by Carla Kelly
Diana gave a bitter little laugh.
‘That I can believe! But it makes little difference, Mr Wollerton. The earl did not dismiss the idea out of hand, did he? You need not hesitate to be frank with me, sir. Lord Davenport told me as much himself.’
‘Well, no, he did not. But I think—I believe, Miss Grensham—that once Alex became acquainted with you he quickly changed his mind about moving you out. Quite the contrary, in fact.’
‘Oh?’
‘Yes, yes,’ declared Mr Wollerton eagerly. ‘I heard him only yesterday, telling Lady Hune that there was no one better suited to looking after his wards.’
‘Yes, I was born to be a governess,’ she muttered, recalling Lady Frances’s words.
‘And now Alex tells me you are determined to leave. He is quite cut up about it and I know he blames me in part, for repeating something that you should never have heard.’
‘But it was not totally false, was it, sir?’
‘No, but I do not think it was ever Alex’s intention to resort to such measures.’
‘Whatever the earl’s intentions, Mr Wollerton, things have come to such a pass that I cannot remain at Chantreys. As soon a suitable governess can be found I shall leave.’
The gentleman’s cheerful countenance took on a mulish look.
‘I do not think you should, Miss Grensham. I have never seen Alex in such a mood before. I think he is in lo—’
She stopped him, feeling an angry flush building inside her.
‘If the earl is in a bad mood it is because for once he cannot have his own way. He, he has made it impossible for me to remain as instructress to Meggie and Florence and I can never forgive him for that!’
With a twitch of her skirts she left him and hurried back to the house.
* * *
Diana put on her teal gown to go down to the early dinner. She had considered wearing her lavender silk, which would have been more in keeping with her mood but compared to her new gowns it was very sober and old-fashioned, and with a sudden flash of spirit she knew she did not wish Alex to remember her as dowdy.
She gazed with a quiet defiance around the crowded drawing room. Alex was standing by Lady Hune’s chair. Had he told her yet that she would be required to act as his hostess later this evening? Perhaps it was too much to ask of such an old lady. Lady Frances drifted into view, looking beautiful and untroubled. Perhaps Alex would ask her to stand at the door to greet his guests.
The idea woke the insidious worm of jealousy in Diana but she would not allow it to subsume her. After all, what did it matter? Soon nothing at Chantreys would be her concern, and even her involvement in the children’s welfare would be reduced to correspondence between lawyers.
* * *
Across the room Alex watched Diana, so absorbed in his thoughts that he did not realise Lady Hune was addressing him until he felt her stick bang against his leg.
‘I beg your pardon, ma’am, I was not attending.’
‘That is quite evident,’ came the sharp reply. ‘I was saying that Miss Grensham looks a little distracted.’
‘Perhaps she is pining,’ murmured Ellen Tatham, coming to sit down beside the dowager. ‘I think she is suffering from unrequited love.’
‘Then more fool her,’ uttered the dowager.
‘Indeed, ma’am, I think perhaps it is the object of her affections who is the fool.’ Miss Tatham carefully arranged her skirts. ‘I suspect he is quite as besotted as Miss Grensham, only he has not had the wit to tell her so. I fear they will go their separate ways and both be equally miserable, all for the want of a little resolution. Do you not agree, my lord?’
Alex dragged his eyes from Diana’s graceful figure and looked down to find Miss Tatham’s wide, enquiring gaze fixed upon him.
‘What a cork-brained idea!’ he declared savagely.
* * *
There was an air of excited anticipation in the drawing room. Diana felt it but was unmoved, after all she would not be at the forthcoming ball. When anyone commented that she was quiet, or pale, or abstracted, she explained she had a headache. It was not completely untrue and would be remembered when she sent her apologies later in the evening. She spent the short time before dinner mingling with her guests but carefully avoiding the earl. The few times they had found themselves in the same group they had been studiously polite to one another. There were no shared jokes, no laughing looks. Diana found that even more painful than if he had not been there at all. She glanced at the clock. A little more than half an hour until dinner was announced. She would engage Mrs Peters and Miss Prentiss in conversation until then.
‘Miss Grensham, I would like a word with you, if you please.’
Alex was at her shoulder, his face a polite mask. What could she say, in front of everyone?
‘Of course.’
A smile, cool and distant as his own, and she went with him to his study. He shut the door upon them but did not speak immediately. Instead he walked to the window, then to the mantelshelf to straighten an ornament. At last he turned to face her.
‘I needed to make sure you had not changed your mind. You are determined to stay away from the ball.’
‘I am.’
‘Then after dinner I shall ask the dowager marchioness to stand in for you.’
His words were harsh, his face unsmiling and for a moment she allowed the hurt inside her to creep to the surface.
‘Mayhap you would prefer Lady Frances to take my place!’
As soon as the words were out Diana regretted them.
‘I beg your pardon, I should not have said that.’ She turned away, blinking rapidly. ‘Of course Lady Hune is the most proper person to be your hostess. Now if you will excuse me—’
‘No. Not yet.’ He caught her arm. ‘Why should you think I would do that? Why should I put Frances in your place?’
