“Come on in, baby, and get out of those pajamas, you’re soaked.”
I didn’t budge as if I was glued to the steps. My body felt like I was drained of the energy that I had. “Diamond, come on, sweetie it’s late and you have school tomorrow.”
School? Was she serious? I’d just witnessed something that would probably stay with me forever. The look in his eyes when he spoke those words reminded me of those serial killers in movies. There was no feeling behind it. It was as if he didn’t care that the man he’d just killed was his father. How could you murder someone and not give a damn? I know that he did it to save them from abuse but even still, he should have cared. After a while my mother just sat down beside me and placed her hand on my back. I sat there until I was all cried out and exhausted so much so that I had to lie down.
I didn’t get up for school the following morning or the rest of that week. I cried all day and night. I wanted to close my eyes and wake up and it would all be gone. I wanted to be able to hold him at night when he’d sneak over and make love to me. I wanted to laugh with him and smile when he told me how much he loved me. I missed my best friend and letters would never fill the void.
Now all of these years later I realized how much I needed a father. I didn’t know it back then but I knew now how important it was to have him around at times like those. My mother tried but I was never as close to her as I was to him. I missed him being there to console me when I was upset so when he walked away I felt the same way I did the night they took Johnny away.
I thought about it long and hard. I had to talk to my real mother and figure out why she gave me away. The explanation that my father gave me wasn’t quite enough for me. I mean, I had come to the realization years ago that my mother didn’t want me but with the information my father had given me I felt a lot different. I always prayed that I would meet her and finally feel like I was somewhere that I belonged, but once I heard the words that were coming out of my father’s mouth I didn’t quite feel the same. I was hurt. It was a hurt that I couldn’t really explain. I couldn’t imagine a pain much worse than this. To know that I was the result of an affair and then to be dumped by the woman that ruined a happy home was worse than just being rejected. Even if she had just given me up for adoption and disappeared I wouldn’t have felt as bad as I did. She not only left me fatherless but motherless. The only mother that I’d known pretty much committed suicide because she was so stressed about their breakup. I believe that any woman would be devastated about taking care of her husband’s love child to keep their marriage together only for him to leave anyway.
I told my father that I wanted to meet both him and Pam together. There were a lot of unanswered questions and some things that I needed to say. I wanted them to know how they ruined my life. I wasn’t going to let them back into my life that easy. They needed to suffer the way that I had all of the years that they were gone. Black tried to talk me out of it, saying that I didn’t want to dig too deep because I’d most likely find out things that I didn’t want to know. I didn’t care honestly, I needed to know where I came from. Even if it hurt, I’d figure out a way to get over it just like every obstacle that had been thrown my way.
I told them that I would come over to their house for dinner. I was nervous especially since I would be meeting Pam for the first time. What would she look like? How would she react to seeing me? There were so many questions going through my mind I could hardly relax on the drive over.
I arrived at a large row home in the Northeast part of Philly. There were two cars in the driveway, a black Lexus and a white Acura. Somebody must be doing pretty well, I thought. I wasn’t going to jump to conclusions but if they were over here living well while we struggled in North Philly all of those years I’d be disgusted. I parked on the side street and walked over to the door. I almost turned back around but the motion lights came on. I didn’t want to get caught running away from the door so I stayed. I rang the bell and heard footsteps nearing on the opposite side.
“Glad you made it,” my father said, opening the door with a huge-ass Kool-Aid smile on his face. “Come on in,” he motioned with his hand.
I slowly walked inside and took a quick survey of the area. Everything was perfect, not even a pillow was out of place. I moved in just enough for him to close the door and stood still.
“Don’t be scared to go in further. We won’t bite.” He laughed.
I didn’t join in. This wasn’t a situation that I could laugh about. I didn’t find anything humorous about meeting up with them.
“Pam, she’s here!” he yelled out. A few moments later I heard shoes clicking against the hardwood floor. When I saw her face I knew—I knew that I belonged to her. She was beautiful and had a body that was pretty close to flawless. She had a bright smile with perfect white teeth and long, silky hair. I was almost her spitting image. I stared at her from head to toe. She was dressed in designer gear and flaunted diamonds everywhere. She looked exactly as I hoped I would when I reached her age.
Tears streaming down her face soon joined her smile. She walked over to me and wrapped her arms around me. I was hesitant about hugging her back. Eventually I gave in but it wasn’t genuine, not on my part anyway. I felt like hugging her back was the right thing to do at the time.
“I never thought I’d get a chance to see you this way. I wanted this day for so long.”
She backed away while holding onto one of my hands and looking me up and down. “You’re so pretty, you look just like me when I was your age.”
I still stood there, silent. I wanted to thank her for the compliment but something in me wouldn’t allow me to.
“Come on in the living room so we can sit down and talk,” she said slightly pulling me in the direction of the living room. I followed behind her and took a seat on the sofa opposite of the love seat where she sat. I still wasn’t all that comfortable.
