by Amade, Melle
I never will.
I’m a disaster.
Smoke billows from the fire, past the holes in our plastic ceiling and out into the black sky. Dad settles into his easy chair like it’s a normal Friday night at our house.
“Tell us a story, Dad,” Henry says as if on cue.
I breathe deeply trying to clear my head. I’m supposed to get Henry’s blood and go to the Sanctuary.
“It’s all a lie,” Dad says.
“What?” I frown at him.
But, he’s staring at the stupid cross stitch on our wall; another crappy relic from the people that used to own this house. Aiden has original Ruben’s on his walls. We’ve got a faded, dusty old cross stitch of Noah’s ark. The ark is prow forward with little cartoon animal heads poking out two by two from every orifice of the boat. Noah stands on deck arms flung wide in joy as a little dove with an olive branch in its beak hovers above him.
The dove…
I cock my head to the side.
“Noah’s story is -,” Dad continues.
“The Epic of Gilgamesh!” Henry says. “I’ve read that.”
Dad nods proudly. I know what’s coming next. The story Dad has told us countless times while we’ve been nestled on this couch together after one of mom’s turns. There’s something oddly comforting about it.
I snuggle in closer to Henry.
We’re normalizing. Trying to get right after a freak out.
Only, this time it was me who freaked out.
But, who wouldn’t after… after that?
“It was never the dove who found land,” Dad says, leaning forward to lay down the dove conspiracy. Whatever he’s saying is better than what’s going on in my head, so I listen. Intently. “The dove flew in circles around the ark. It didn’t want to leave its mate,” Dad holds up two fingers joined together and bounces them forward to better illustrate the ‘two by two’ theory of the animals on the arc.
Henry’s blood. I put my hand on his neck.
“Ouch.” Henry moves his head a bit to loosen my grip.
“Sorry,” I say, but I don’t take my hand away.
“He sent out the raven,” says Dad. “Raven didn’t have any trouble leaving its mate. Well, that’s the story anyway, I’m not sure I buy it. But, the raven just took off and disappeared. Some muttered it was selfish to abandon them, but Noah knew the truth.”
My fingers drum against Henry’s neck. I need to get a talon out. But, it’s dangerous. I don’t even know if I can control it. And I certainly can’t let Dad or Henry see.
“What truth?” Henry asks.
“The raven gave a gift to everyone,” Dad says.
“But, the raven never came back,” I say. Irritation moves in my gut. I’m annoyed ravens get credit. I want to claw at the raven and yell at him for deserting everyone.
“Precisely,” smiles Dad.
“He should have come back,” I say. The irritation moves into my fingers. Henry squirms, but I can’t let him go. My fingers still tap against his neck.
“Shae…” Henry murmurs.
“He gave Noah hope.” My dad is triumphant. “Noah knew when raven didn’t come back, there was land somewhere nearby. It was the raven who gave Noah hope. And, hope is the most powerful force in the universe.”
“It’s supposed to be love,” I squawk, the tip of my index finger transforms into a talon. I pierce Henry’s skin.
“Shae!” Henry squeals. “Ouch!” He pulls away from me and blood drips from the back of his neck. I yank my hand back and hide it in my lap.
“I’m sorry!” I cry. “I forgot to trim my nails.” But it’s not my nails and I know it. My talon drips with my brother’s blood.
My dad throws Henry a towel from the back of a chair. He presses it to his neck.
“So, if raven found land and gave everyone hope, why does dove get all the credit?” Henry asks like nothing happened.
“Dove’s a clever bugger,” Dad smiles.
“I have the blood.” I text Roman minutes later from my room. I made some “tired” comment and slipped away from Dad’s storytelling.
“Sanctuary” He responds.
“Sumthin wrong”
“I no” He writes back.
I wonder if we’re talking about the same thing.
“u ok?” he writes.
“don’t no” I reply. “tried to choke my mom”
I have to text it to him. I can’t imagine saying those words out loud. The Bloedhart didn’t help me control my anger.