‘Sir Charles told me—’
‘Hah! I should have known Urmston would stir it up if he could. Go on, what poison did he drip in your ear?’
She shook off his hand, disturbed by the reaction his touch caused in her, the way her stomach swooped and the sudden compulsion to throw herself into his arms. She clenched her fists, digging the nails into the palms to help her keep calm.
She said, ‘He told me you and Lady Frances were very close. That she had hopes of becoming your countess.’
His dismissive laugh shocked her.
‘He said she loves you, my lord.’
‘Frances? The only person she loves is herself.’
‘How can you say that?
‘Because I know the woman.’
‘I thought you and she were friends.’ Diana frowned a little. ‘I thought, perhaps, you were even more than that.’
‘Lovers?’
Diana nodded, her eyes sliding away from his piercing gaze. They stood in silence for a long moment until at last he spoke.
‘I did have a brief liaison with the lady. It was when I first came to town. Frances likes novelty, but it came to nothing and we parted on good terms and we remain—remained friends. We have many acquaintances in common, you see. I admit I enjoy her parties, the company she gathers about her is interesting, there are few women, in general the men are sportsmen and gamblers and one is not constantly on the alert for the parson’s mousetrap.’
He walked back to the window and stared out, his hands clasped lightly behind him.
‘My reputation is bad, Diana, but that is mostly because when I came to town I would not conform to society’s rules. I am not a recluse, but I have avoided those parties and assemblies where one is expected to do the pretty with a host of young ladies all on the catch for a husband. My fortune has allowed me to indulge my passion for sport and collecting those works of art that appeal to me.
‘Lady
Frances has been very useful, I do not deny it. She has been on hand to act as my hostess upon occasion when I have held my own parties in town and because I have had no one to please but myself those attending such parties were not the most respectable. And occasionally Frances and I appear in public together. It is convenient. She is generous with her time and I ensure she is well rewarded. I have no illusions about the lady’s interest in me, it was non-existent until I became earl, but in the past months she has been trying to beguile her way back into my bed.’ He swung round. ‘She has not succeeded, Diana. I realised at the outset that Lady Frances is one who likes to share her favours and that is not my way. I have also come to realise that there are far too many men like Urmston in her circle. In fact, I think I have outgrown such company now.’
He came to stand before her again and Diana fought down the urge to flee. This might be the last time they would be alone together. Even when he reached out to take her hands she did not resist.
‘I have been a fool, Diana. I could not see what I wanted when it was here all the time.’
‘Please,’ she whispered, forcing the words from her drying throat. ‘You gave me your word you would not speak of it again.’
‘I know, but let me beg you one more time to accept my hand in marriage, Diana. I do love you, you know.’
‘No.’ Tears misted her eyes, she wanted to run away from the temptation Alex was offering her, but he was holding her hands, his thumbs gently caressing the soft skin of her wrists and she could not move. She tried her best to argue, to fight him with reason. ‘It is not love, my lord. It is merely lust, and having given in to it you think you need to make reparation. You do not. I would not tie you to such a bleak existence.’
‘I do not see it that way. Do you not think you could love me, if you tried?’
His voice was low and coaxing. Those circling thumbs were drawing up the aching longing from deep within. Diana felt it spreading through her limbs, taking away her ability to move, to think clearly. He was so close now, towering over her. If she looked up into his face she would be lost. He released one hand and put his fingers under her chin, gently lifting it.
‘Diana, my beautiful woodland goddess.’
He was lowering his head. Her eyes fixed on his lips and her own were already parting in anticipation. She remembered how his kiss had ravaged her before, how his tongue had plundered her mouth, demanding a response and she longed to respond to him again. To give herself to him again.
‘I say, Alex, have you seen my—oh. I beg your pardon.’
Mr Wollerton’s entrance and clumsy apology brought Diana back to reality. It was as if a pail of icy water had been thrown over her.
Even as Alex looked up she stepped away from him. How could he love her, how could he in all honesty call her beautiful? She was small and thin and insignificant and he was an expert on beauty. It was true she no longer walked with that ugly, halting gait but the scars were still there. That long ridge on her thigh would never disappear.
His intentions were honourable but he was lying to her. It was all a trick. He had decided she should marry him to save her reputation and he knew she would not enter into a loveless marriage so he was trying to make her believe he had fallen in love with her.
All those years of discipline now came to her aid, those years when she had had to summon every ounce of pride and spirit to get her through the door, to smile as if she could not hear the whispers or see the pitying looks as she limped into a room.
‘Do come in, Mr Wollerton,’ she said now with admirable calm. ‘Lord Davenport and I have finished our conversation and I must return to my guests.’ She raised her head and fixed the earl with a clear, steady look. ‘Thank you, my lord, for your kindness, but my decision has not changed.’
Chapter Seventeen
Alex watched Diana walk out of the room and close the door. Such calm, such poise did not belong to a woman labouring under strong emotions.
‘Have I interrupted something? Alex?’
He realised Gervase was still in the room and staring at him.
‘What? Oh, no, no. What is it you want?’
