Harvey pulled up beside us with a sharp honk of his car horn. He motioned that he was going into the gas station and I urged him on. Sparing a moment to let Talon know where we were, I turned all my focus on Claire.
“Alright,” she said hesitantly. “Um, sit still so I can concentrate. I’m not sure how long it will take me.”
I closed my eyes to avoid watching the dashboard clock. Even without the changing numbers I could feel each precious minute slipping past us. How long would Claire keep trying? I wondered.
Claire’s fingernails suddenly dug into my skin and a wave of blackness hit me.
28: Riddle
I felt nothing else the second I finally touched the core of Uriah’s soul. I could have been burning alive and wouldn’t have felt it. The tiny bit I felt of Uriah the first time I tried to find his soul was amazing and intoxicating. This was nothing like that. It was no small taste of his essence. I felt as if I had been dropped head first into a vat of champagne. Champagne that tasted, smelled, and felt, like Uriah.
The fact that my entire body had gone rigid was the only thing that kept me from melting into blissful euphoria. I was so overwhelmed at first that I didn’t even notice the swirling colors filling every crevice of my mind. Kaya had said I wouldn’t have to look for the possibilities, that they would just be there. I wasn’t sure about possibilities, but there was certainly something here.
Finding out exactly what the colors held would be no easy task.
I had no idea where to even start. Wondering which color would hold Uriah’s future meeting with the Matwau, I was suddenly pulled toward a slash of crimson red.
The familiar scene of the empty desert flickered in front of me. Figures jumped and danced around me, moving too fast for me to be able to tell what they were actually doing. A leaping blur of fur flashed in front of me. Talon. I tried to follow him but my vision lost focus and sent me stumbling into the shifting sand.
How did Kaya see anything in this? I wondered. My head was starting to ache. I couldn’t even focus on the thousands of possible scenarios, let alone see anything useful. I needed to calm everything down, try another tactic. I had no real guide for how to do this, so I turned to what I knew. Uriah was counting on me.
Focus.
Closing my eyes to the nauseating mess, my mind slowly began to empty. Colors drifted away into blackness before I let my thoughts center around Uriah. I had no idea how the Matwau would present himself, so I didn’t even try to include that creature in my mental image.
Keeping the image of Uriah firmly in my mind, I slowly opened my eyes again. The colors still whisked around me, but they were more defined. A few distinct shapes began to form. I looked for Uriah’s dark skin and black hair, the deep blue shirt I knew he would be wearing because I watched him put it on this morning, and his work-worn jeans. The dark colors I was looking for suddenly came into view.
Uriah stood frozen mid-stride as if I had caught him and surprised him. Unfortunately he showed no indication that he was aware of me being only inches from him. Sighing, even though I couldn’t have expected anything else, I stepped back from Uriah to view the rest of the forming scene.
The Matwau appeared out of the colors with Melody cringing at his side.
Nothing moved. Nothing but me.
Realizing that I was the one holding everything back, I let go of my focus and simply watched.
Uriah moved out of his frozen state and lunged at the Matwau. Over and over again, trying every possible way to reach his enemy, Uriah failed. I fell to the ephemeral sandy ground and wept every time Uriah was thrown back, every time the Matwau laughed and ripped Melody apart as Uriah watched in horror. I couldn’t pull my eyes away. I had no idea how many times or in how many ways the Matwau killed the auburn haired girl, but I knew I would never forget those images.
When I thought I couldn’t bear to watch one more time, the scene froze again. More players entered the field. The tawny patch of fur I saw earlier reappeared right at my feet, startling me into jumping back. Talon stared forward, completely undisturbed. Harvey materialized, looking ready to either faint or kill someone, and then I found myself starting at my own reflection. Cold determination barely hid my simmering fear.
As soon as everyone arrived, the possibilities began to play out. Everyone joined the battle in one way or another. Every scenario ended with Melody surviving the battle, but in some of the endings, Uriah and Melody were the only ones. Talon was always raking away with claws every chance he got, and even once or twice Harvey threw himself into the brawl, but the results varied with each possibility.
