Kate sighed. “Well, then all in all, I guess this trip was good for you.”
“It was a nightmare—a living, breathing nightmare. But I realized as I moved from one adrenaline rush to another that I’ve been living in limbo for too long, waiting for something that would never happen. It’s time to move on, to reclaim my life, to figure out what it is I really want.”
“Are you sure that it’s a life without Peter?”
“I don’t think I’ll ever be sure about that, but I saw him almost get blown up. I saw him wrestling with giant anacondas. The man carried me through a river full of piranhas.”
Kate’s eyes widened.
“He liked it. He needs excitement in his life. He needs danger. He needs that constant adrenaline surge and now that I have those pictures in my mind, I will never be able to sleep at night wondering where he is and what kind of danger he’ll be facing next.”
“Security is one of life’s necessities.”
The door shut softly and Emily’s eyes widened. “Was someone there?”
A few seconds later a nurse walked into the room.
“Was someone just in the hall?” Emily asked.
“A tall, dark and extremely handsome man,” the nurse said, grinning. “Though he didn’t look happy.”
Emily’s eyes widened as they met Kate’s.
Peter.
Emily shot out of the bed.
Peter strode down the hall. What had he been thinking? He’d let himself believe, even hope, that he and Emily had a future together. That he would be able to change his whole life to fit her into it. To make her happy. But he’d been wrong. She’d already moved on. She couldn’t be happy with his life, no matter what changes he made. She’d always be wondering if she was making him happy. If she was enough. She’d always be wondering if he wanted more.
He heard his name being called down the hallway. He stopped and turned. Emily was running toward him. He steeled himself, not wanting her to see how upset he was. Not wanting her to know how close he’d come to falling back into the same old trap. She could never love him the way he needed to be loved, with all her heart. Not holding anything back.
“Peter, stop,” she said as she reached him.
He looked around him. “Em, you’re standing in a public hallway in a hospital gown.”
“It’s all I had,” she said, looking down at her bandaged feet.
Her face was sunburned and peppered with bites, but he didn’t think she’d ever looked more beautiful. The thought squeezed his heart.
“Did you hear what I said to Kate?”
He nodded, not trusting himself to speak.
“I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be. It was something I needed to hear.”
“You made it very clear to me in Venezuela how you felt about us. That we didn’t have a chance, we couldn’t make it work.”
“You’re right. We can’t.”
“I understand that, intellectually. It’s my heart that’s having a hard time believing it.” She looked up at him with those wide, hazel eyes filled with emotion, and he wanted to pull her into his arms, to convince her they could make it work. That they did have a chance.
But he couldn’t. What if he was wrong? He couldn’t go through losing her again. “If we were to try again, it would only cause both of us a lot of pain when it fell apart. Nothing has changed. You still don’t trust me to do what’s best for us. We’re still the same two people we were three years ago.”
“The same two people who still love each other,” she whispered.
“I can never give you what you need, Emily.”
She moved closer to him. “I’m not sure what it is I need anymore.”
“Security, family.”
“Quit the CIA, Peter. Stay here with me.”
“And do what?”
“I don’t know. Join your brother’s security company, be a cop.”
“I’d still be in danger.”
“That’s true, but I know something now that I didn’t know three years ago.”
“What’s that?”
“How good you are at your job. You were born for law enforcement. It’s in your blood. You will never be able to give it up and be happy.”
He looked down at her in surprise.
“I want you to be happy, Peter. I just want you to be happy here in Colorado Springs with me.”
“There’s more, Em. I haven’t told you everything.”
Her forehead crinkled with concern. “What is it?”
“The explosion three years ago…” He rubbed his hand down his face, then just blurted out the words that had been eating at him for the last three years. “I’m sterile. I can’t give you children. I can’t give you a family.”
Her face went ashen as his words sunk in. He turned and walked away.
She didn’t come after him.
He didn’t look back.
Chapter Fifteen
Emily’s heart sank as she watched Peter walk away. Sterile? She looked down at the ground trying to process what he’d told her. The secret he’d kept buried from her for all this time. That was why he didn’t come after her when she’d left him at the hospital three years ago. That’s why he folded so easily and let her divorce him. She thought he hadn’t loved her, that he’d loved his job more.
But he’d been letting her go.
The same way she was letting him go now.
He’d loved her so much, he’d let her go thinking it was best for her, thinking she’d be happier. But he’d been wrong. What if she was wrong, too? She took a deep breath to call him, but before she could move, she felt someone touch her arm.
“Emily.”
She turned to find Kate staring at her, her eyes filled with sadness.
Emily’s stomach lurched. “Kate, what is it?”
“It’s Rosalia. She’s…” She didn’t finish, just shook her head.
Grief squeezed Emily’s heart and her throat tightened with tears. She followed Kate down the hall to her friend’s room, and tried to prepare herself for the worst, tried to steel her emotions, but it was no use. She was too physically and emotionally spent. She’d seen too much, felt too much to be able to cocoon herself from her emotions.
