by Krystal Wade
Phillip laughed, and Rose decided she liked the sound of it, that she’d like to hear him laugh more often.
“So you got in a fight with her?” he asked, still trying to link Rose to himself somehow, but no matter what she said next, she knew their stories were very different. Rose never fought anyone, never got violent—until committed, apparently. The only connection Rose could make was suicide, though she hadn’t tried to kill herself and neither had Phillip.
“No. Yes. I don’t know. Not that kind of fight, I guess. We couldn’t agree on what to do for Halloween. They wanted to go out all dressed up and begging for candy. I didn’t. We’d argued, but I thought we made up. We even laughed about it while drinking later that night.” Rose remembered how Megan and Josh kept sneaking glances at each other in the basement and snickering at her while in their ridiculous costumes. She knew she was the brunt of their inside joke, just not how far they would take the joke. “I passed out, and they thought it would be real hysterical to fuck with me, or my mother. I’m not sure which, and I don’t really care. They dressed me up with some blood and fake cuts to make it look like I’d committed suicide—something my mother and I fought about often—and sent the picture to my parents.”
Phillip raised his eyebrows, cutting three deep wrinkles in his forehead. “You and your mom fight about suicide?”
“My mother’s best friend committed suicide shortly after being discharged from an institution, this institution. This place is actually named after her. Anyway, she was an artist, like me, so I guess when I made friends outside my mother and wanted to spend more time with them than her, she thought I was going on the same path.”
“I see.”
“After my parents found the picture, cops and ambulances and fire trucks arrived at Megan’s place within an hour. They didn’t care that it was a prank. They brought me home and wouldn’t let me out of the house again, especially not with those two. Mom thought they were bad news, which, turns out, they were, but whatever.” Talking about this freely liberated Rose, like if she could admit this to someone, she’d magically be free of the institute’s wrought-iron reinforced fence.
But Phillip shook his head. “That doesn’t add up. You didn’t try to commit suicide?”
“No! Of course not.” Rose’s voice echoed off the cold walls of the institute and scared a bunch of crows scattered about the lawn. “Sorry.”
He squinted at her, as if she were a puzzle he needed to figure out, or maybe he didn’t believe her. “If not, then why are you here, Rose?”
Phillip was as persistent as Dr. Underwood, pushy and repetitive until he got what he wanted, and if it wasn’t for the bark biting into her feet and back and hands, she’d almost wonder if this was another dream.
She sighed. Rose hadn’t admitted this to anyone, not even herself. She didn’t want to. “I don’t know. My mother could probably give you a two-page list of reasons. I was just so lost, you know? Everything I loved, she thought was poison. My friends. My love of art. Wanting to escape this town for something more. She heard me say all that and only compared me to her dead best friend. I’d lash out here and there, do things to get their attention and say, hello, I’m here and alive and not her. But they couldn’t see me. After a while I couldn’t take anymore and just stopped talking to my parents altogether. Nothing I said was the right thing anyway, so I stayed silent and they got tired of it.”
“How long?”
Rose bit her bottom lip and pushed off the tree, a little bit of the cold finally seeping into her bones. “A long time.”
“Okay. I get it. Not why he’s treating you like me, but I get it.”
“We need a plan,” Rose said, comforted by the fact she still had Phillip’s hand in hers as she ascended the stairs. “I want to read my files. If I know what he thinks is wrong with me, maybe I can act my way out.”
“Maybe.”
The institute’s door banged open, and Nurse Judy stood in the entry with a stack of books clutched in her arms. “Come along, Miss Rose. Your first tutoring session starts today.”
“That would explain why you’re as lucid as you are,” Phillip muttered, dropping Rose’s hand. “We can get into his office easily, but we’ll have to time it just right.”
“Perfect.” She headed toward the nurse, calling out that she’d be right there.
“But, Rose?” Phillip said, letting his posture go slack while other people were around.
She turned.
“Try to stay awake.”
Nodding, she said, “I will.” Even though she knew that would be the hardest promise she’d ever have to keep.
14
Several books lay open on the table in Hall A, most of them for subjects Rose had been studying before her parents locked her away. According to Judy, Eliza, the state coordinator, had met with them a few times to figure out where Rose stood and what kind of student she was. And now that a government-regulated plan was in place and she’d taken her baseline test—not that she remembered taking it—the institute could properly continue her education. But schoolwork was the last thing on Rose’s mind. All she cared about was figuring out what Dr. Underwood thought was wrong with her and how she could be open and honest with him today, the way Judy had asked.
The nurse, now tutor, carried on and on about how their sessions would run. They’d choose two courses each week, work for three hours, and then Rose would be given an assignment to complete by the following Wednesday. As she sorted through the books and papers and explained each subject in detail, hospital workers trickled into the room and formed a line outside Dr. Underwood’s office.
Many of them fidgeted with their badges, or the hem of their blue shirt, or stared at their white shoes, while others whispered to the person nearest them. Everyone looked nervous, uncomfortable. And Rose had never seen so many employees in one area before. Normally they were sprinkled about the facility, or rushing to break up fights, or cooking food. Not standing around.