None were as gruesome as watching Melody’s life being torn away, but every slice of Uriah’s future left someone behind. Talon was struck down multiple times as he tried to sink his claws or teeth into the Matwau’s shifting hide. Too often I watched Harvey rush in blindly, or make a move out of pure desperation, only to find himself intercepted by one of the Matwau’s creatures or the Matwau himself. He never lasted very long. This message, at least, was clear. If Uriah fought the Matwau alone he would fail. But what would it take to grant him success?
Watching myself was terrifying. I knew better than to try and fight the Matwau on my own, but that hardly kept me from making fatal mistakes. I tried to pull Melody away from the Matwau again and again. Once I even succeeded in yanking her out of the Matwau’s grasp in a surprise move, but all that did was force the Matwau to take a few steps before he snapped my neck with barely more than a thought. I thought I would keep trying to rescue Melody forever, until I suddenly watched myself stop. The scene started over and this time I ran straight for Uriah. Falling down in front of my panting and bleeding Uriah, I closed my eyes and accepted my role. I could feel my power condensing.
Immediately I knew this what exactly what I needed to see. I had learned so little about using my power, but I watched and felt everything that happened. Kaya’s words echoed in my mind as I reached deep, finding the edge where power and soul met. A moment of frozen hope held long enough for me to blink, then the possibilities ran amok. Over and over again I tried ripping my power free and sending it into Uriah. The first, second, twentieth attempt, all slightly different in the way I attempted the feat ended with my life winking out and Uriah dying.
Each one of my attempts were stowed carefully in the back of my mind. Yanking, twisting, and pulling would never work. After watching myself die more times than I could count, I saw myself stop and breathe. Utter calm in the midst of anarchy surrounded both me and Uriah. I didn’t try to force my power to leave me. I calmly gathered the threads and offered them to the man I loved, giving my gift through our lips joining for what might have been the final time.
Uriah raced away with my power and I held my breath, hoping that I would get the last piece of information I desperately needed. Would my power be enough, or would the power lost to the bond seal all of our fates?
Cold flashed through my body, blinding me and shocking me back into the cab of the old pickup. I sat shivering as I stared at Uriah’s crumpled form. I watched his body lying still and heavy in confusion. My brain felt muddled and fuzzy. Getting back to the vision was all I could think about.
Frustration spilled out of me as I struggled to regain my hold. I needed to see how the meeting would end! Exhausted, I scrabbled with my power, trying and failing to reach Uriah’s soul again. Silent tears spilled down my cheeks when I was finally forced to admit defeat. My eyes dropped, falling on Uriah. I saw him when I first came back, but now I really saw him. I couldn’t take my eyes off him. His peaceful face seemed so much more familiar than the hardened one I saw when he was awake. Eventually my brain reconnected with logic and the thought entered my mind that Uriah had not just fallen asleep. He was unconscious. I had done this to him.
“Uriah!”
Frozen no longer, my hands grabbed at him, shaking Uriah violently.
“Uriah, wake up. Wake up!” I cried.
All at once Uriah snapped back to consciousn
ess. Shooting up out of his slump, he jumped back against his seat, his eyes darting around the cab.
“Claire, what happened?” he asked. “I was sitting here with my eyes closed, and then all of the sudden I blacked out. What did you do?”
The accusation snapped me out of my surprise. He didn’t mean it to be hurtful, but after everything I saw, it was just one prick to many. My hands came up to cover my face and I burst into tears. Uriah’s warm arms were quickly around me, his voice whispering calmingly in my ear. I let his words sooth me enough to put my ragged emotions back where they belonged.
“Are you alright? Did I hurt you?” I asked.
“No, no, I’m fine. I just blacked out. It was nothing,” Uriah said. “Did it work? Did you see anything?”
