by Amade, Melle
“She won’t be.” Murtagh shrugs and releases me from his gaze as he takes in the rest of the class. “I will be your English teacher for the rest of the term. Let this be a lesson to you, children,” he adds. “The human body is very, very fragile. So easily destroyed.”
Callum and Aiden exchange a look, but neither look at me.
I can’t have anything happen to you.
Aiden’s words echo in my head. He knows I’m in danger. But, why?
I spend the rest of the class staring at my open text book. Maybe Murtagh will think I’m studious. But, how will I avoid him for the rest of term?
It’s impossible.
When the bell goes off I’m the first one to the door. I want out of there. I need to breathe. Callum is right behind me.
“Are you okay?” He catches my English book, which is about to tumble out of my arms.
“Yes.” And, to my surprise, I relax. When all the world seems to avoid, test or threaten me, Callum wants to help me. “I’m tired and need some fresh air.”
He slides my books under his arm. “Hey, Unc!” He throws a wave at Murtagh before he falls into step next to me and we leave the classroom. Something’s not right. Why would he draw his uncle’s attention to the fact he fraternizes with a human? If none of the others can do it, how is it that Callum can get away with it?
“What the hell is going on?” I ask Callum the second we step outside and are walking down the front steps. Our break is short, but I need to know now. He glances down at me, dark shadows falling across his face.
“What are you -”
“Stop, Callum,” I say. “I know, alright. I saw them shift last night.”
“Who?!”
“Aiden and Vasquez,” I say.
His eyes grow wide. “But -”
“Don’t lie to me,” I say. His mouth presses into a tense, thin line. “Everyone is lying to me. Just stop. I need to know what is going on.”
His eyes narrow and he pauses a moment before he grabs my elbow and pulls me around the side of the building. “Come,” he says.
“I’m not a dog,” I say.
“Do you want to know or not?” Callum asks.
I shrug my elbow out of his grip, but follow him quietly.
It’s not until we’re around the side of the building hidden by the hedges that he turns and stares down at me. “What do you want to know?” he asks.
“Everything,” I say.
A wry laugh flies from his mouth. “Break is 10 minutes,” he says. “That’s not enough time to cover 7,000 years of history.”
“Why did Vasquez attack Ms. Steinberger last night and why is your uncle suddenly at our school?” I ask.
“Do you realize you can be killed for knowing we even exist?” Callum asks.
“Killed?”
“Executed,” he says. “Just like Naomi.”
“She knew about shifters?” I ask.
“We’re not allowed to fraternize with humans,” Callum says. “And, she and my brother were definitely fraternizing.” My skin flushes red. “But, I don’t know why they took out Ms. Steinberger. I don’t know what my uncle is really doing here. I just know we all answer to Van Arend and my uncle doesn’t like that very much.”
“Why do you answer to him?” I ask.
“My family took an oath to his family about 550 years ago,” he shrugs.
I sit down on the moss covered bench as the musty wet earth seeps into my senses. “What?” I can’t even think past last year.
“It was during the War of the Roses,” Callum says. “Irish resources were stretched thin to support the English, but the Gaelic infighting was still ongoing. My family was barely surviving on marginal lands and under attack from the Earls of Kildare. So, we sought help from the shifter community.”
“The Van Arends,” I murmur.
“They had the money and resources we needed,” he says. “In 1463 the Murtaghs, on behalf of all Ravensgaard, swore fealty to them.”
“You became their servants,” I say.
“No.” Callum shakes his head. “Servants are like employees. They get paid.”
I can’t tell if he’s joking or not.
“Step back from her.” Aiden’s voice cuts through the dark recess. He enters the tiny courtyard.
“Me?!” exclaims Callum. “You’re the one who shifted in front of her!”
“I didn’t have a choice,” Aiden says. “I was bleeding.”
“Vasquez tried to attack me, after you left.” I nod at Callum.
Aiden’s head snaps at his raven friend. “You were there?” he asks. I drop my head to hide my burning face.