“Most of the questions I ask while we’re together will be written, and your answers will need to be as well. That way I can give everything to your parents and the state.”
Dr. Underwood opened his door. He had a paper tucked under his arm and wore a frown on his face. He looked at the man standing at the front of the line and said, “Stewart, come on in.”
“Are you paying attention, Miss Rose?” Judy asked, snapping her fingers in front of Rose’s face until she tore her gaze away from the door and found Judy packing up all the papers and textbooks. “We could move elsewhere if this is too much for you.”
The nurse’s lips were pursed in a thin line, and a fine sheen of sweat covered her face as if the room was blazing with heat rather than frigid and making Rose’s fingertips feel as though they might fall off at any minute. “What’s going on?”
“Nothing for you to worry over.” Judy stood and hoisted the books onto her hip. “Come on. We’ll move this to D.”
“No.” Anything but sitting in there. “I’m fine. Really. I just want to know what’s going on. I’ve never seen anything like this before.”
Sighing, Judy replaced the texts and muttered under her breath about curiosity killing things, then she sat. “The Times printed a report on the conditions of the facility, something about rats I believe. I’ve only heard rumors. I try not to read the paper, too much sadness and despair for me.”
Rose glanced over her shoulder at the line of people. “I don’t get it.”
“He’s trying to figure out who would say such a thing, and he’s got to do it quickly.”
“Why?”
Leaning closer to Rose, Judy whispered, “Because Health and Human Services will be here shortly to investigate. They don’t take these claims lightly, so he’s got to get his workers out and about to clean up for their visit.”
“Are there really rats?”
Judy shrugged. “I’m sure if there are, we’ll find out. Now, can we get back to work?”
Rose nodded, the
n Judy had her pick all the courses in the order she’d like to work in. Grabbing two textbooks to start the day with, then two for the following week, until all six had been chosen, Rose followed the instructions without looking at the subjects.
“All right. Geography it is.” Nurse Judy pushed the textbook in front of Rose. “Read through chapter one, section one while I go through the coursework the state sent down for you. Once you’re finished, I’ll have you answer their questions. Understood?”
“Yes.” Rose started reading through the first chapter about Sub-Saharan Africa, its climate, demographics, economy, while Judy sat quietly sorting through papers. Though Rose couldn’t claim she did all that much reading. Most of the time she spent watching the line of employees dwindle down. One by one, they entered Underwood’s office and came out looking worse than when they went in, as if the doctor had given them the most terrible news of their life—sorry, Mr. Stewart, but your wife isn’t going to make it—before allowing them to leave.
Rose wished she could be a fly on the wall. She wished she could find a way to leak something bigger to the papers, something about people dressing up as monsters and beating up patients. Maybe if she could figure out who said the place had rats, she could tell them about her situation.
“Are you finished already, or are you lost in space?” Nurse Judy asked when they were the only two left in the room.
“I’d prefer to be lost in space.”
“Can’t say I blame you.” Smiling up one side of her round face, Judy shook her head and placed the stack of papers down, her right hand slightly shaking. “Unfortunately, I don’t have a spacecraft, and even if I did, I wouldn’t know how to fly it. So that means you’re stuck reading.”
“Aren’t I the lucky one?”
“You know my youngest daughter Annabelle would probably say the same thing. She could read fiction for hours upon hours without so much as using the restroom. But give her a history book? Forget it.”
Dr. Underwood’s door squeaked open, startling them both. “Mrs. Everheart?”
Nurse Judy’s eyes widened briefly, then she smoothed her nervous expression and turned around with her normal bright smile. “Yes, Dr. Underwood?”
“May I speak with you now, please?”
Dr. Underwood’s forehead was crinkled, and big, dark circles rested beneath his eyes. He appeared exhausted and disheveled, his white button-down untucked from one side of his brown pants, his lab coat wrinkled like he rushed out of bed and forgot to iron the thing. He watched as Nurse Judy crossed the room to his office, then spared a glance at Rose.
“Nurse Judy will be gone only a few moments. Please continue with your work until she returns.”
And once he closed the door, Rose’s curiosity piqued more than it had all day. She couldn’t sit still. Her legs bounced at rapid speed, and her knees banged into the underside of the table. Nurse Judy was the last into his office, and if he’d gone through everyone else, why ask her any questions? Unless he hadn’t found out anything. Unless he suspected her, too.
Maybe she reported the rats to get someone from the state in here to check out Hall HS.
Focusing on the sounds, Rose set her text aside, but the only thing she heard was the ticking of the stupid clock. She tiptoed to Underwood’s office and pressed her ear low on the door, heart thumping wildly like it wanted to burst from her chest and spill onto the floor.
“What are you implying?” Nurse Judy asked, her voice even.
“I don’t imply, Mrs. Everheart. I’m simply asking you questions about this situation. I take the security of this facility seriously, and if someone is out there spreading lies, I need to know who it is.”
“I know you do, but as I assured you this morning, I don’t know who would have done such a thing—or why.”
They remained silent for a few moments, and Rose thought about shrinking away before they burst through the door and caught her spying, but she couldn’t seem to move.
