Chapter Ten
Carson
I am one hundred percent certain that Brie has no idea how beautiful she is. I’m sitting here with her while Mrs. Hanley dishes up dessert and I just can’t stop staring at her. Everything about her calls to me. It’s not just physical beauty. She’s pure and sweet and I feel content to just be near her. When she laughs, she tips her head back and opens up with a full, throaty sound that sets me on fire. I can’t believe that despite everything she’s been through, she’s still willing to give this a chance, to give us a chance. She’s doing her best to trust me and I’m doing my best to be worthy of it. So many people would have just given up, but she can still laugh and she still finds beauty and humor in things even after all life has thrown at her. I fall more for this angel every second.
Mrs. H comes back with two slices of cheesecake and it looks amazing. I’m not sure how either of us will manage another bite of food, but it looks like we’re both going to try. So many of the girls I’ve known would barely touch a salad in front of me, let alone dessert. I love that Brie can just be herself. She dug into her dinner eagerly, and, with a huge smile, said “This would be Heaven on any day, but after a steady diet of hospital food, I feel like I haven’t eaten in years!” Three pieces of chicken, two helpings of mashed potatoes, and a plate of salad later, I have no idea where she put it all. I just keep thinking how lucky I am that I met her and how hopeful I am that I won’t screw it up.
We finish eating and Mrs. Hanley shoos us off when we offer to help with clean up. I go to Brie and pull back her chair, extending a hand. “Well, Angel, what do you want to do now?” I ask her.
“Angel,” she says with a blush. “I don’t know that I deserve that title.”
“You’re an angel, Brie, and I intend to make sure you know it as well as I do. You’re my angel.”
“I’ve never been anyone’s angel before,” she says quietly. I’m starting to realize just what a sheltered life she has led. There is so much she hasn’t experienced. I intend to be her first and last for all of it. I know better than to let this girl get away. Changing the subject, she looks around and says, “There really isn’t much to do, is there? Thanks to me, we can’t really go anywhere.”
“We don’t need to go anywhere; we can just hang out. I have some cards in my room. I know it’s kinda lame, but do you want to play cards with me?”
“It’s not lame, but I think I am,” she laughs. “The only game I know is Go Fish!”
“Then Go Fish, it is!” Doesn’t she realize I’d be happy sitting here just staring at each other? “I’ll, uh, I’ll get the cards and bring them down,” I say, looking around at the relative safety of the living room. I don’t want to make her uncomfortable by inviting her up to my room. Besides, if I had her alone, I don’t think I could keep my hands, or my lips, off of her. I keep telling myself I need to keep my distance; I don’t want to cause her any pain. She needs time to heal, both physically and emotionally, and she doesn’t need some asshole putting his hands all over her. I’m going to try my best to behave myself.
“Carson, I’m not afraid to be in your room with you,” she laughs. “I know things won’t go further than either of us is comfortable with. I trust you, Carson, and that’s a big deal for me.”
I run my hands through my hair and gesture toward the stairs. It’s her trust in me that scares me. She has put herself in my hands and I need to make sure I do right by her.
She gets to my room first and heads right in. Sitting on the edge of the bed, she looks up at me, biting her lip. Dammit, it’s like she’s testing me! “Well, are you coming?” She smiles and pats the bed next to her. God, I want to touch her. It’s the second time today she has invited me to be in the same bed with her and my dick is wondering how much more he can handle of this hands-off approach. Mentally telling him to settle down, I dig the cards out of my bag and sit on the bed beside her.
She moves over to lean back against the headboard, trying to get comfortable. I grab a couple of extra pillows and tuck them in behind her. “Thanks, Carson,” she says, leaning forward to kiss my cheek. “We could… uh, make this game more interesting. If you want to.” I look at her and catch her winking at me, lip back between her teeth. It’s like she’s actually trying to kill me. I’ve never seen her in such a happy, carefree mood, and I have a feeling I’m going to enjoy the hell out of it.
“How exactly are we going to do that?”