“Sanctuary” He writes again. “Now.”
I’m at the window and pushing it up before I even read his last text.
24
When I get to the Sanctuary, Roman is the only one there. He’s setting up his microscope, his hair sticks straight up like he hasn’t had a shower since the cave.
“You look like Einstein,” I say.
“I wish I was half that smart.”
“Bet you’re smarter.”
“If I was smarter I’d know why you still can’t control your anger,” he frowns. “Where’s Henry’s blood?”
I pull out the towel from my knapsack. “Where are Aiden and Zan?” I try to sound casual, but my voice goes a little weak when I add Zan’s name next to Aiden’s. I wonder when that will end. When will it feel normal that he belongs to her?
“Aiden’s with his dad, trying to do damage control with Murtagh,” he says.
“Does Murtagh know I’m a Passief?” I ask.
“That’s what Aiden is trying to find out,” says Roman. “But, if he knows you’re a Passief, he’s going to come for you. It’ll be the perfect reason to depose Van Arend.”
“My family is at my house!”
“They’ll be alright.” Roman drops some chemical on the towel and squeezes Henry’s blood onto a slide. “It’s you he wants.”
“Where’s Zan?” I ask.
“Trying to figure out how to get you out of here.” Roman sets Henry’s slide by the microscope. “Now, I need your blood.”
I hold out my hand, focus on my fingernail and shift it into a talon. I place the talon against the skin of my other arm, make a prick and hold the blood out to Roman. “There you go,” I say.
He stares, his eyes enormous. “How’d you do that?” he asks.
“Shift my fingernail?”
“Yeah.”
“That’s how I got blood from Henry. Nice talon, huh?” I admire the dainty curve, which ends in a vicious spike.
“It’s not normal,” he shakes his head.
I frown at the talon. “It’s perfect,” I say.
“Not the talon…shifting your finger.” Roman swipes my blood next to Henry’s on the tray.
“Maybe you haven’t tried,” I suggest.
“I don’t think so,” he disagrees. “I mean, if everyone could do it then we would know about it. We would do it.”
“Roman,” I say. “I don’t think I am normal. And, I don’t just mean the Passief thing.
He pushes his goggles off his eyes and looks at me. “I know,” he says.
“I thought the Bloedhart would solve it,” I say.
“It did for us,” he says. “But, maybe Passiefs are different. Maybe you guys need something more.”
“Only, we’ll never know, because I’m the last one there is,” I mutter.
“Maybe Zaragoza can help,” says Roman. “There’s a lot of information in those old books.”
“Maybe,” I shrug, but I’m not very hopeful.
“Do you know yet?” Zan stands up from the tunnel.
“Just looking now,” Roman says. Zan starts digging stuff out of her purse.
“What are those?” I motion at the small blue books she throws on Roman’s workbench.
“Your new passports,” she says.
“Passports?” I ask.
“I got you two each. Dual citizenship. British and American.” She smiles like it’s a good thing. “I recommend you stick with a ‘raised in the USA’ stor
yline since I doubt you’ll ever lose the accent.”
I pick up an American passport. Inside is a picture of me from the year book that she must have doctored to get it to look like a passport photo, but you’d never know. “Samantha Wright?” I ask.
“It’s not bad,” she says. “I figure people can call you Sam, which won’t be too far off of Shae.”
“Are these for real?” I leaf through the other documents. Henry’s new name will be Harold Wright.
“Yeah,” Zan says. “This is the other thing my parents do for the Order, besides writing apps and databasing the lineage. They create identities for people. It allows shifters to move around a little more easily than most.”
“You got your parents to do these?” I ask.
She shakes her head and gives me a sly grin. “I picked up a thing or two and did these myself. Don’t worry,” she says. “They’re perfect.”
“Where am I supposed to go?” I ask.
Zan shakes her head. “Wherever it is, you can’t tell us.” She puts a pile of cash on the table. “This will get you out of the country,” she says, and places a debit card on top of the stack. “This will set you up when you get where you’re going. It’s a Swiss bank account in Sam’s name.”