“Before you start to speak, I just need to say a few things.” I had finally broken my silence. I wanted to just get it over with. “I want you to know that I’m angry first and hurt second. I’m angry because it took this long for you to reach out to me. I needed you both when I was a teenager getting into trouble because my mom was too busy getting strung out to pay me any attention. Or when my aunt would get angry and starve me all day while parading food in front of my face. Or when I fell for a worthless man and ended up spending nine months in jail. There were so many times in my life that I needed you and you were nowhere around. Looking around here, you seem to be pretty well-off, so it disgusts me that you would leave me in that tore-down neighborhood all of those years. Did you even know that I went to jail? I went to jail for nine months because I desperately wanted a man. I felt like there was something missing from my life. I needed a father and a mother. Yeah, my mother was there but she was high on drugs. You caused that and you should feel bad because now she’s dead. The only mother that I ever knew is gone. I’m not sure what it is that we’d want to gain from this meeting. An apology would fall on deaf ears because it can’t erase all of the crap that I went through.” I paused for a second to catch my breath. I was finally getting the chance to speak my mind.
“I know that you said an apology wouldn’t matter, but I am really sorry. I was young and dumb back then. I got caught up in an affair and wasn’t ready for a child. I honestly did what I thought was best for you. If I could turn back the hands of time I would, but being with me might not have been the best thing for either of us.”
I sat quietly and listened to what she had to say. Maybe there was some truth to what she said. I mean, who knows what would have happened if she would have kept me. Though I couldn’t think of being in a more fucked-up situation than I was in, you never really know. I was trying to keep an open mind even though I was angry.
“Diamond, I never wanted to leave you but Nila didn’t give me a choice.”
“You can’t sit here and blame it all on her. There’s no way a judge would have left me with a drug addict and
not placed me with my biological parents. So I’m not a fool, you can’t try to convince me of that.”
“I know you’re not a fool. I believe that you’re a very smart woman. But you have to believe me. I really wanted to take you away but one side wanted to keep you and the other side didn’t.”
“So I’m assuming the side that didn’t want to keep me was her, right?” I spoke aloud.
“It’s not that I didn’t want you, I couldn’t take care of you.” Pam jumped in and spoke in her defense. “I really wanted to be with you and it killed me to watch you grow up from afar and not be a part of that. Though I wasn’t around, I kept up with you. I always knew what was going on in your life.”
I was starting to believe her. Either she was a good actress or what she was saying was truly genuine. “So how many other children do you have?”
“We only have one other child, his name is Javan.”
“How old is he?” I was finally breaking the ice and slowly getting over the anger and wanted to know more about the life that I missed. Although I was kind of jealous I instantly felt close to him and felt an urge to meet him.
“He’s nineteen, he goes to college at Temple.”
“Wow, so I have a brother. That’s crazy.” I was still taking the idea in. I always wished I had a sibling. I wanted that just as much as I wanted my father. “So when can I meet him?” I could tell by their reaction that they weren’t expecting me to say that.
“You really want to see him?” Pam asked.
“Yes I do.” I wasn’t sure where I wanted to take this relationship with them but I did feel that it was important for my brother and me to get acquainted.
“So what does that mean for us?” my father asked. I figured that would be his next question.
“I honestly don’t know. I wish that I could give you an answer but this is a situation where we’ll just have to take things one day at a time.”
“That’s fair and I respect that. We just want a chance and if you decide to pull away we’ll accept it,” my father said grabbing hold of my hand. I almost pulled away but decided to allow the affection. After all, it’s what I longed for.
“So how about you give me your number to give to Javan so he can call you. I’m so excited for him. He’s always wanted to meet you,” Pam said with a huge smile across her face.
“So he knew about me?”
“Of course, I never wanted to hide you. All of my family knows about you.”
I felt myself warming up even more. I had a whole family out there that I didn’t know anything about. I couldn’t wait to meet them. “Well, I have to get going. I told Black that I’d meet up with him.” I stood up and began to move toward the door.
“You’re leaving so soon? I thought that you would have at least stayed for dinner.”
“No, I have some things to do but I will come back. Now that I’m around we have a lot of catching up to do.” I laughed. I was really interested in learning more about them so I planned to stay around.
“Well, drive safely,” my father spoke quietly as if he was sad that I had to leave. I was actually sad I was leaving as well. I wanted to stay and find out more about them but I couldn’t.
I gave them both a hug and headed out of the door, down the driveway, and into my car. They stood at the door, waving good-bye as if I was going off to college or something. The entire time I sat there talking to them I felt my anger slipping away. All my life I was bitter and angry with the people who gave me away. The fact that I didn’t know the whole story didn’t help. I wondered why my mother kept them away from me all of those years or why she never fully revealed the situations surrounding my adoption. I’d never know the answer to that and at this point it didn’t really matter. I was where I belonged and where I should have been all along.