“I was looking for you,” Callum says to Aiden.
“Aiden stopped Vasquez from killing me,” I mutter. My fingernails click together.
“Why would Vasquez attack Shae?” Callum frowns, ignoring Aiden’s penetrating look.
“All he said in front of my father was that he lost his senses for a moment, but we all know he follows your uncle’s orders,” says Aiden.
“What are you saying?” Callum asks.
“Same thing I said yesterday, Callum.” Aiden’s voice is low. “I know it’s not easy for you to hear, but your uncle is up to no good.”
Callum briefly closes his eyes and raises his chin. His breath expands his chest.
“I know it hurts,” says Aiden. “But, it’s the only thing that makes sense. He shows up with Vasquez and your brother dies. Now he’s the Ridder. He sees Shae at the wake and suddenly she’s under attack. He knew I would be watching over her.”
Callum doesn’t lower his chin or open his eyes. My breath is caught in my throat.
“Now that I’ve revealed myself as a shifter to Shae, we’re both in danger,” Aiden is earnest. “Don’t you see that’s perfect for your uncle? My father an incompetent alcoholic and his heir a human-sympathizer. It’s the perfect opportunity for Murtagh to topple us from the Kortsrijk. You know he’s always wanted the High Seat. He set a trap for me.”
Callum finally opens his eyes, frowning at me. “He’s here, at school, to see when she slips up and reveals that she knows about the shifter world.”
“Exactly,” Aiden says. “That will be all the proof he’ll need to bring in the Order, try me for showing a human our shifter world, and, once I’m convicted, he’ll take possession of the Kortsrijk.”
“The High Seat,” murmurs Callum. His head slowly moves back and forth. “He’s the only family I have.”
“That’s not true,” Aiden insists. “We’re your family.”
“No,” says Callum. “I’m sworn to you. That doesn’t make us family. And… if you’re ousted… my uncle will be the Edelman and I will be Heir.”
“You can’t be serious!” Aiden says.
“Why not?” asks Callum. “It only takes turning her in.”
“Telling your uncle she knows about us won’t stand up in trial,” Aiden says. “They need proof.”
“Callum?” I frown. “I - aren’t we friends?” Could he really turn me in to be executed?
His eyes narrow as he stares down at me, a slight sneer pulling on his mouth. He doesn’t look anything like the boy I kissed last night in the woods.
“She’ll slip up,” Callum nods. “Sooner or later she’ll slip up and I’ll be there.”
He’s gone before either of us can say another word.
“Come on,” Aiden says, “I’m taking you home.” He motions me towards the back of the school where I can see his car parked on the fire lane. My knees shake as I stand.
“This is all your fault,” I mutter. “You knew I was there.” It’s not even a question.
“What was I supposed to do?” he asks. “Let him kill you?”
“You didn’t have to shift,” I say. “If you hadn’t shifted I wouldn’t have known.”
“I was cut,” he says. “It’s faster to heal in human form.” I look at his forearm as he pulls open the truck door and I climb in. There’s not mark on it.
/>
“Maybe you should have stayed in animal form and just kept bleeding.” I pull the door out of his hand and slam it shut.
11
The distance that took thirty minutes on my bike this morning only takes ten minutes to drive. A million questions dance in my head, but we sit in uncomfortable silence. At least I feel awkward. Aiden’s just staring at the road. His phone, thrown in the tray on the dash, rings. Zan’s picture pops up, but Aiden clicks it to silent with barely a glance.
“She’s one, too,” I say it rather than ask.
Aiden’s gaze darts over to me.
“Just tell me the truth,” I say.
His shoulders rise and fall. “Yeah,” he says.
“Why did you kiss me?” The question comes out before I can stop it. Now it sits in the air between us and I’m not about to take it back. I want to know the answer.
He turns sharply onto my road without saying a word and yanks the truck into the turn out Zan uses to pick me up or drop me off.
“Explain it to me,” I say. “It’s the least you can do.”
