by T. L. Haddix
She hid her face in his chest and started crying. “I’m so sorry. I got lost.”
He put his hands on his daughter’s shoulders and moved her back so he could see her face. “You shifted?”
She nodded, hanging her head. “Yes, sir.”
Exasperation and relief showing in every line of his body, he looked at Warren and Lily. “You found her?”
Warren rubbed the side of his face. “She found us,” he admitted reluctantly. “We were at my place.”
Logan let out a half growl and hugged Sadie again. “Child, you’re going to be the death of me. You’re just like your mother, running outside all hours of the day and night.”
“No, I’m not. I have your sense of direction. If I had Mom’s, I’d not have gotten lost.” She sighed. “Am I in trouble? I’m starving.”
“Is that her?” Amelia asked, coming into the sunroom. “Sadie! Thank goodness. Where’ve you been?”
“Running wild,” Logan said dryly. “Your daughter…”
“Is in big trouble.” Amelia glowered at her. “You know better than to shift when we’re not home and not tell anyone where you’re going. We’ve talked about this.”
Lily caught Warren’s hand, tugging gently. “Excuse us. We’ll get out of your way. Hi, Pip.”
Amelia hugged her absently as they passed. “Hey, sweetie. I think your mom was looking for you.”
Once they were headed down the hall toward the kitchen, Warren let out a soft laugh. “It’s never boring around you Campbells.”
Lily let herself stumble into his side, not budging him an inch when they collided. “That’s the God’s honest truth, mister. I’d best go find Mom. Come in and make yourself at home.”
As she disappeared into the depths of the house, Warren headed for the living room. He was about halfway there when tiny, pounding footsteps sounded, and he stopped just as India, Sydney and Sawyer’s one-year-old, came around the foot of the stairs, clad in just a diaper. She paused when she saw him, one foot raised, then with a happy shriek, she headed straight for his legs at a dead run.
Warren widened his stance and got ready to catch her if she fell, but she ran into his leg and held on, laughing up at him with an irresistibly cute grin.
“Hello, gorgeous,” he said, scooping her up and lifting her straight over his head. “Look at you. You’re getting so big.”
He’d not seen India since Easter, and he couldn’t believe how much she’d grown. Her hair had was starting to curl wildly, inky black and soft as a feather.
As he blew a raspberry on her cheek, she squealed and gave a belly laugh, then giggled at him when he settled her in his arms. India patted his cheeks with her chubby hands as she babbled his ear off.
“Another conquest,” Sydney said as she came through the house, following the route her daughter had taken. “Hey, stranger.”
“Hey.” Warren smiled at her as he carefully avoided getting a toddler hand in his mouth. “She’s a chatterbox.”
Sydney chuckled. “Oh, that’s an understatement. She even talks in her sleep. Come on, missy. It’s time for your dinner.”
“No!” India turned away from Sydney, clinging tightly to Warren’s shirt as she shook her head emphatically. “Nonono.”
Warren grinned as Sydney gave a put-upon sigh. “Sorry, Mom.”
“That’s her favorite word these days. Don’t be afraid to put her down if she starts bugging you.”
“This little sweetheart?” he asked as India tugged on his ear, making him wince. “I can handle her.”
Instead of laughing, Sydney stared at him, her eyes widening as she turned a bit green. “Oh, dear. Excuse me.”
He dodged out of her way as she ran for the bathroom under the steps, the door slamming shut behind her. Blinking, Warren looked at India, who was chewing on her fingers as she looked toward the bathroom.
“Well, then. That’s either good news or a stomach bug,” he told the baby. “I’m going to hope it’s the first. Let’s go find some adults, what do you say?”
“No!”
“That’s what I thought.” He nodded decisively and resumed walking toward the living room. He’d made it to the door when Sawyer came through from the dining room.
India let out a squeal that hurt Warren’s ear and leaned toward her father. “Da da da da me me no!”