Chapter Thirty-seven
Black
Motives
“So where you from?” I was sitting at my desk opposite of Money. I still didn’t trust him so I was trying to feel him out. I had started my research and I wanted to test him to see if I’d catch him in a lie. Word on the street was how much of a hustler he was. He was known to work hard to maintain. Never flashy, which was a good quality. He had a Range and a few jewels but he didn’t over-do it like most niggas with money do when they get on. To me, that meant that people wouldn’t be so fast to test him and if I was going to have him on my team I needed to know that I could trust him with my goods and money. He sat across from me with a stone-cold face. I figured he was trying to show me that he wasn’t afraid of me.
“From Frankford, I hold down the block up there.”
“You hold down a block where you live?” I replied. That was definitely the wrong move.
“Naw, I said that’s where I’m from not where I live. I don’t tell nobody where I live, not even you.”
I was taken aback by that response. What the fuck did he mean, not even me? If I wanted to know I could find out. “How long you been hustling? You look pretty young.”
“Shit, I’ve been on the block for three years. I’m not trying to make a career out of hugging the block, though. I just want to get enough ends so I can get out of town.”
“So three years and you still on the same block alone. You should have people out working for you by now.”
“I don’t trust a lot of people and I’m not trying to pay niggas to do some shit that I can do better by myself.”
“I can respect that,” I said, nodding my head. “So what is it that you think you can enhance by being part of my team? If you’ve done so well working alone for all of these years, why partner up with someone now? Unless you have an ulterior motive or something, it just doesn’t make sense to me.”
He smiled. “Nothing like that. I have some connections that no one in Philly has. The product that I sell is like fifty percent cheaper than the lowest price you’ll get.”
“Fifty percent? I’d have to see that to believe it.”
“I wouldn’t bullshit you. That’s why I manage to make so much money out here alone.”
“I’m still confused. If the profit is so great why share it with me? You don’t know me from Adam.” I sat there with a dead stare. I was anxious to see what he’d come up with next. He’d answered most of my questions in a clever fashion, almost as if he’d rehearsed it. I couldn’t quite put my finger on what was bugging me about this dude. Something was sticking out like a sore thumb and I had to figure it out.
“Yeah, I don’t know you personally, but I’ve been watching you for awhile. I like your style. I mean, I think the way you took over after Kemp got murdered was remarkable.”
What the hell? Did this nigga just say he’s been watching me? I wasn’t too comfortable with that. Then he makes a comment about Kemp. Where did that come from? “Watching me?”
“Yeah, not like no stalker,” He burst into laughter. “From a distance and from the words off the street. I feel like I’ve known you for years and we just met. You remind me of myself and I like that.”
I laughed a little myself. There wasn’t anything else I could do but laugh. He was cracking me up and the fact that he was dead serious made it that much more comical. He didn’t appear to appreciate my humor. “I like you, Money. And I’m cracking-up because I’ve never met one nigga that would have the balls to come at me the way you did. That shows me that you have heart.”
He nodded his head as his frown loosened up a little bit. “Cool—so do we have a deal or what?”
“You gotta tell me the perks first. All you said was about a connection. You still haven’t said what you’d gain from hooking me up with your connect.”
“I mean, you have a huge customer base and that’s what I’m trying to get. If we work together, shit, we can take over the whole city. You feel me?”
He was really starting to make sense now. I was down for a takeover. In fact, that had always been one of my goals. I had the power that I wanted now. I just had to figure out the best way to use it. “Cool,
give me a few days to sleep on it and I will get back to you.”
“Okay, well, thanks for meeting with me. I appreciate you hearing me out.” He got up to shake my hand. I got up from my chair and obliged.
“I’ll be in touch.”
He nodded and turned to leave the office. JB rushed in no sooner than he made it out of the door. He closed the door behind him and came rushing to my desk.
“Yo’, what the hell are you so hype for?” I asked. He was looking like a crackhead fiendin’ for some crack.
“I’m just anxious to see how the meeting went.”
“Why, are you getting a cut or something?”
“Come on man, I’m just looking out for you.”
“For me?” I burst into laughter. Who the hell did he think he was fooling? “It’s all love, man. The meeting went okay, I told him to give me a couple of days to sleep on it.” I could tell JB wasn’t too happy about my answer and I couldn’t figure out why. Maybe I was being a little insecure or maybe my nerves were getting the best of me. I trusted JB as much as I possibly could in this situation.
“Okay, just don’t let this good opportunity slip away.”
“I’m no fool JB, I got this.”
“All right then. I have to go make a couple of drops so I will get up with you later.”
“All right.” I reached out to shake his hand.
After he walked out of the office I sat there thinking about Money’s proposition. I was definitely leaning toward going with his idea but I couldn’t let him know so fast and seem desperate. With me, everything was planned. Shit, I even planned what underwear I’d put on. Every move had to be calculated because one slip could end it all. The phone rang just as I was getting up to leave the office. It was Trice. I hadn’t seen or communicated with her in a couple weeks and I knew she’d be pissed.
The Black Diamond Trilogy Page 25