His breath exhales heavily and I realize he’s been holding it. “Because I’ve always wanted to,” his words tumble out. “And, I knew you were out of my reach, but I couldn’t let you go without, without a kiss.”
My skin erupts in a battle of freezing heat. “You’re dating Zan!” I exclaim, indignant that my best friend is with someone who wants someone else.
And... he wants me.
A riptide of heat is pulling me towards him. I grip the door handle. His head bows as his fingers rub against his forehead.
“You can’t understand,” he says. “We did this ceremony together.”
“Ceremony?” I repeat because all I can think of is a wedding.
“The Bloedhart,” he says. “When shifters turn sixteen we have to go through a ceremony to be able to shift.”
“Sounds romantic.” I can’t keep the snide out of my voice.
“More like a creepy cave ritual,” he mutters.
“I can see how that would bond you,” I say.
“It’s not that,” he says. “It’s just, well... we did it together and -”
I don’t want to hear it. “Do you like her?” I ask.
“Of course!” Aiden says. “It’s Zan!”
“Everyone likes Zan.” My smile is a grimace, slicing across my face.
Silence fills the cab.
He’s with Zan. He’s completely off-limits. Forever. The realization sinks through me ripping at all my fantasies of him and leaves me with the barren realization; I want him.
I want him so much it rattles my insides and before I know what I’m doing, my hand has reached out and grabbed his.
“I can’t -” He jerks his hand away and then lamely tries to cover up his motion by waving up the road towards my driveway. “You know, be… with you.”
I grip my fingers together, but I’m not mortified, I just need to stop them from stroking his cheek. The engine is still idling. I should get out of the car, but can’t move an inch. “You shouldn’t have told me any of that,” I say.
His eyes narrow as his fingers tighten on the steering wheel. “I know.” He looks away, his lips clamped together. “But, last night…” He presses the words out. “I shifted back to human form because I was about to lose,” he says. “And, if I lost, if he knocked me out or got me down, he’d have gone after you.”
Air catches in my throat as an image of Jon’s ripped face flashes in front of my eyes. “It could have been me,” I whisper. The terror of those moments lurks at the edge of my skin.
“I would have lost you forever.” His voice is hoarse, head bowed, hair falls forward keeping his eyes from me.
“You shouldn’t say that.” I grip the door handle to stop myself from reaching for him. He’s Zan’s boyfriend.
“Shae…” his voice pulls me towards him, even though he doesn’t move.
The heat in the truck burns under my skin. I pull at the handle, but the door’s locked. I fumble at it with both hands. Aiden doesn’t move a muscle.
“You don’t have to be afraid of me,” he says.
“It’s not you I’m afraid of,” I mutter. It’s me. There is no way I’m hooking up with Zan’s boyfriend. No matter what I feel for him or how mad I am at her. I rip at the door handle until it unlatches and the cool, night air fills the cab. I inhale deeply.
“Shae,” he says, “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have done it.”
“You shouldn’t have done anything,” I say.
“Part of me needs you to really know me. Know who I am.” His gaze bores into me. I can’t turn away.
“You think showing me you can turn into a bird tells me who you are?” I ask.
“It’s all of it,” he says. “That I’m a shifter, that I have responsibilities. I wanted you to understand why I can’t be with you.”
“I could care less that you can turn into a bird,” I say.
“My father’s an alcoholic,” he says.
My shoulders raise. “Everyone’s parents have issues.”
“Please.” Aiden’s plea almost draws me fully back into the truck. “I want you to understand. What you heard from Callum today, what you saw of my father at the wake. It’s all true. There are people relying on me and people trying to rip my dad out of his position.”
“Callum would never do anything against you,” I insist, but doubt shadows my words.
“I love your innocence.” His smile warms me as his fingers hook around hair lying on my shoulder. He gently moves it off and flattens it down my back. His fingers press me towards him.
