by Sara Arden
“Come on.” She held out her hand as she stood. “Let’s get out of here.”
Sean cocked his head to the side and seemed to debate for a long moment. “Screw it.” He took her hand and hopped up to his feet. “Where are we going?”
“Come with me and find out.” She dragged him behind her toward the back of the property, his warm fingers closed around hers.
She wouldn’t think about how good it felt to hold his hand, to have some solid anchor keeping her in the moment. As she drew him deeper into the wooded area, he paused.
“Mossy Rock? You can’t be serious.”
“I’m so serious right now.” She tugged his hand and he followed. “Lynnie loved it out here. Do you remember?”
“Yeah.” His voice was tight with emotion.
Mossy Rock was a place right out of a teen drama. It was the weekend place for Winchester teens in the summer and early fall before the air turned cold and sharp. Mossy Rock was like a backwoods waterslide right into Sutter’s Pond.
It was known for camping, the occasional kegger, bonfires and long summer days spent in the water floating around on inner tubes and sunning on the grass around the pond.
She stopped just at the edge of the rock. “Are you in?”
“I’m not sliding down that rock, Kentucky.” His voice sounded like some sitcom dad, faux stern.
“Then I guess I’m going to leave you here by yourself. Sucks for you.” She pulled off her boots and arched a brow. Kentucky knew that all she had to do was basically dare him to do it and he’d be in the water right after her.
“Not going to happen.”
“Chicken.” She started peeling off her jeans. She tried not to think about her bare legs or to wonder if he’d look, wonder if she wanted him to look.
Or what he’d look like naked.
“I’m not going to do something just because you— What are you doing?” He watched her slide the denim down her legs and her face heated.
“What, did you think I was going to slide down that rock in my clothes? No way.” She’d be in nothing but her underwear. She rationalized that it was the same as wearing a bikini. Nothing less was covered.
He chuckled. “You’re still that same wild creature you’ve always been.”
She met his gaze. “Always and forever.” Kentucky meant to sound lighthearted, but it ended up sounding more like a confession. But that wasn’t anything he didn’t already know. “And I’m not the only one. You may be a Boy Scout, Sean Dryden, but you don’t get to be a special ops pilot by sitting on the sidelines.” She knew that spark was still in him, that fire. It just needed to be rekindled.
“Next you’re going to say to live a little. Am I right?” He shook his head. “Hell, I think you said those exact words to me last time we were all here.” Sean pointed to the top of Mossy Rock. “It was me, you, Lynnie, Eric and Rachel the weekend before graduation. I still hadn’t decided if I was going to K-State or enlisting.”
She smiled at him. “And Lynnie said you were her hero no matter what you chose.”
Shadows of emotion fell across his face. “But you, you told me live a little.”
“And are you?” Had he really enlisted because she’d told him to? That was insane. No one made life choices on an offhand comment made by the one in the group most likely to leave a good-looking corpse.
“I think I meant to,” Sean answered.
“So what are you doing? Come on.” She pulled her shirt off and slid down Mossy Rock into Sutter’s Pond. Things were getting too heavy again, too hot. Kentucky was intently aware of his eyes and everything his gaze touched. Like the sun stretching out rays of heat all down her skin.
She squeaked as the cool water enveloped her and she stayed beneath the dark surface for a time, the moment frozen, her feelings frozen. Under the water, she didn’t have to think about losing Lynnie.
Under the water, she didn’t have to think about Sean.
All she had to do was float. The weight of the water both pushed her down and held her suspended at the same time, or so it seemed to her. It was this strange sensation of nonbeing. But she only stayed there like a movie on pause. She didn’t want to stop feeling; she didn’t want to be frozen forever. She wanted a second where she didn’t have to do anything but float; then she could hit Play on the world again.
She let everything crash back into her as she surfaced. Her loss, her need, her desire and her hope. Her hope that she could cram everything she wanted to feel and experience into this life. It was over much too quickly, like fireworks.
He splashed into the water behind her.
Why had she thought this was a good idea again? Kentucky had only wanted to take his mind off their pain. But her mind was on something else altogether. She turned around to face him and he stood there bare chested like a freshwater Poseidon.