She opened the door and walked into the room. Snake had Rosalia’s hand clutched in his. His head was bent over it and his shoulders were shaking. With one look at Rosalia’s face, Emily could tell she’d come too late. Tears spilled onto her cheeks.
She placed a comforting hand on Snake’s shoulder. He looked up at her with such pain and anger in his red, swollen eyes that she almost stepped back. Instead she stepped forward. “What can I do?” she asked softly.
He shook his head. “There’s nothing.”
She pulled up a chair and sat next to him for a long time, neither of them saying a word. She thought back to how hard Rosalia had fought to have Manuel, to stay alive for him, to love him. She recalled the unwavering trust and love she’d held for her brother. She’d been an admirable woman and Emily was proud to have known her.
“Baltasar did this,” Snake said, gritting his teeth. “He is going to pay for killing my sister.”
Emily understood his anger and wished she could think of something to say that would help him. There were no magic words at a time like this. The best thing she could do for him would be to listen, to let him get out all the anger and sadness.
“I will make sure Manuel grows up despising the name Baltasar Escalante,” he said. “He will know everything his mother did to protect him from that animal, all she gave up and how much she suffered.”
“Hopefully by the time Manuel is old enough to understand, Baltasar will have been locked up in jail for a very long time.” She touched his arm. “Rosalia would want her child to be happy, to live without hate and anger. Don’t give Baltasar that much power. He doesn’t deserve it.”
Snake considered her words, then nodded. “You’re right. It would be better if Manuel never heard Baltasar’s na
me. And Baltasar will never know he has a son. A son who doesn’t know he exists.”
Emily’s eyes widened. Of course, why hadn’t she seen it before? A shiver coursed through her as she stared into Snake’s dark eyes. “If Baltasar ever finds out about Manuel…” She couldn’t complete the thought.
“He would take him, I know.”
Emily stared at Rosalia’s hand still clutched in Snake’s.
“He can’t ever find out, Snake.”
“Don’t worry. He won’t. I will protect my nephew. I will do what’s best for him. I will do what my sister would have wished.”
Emily left Snake’s side and went up to the nursery. Manuel was lying in his bassinet, wrapped tight in a blue swaddling blanket and wearing a matching blue cap on his head. “Hey there, big guy,” she said to the baby. Her throat tightened as he looked up at her with his big, trusting brown eyes.
“I’m so sorry, baby,” she whispered. She thought about the hard road ahead of him without his mama and with a madman for a father. He deserved so much more. Tears filled her eyes and fell down her cheeks. “Your mama loved you so much. She was a brave and special woman. A great mother,” she said, and took a deep breath to try and gather her emotions. She lifted the baby out of his crib and hugged him tight, hoping that somehow, some way, he would get all the love he deserved.
“How’s he doing?” Snake asked, walking up behind her.
She smiled through her tears and handed him his nephew. “He’s a trooper.”
“He’s Manuel DeSantis. He has the strength to overcome. He is a fighter.”
Emily smiled. “He is blessed to have an uncle like you.”
Back in her room, she found a pair of jeans and T-shirt that Kate had left on her bed and quickly changed. She was a fighter, too. And right now she had a lot to fight for.
Emily took a deep breath and rang the bell of the Vance house. She was determined to put things right, once and for all. They’d wasted enough time, enough love. Each doing what they thought was best for the other, but neither giving consideration of what was best for themselves.
Peter opened the door. He didn’t seem surprised to see her.
“Did you really think I’d care?” she demanded.
“How could you not? A baby is all you’ve ever wanted.”
“No, Peter. You are all I’ve ever wanted. How could you not know that?”
He looked stunned. He stepped out onto the porch and shut the door behind him.
“We need to stop thinking so much and just feel,” she said. “How do you feel about me, Peter?”
Pain entered his eyes, but he made no move to touch her. “I love you, Em.”
“What do you want?” she asked, wishing he would pull her into his arms.
“I’m not sure.”
“That’s a problem.”
“I know I don’t want to live without you.”
“That’s a start.” She smiled.
“What about you? What do you want?”
“I want to be involved in your life. I want to know what you’re doing and where you are. I want to share everything with you. And if we’re blessed enough to find a family along the way, then that would be perfect.”
“I’m not sure where things stand with my job. I’m not sure I want it back, but I’m not sure who I am without it.”
Emily nodded—she understood but she also realized that was something he needed to figure out for himself. “Rosalia died today,” she said softly. “She had her whole life ahead of her and now it’s gone. She’s lost so much. I don’t want to lose any more time.”
Peter nodded as sadness filled his face. “How’s Snake?”
“Consumed with hate and grief. Life’s too short, too precious to waste. I don’t want to waste any more time without you. Give it some thought, okay?”
He nodded, his face grim.
“I’m going home to take a long, hot, much-needed shower.”
“All right.” He bent down to give her a kiss.
Once his lips touched hers, she pulled him to her and savored the feel of him next to her. This was where she wanted to be. She didn’t want to lose him. “I’ve missed you,” she said. “It’s good to see you home.” She turned and walked down the drive. The ball was in his court now. He knew how she felt; their future was left to him.