“Well, it’s like Truth or Dare, but with cards. Every hand you win, you decide what happens. You ask me a question or give me a dare. If I win the hand, I decide.”
I think about trying to talk her out of this, but my mind and body are screaming at me to see where this goes. “Sounds good, Angel, but, just so you know, I’m kind of a card shark,” I say arrogantly. “Are you sure you’re ready for this?”
“Bring it,” she answers with a wink.
Less than a minute later, she is out of cards and I have several still in my hand. “So, Mr. Card Shark,” she taunts, “it looks like I win. So I dare you to kiss me. Really kiss me. The kind of kiss I can feel in my toes. Please,” she adds softly.
Fuck. This girl really has no idea how hot she is right now. “No pressure, huh?” I smile, and pull her toward me gently. She smells like some kind of flower I can’t put my finger on and it’s intoxicating. My mouth covers hers and she brings a hand up to thread through my hair. She opens to me and I melt into her. I could hold and kiss this girl forever. I can’t help myself and I slide my hand down to her perfect ass, pulling her closer. She lets out a soft moan and it’s the most perfect sound in the world. Seconds later, her hand moves away from me and I hear a small gasp escape her lips. I immediately pull back and she looks embarrassed.
“Sorry… these damn ribs,” she curses angrily. “I was really enjoying that, Carson. I’m sorry I pulled away.”
“I enjoyed it, too, Angel, but there’s plenty of time for more of that. I don’t want to do anything that makes you uncomfortable in any way.”
“Carson Malone, did I seem uncomfortable to you?” she demands. “Well, besides the ribs. Inexperienced does not mean unwilling. It just means I have some catching up to do!” I worry that she thinks she has something to prove to me. It must show on my face, because she says, “It’s not like I think I have to catch up on everything in one night. I’m just tired of not being able to go after what I want. I’m tired of being alone and afraid all the time and missing out on everything good. I’m sorry; I guess I’m kind of taking that out on you.”
“Don’t apologize, Brie. I get where you’re coming from.”
“Do you still want to play?”
“Of course I do. Deal those cards.”
She frowns at me when she loses the next couple of hands and all I do is ask her some silly questions. Despite what she says, I know she’s in a lot of pain. I can’t bring myself to do anything that would cause her more. She wins again soon enough, though, and asks, “Carson, you do want me, right?”
“Are you kidding, Angel? I don’t want to be vulgar or anything, but my pants barely fit right now, I want you so much.”
“Your pants? I’m not sure what you…” She trails off, looking down at my lap. With a blush, she manages, “Oh.”
“Why would you think I don’t want you?”
“Well, it’s still kind of hard for me to accept that I’m here with Carson Malone and he calls me Angel and kisses me like our souls are on fire,” she tells me. “But I kind of thought you would, I don’t know, use this game as a chance to touch me,” she admits.
“It’s not that I don’t want to, Angel, believe me. I just don’t want to hurt you. When your body has healed, you won’t be able to keep me off of you.”
“But if I asked you to touch me, you would? You want to?”
“More than anything.”
“Then touch me. Please.”
This time she pulls me in for a kiss and slides down so she’s lying back on the bed and I’m ne
xt to her. I put my arm around her waist, careful not to put any pressure on her, and bend my head to kiss her. I slide my hand up just under the bottom edge of her sweater and touch her soft skin. I slide my hand up a bit further and feel the bandage binding her sore ribs. I feel a burst of anger at the man who did this to her, but I put that out of my mind as I get lost in our kiss again. My hand finds the swell of her breast and I cup her gently, asking, “Is this okay?”
“More than okay,” she breathes.
I slide my hand just inside the cup of her bra until my fingertips brush her nipple and she gasps. I stop for a second, thinking something is hurting her, but she grabs my hand through her shirt and holds it in place. “I’m good, Carson, this is good.” I run my fingertips back and forth across her sensitive skin and I feel the nipple harden considerably under my touch. We lie there and kiss and touch each other gently, our hands exploring new territory. It’s gentle and sweet and I love every second of it.