“There’s my girl.” Sawyer smiled and took her, kissing her cheek. “Have you seen Syd?”
Warren gestured toward the bathroom. “She’s in there. You might want to check on her. She turned pretty green and ran for it.”
Sawyer’s face softened. “She’s okay, but I’ll check. Thanks for taking care of this one.”
“Any time. She’s adorable. And congratulations.”
“Thank you. We’ve not told anyone yet, so you didn’t hear anything from me. Though if my wife keeps running to the bathroom, it won’t be a secret for long. Whoa, tiger,” he said as India pushed away from him and back toward Warren, squirming and grunting in her efforts to get to him. “Okay, you’re the popular guy today. Sorry.”
Warren took her back, not even bothering to pretend he wasn’t enjoying holding her. “I don’t mind in the least. It’s been a long time since I was around a baby—probably a couple of years anyhow. I’ll just walk around with her if that’s okay. She seems to like that.”
Sawyer laughed and took a few steps toward the bathroom. “When we’re all together like this, her feet barely touch the floor. I won’t say my daughter is spoiled but… just don’t let her get a glimpse out the windows toward the pastures. She likes the uh, the four-legged critters, let’s say, and if she sees them, it’s all over.”
“I’ll do my best.”
Figuring the kitchen was a safe bet, as none of the windows there looked toward the barns, he headed in that direction, a content but curious India on his hip. He couldn’t help but think about the child that had been lost with Jessie, a boy, and he boosted India, holding her a little closer.
“How do you think Lily feels about babies?” he asked in a low voice. “Why don’t we go find her if Ainsley doesn’t have her busy and see? What do you think about that plan, Miss India?”
She kicked her legs and gave a silly laugh that had him smiling.
“I’ll take that as a yes.”
One of the things that had been weighing on him in recent days was knowing that if he did manage to get past his fears, assuming Lily was interested in a relationship with him, the subject of children would eventually come up. He didn’t know if he was ready to entertain that thought or not, but looking at India, who’d laid her head on his shoulder with a sweet sigh, he had to admit the idea of children with Lily held some appeal.
Back before his life had become a train wreck, he’d always thought he’d like to have a house full of kids. At least three, maybe four. He’d been miserable growing up on his own and quite the opposite once he joined Brooke and Caleb. But when he lost Jessie, he’d put aside any thoughts of having a family of his own.
He was surprised now, as he entered the kitchen, to discover how sad the notion made him, that he would never know the joys or tribulations of raising children, and especially the idea of not sharing those experiences with a woman he cared about deeply. When he laid eyes on Lily, when she turned around and he saw her expression as she spotted him with India, any lingering uncertainty he’d had vanished.
“I think someday soon, I’m going to have to marry that girl,” he whispered to the baby. “Won’t that be something to see?”
India smacked his jaw, then while he laughed, she surprised him with a baby kiss before struggling to get down. Once on her feet, she headed for Owen and Sarah, who were seated at the table by the window.
“Are you ready to eat now, young lady?” Sarah asked as she lifted the baby into her lap. She handed India a cracker from a small plate on
the table. “Warren, what do you think of our girl?”
“She’s a pistol,” he said, taking a seat across from them.
Owen smiled. “That she is. She’s Sydney all over again, and we wouldn’t have it any other way.” He shot a sideways look at Warren, and said in a low voice, “You should have a few of these someday. You looked natural holding her.”
Warren blew out a breath and answered just as quietly. “We’ll see how the cards fall on that.”
Sarah beamed at him. “I’d say they’ll fall heavily in your favor.”
“I hope so,” Warren told her, his gaze turning to Lily, who was still working at the counter with her mother. “I really hope they do.”
Chapter Thirty-Four
Every time Lily managed to get to sleep, erotic, disturbing dreams jolted her awake, each one leaving her more frustrated than the last. Finally fed up with herself, she threw the covers back and got up, glaring at the clock.
