bed."
He groaned as he reached out and hauled her into his arms. His kiss was tender, his touch soothing; and she felt a tremor in his arms. They sat like that for several minutes.
“If I knew what was good for me I'd be happy to see you home by the fastest possible means,” he whispered as his chin rested on the top of her head. “If I had any sympathy left I'd even feel sorry for myself, but I'm afraid it's all used up on you. You're so sweet and unpredictable. I can't decide if you're an angel, or the Devil desirably packaged and sent here to cause my ruin."
Tarry giggled; he was so visually oriented she couldn't help wanting to hug him. “Well, I've never been particularly religious.” She leaned back and looked him in the eye. “And some things we've done could be considered obscene, but pleasure is like that, very individual and exciting."
“Kiss me, Tarry.” His voice was unsteady as he pulled her back to him. Tarry's answer was to reach for his lips, her arms sliding around his neck. There was no thought of denial. She knew she loved this man, and this might be their last time together.
He pulled back finally, looking deep into her eyes. “You haven't learned to hold anything back, have you, Tarralee?” He bent again and his lips became bracingly aggressive, his hold on her possessive; and for the first time she felt him kiss her brutally. His grip on her upper arms became painful, and she heard her gasp of pain and shock. What was he doing, and why? His hands moved to grasp the front of her new blouse; he yanked it, and the buttons flew across the car.
His lips worked their way down her neck to the tops of her small, pointed breasts. His touch was disturbing, but she knew he was only kissing her this way to frighten her away. It wasn't in his nature to be cruel or to purposely hurt anything or anyone. When he lifted his head, she looked into his narrowed, disquieting eyes.
“Now you'll want to go, I'm sure.” His words were a challenge. She shook her head. “You should go, Tarry, before I do more than hurt you physically. I should make you."
Tarry drew a deep breath. “Look me in the eye, then tell me you want me to go,” she challenged huskily, her fingers brushing across the fine silk of his shirt. She felt the muscles of his chest tighten.
“It doesn't matter what I want. What matters is what is best for you, and we've both known from the beginning I'm not it, could never be it. You said as much yourself minutes ago. Why would you want to stay until tomorrow with a man like me?"
For a fraction of a second she was about to tell him the truth, that she loved him. But she remembered her words to Marion, and she realized that everything came back to survival. He wouldn't be able to touch her again if he knew he was breaking her heart. She wondered if she could ever feel as alive once he was out of her life. When she finally answered, she had come to a decision. He was used to lighthearted flings. For once she was going to cast her serious nature aside and live for the moment. Tomorrow could take care of itself.
“By tomorrow I'll be finished with the interviews for the cast. Then I can go home, and you can bring the crew and the actors up to the mountain after the New Year. You won't need me again until then, will you?” At his surprised silence, she continued. She caught the tails of her blouse and tied them coyly under her breasts as she slid back to her side of the car. “You can always call one of my brothers to get a message to me if you need to. And as for tonight...” Her voice became light and teasing. “...I've spent thirty years looking for a lover and my success rate hasn't been noteworthy until I met you. You wouldn't want to deny a sex-starved female one more night of your exhilarating company, would you?"
His brooding gaze almost robbed her of her courage, but as she continued to smile at him with lowered eyelids, he finally turned back to the car and started the engine.
“No. I'm too male to pass up what you're offering me. I will make it one memorable evening, luv. One neither of us will ever forget."
Chapter Eight
There were still two days until Christmas. Tarry had kept busy making the usual Christmas goodies since arriving home two days before Thanksgiving, just under a month ago. She had knitted five sweaters, ski caps and booties for her brothers, made a quilt for herself and managed to build a new shelter for the wolves. She finished pouring the last batch of hot peanut brittle onto the platter as she whipped a stray strand of hair from her eyes. All total she'd made ten batches of fudge, divinity, peanut brittle and chocolate-covered cherries. She had also put up twenty jars of blackberry jam. These were her Christmas gifts to her loved ones, and she knew her labors would be appreciated. They were wrapped and placed under the sugar pine that she'd started from seed twenty years before with her dad. It now stood over nine feet tall and was beautifully dressed in popcorn, pinecones, ribbons and candles. Everything was poised and waiting for her family to arrive, and they were due later today or tomorrow.
She had managed to occupy herself nonstop since Charley brought her back to the mountain in November. She didn't want to think, but as darkness encased the cabin each evening the memories returned. It had been exactly twenty-three days since she'd seen, or spoken to, Tyrone. She closed her eyes as she wrapped her hands around her tea mug. Twenty-three days had come and gone; and he had not been to see her, not even a message through the Forest Service rangers who contacted her daily by radio. Not that she truly expected him to call or show up, she thought, but if he had, she would have known that he really wanted her as she did him.
There had been one blizzard after the other since Thanksgiving and she doubted seriously if anyone had made it up or down the mountain the entire time. Her brothers hadn't even made it for Thanksgiving because of the wild winter snowstorm that covered the shoulders of the Sierras the day she arrived home. David had left two days after her arrival on skis. Once she was alone, she realized how lonely her life truly was.
She alternated between being moody, annoyed and depressed. Even the dogs’ eager greeting on her return hadn't helped her get over the ache in her heart. She'd barely eaten enough to keep a scarecrow alive and thus lost weight. Her brothers’ already-baggy clothes swallowed her petite figure; and this evening, she was covered by a bathrobe she had thrown on that morning. She knew what was bothering her, but she could see no solution within her grasp.
Tarry gazed at her Christmas tree without seeing it. Night was the worst time. That was when the memories of the nights she had shared with Tyrone surrounded her and held her captive. She had knitted like a machine to block those memories without success. But the haunting quality of those nights in his arms at last aided her to be realistic about the entire situation.
It had been obvious from the first that Tyrone desired her, that he didn't exactly see her as another leech on his time or money. But was there more to his feelings than desire, she wondered as she recalled their last night of exquisite lovemaking. She knew that for her the situation had gone far beyond curiosity, and that further experimentation could be fatal to her psyche. As it was, she doubted she would ever meet another man that affected her as he had.
And therein lay her dilemma. She wanted to be with him, to be a part of his life; and yet the pull of her solitary lifestyle made her realize just how crazy her thoughts were. His creative nature drew him into the public eye. He needed the cheers and attention of crowds. There was no way on earth that she could or would ask him to compromise his career for her.
When, and if, she saw him again, she would have to make it clear from the start that the affair they had begun in LA was over. It had only been a wild fling, nothing more. A smile touched her lips as she tied off the final knot on the last sweater. She would never tell her brothers how often she had torn their sweaters apart because her concentration was destroyed by a pair of faded-blue eyes. They would never let her live it down, and she couldn't blame them.
It was silly for a thirty soon to be thirty-one-year-old woman to be so lovesick that she couldn't sleep at night or eat during the day. She finished the sweater, pulling it over herself as she fell asleep where she sat.
The sun was barely above the horizon when Tarralee awoke and stretched. She'd spent a restless night tossing and turning in an effort to come to terms with the situation between herself and Tyrone. She walked to the window and leaned her elbows against the wooden seal. The mountains were beautiful, outlined by the first glow of the day. Their silhouettes beckoned her to join them.
Once she was dressed and ready for the day, her step was light on the stairs. Today was a day to rejoice. Her family would be home with her soon. The mountain was beautiful, and life held too many challenges to be go on being depressed. She opened the door, and Rounder instantly stood and grinned at her expectantly.