I pick up the plastic card. This is all starting to get a little too real.
“He’s a match.” Roman’s voice is low.
“What?” I ask, hoping I heard wrong.
“Henry is a match,” Roman says.
“He’s a Passief?” My stomach drops.
“Yeah,” Roman says.
“I have to get him!” I rush to the tunnel, but just as I get there, Aiden enters the Sanctuary. I try to push past him, but he grabs my shoulders.
“Stay here!” he says.
“I have to get Henry.” I try to pull back, but he’s too strong.
“It’s not safe!” He turns me to face him. “Murtagh knows.”
“My brother!” I grip Aiden’s wrist and transform my fingers into talons, stabbing at his wrists.
“What the -” he exclaims, but he doesn’t let me go.
“We’ll get him,” Zan says. They’re all staring at my fingers which protrude into talons.
“Let me go,” I say, digging into Aiden’s wrist harder.
“No.” Aiden grits his teeth. “Your house is going to be swarming with Ravensgaard at any minute. You have to stay here.”
“We’ll bring him back and keep him safe,” Roman says.
I glance at the canyon. I’m pretty sure I can do this. My talons rip into Aiden’s skin, drawing long streaks of blood. “Stop!” Aiden commands, but his fingers loosen just enough. I tear myself free, push past Roman, and run out on the tree.
“Shae, no!” Roman calls.
I don’t stop. I throw myself into the ravine. Wind slashes at my hair as the earth charges towards me.
I damn well hope I can shift.
The canyon races towards me. I scream. I scream so long I run out of air and start to scream again. I’m in a mindless panic I don’t know what to do. I’ve never consciously, completely shifted before.
“Shift!” I hear Zan yell at me from above. “Be who you are!”
What sort of stupid thing is that for her to say?! Ice plummets from my crown, crystalizing over my face and racing to my heart.
The ice.
I need the lightning!
I know what to do now.
“Hud feroaring ontstaan.”
Blistering power erupts from my guts and shoots upwards. I let go. I melt and explode upwards with the energy, shattering the ice.
My body transforms; arms stretch out, even as they shrink. My bird body squeezes me tight as the air rises under my wings, scoops me up like my newest best friend, and pushes me back up the canyon. Elation fills me.
I swing up and turn in a couple of circles. My beak opens and emits a shriek that echoes up the canyon. Aiden stretches towards me, but Zan holds his wrist tight.
Roman waves at me from the edge of the Sanctuary. “Come back!” he calls.
I can’t. Henry’s not safe. I turn and swoop up, over the rim of the canyon and skirt the tops of the trees. If I stay low and close no one will see me. The canyon stretches out below, as the hot September air lifts me higher. My heart soars with my tingling body. I speed towards home, towards Henry.
I stay low, skirt the trees, dodging up or to the side to miss the tall ones in my path. There’s something black in my periphery. It’s too close.
A raven.
I twist quickly trying to see who it is, but it’s moving too fast and I can’t recognize it. The raven flies straight at me, its green eyes flash, its caw a screeching war cry.
The raven’s attacking!
I duck down to hide but the raven is agile. It meets me. I spin to get out of the way, but I’m no match for its aerial acrobatics.
A wall of ice anger rises in me, but I push it out into every fiber of my body and halt myself midair, stop my retreat. I turn on the raven with a battle shriek from my heart. I don’t care that I’m a Passief. I’ve never read the Order’s stupid rule book.
I attack.
I fly with my talons raised. I know how to draw blood. I did it last night on my little brother. I bear down on him, but it caws loudly and slides out of the way. A piercing pain shoots down my neck as the raven grabs me with its beak. Its talons dig deep into my back setting my nerve endings on fire as it beats its wings hard and drags me forward.
I try to swing my body away, but I’m helpless as it flies with me in its clutches. I have no way to fight. But, there is one more thing I can do, something that will stop the raven from carrying me any further.
