by Carian Cole
I laugh at the first question: Do you feel this experiment was a success?
Fuck no.
39
ASIA
CRAP.
Talon made it home before I did. I park my car next to his in the garage and grab my bags. Seeing Damon went much better than I thought it would. Maybe people really can change with rehabilitation and a few years behind bars to force them to truly think about what they've done and who they've hurt in the process. I'm certainly not ready to forgive him yet for the horrible things he let and made happen to me, but I at least listened to him and appreciated his apology. He didn't even ask me for money, which is the first sign for me that he's trying to change.
I climb the stairs to let Talon know I'm home, but he's asleep on the bed, a fresh bandage over his arm where his new ink is. As always, Pixie is curled up against his head, purring away. I quietly take out my cell phone and snap a picture before I gently kiss his cheek and go back downstairs. In the kitchen, I pour myself a glass of juice and walk down the hall to the craft room to finish my journal and paperwork while Talon is sleeping.
Reading over what I wrote yesterday, I realize I feel differently now that I actually saw my brother. I was convinced he was going to try to get money out of me, threaten me, and make my life hell again, but he didn't. Maybe, just maybe, I can tell Talon that Damon apologized and wants to meet him, and we may attempt to put this small part of our family back together again. I just don't know how Talon will handle that knowing what Damon did to me. Forgiveness is not going to come easily. I'll have to do a lot of soul-searching about this situation before I make any decisions.
I cross out the last part of my journal and rewrite it, adding my new thoughts. Dr. Hollister mentioned in the beginning that I should write about everything I feel during this experiment—including thoughts about my past and my family, so that's exactly what I've been doing.
I close the journal for the last time, fill out the questionnaire, and shove it all in the large manila envelope that I have to turn in tomorrow. I'm so glad this part is over and we can move forward as a normal married couple now, without having to do video chats and journal all of our feelings for strangers to analyze.
"All done?" I jump at the sound of his voice and drop my envelope.
"You scared the heck out of me. I didn't even know you were there."
"I know," he replies. "What did you get at the store?"
I cross the room and pick up the shopping bag, pulling out purple leather and tiger-stripe material. "I needed this for Rio's outfit. I have black leather, but I didn't have any purple."
He nods slowly. "She'll like that." I watch him walk across the room and pause at the shelving where I keep my bath order supplies. His shirt is unbuttoned and I can't take my eyes off his abs, the way his inked-up muscles flex when he moves is hypnotizing. He picks up one of the little tubes of lip balm and twirls it in his fingers.
"You love that stuff, don't you?" I tease, coming up beside him.
"I do. More than you know." He pulls the top off the tube and turns to me, his head tilted, and gently glides the balm over my lips before leaning down to kiss me. "I love your lips." Capping the little tube, he sticks it in his pocket.
I smile at him. "My lips love you."
"Show me."
My insides flip and tumble like they always do when he's got the ultrasexy mood happening, which he definitely has now. I drop to my knees in front of him and unzip his jeans, pulling them down to his ankles along with his boxers. His cock is already like a rock, waiting for me. Grasping the base, I flick my tongue over the head and he sucks in a breath and leans back against the wall, closing his eyes as I run my tongue up and down his long length before slowly sucking him into my mouth. His hand goes to the back of my neck, applying gentle but not forceful pressure. I stare up at him, loving the sight of him, the way his chest moves with inhales and exhales as the pleasure builds. His fingers squeeze slightly harder at the base of my neck, hinting that he wants it faster, deeper, and I do my best to do that without choking on him. The balm makes my lips tingle, almost numbing them as I wrap my mouth around him. His hand moves around to the front of my neck and slides up to grasp his cock in his hand, pulling it out of my mouth. My eyes open to find him staring down at me, our eyes locking as he rubs the head of his cock along my lips. I stay unmoving, my lips parted, as he glides himself over my lips, across my cheek, then back to my lips.
"You're beautiful," he whispers and slides himself back into my waiting mouth. I close my lips around him as he thrusts into my mouth and comes in the back of my throat. I swallow and lick him until he pulls away from me reluctantly and pulls his jeans up, swaying a bit.
I stand and grab his arm. "Are you dizzy?"
"Just a little. I'm fine. You can stop worrying about me."
He doesn't seem fine to me, though. He seems a bit off. "You sure you're okay?" I ask.
"Positive. I thought maybe we'd have dinner then watch a movie. We haven't done that in a while."
"I'd love that. I miss our movie dates. I think I even have some popcorn."
"I miss it too. I'm sorry I haven't been doing enough with you."
"Talon, don't be silly. You've had a lot going on. It's okay."
He reaches out to touch my face and I notice his knuckles are red and scraped. I grab his hand, looking closer. "What happened? Did you fall?"
He lets out a sarcastic laugh. "Yeah, I fell on Finn's face, actually."
"What? What are you talking about?"
"Don't worry about it. I'm gonna go start dinner." He turns to walk away, but I grab his arm.
"Tell me what happened."
His shoulders drop as he sighs. "I punched Finn."
"Why?"
"Because he said something about you I didn't like. And he was making comments about me not being able to hear. So I punched him. End of story."