“I respect you, Mrs. Everheart. You’ve long been a dedicated employee of this facility. My parents adored you, and your patients love you. So forgive me when I say this, but I have to ask: are you getting too close to any of them?”
Nurse Judy cleared her throat, and Rose scooted in closer, her entire body vibrating with nervous energy. She and Judy were getting quite close, building a bond, and Rose knew the woman had already risked her job by speaking out about what she saw in Hall HS.
“Too close? Is there such a thing as caring too much for a patient?”
“A valid point. When the world has turned its back on the mentally ill, we must be the ones to turn toward them, offer a helping hand.” He sighed heavily. “I apologize for the scrutiny, but it was my responsibility to ask. I don’t know what to do about this situation. I’m afraid I’m at a loss.”
“Have any of the employees spoken out about how consuming Miss Briar’s case is for you? Have they been upset that you’ve spent less time with their charges?”
“You’ve noticed how her case is very near and dear to my heart?”
“Would take a fool to miss it, Doctor Underwood.”
“I feel that seeing Miss Briar through treatment and released back into society will remove a dark cloud of doubt from above The Shepperd Institute’s roof, amongst other things.”
Something slammed on the other side of the door, and Rose jumped back and slapped her hand over her mouth to keep her scream from sounding.
“Which is why any interruption in treatment will ruin the work I’ve already completed. I could forgive this person. I could understand it if someone became so close to one of their patients that they loved her, issues and all, and wished to see her released—”
“You just need to know who it is, so you can prevent something like this from happening in the future?”
“Precisely,” he shouted, “And I’m still not positive it wasn’t you, Miss Everheart. Maybe you wouldn’t go to the papers for Miss Briar. Maybe it’s for him.”
Rose wanted to run into the room, grab Nurse Judy and pull her out by her hand, lead them out the front doors and never return, but they’d never make it far enough away.
“I’m a churchgoing woman, Doctor Underwood, as my mother and father before me, and I would not lie to you. I’ve never spoken to the papers, I’ve never seen a rat in this facility, and I’m certainly not going to jeopardize the well-being of our patients.”
“I believe you.” Dr. Underwood sighed again. Rose could almost picture him holding his purple stone between his thumb and index finger, rubbing at the black line running down the center of it. “Remain vigilant for me. Report back if you hear anything, anything. I must get to the bottom of this, and soon. But before you go, I do have another topic I’d like to discuss.”
“Yes, sir?”
“Patient A’s been different lately, almost happy. With minimal involvement, his Persecutory Delusions are diminishing.”
“Yes, well, I fail to see how that will help him in society.”
“That will be Phase C. Can’t you see it?”
“I hope in time I will be able to, but what I can imagine right now is my current patient’s attention span waning. She is only a teenager, after all.”
“A brilliant one at that.” Dr. Underwood chuckled, and that sound confused Rose. Did he mean what he said? She knew Judy cared for her, but how much did he care for Rose? Was she just a tool in which to improve the reputation of The Shepperd Institute, or did he really, truly believe she was brilliant? “We’re done here, and thank you again for being such an upstanding employee.”
Rose scrambled to get away from the door and back to the table as fast as she could, knocking a chair over in the process. She fixed it, and just as she seated herself and frantically flipped through pages to find her place, Dr. Underwood and Nurse Judy returned to the common area.
“How are you doing, Miss Briar? Good reading material?”
Rose’s muscles tightened with nerves, but she took a deep breath i
n through her mouth, tried to make it look like she was yawning, and stretched an arm over her head. “It’s kind of boring.”
She couldn’t turn around to look at him. She was afraid he’d see right through her. Afraid she’d see some of the animosity he’d shown Judy. Rose couldn’t figure him out, who he really was, the angry man everyone else saw, or the caring man who wanted nothing more than to help—or help the institute. She wanted him to care, needed him to.
“Youth these days, always needing entertainment.” With a small smile lighting his face, he went into his office and closed the door.
Nurse Judy stood by her chair, hands on her wide hips, face washed of color. “Didn’t read a word of it, did you?”
Rose squeaked.
“Don’t worry. You’ve been dying to listen in on what was going on in that room all day.” Judy fixed her knowing gaze on Rose briefly before focusing on something across the room, her face whiter than usual. “I assume you got what you were looking for.”
The faraway look in the nurse’s eyes was unsettling. She was always happy, hopeful, determined. Judy could have been the snitch. She certainly appeared guilty. Or someone else could have been, but why? Who had more reason than the person standing before Rose? She smiled, reassured that she had a friend here. “I guess so.”
“Let’s get back to work, shall we?” Nurse Judy slumped into her seat and returned to scribbling questions down on a sheet of paper.
Once they were both finished, she placed the paper in front of Rose, told her she had ten minutes, and asked her to begin.
The questions were simple enough, all basic things pulled from the book, bolded vocabulary that needed definitions written. She finished the state-regulated work, then asked Judy for a blank sheet of paper. Before Rose could change her mind, she wrote one of her own questions: Did you tell the papers about the rats?
Nurse Judy tore it to pieces and tossed it into the can. “You looking to be the facility’s next investigator?”