“This is pointless,” she muttered as she grabbed her glasses and a robe.
She slipped out to the quiet patio beside the pool a few minutes later. The moon was fading on the horizon in a clear sky, but she didn’t need any extra illumination to see where she was going.
The sight of a lone, dejected figure sitting on a lounger at the side of the pool made her slow down, then change course away from the gazebo that had been her destination.
“Hey,” she said softly as she approached Colin. “You okay?”
He shrugged and patted the cushion beside his hip. “I’m here. That’s about all I can tell you. What has you up so early? Or late, I guess, depending on your perspective.”
“Dreams. Thinking. You?”
“The same.” He was sitting with his arms on his legs, hands between his knees as he worried a stalk of grass. “You ever wish we could get blind, stinking drunk?” He had the same intolerance as Lily.
She laughed and leaned into his shoulder. “Brother, do I ever. I’d be snookered and good right now, though I’d have to leave the farm or go to Murky Pond to do it because I wouldn’t want to do that to Mom. What a mess.” They looked at each other, both miserable and somewhat lost in it. Lily squeezed his arm. “Are you blaming yourself still?”
“For Easton? Yeah. I shouldn’t have acted the way I did, Lil. I set him up and didn’t even realize it.”
“You did not.” When he shot her an incredulous look, she shrugged. “Well, you didn’t. What exactly did you say to her?”
Even in the moonlight, she could see Colin’s cheeks go ruddy. “First, Easton wasn’t flirting. He’d never talk to a woman the way I talked to her, and he was embarrassed that I was doing it. Second, I said a shitload of things I shouldn’t have. She and I were going back and forth with pretty much any innuendo or double entendre you can imagine, and some things that were downright vulgar. It never, ever should have happened.” He shook his head. “Mom damned near took my head off when she heard what I said, if that tells you anything.”
Lily whistled low. “Colin… is this because of Becca?”
He tossed the now-shredded grass aside and rubbed his face. “I don’t know. Maybe. Partly, anyhow. Regardless, it was my fault. He might lose his chance to wear a badge, and it’s my fault. How do I ever make up for that? How’s he supposed to forgive me?”
“That’s easy. He loves you. And he knows, or should know, that while you’re not innocent in this, you’re sure as hell not the one who beat him up. Easton’s one of the best of all of us—one of the best people I know, period. He won’t hate you for your role in this, but it might be easier for you if he did.”
Colin nodded. “It would. At least it would help me get through this a little easier.”
“Have you seen him yet?”
“No. I got to the hall outside his room and chickened out. Twice.”
“Colin… he needs to see you. Hopefully, the injuries won’t linger and he’ll heal like a Campbell, and he won’t lose the badge. But regardless of whether he does or doesn’t, he needs you. You’re his best friend in the world. Don’t take that away from him when he needs you most.”
Her cousin swallowed roughly, audibly in the quiet night. “I’ll go tomorrow, first thing. He probably does feel like I’ve abandoned him.”
She gave him a hug. “Nah. I think he’s probably too doped up at the moment to think about much of anything besides trading babies for chickens.”
Colin’s grin was lopsided. “I heard about that. Shame on you.” The smile faded. “So what’s really going on between you and Warren? Can I help?”
Blowing out a breath, she slowly shook her head. “Honestly, I don’t know what’s going on. We… had a thing. Right before I left with Agatha and Easton. I kind of ran away, and we’ve still not talked about it. I’m afraid to. I think time’s running out, however, and that talk is coming whether I want it to or not.”
“You love him?” Colin asked quietly.
“Oh, yeah. I’ve loved him for years.”
“Then what’s the problem?”
She pressed her lips together and looked away. “I want what Mom and Dad have, what pretty much all the blasted couples in this family seem to have found. You know about Warren’s past. Even if we were to become a legit couple, he loved his wife, Col. He loved her so much. I don’t know that there’s room for me too.”