He pulls his arm out of my grasp and leaves the room, ending the conversation.
AFTER DINNER, we snuggle on the couch and watch a movie, tangled up in each other under a warm fuzzy blanket in front of the fireplace. It's exactly the kind of night I used to dream of having someday.
"Tal?"
"Hm?"
"I just want you to know that you've made me happier than I ever thought I could be."
"I seem to remember making you pretty pissed off and upset, too," he says, rubbing my back under the blanket.
"Yeah, a few times. But it was worth it to be this happy."
He takes a deep breath. "I feel the same way, baby. It was all worth it, to feel this with you." His lips touch the top of my head. "Let's go to bed. Tomorrow we have to get this bullshit over with."
He picks up Pixie and carries her upstairs with us, setting her on the love seat by the bedroom fireplace. I can't help but smile thinking back to when he hated having her in the bedroom with us.
"I'm going to take a quick shower," he says, disappearing into the bathroom.
I change into my sleep clothes, turn off the light, and climb into bed to wait for him. I'm looking forward to ending the experiment tomorrow and moving forward. Maybe now that he's starting to feel a little better, we can plan our honeymoon.
I'm already half asleep when he comes out of the shower. I hear the sound of his pills being shaken out of their bottles, and I feel him slide under the blankets next to me, lifting my shirt to press his bare chest against my back.
"Mmm…you're nice and warm," I murmur, leaning back against him. He pushes me back down, onto my stomach, moving my hair to the side to kiss the back of my neck. His wet hair trickles down along my back, making me shiver.
"I want you like this. I miss it." His hand dives between us and pushes my panties down.
"Okay…what about—" Sex seems to bring on his vertigo, especially lying down.
"Shhh…"
He lays the full length of his hard body on top of mine, and I arch my back as he slides through my lips into my wetness. His hands clasp mine, cr
ossed over our heads, and we move together slowly, rhythmically. I love this position because I can feel all of him all over me.
"I love you, Aze. You're always going to be mine," he whispers against my ear, thrusting harder, making me whimper with pleasure mixed with tinges of pain. He's rougher than usual tonight, driving himself deeper, faster, and harder than he has before, kissing and biting my neck like a wild animal. I'm not quite sure what it says about me that it turns me on even more to be ravished by him like this, and I don't care if it makes me twisted. I just want him, any way I can have him, any way that makes him happy.
40
ASIA
TALON IS STRANGELY quiet and subdued the next morning as we get ready to leave for our meeting with Dr. Hollister. He barely says a word to me as we eat breakfast together, a time when normally we talk about our plans for the day.
"Do you feel okay?" I finally ask him.
He wipes his mouth with his napkin and places it on his plate. "I'm fine. I just want to get this over with."
I take our plates to the sink and rinse them. "I do, too. I'm ready to get on with the next steps in our lives."
"I'm sure you are."
We take my car to Dr. Hollister's office, and I drive. It feels weird going back to her office, as I haven't been there since our interview meetings when I met with the entire team. That seems like so long ago now. Talon holds the door for me as we enter the lobby, and I'm surprised to see Kimberly waiting for us with a smile.
"It's so great to see you two again!" She gives us each a quick hug and motions for us to sit in the waiting area.
"Dr. Hollister will be out in a few minutes. She'll speak to each one of you separately, and possibly together after that. First, I'm going to bring her your journals and forms. There's water and snacks over in the corner. Just help yourselves."
"Thank you, Kim." We hand her our envelopes, and she heads down a long hallway to the left.
We wait, not speaking. I worry when Talon presses the side of his head and starts puffing on his e-cig, something he tries not to do in public places.
Finally, Dr. Hollister comes down the hall, her high heels clicking, a bright smile on her face.
"There's my favorite couple," she says, beaming. We stand to greet her, and she tells us she's going to take Talon to her private office first to speak with him. He gives me a quick kiss before he follows her down the hall, turning to look back at me before he disappears through her doorway. I give him a little wave, and then he's gone.
I wait for a long time. Bored, I check my social media pages from my cell phone. We have ten more clothing orders and five more soap orders. And the video I posted on Pixie's page of Talon teaching her how to dance for a treat has received over five thousand likes. He'll love that when I tell him.
Two hours later, Dr. Hollister's door opens, and they come out, but he goes down the hall in the other direction, while she comes to me. Frowning, I figure he may be going to the men's room.
"Your turn. You can come with me now, Asia. I'm so sorry you had to wait so long."
"That's all right," I say, hoping I don't have to be in with her for two hours as well. When I enter her office, Kimberly is waiting inside. I take the empty chair next to her on the other side of Dr. Hollister's desk, where she has our journals and completed forms in front of her.
"I read through your final forms with your decision and brief assessment of your relationship and the experiment. I want to thank you on behalf of the team for being a part of this. Your input and experience are invaluable to my research."
"I should be thanking you. It's really been an experience I'll never forget, but it turned out wonderful. I was really skeptical at first, but you and the team did an exceptional job."
Her smile is strained as she touches my form. "I see here that you’ve chosen to stay married."