‘I thought I might have left my snuffbox in here. Can’t find it anywhere.’
Alex waved a hand. ‘Feel free to search the room, then.’
He went back to the drawing room, pausing for a moment before going in. If Diana could refuse his proposal with such sangfroid then he must accept it with the same cool composure. It was over.
* * *
Diana sat at the foot of the dining table and ate a little from every dish with an outward appearance of enjoyment, but despite Cook’s exceptional efforts, every mouthful tasted like ashes. She wanted to weep and cry and rip and tear, instead she had to smile and make polite, meaningless conversation. By the time she led the ladies out of the dining room there was no doubting that she was unwell. Several of the ladies remarked upon her pallor as they drifted into the hall, so she had the dubious comfort of knowing that when Alex announced she was too ill to attend the ball no one would doubt him.
She dawdled in the hall, pretending to straighten a stray bloom in the arrangement at the bottom of the stairs while the ladies began to make their way upstairs, but at last she knew she must go, too. As she put her foot on the first step she found Lady Frances at her side.
‘My dear, you look positively grey. Pray, let me help you up the stairs.’
She supported Diana in what must appear to any onlooker as a friendly grasp. To Diana it felt more like the jaws of a mastiff clamped around her arm, but to throw her off would have taken effort, and Diana was too exhausted to care. There were other ladies on the stairs but no one close enough to overhear Lady Frances’s soft murmur.
‘Very convincing, my dear, I take it you will not be appearing again this evening.’
‘No, I do not think I will.’
‘So you have seen the folly of your ways? You see now what a fool you would be to stand beside Davenport and meet his guests, his neighbours. How small and insignificant you would be beside him, my dear, with all your...imperfections. Better not to put yourself through that humiliation, would you not agree?’
Diana lifted her head.
‘I have nothing to be ashamed of—’
‘Have you not?’ Lady Frances purred out the words. ‘Would you deny that you have given your silly little heart to Davenport?’ Her knowing smile was a mixture of pity and contempt. ‘And you have as good as told me the earl has taken more than your heart, has he not? Just as he intended.’
Diana stopped, wrenching her arm free. ‘How dare you insult me.’
‘Oh, I dare.’ Lady Frances halted on the next step up, as if to increase Diana’s humiliation by the extra height. ‘What will you do about it, go crying to Davenport? He has given you little support thus far. Do you remember, my dear, when I mentioned that ugly limping gait of yours? I must say you have done very well to disguise it.’
Diana was too angry to be intimidated. She marched up the next two steps until she was eye to eye with Frances.
‘I am not your dear and I remember it very well. But then, as now, there is no need for anyone to support me against...’ she breathed in, allowing her rage full rein ‘...against the railings of a toadying mushroom with the manners of an alley cat!’
The stunned look on Frances’s face was very satisfying, if Diana had been in the mood to appreciate it, but she was too shocked at her own outburst. She ran quickly up to the top floor, anxious that her fury should not betray her into any more unladylike behaviour.
* * *
Alex did not encourage the gentlemen to tarry once the ladies had departed. They drifted out of the dining room and at last Alex was alone with his thoughts. He poured himself another brandy, carried it to the window and gazed out without seeing the landscaped grounds looking their
best in the late afternoon sunshine.
‘Not feeling quite the thing, old boy?’ Gervase appeared at his shoulder.
‘I did not hear you come back in.’
‘No, you was lost in your own thoughts, what? I hope your neighbours are impressed by you putting on a ball for them.’
‘I wish I had never started this whole thing,’ Alex muttered. ‘I should have bought another house for my treasures and my amusements and left Chantreys well alone.’
‘Yes, well, it’s a little late to think that now.’ He coughed delicately. ‘I tried to put it right with Miss Grensham. Told her it was never your plan to ruin her.’
‘And did she believe you?’
‘Well, no...’
Alex gave a tight little smile.
‘No, she wouldn’t. Not after we had—’ He broke off and rubbed one hand across his eyes. ‘I have ruined her life, Gervase, and she will not let me put it right. She says she won’t enter into a loveless marriage.’
‘Aye, but would it be?’ murmured Gervase, rubbing his nose.
‘Not on my part,’ said Alex quickly.
‘That’s what we thought.’
‘We?’
Gervase waved his hand. ‘Figure of speech, old boy. Well, I had best go. I told my man to bring up the hot water early, before it is all taken by the ladies.’ He laid a hand on Alex’s shoulder. ‘Cheer up, my friend. It may all yet turn out well.’
The earl’s only answer to his friend was a grunt.
* * *
Upon reaching the schoolroom floor Diana went directly to her bedchamber, but the first thing that met her eye was her new evening gown, thrown over a chair with its voluminous skirts flowing out like a scarlet waterfall.
‘What is that doing here?’ she demanded of her maid. ‘I told you it would not be required tonight.’
Jenny bobbed a nervous curtsy.
‘If you please, miss, I had packed it away, like you said to do, but when I was downstairs Mistress Duffy came up to me and told me that I must shake it out and leave it over a chair, to prevent any creases.’