Sean scrubbed his hand over his face and pushed away the droplets of water. He grinned. His biceps bulged, the veins in his forearms raised under his tanned skin. She wanted to touch it, trace those lines up his arm, close her hands around his shoulders and pull him down to— She wouldn’t think about that now. She’d let herself have that fantasy when she was alone in the dark and pretending her own fingers were his.
She wouldn’t think about standing there in her wet bra and panties or the way the water slid down over the hard lines of his face, the sheen of water on his skin or the fact that he was wearing nothing but his issued boxer briefs, which molded to his body… Nope. Wasn’t going to think about it at all. Or the way he seemed to be looking at the lace that cupped her breasts. This could only lead to regret.
Not for her, but for him. He was hurting now and looking for something to stanch the pain. What better way than to get lost in another person? Her skin, her touch, her scent…that contact pushing away all the darkness, quieting the sadness, if only for a time.
But he’d feel guilty for it later—she knew that.
But if he kept looking at her that way, she was going to take him up on it. She’d wanted him for so long, and she didn’t do things like regret. Life was too fleeting. They were both still breathing and as much as she loved Lynnie, she was gone and she wasn’t coming back.
Instead of facing the burn growing between them, she splashed him.
His eyes narrowed and he pounced, catching her easily. He hoisted her high in the air and tossed her. She gave a small squeal of protest, but she loved it. The feeling of flying, no matter how brief, was amazing.
She came up from the water, elated and laughing. “So that’s all it takes, huh? Did you forget I love that?”
“No, I didn’t forget.” He snatched her up again, his broad, strong fingers scorching where they touched.
Kentucky rested her palms on his shoulders, unable and unwilling to fight the heady rush that came from both his nearness and the thrill she got from being flung through the air.
He threw her easily and she laughed again before splashing down into the water.
Sean tossed her a few more times and they swam in the little pond until dusk fell and Kentucky began to shiver. But she didn’t want to stop; she didn’t want this to be over.
Even though the fact that it had to end made it more special somehow.
Her teeth chattered as the night air blew brisk on her wet flesh, but she could shiver and chatter later. When Sean and these moments were gone.
“That’s it for you, Kentucky. You’re going to catch cold. Out of the water.”
“You’re not the boss of me,” she teased, and stuck her tongue out.
“As if, woman.” He shook his head. “No one is the boss of you. Never has been, never will be. But—” he eyed her “—I am someone who cares about you and wants you to take care of yourself.”
She opened her mouth and snapped it shut again, chattering aside. Kentucky really couldn’t argue with that. It was one of the things she adored about Sean. Lynnie’s brother, Eric, had always been the “do as I say” “I’m in charge” sort. He had the same motivation for
looking out for their group, because he cared. But Sean didn’t have to stamp his say-so on everything. He didn’t try to make her do anything, even if he thought it was best.
He never tried to crush the wild out of her.
“I suppose you could entice me with a fire.” She nodded to the makeshift fire pit that had been dug next to the pond.
“Hmm. I suppose I could if I knew how to start a fire.” He made a big show of shrugging his massive shoulders as if he were somehow helpless.
“Oh, please. You could start a fire with a piece of bark and a shoelace. Don’t be demure now.”
“Maybe I just want to see how long you’ll stay in the water to spite me.” He climbed out of the pond and headed toward the pit.
She laughed. “It’s not to spite you. If I stay covered, I’m warmer.”
“You’d be warmer over here. Next to me.”
She shivered again, but this time it wasn’t from the cold. Anticipation of what it could mean to share body heat with him, to be pressed up against his firm body…
“Come on, stubborn.”
Kentucky realized she was still standing in the water, staring at him, and he’d already built a small fire.
She bit her lip, indecision holding her back. Kentucky knew what she wanted, but did she want it enough to trade her friendship with him? They were both hurting and anyone who didn’t know where this little vignette by a fire under the stars would lead was kidding themselves.
Or naive.
They were both more worldly than that.
Kentucky had always been one to throw the cards up in the air and let them land where they may.
Maybe she was wrong about how Sean would feel. She’d just acknowledged they both knew how things worked. Maybe he’d take comfort in her and her in him and they could let it be just that.