We shift so that her head rests on my chest and she tells me about some of the stories she has written while I stroke her hair. When I glance at the clock, I realize it’s after midnight. We’ve been in here for hours and, as happy as I am to be with her, we both need to get some rest. She’s also way overdue for her pain medication. She must be so sore, but she hasn’t said a word about it. I kiss her gently and let her know how late it is. We both know I have to leave before dawn to be on set for an early call, but we’ve avoided talking about it all evening. The last thing I want to do is leave her, but she needs to be here where she can rest and heal.
“I have one more gift for you, Brie. Something that will keep us from missing each other too much while I’m gone.”
“Another gift? Carson!” she admonishes me.
“It’s something I find absolutely necessary,” I say, kissing her on the forehead as I hand her a small bag. She pulls the box out of the bag and her eyes light up like I’ve just given her the moon.
“An iPhone? Are you serious? This is too much!” she squeals, but she’s already pulling it from the box.
“Did you really think I could go all week without hearing your voice? Not a chance.” I show her some of the features and point out that my number is already programmed in. “We can talk and text all the time. I’ve already added the Skype app so we can video chat. You’ll hardly miss me.”
“Well, I doubt that very much, but I’m excited to have this! Thank you, thank you!” She wraps her arms around me and I hold her to me. We kiss goodnight and as she walks out the door of my bedroom, I miss her already.
Chapter Eleven
Brielle
We flirt off and on over text during the week and we video chat every night. It’s the highlight of my days when I get to see his face; I miss him even more than I thought I would. It’s nice enough here, but I’m bored and a bit lonely.
I’ve spent the week being pampered by Mrs. Hanley, and she assures me it’s what she loves to do, but I feel a little guilty. I’m not used to someone taking care of me and waiting on me. I’m grateful to her for everything, but I’m starting to go a little stir crazy. I’ve read four of the seven books on the little shelf in my room and played several hours of Candy Crush on my new phone. The other day, Mrs. H taught me how to do a simple crochet stitch and I managed to make her a couple of dishcloth-type things for the kitchen. They’re lopsided and uneven, but she pretended to love them anyway.
My body is feeling really good and I haven’t taken the pain killers since Wednesday at bedtime. I’m not super athletic but I’ve been trying to stretch out and do a little yoga every day. I don’t know much about it, but I remember a few poses from gym class. I figured it couldn’t hurt, and I was surprised to find I actually enjoyed it.
I’ve had a little too much time to think this week. I’m starting to stress over what comes next. I can’t stay here forever. I need to get a job and find a place to live. I just try to take deep breaths and remember that I have Carson to help me. I really do trust him. I definitely don’t expect him to keep taking care of me forever, but it’s good to know that I have someone I can count on.
I haven’t been able to stop thinking about the last night Carson was here. I know he was afraid of hurting me and of pushing me too far, but just being in his arms felt like I’d found my Home. His soft touch lit my entire body on fire, and I wanted to tear the clothes off both of us right then and there. I go back and forth in my head, trying to figure out what to do. I want so badly to be with him, but I’m afraid he won’t feel the same way. I know it’s early in our relationship. I know things may not work out between us. I still want to feel what it’s like to make love to a man like Carson. I haven’t had much opportunity to reach out and take what I want, to make my own decisions.
***
I look down at myself, checking again that I look presentable. I’ve chosen the bright pink wrap dress for tonight. It’s comfortable, but sexy and feminine. It has a thin, braided leather belt that accentuates my waist perfectly. The long sleeves are slightly loose and flowing above a skirt that stops just shy of my knees. What’s under the dress took slightly more consideration. I laid out each and every one of the matching lingerie sets on my bed and stared at them for a good ten minutes. Then I put away all the boy shorts and bikini bottoms, leaving only the two with thong-style bottoms. I’ve never worn one of these in my life, but if I’m going to wear one at all, it might as well be now. In the end, I chose a lacy charcoal grey set with tiny magenta bows at the hips and between my breasts.