I froze. I didn’t think I could tell him what I saw. I was afraid even warning him that facing the Matwau alone would only lead to Melody’s death wouldn’t be enough to convince him to risk losing one or all of his friends, to risk losing me. If I told him the truth, that it would take all of us fighting to keep Melody alive, he would never believe I would stay away from the fight. If it came to Uriah having to tie me to a tree to keep me safe, he would do it. That would be disastrous. He would mean well, but if I couldn’t be there to give him my power he would die.
For the second time, and hopefully the last, I lied to Uriah.
“I’m sorry, Uriah. I tried. I couldn’t understand any of what I saw,” I said.
Uriah shook his head in confusion. “But something happened. Something made me black out. You did something.”
“To see the possibilities of your future, I had to touch your soul,” I said. “I guess I didn’t do a very good job of it. I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay.” Resignation made Uriah’s shoulders droop down. “I shouldn’t have even asked you to try. It was too much.”
His regret shamed me for my secrets. “Uriah, are you certain about facing the Matwau alone?”
Uriah’s sharp eyes snapped up to meet mine. He took a moment scrutinize my face. His brow wrinkled and I knew he thought I was hiding something. I tried to keep my face smooth, but I could feel my chin quivering. Gripping the steering wheel with both hands, Uriah’s head sank down between his hands.
“Claire, please don’t lie to me.” His head came up and he faced me. “I can’t stand the thought of you lying to me, especially not now. Not…not now.”
That quick pause in his words. Did he almost say “not again?” Did he know I didn’t mean to keep my promise of staying away? I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t lie to him again. Whatever the consequences, I couldn’t leave his side knowing my last words to him were lies.
“Melody will die if you try to fight the Matwau alone,” I blurted out.
Uriah blinked. “What?”
“I watched it over and over again. You fought alone and she died every time.”
That was all I could bring myself to tell him. Leaving out the rest wasn’t exactly lying. I basically told him he would need help. That was the most important message of the possibilities, of Nampeyo’s prophecy as well. He didn’t necessarily need to know what the cost might be for that help, or how that help needed to be given. He’d already shown that his faith in what I could do was limited. If I told him I had to give up my power he would know the most likely result right away. I could still die trying to give him my power. I saw how to do it, but that was no guarantee I could actually pull this off with my fledgling power. He would see that and balk.
“Did you see anything about after the fight?” Uriah asked.
Surprised that he had changed directions so quickly, my words stumbled out. “I, uh, no, I didn’t see anything after the fight. I really didn’t see anything after the Matwau tore Melody to pieces a couple hundred times,” I said pointedly. He was focusing on the wrong part. What happened after the fight could wait. Melody had to make it to the end of the fight for that to even matter.
“Those are just possibilities, Claire,” Uriah said.
“No they aren’t, Uriah. I mean they are, but they all led to the same result. Melody will die if you try to fight the Matwau alone,” I said.
Frustration played on Uriah’s face. “Maybe Melody will die if I fight the Matwau alone, but maybe she won’t. Bhawana was a legendary shaman. She saw me fight him alone. I have to consider that too,” Uriah argued. “I don’t mean to say you aren’t as good as she was or that you’re wrong, but you’re telling me the exact opposite of what she said. I don’t know what to do, Claire.”
What more could I say without revealing everything? I knew what I saw, and I knew I was right, but why was what I saw and what Nampeyo saw so different from Bhawana’s vision? I had no idea. Maybe Bhawana was a great shaman, but visions weren’t her strongest area. She couldn’t have been a master of every talent. It was a shot in the dark, but it was all I had. What I did know was that Uriah was still right about needing to split up now. I hated the thought of leaving his side, but I would do it.
“Look, Uriah, you don’t have to decide anything right now. We still have a long drive to Taos,” I said. My voice had softened and I took Uriah’s hand in mine. “Just promise me you’ll think about it, okay?”
“I’ll think about it,” he said. “Will you still go with Harvey?”
“Of course I will.”
Uriah’s gaze lingered on me. His hand squeezed mine tighter.
“Keep me in your heart,” I asked.