He laced his fingers together, palm-side up, and studied his hands, then slid a shrewd look at her. “You really think Warren would get involved with you if he didn’t care for you? I didn’t think he was that kind of man.”
“I know he cares for me. I want him to love me though, really love me.” She shifted, bending down to scratch at a bug bite on her ankle. “Do you think I’m being silly?”
“Yeah. But I also understand.” He groaned. “I’m going to tell you something, and if you tell anyone else I said this, I’ll deny it. Further, I’ll come back up here and dunk you in your Murky Pond with all the leeches and snapping turtles.”
Lily’s lips twitched, but she held her hand up beside her head. “I swear, I won’t tell a soul.”
“You’d better not. Part of the reason Becca and I broke up so many times, the reason she married Dale, is because I wouldn’t commit to her. I couldn’t commit.” He glanced at her then quickly away. “I wouldn’t sleep with her.”
The words didn’t make sense, and Lily had to run them through her mind again. “You wouldn’t sleep with her?”
“That’s right.”
“Ever?”
He sighed. “Ever.”
“You’re a virgin?”
Cursing under his breath, he shrugged. “I am.”
She tilted her head. “But you’ve been dating since you were in high school.”
“Yep. Pretty much.” He gave a self-deprecating laugh. “See, at first, I used her religious inclinations as an excuse. I told her I wanted to wait, and she understood. But then as we got older, she didn’t understand so much. Especially once we were out of high school. Once she went to college, she would come home, put pressure on me, and I’d blow up at her. Not violently, but in an angry way,” he hurried to say. “We’d break up, she’d go back to school and have some flings, then she’d feel bad, come home, and we’d get back together. On and on until she came in the last time and gave me an ultimatum. Marry her or she was going to marry someone else.”
“Oh, Colin.”
“I never thought she’d do it. But I won’t be forced into something that isn’t right for me, and I said no. I should never have gotten back together with her after the first breakup, I know that now. Hell, I’ve known it for a while.”
“Why did you?” Lily wrinkled her nose. “I never liked her, by the way.”
“Neither did half my family,” he said on a snort. “As to why, being sort of with her was easier than going it alone. It was a shield of sorts. You know?”
She smiled ruefully. “I do.”
“Anyhow, the reason I could never commit to her was because deep down, I knew it wouldn’t be good. And as you said, all the sickeningly happy couples in this family make it hard to settle for mediocre. I wanted it to be special, and I was too stubborn to quit when it wasn’t. I should have. It wasn’t fair to her for me to stick with it while I knew it wasn’t going to work.”
“No, but she didn’t have to keep coming back either. Do you still love her?”
He rubbed the back of his neck. “That’s just it. I don’t think I ever did, or I would have married her years ago. My pride’s what’s all dinged up, not my heart. And knowing that I was so stupid, that lashing out over my pride is what got Easton beaten up? That’s something I’m going to have to live with for the rest of my life somehow.”
She knew she couldn’t anything say to take that pain away, and she respected him too much to try. The only person who might have a chance at that was Easton, and Lily said a silent prayer that the two of them could help each other heal.
“You know what I think?” Colin asked after a couple of minutes.
“What?” She leaned back on her hands, stretching her legs out in front of her.
“I think you should go for it with Warren. Take a chance on the man. Maybe he’s scared too. It has to be terrifying to be in his shoes, you know? But he’s been watching you the whole time we’ve all been here, and he doesn’t look at you like a man who’s thinking of another woman. I think you should quit being a chicken and jump in. If I can face Easton after what’s happened, you can face Warren.”
She let out a rough sigh. “Yeah, I guess I can. I just don’t want to get hurt.”
Colin smiled at her. “Lil, there’s one thing I can guarantee you about life, and that is that it’s going to hurt. Reach out to him anyhow. If you aren’t willing to fight for yourself, for you as a couple, it’s going to be hard to convince him you’re worth fighting for.”
Lily stared at him. “I hadn’t thought of it like that.”