I sit in the front room for a while, watching out the window. My foot keeps tapping on its own and I’m not sure if it’s nervousness or excitement. When I finally see headlights in the driveway, I run to the door and throw it open before I realize I’m not supposed to go outside. I stop just inside the doorway and look out, watching Carson grab his bag from the trunk and say goodbye to Lucy before coming up the porch steps. I wave to the redhead and she leans out the window, waving back at me. “Feeling better?” she asks with a smile.
“Much better than the last time we met. Thanks for getting me home that day.”
“Oh, honey, you’re welcome. That was nothing. What you should really thank me for is listening to this one over here,” she jerks her thumb toward Carson. “He has talked about you non-stop since he met you. It’s Brielle this and Brielle that around here. I’ve never seen him get so mushy over a girl before. He’s a good boy, you know. Be good to him.”
“Don’t worry, Lucy. I will.”
“Okay, I’m leaving now, you two.” She gives Carson a wink, adding, “I’ll be back to get you real soon,” before backing out of the driveway. My heart sinks a bit as I hear those words. I know we only have two days together, but hearing it out loud makes it seem more real. I walk over to Carson with a smile and run my hands through his hair. “So, you’re all mushy over me?”
“I’m everything over you, Angel. I missed you so much.” He pulls me in for a kiss and that smell that is all Carson invades every sense and every fiber of my body. I’m not sure I’m actually breathing right now. My thoughts start racing and my head swims. For all I know he’s already having second thoughts about us. What if he turns me down? What if he doesn’t? What if it turns out I’m no good at this or if he sees me without a stitch of clothing on and doesn’t like the view?
I’d love to have been able to go to the spa to get prepared for tonight. I’m sure perfectly primped and waxed girls are what he’s used to. As it was, asking Mrs. H to pick up razors, shaving cream, body spray, and the like was embarrassing enough. An at-home waxing kit was way too uncomfortable to think about – on so many levels.
He picks up his bag and we head up the stairs. When we reach the door to my room, I turn to Carson, take a deep breath and ask, “Will you be with me?”
He smiles and the breath rushes out of me all at once. I forgot how easy things are with him, how I can just be myself and not overthink every move I make. He drops his bag to the floor, kisses me and says, “I
’m right here with you, Angel.”
“I mean really be with me, Carson. My bruises are healing really well and I’m not in pain. I want us to be… together.” I’m finding it hard to say the actual words out loud and I just hope that he understands what I’m asking.
This time it’s his turn to breathe deeply. “Are you sure it isn’t too soon for this? I will wait forever for you. There’s no rush.”
I put my hand on the tense muscle of his arm and reassure him, saying “Carson, really, I feel great. I’m definitely ready for this. If you’ll have me, I want to make love to you.”
I open the door to my room and pull him inside. There wasn’t much I could do in the way of decorating, and, in any case, I’m not really one for the whole rose petals and champagne thing. I settled for putting a thin yellow scarf over the lamp, making the glow seem softer and certainly more flattering. I also spent hours debating what our “first time playlist” would be, but in the end, I settled for a whole bunch of Owl City songs set to play on YouTube. Might not be the most romantic, but I love their sound and their music is comfortable and familiar. I’m going for fun and comfort, not unrealistic expectations.
I hit play on my phone and start to set the phone on the nightstand. In my nervousness, I started the wrong playlist. When I hear Shakira’s voice kick in with “Waka, Waka”, any remaining tension dissipates and we both laugh out loud.
“I’m assuming you didn’t want to make love to the sound of drums?” Carson winks at me. He has a way of putting me at ease without even trying. I know in my heart that this is right. We don’t have to wait for some perfect moment, some built up expectations. No matter what happens in the future for Carson and me, this – just being us, just being together – this is what matters right now.
“Not really what I was going for,” I say as I change over to the Owl City playlist. When I hear the electronic sound of “Fireflies” starting, my body starts to hum with the excitement and freedom I’m feeling. I’m free to be who I am and do what I want, free to make love to this wonderful man. There is no girl in the world having a more perfect moment than I am right now.
To Hell and Back Page 8