“Emily,” Max said as she started to get into her car.
She stopped. “Hi, Max.”
“Peter told me what a great job you did in Venezuela. How you really came through for him.”
Emily smiled as her heart filled with delighted surprise. “Oh, I don’t know about that. I think he thought I was more a pain than anything else.”
Max grinned. “Peter used to think he could take on the world alone. Now he knows better.”
“Is that right?”
“Absolutely. In fact, the CIA could use someone like you out there, someone who’s fierce under pressure, someone who can keep her head when the sky is falling.”
“Oh, yeah,” she laughed. “I think you got the wrong girl, Max.”
“I don’t. I think you and Peter would make an incredible team.”
She looked at him with quiet speculation. A team.
A short time after midnight, Peter woke. He lay still, listening in the darkness. He’d heard a faint sound, but couldn’t determine where it had come from. He slipped from the bed and glanced out the window. Something woke him, someone was out there. Had Baltasar discovered who he was? The quiet street looked deserted.
He continued to watch out the window. Nothing moved in the halogen glow of the street lamp below. All was clear. He shook his head. There was someone out there. He could feel it.
“Don’t move a muscle,” a voice whispered in his ear.
“How’d you get in here?” he whispered.
“Turn around real slow, hands in the air.”
Peter whirled and hooked his foot beneath the intruder, knocking him off balance and pushing him to the floor. He flung himself on top of him, grabbed his wrists and pinned them above his head. He stared down at the figure in black beneath him and pulled back the black ski mask.
Peter choked on the startled breath caught in his throat. “Emily!”
She smiled wide. “Hi, handsome.”
“What are you doing? How’d you get in here?”
“Right under your nose, Mr. CIA man,” she said smugly.
He let her go, then sat up, stunned. “I don’t understand. Where have you been? I haven’t seen you in over a week.”
“Max felt I could use some training.”
Peter’s eyes narrowed in suspicion. “What kind of training?”
“You know—weapons, ballistics, stealth, what have you.”
“You mean breaking and entering.”
“Without ever being seen. I guess I passed, eh?”
“Emily, this isn’t funny.”
“Isn’t it?”
“No.” Peter stood, and started pacing the room. He couldn’t get his mind to function, couldn’t get the image of her dressed in black, pinned beneath him, out of his mind. What if he’d hurt her?
Emily stood. “Max thinks we’d make a great team.”
“Really?” His father was in serious trouble.
“Yes.”
“Em, I can’t imagine what has gotten into my father’s head, and I’ll deal with him later. Please, sit down.” He sat on the bed and patted the spot next to him.
She shrugged, then sat. “This week while you’ve been gone, I’ve been doing a lot of thinking,” he began.
“Oh, yeah?”
“I don’t want to live without you. Not anymore. Marry me, Em. I’ll give it all up. I’ll leave the CIA. I’ve already talked to Travis about joining him at AdVance Security. Just say you’ll give me another chance.”
She looked at him, her big eyes luminous and beautiful. “I can’t.”
His heart sank. “Why not?”
“Because, Peter, you’re good at what you do. Y
ou love the CIA. You might be happy at AdVance, maybe even for a year or two, but then you’d look around at your life here in Colorado Springs, and you’d hate it. Then you’d begin to hate me.”
“Emily, I could never—”
“I won’t let you quit the CIA. It’s not just a job to you. It’s in your blood. It’s what you do. That’s why I’ve decided to join you.”
Peter stared at her. “You can’t be serious. What about the hospital? Your job? Your life here?”
“I can use my expertise in the field. I want my life to be with you, wherever you are. My training has just started, but after a few months I will be ready to join you. Until then, maybe you can stick around and give me a few pointers.” She gave him a wink and a smile.
“Oh, yeah?” He moved closer. “What kind of pointers did you have in mind?”
“I need to know how to bring a man down. Why don’t you show me that little move you used on me earlier?”
As Peter stared at her, his face broke into a large grin. If she was serious, this could really work. They could really work. Maybe he’d be thanking his dad after all.
In the next few days, the Vance household was a flurry of activity as everyone got ready for Thanksgiving Dinner. As Emily was helping set the large dining room table, she heard the doorbell ring.
“I’ll get it,” she called, and hurried through the living room to open the front door. “Snake,” she said, surprised as she saw Snake standing on the porch holding Manuel. “Come in. How’s the baby?” she asked and stepped aside so they could enter.
“He’s great. A lot of work, but great. Want to hold him?”
Emily nodded. “I’d love to.” She took Manuel from his arms and held him tight, breathing deep his sweet baby smell. He looked up at her with his big brown eyes, and she couldn’t help wondering if he remembered her. “He’s getting so big,” she said happily. “You must be doing a great job with him.”
“Thanks,” Snake said. “Actually, he’s why I came by.”
“Snake,” Peter said, walking into the room. “What’s up?”
Peter's Return Page 17