“Always,” Uriah said as he pulled me into a kiss. He pulled back more quickly than I wanted and held me with his eyes. Every emotion a heart could possibly feel swirled in his dark eyes. With one last stroke of his fingers across my cheek he released me.
Tugging Quaile’s book out of my backpack, he placed it in my hands. “Finish reading this. There might be something in it to tell me what to do about how I should face the Matwau. Maybe Quaile’s book will have the answer to our riddle.”
Sighing, I took the book. There was no riddle in what I saw. Only the certainty of death.
29: Special Power
The book sat on my lap as I stared at the prairies racing by. I didn’t want to open it again. I feared what it held. I had figured out so much already, but the most desperate questions still remained unanswered. I worried reading the last few pages would give me the answers I was looking for, but not the ones I needed most. I knew so little about my power. This book had been written for shaman who had spent their entire lives training. What if I couldn't understand how to put everything back in place where it should have been?
That had been Quaile’s biggest problem. She said she couldn’t understand most of the book because she didn’t have the power she needed. Well, I had the power, but none of the training. She said you needed power to understand power, but I was sure it was more difficult than that. I watched myself gather my power and give it to Uriah. I understood how it was done, but actually doing it…I had no clue where to start.
I pushed through Uriah’s bond to get to his soul, but it was so thin and wispy. How was I ever supposed to gather it up and strip it away from me? I needed those basic lessons, the kind you always start with no matter what you’re trying to learn, like the thousands of pliés I was forced to do in ballet before being allowed to move on to something more difficult. Was grabbing hold of something insubstantial one of the lessons I would have been taught had I been apprenticed to a shaman years ago? I sighed. It didn’t matter. I couldn’t go back. All I had was right now and a few lessons over the phone on using my power. I would have to make it work. The alternative was simple not acceptable.
Harvey sat next to me in silence as I brooded. He was too focused on the road, too focused on reaching Taos in time to pay any attention to me. I looked around for Uriah out of habit and found Talon instead. Glancing back at the big cat, who was stretched out across the backseat enjoying the rest, I wondered whether he could hear my thoughts as he laid there. A quick twitch of his ears and a dip of his head seemed to say that he could. I sm
iled.
“Do you think Uriah should face the Matwau alone?” I thought, hoping Talon would hear.
Talon bared his teeth and shook his tawny head. A low growl escaped through his teeth, causing Harvey to jump. Glaring warily at the animal in the back of his car, Harvey eyed Talon for a few seconds before turning his attention back to the road.
Good, I thought, then I wouldn’t have to worry about Talon trying to stop me when I went after Uriah. I already knew Harvey would come as well. All that left was figuring out how to keep everybody alive once we reached the desert.
I looked down at the book again. It was somewhere to start at least. Picking it up, I opened it at the page I had dog-eared before closing it the last time. Skimming the words, I glossed over another few pages of Quaile’s thoughts. All they were about this time was her wondering and complaining about not seeing any of the signs in Uriah or herself at the time. The book held so much that would have made the last few weeks infinitely less difficult and dangerous if we had only known it beforehand.
We should have been taught since childhood and prepared for this moment. It frustrated me to no end that Uriah and I had both agreed to this destiny, but were then thrown in with the most prideful, arrogant people in the world. I would never forgive the gods for sending Quaile down as the one meant to help us. What had they been thinking? They couldn’t have picked a worse shaman. She did everything wrong. How did you screw up Fate so badly without even trying?
My dad was at least a little more understandable. He was trying to mess up my destiny. It was probably one of the only things he had ever failed at. Still, why couldn’t the gods have sent a talented shaman like Kaya, or given me a supportive and loving father like I needed?
I would never know. It wasn’t what I needed to be thinking about anyway. Turning my attention back to where it should have been, I held the book up to see it better and started reading. The portion of the book still unread got thinner and thinner. I just wanted a few more hints, a few more answers. Time and paper were running out. Reluctantly, I turned another page.
Qaletaqa Page 24