I let my body slide into its human form.
The raven cracks the sky with a caw as I shift and the weight of my body drags it down as I fall from the sky. It beats its wings harder as if it can keep me in the air. But, I know I’ve won.
Suddenly, its wings are gone. The raven shifts. It’s Callum. His arms wrap around me, my hair flies in his face, but our gaze connects; his eyes full of concern. He twists around so he’s beneath me as we crash through the trees, hitting branches all the way down and the world goes black.
25
“Shae.” Callum’s voice pulls me forward. “Shae.”
My head spins and throbs as electric lights dance behind my closed lids. Callum’s fingers are warm against my neck as he checks my pulse. My head fills with the scent of his leather jacket. The disco lights dim until there’s only soft black and Callum’s fingers moving up my neck until his palm is pressed against my cheek. I soak in the comfort and move my head slightly to press into his hand.
The ache in my head and body recedes, replaced by tingles that dance brightly over me. I inhale deeply, breathing in the glow and let it pour through every cell of my body. The energy rejuvenates me.
“Are you doing that?” I murmur.
“What?” His hand stiffens.
“Putting the light into me. Draining the pain.
“No.” I can hear the smile in his voice. “You’re a shifter. Your body does this automatically.”
I remember Aiden shifted into a human after Vasquez wounded him. That’s how he healed. The same thing must be happening to me.
It’s miraculous. I’ve never felt so alive. The stiffened, bruised muscle, maybe even broken bones, vibrate with an internal motion like each particle of my body has a microscopic engine of healing in it and is consciously righting itself. I stretch my arms above my head and arch my back to test out the repairs. Callum pulls back; leaving my face lonely.
But, my body!
It’s like I’m reborn.
“I need to do that more often.” I blink my eyes open.
“Not recommended,” Callum says. “Your body needs time to store up the energy to heal like that. This is your first time, so you healed really fast. It’ll be awhile before you can do that again.”
“How long was I unconscious?”
“Too lo
ng.” He glances away, but we’re so close. I can feel his worry. Is this really the same boy who threatened anything to usurp Aiden? He just took the brunt of the fall to protect me. Energy is sparking in my body as I’m drawn towards him.
“It didn’t knock you out at all?” I ask.
He shakes his head. “I’m fine.” But, I can tell by the slight wince he makes when he shrugs, that he’s in pain.
“You didn’t heal?” I sit up and touch his shoulder.
“I’m fine,” he repeats.
“Thank you,” I say. “It was a stupid thing to do.” I lean forward and kiss him as if it’s the most natural thing in the world to do. “I couldn’t have shifted back.” I keep my face close to his, drawn in. “You saved my life.”
He presses into me, kissing me long, slow and deep as if he’s been waiting to do this forever; his tongue firm and sure as it explores my mouth.
My brain is fighting against my body. He’s the enemy. He was just taking me to Murtagh.
My body resists and leans into him. His arms fold around me and we’re falling again, but this time the earth is already firmly beneath us.
“You’re fantastic,” he murmurs against me as we both pause to breathe.
“This is wrong,” I whisper, trying desperately to pull away.
He kisses me hard; his tongue an arrow shooting into my mouth. I muster every ounce of energy I have and pull back, though my mouth is still open to receive his kiss.
I have to shake this off. I slam my mouth shut and stand up to get as much distance between us as possible.
Every trace of emotion disappears from his face.
“You’re right,” he says.
My gut wrenches and my face burns. I want to vomit.
“How can you support your uncle?” I ask. “He had your brother killed.”
Callum’s jaw clenches. “Murtagh did what he had to do. My brother was weak.”
“And, supporting your uncle is going to save your family name? Is going to get you the high seat?”
“Maybe,” says Callum through clenched teeth.
“Your uncle is a totalitarian murdering tyrant!” I’m incensed. “How can he save anything? He will destroy you, too.”
“I’m not going to argue shifter law with you,” he says.