"Yes. I know we missed our honeymoon, and I hope that's all right. With Talon's tour and then his illness, we just couldn't. But we’re planning one in the spring or early summer if—"
"Asia, I'm very sorry," she interrupts, shaking her head slowly, "but Talon chose to leave. He doesn't want to continue the marriage."
An intense bolt of shock and fear quakes through my body, leaving me trembling all over in its aftermath. I drop my purse and cling to the arms of the chair. "Excuse me?" I ask, forcing a smile. "This is some kind of bad joke, right?" I look from Dr. Hollister to Kim, then back to Dr. Hollister. Neither one of them is smiling. "You're not serious?"
"I'm afraid I am," she says softly. "I can’t tell you how sorry I am to have to tell you this. It's just as much of a shock to us."
"No. There must be some kind of mistake," I protest, still shaking. "I love him. He loves me."
She nods slowly. "Yes, that is true. He does love you."
"Then what the hell is happening?" I demand, my voice rising.
"I can only tell you what he wanted me to tell you—and that is that he feels this is best for you. He doesn't feel he's able to be in a marriage now, given everything he's going through. He's struggling with a lot of issues inside that I don't quite think he's been honest with you about. I believe he's suffering from severe depression. He really should be talking to a professional about his feelings, someone with more experience than I have, given his medical issues, but he refuses."
"What?" I choke on my own words and gulp for air as tears start to stream down my face. "What the fuck?" Kim moves closer to me and puts her hand on mine as I continue to freak out. "Something is really fucked up here. We were happy. I mean, yeah, we had some issues. But we were working through them."
"I know how hard you tried, Asia. You two were dealt a lot of blows in a very short time. Way more than the other couples, and I was very proud of how you handled them all."
"Where is he? I want you to bring him in here. Something is very wrong here. There must be some kind of misunderstanding."
"I'm afraid he's gone. He called his driver to come pick him up. I asked him to stay so we could all talk together, try to work this out and counsel you together, but he was adamant. He has everything outlined."
My heart pounds in my chest, and a thin sheen of sweat dampens my body as each word she says hits me like a brick, driving the truth farther into me.
He's gone.
He doesn't want me
I take a deep breath and put my hands up. “I’m very confused," I say slowly. "He never once mentioned he wanted a divorce. Quite the opposite, in fact. We just made love last night. Twice, actually. I don't understand."
"Asia, I'm so sorry. I know this came as a shock to you. For what it's worth, he was also having a very hard time with this, which is why it took us so long to talk. He feels terrible."
"Then why the hell is he doing it?"
"He feels it's for the best."
I run my hands through my hair. "This is crazy. I refuse to accept this until I speak to him myself. He would never do this to me."
Dr. Hollister lifts up a piece of paper with Talon's handwriting on it. "He's outlined everything here, and he's contacted a lawyer already to start the divorce proceedings."
The air is sucked out of my lungs in a swift gasp of disbelief. "What?" I scream, feeling like I'm going to lose control of myself. "When did he write that?"
"Yesterday."
Yesterday? That makes no sense to me. He was quiet yesterday, but we were fine. We cuddled on the couch. We played with Pixie. We made love. How could he have done all that when he knew today he was going to do this to me?
"This can't be happening. I think maybe he took too many pills yesterday and he's not in his right mind. The doctor keeps giving him more medication, and I think it’s affecting him. I know him. He would never, ever do this to me."
"You may be right about the medication, Asia. It can make people behave strangely. But he seemed very level-headed while he was here, and what he's written is very well-thought-out and articulated."
"What has he written?"
She
puts her glasses on. "He asked me to read it to you. First, he’s letting you stay in the house for a month so you can pack and find a place to live. He would like you to send a text to his cousin Lukas when you move out so he knows he can come back."
Oh my God, I'm losing my home too. He's really doing this. "Where is he going to live until then?"
"He doesn't say. He would like to give you four thousand dollars per month if that's agreeable to you, which will be direct deposited into your account the first of every month. He’s using his fifty thousand from this project to set up a fund for Pixie, for any care that she may need. He has also set up a health insurance plan for you and for the cat. He would like you to keep the car, and you can take anything from the house that you want. He doesn't want any profits from the clothing business that he has helped design clothing for. He’s also having two hundred and fifty thousand dollars deposited into your account so you don't have to live in the ghetto again, as promised. Those are his words, not mine. There’s also an NDA from his lawyer, stating that you can’t divulge anything about his illness on any form of social media or to the press. He has also requested that you keep his name."
"Are you kidding me?" I shriek, nearing hysterics. Dr. Hollister jumps and drops the paper.
"Asia, I know you're upset, and I wish there were something I could do to make this better for you. This is all very unexpected. I know you love him, and I know he loves you too. I shouldn't say this, but I honestly feel he’s spiraling with depression and acting very self-destructively. I wouldn’t be at all surprised if, in a few months, you two are back together again. Out of all the couples, you two were the closest, had the deepest connection, the most chemistry."
Kim hands me a tissue and I dab at my eyes with it. "Is that supposed to make me feel better? What good is any of that? He's gone, and I have nothing but a huge hole in my heart."