“No,” I say, pulling my shoulder away and firmly stepping out of the truck. “You don’t get it. I could have accepted anything about you, Aiden. That you’re in line to some throne, you’ve got gobs of money, even that you can turn into some animal. There’s only one thing I can’t accept.”
“Shae…” Regret cramps his voice.
“You’re dating my best friend.” My voice comes out too loud, but it had to be said. It has to be known that we can never be together. Not because of his issues, his responsibilities, but because it’s just not right.
“Wait,” he says, but he doesn’t touch me. “You have to know; fear will give you away.”
It’s like he hasn’t heard a thing I’ve said.
I jump out of the truck and slam the door before anything else happens. My heart is racing and every cell in my body wants to kiss him. Saying the words out loud didn’t make the feeling go away. My heart doesn’t seem to get that kissing him is impossible.
I duck my head and slide through the hole in our fence, escaping into the only haven I have left; our broken-down home.
***
Thwack! Thwack! Thwack!
I wake to the sound of an ax slamming into wood. After I left Aiden I snuck in my bedroom window and crawled into bed; too tired to sleep, too tired to think, and most definitely too tired to try and explain to Dad what I was doing home after first period on the first day of school.
My footsteps creak up the hall and I lift the dusty drape to peer into our yard. It’s Mom who raises the ax with a vengeance. Sweat drips down her face while wiry hair sticks out sideways from her faded red bandana. The sun is already low against the canyon hills, casting long shadows across the yard. She must have taught all her yoga classes for the day, but it doesn’t look like they helped restore her balance; not if she’s resorted to the ax. I’m about to drop the curtain, but it’s like Mom has a sixth sense. She looks up and sees me, instantly stopping her blade mid-swing and waving me out to the yard.
“I didn’t know you were home,” she says. “I wanted you to clean the kitchen cupboards.”
“I didn’t sleep well last night,” I mutter.
She motions to the yellow legal pad of ‘to do’ items that’s sitting on the bench by our front door. “The offer they made is contingent on a bunch of fixes,” she shakes her head. I pick up the legal pad. The list is three
pages, small print, and double columned.
“Scrub the house, clean up the fallen tree, repair the fireplace, replace the floor, fix the roof…” My voice trails off as I glance at Mom. She’s slamming the ax back into the wood with every new item I mention on the list.
“I might as well just build them a new house,” she says.
“We’ll get it done.” I try to be bright about it, but as I scan the list, I can’t imagine how we’re supposed to get through this. “How long do we have?” I ask.
“Thirty days,” she says. “We’re all going to have to pitch in.”
“I don’t have anything else to do,” I shrug.
“You and Zan still not hanging out?” Mom hoists the ax onto her shoulder. I shrug. No idea how to answer. I’m not about to tell her about Zan and Aiden.
“No,” I say.
“Good.” She puts down the axe. “I know it’s hard, Shae, but I never should have let you be friends with them.”
My heart twists. “They’re the only friends I’ve had,” I say.
“It’s hard in such a small community.” She heaves a few pieces of firewood into the air. “You can’t exactly pick your friends.”
She’s not listening to me, but I heard her and she’s wrong. They did pick me. Even when they were told they shouldn’t. I wonder if I would have made that much of an effort for them when we were just kids.
Mom motions me closer. I respond automatically, stand with both arms outstretched as she piles firewood on. The coarse oak bark scrapes against my skin and my arms sag as the stack grows. When I think my arms will give, Henry steps in front of me to take the next load. He can barely see out his swollen eyes, but he’ll keep working. I maneuver backwards heading for the wood pile.
Her words trail after me. “She stopped by today.”
My foot catches and I lose my balance. Wood spills towards the house and cracks down on the porch. “Zan?” I ask.
“She came by with Roman.” Henry calls it out like its good news.
“Why didn’t you get me?”
“Henry said you were sleeping,” Mom says. But, her eyes shift to her ax and I know there’s something else going on. Mom really doesn’t want me hanging out with them. Any more than they think I should hang out with them.