She crept up out of the water and sat down on the sand next to him. She remembered how they’d all chipped in from their summer jobs to buy the sand to spread so they could have the fire pit. It was the old farmer’s one caveat to letting the kids stay on his property. Mossy Rock didn’t technically belong to him, but no one in Winchester County was going to tell him that.
His arm slid around her and he pulled her down with him. She settled against him, memorizing where their bodies touched and how the heat contrasted with the night air around them.
Kentucky looked up at the stars as they glittered in the velvet sky.
They didn’t speak for the longest time. Just two people clinging to each other in the dark, their chests rising and falling together in unison.
Part of her told her that she could still jump ship. She could make any excuse in the world to hop up and head back to the real world, where girls like her didn’t get boys like him, but she wasn’t going to. Kentucky had already thrown aside caution. Now she’d see what happened.
2
SHE FELT GOOD.
Like nothing had in a long time, Sean realized.
Wild Kentucky Lee calmed him, soothed him, made him feel as if no matter how screwed up the world was, everything would right itself.
It was so wrong.
He didn’t deserve to be soothed. He didn’t deserve to be reassured. Lynnie was gone and it was his fault.
He loved Lynnie. He always would. But for the last year before her death, he hadn’t been in love with her. She was an amazing woman, to be sure. Kind, warm, intelligent and red-carpet beautiful. She belonged to another world. A world where men didn’t get shredded by land mines; a world where people didn’t strap bombs to children. Lynnie belonged to a world with Sunday dinners and peach cobbler. A world that didn’t have a place for him.
When he ended things with her, she wasn’t even angry with him. She’d felt it, too. She just hadn’t wanted to put more on his plate while he was deployed.
Then they’d had to bury her with that ring on her finger. That ring that was a symbol of how both of their dreams had died. He supposed it was fitting that it go with her.
But if he hadn’t Skyped her, hadn’t told her how he felt, she wouldn’t have been out on that country road that night. She’d have been home, curled up in her favorite chair with her favorite tea and reading.
*
HE PULLED KENTUCKY CLOSER, her lush body a haven away from all that was bad. All the memories he didn’t want.
This moment between them was more than just a hiding place, though. Kentucky was hot and his body responded to her as it would any sexy woman. Whereas Lynnie’s appeal had been that she was so unearthly, a sort of fey loveliness with her petite pixie features and golden-blond hair, Kentucky was earthier. She was solid and strong but curved and soft. She was at odds with herself, as she was with most everything else.
Her arms were toned from her work as a mechanic, hands rough, but the swell of her hip seemed as if it’d be the most dangerous to ride. And her breasts in that lace bra… When she’d pulled off her shirt, he’d been so aroused.
Guilt had filled him, but it had done nothing to cool his desire. That was why he hadn’t wanted to get in the water with her. He didn’t want her to know how much of a bastard he really was.
Kentucky had always looked at him as though he were some kind of strange bug. The nicer he was to her, the odder she thought him. But underneath that, he’d always seen her secrets. When she started looking at him with a kind of longing, he knew it.
He also knew it was because he saw her, cared about her, and she didn’t have that. She didn’t have anyone she could trust. Except him. Except Lynnie.
But now Lynnie was gone.
And he wanted to lose himself in the woman next to him. For a moment, he wanted to feel something good. He wanted her to feel good, too, but he didn’t want to shatter the fragile trust she’d put in him.
“Thanks for today,” he said, finally breaking the silence.
“You, too.” Her hand settled on his chest. “It was good to know that some things can be the same.”
“But it wasn’t the same.”
“No? You didn’t have fun? You didn’t laugh? You didn’t wish for a single second that we had that cordial Rachel used to swipe from her cellar and some hot dogs on that fire? Not once?”
He found himself laughing again. “Yeah, you’ve got me there.” Sean exhaled heavily. “I’ve laughed more with you this evening than I have in a long time.”
“Well, you’ve got to do that for yourself now and again. Self-care, bro.” She elbowed him lightly.
“Yeah, a prescription of two doses of Kentucky Lee for what ails ya?” Damn, why had he said that? Because it was exactly what he’d been thinking, and she deserved better than that. He’d punched Robbie Carter in the face for saying something similar in cruder terms when they were sophomores.
Instead of taking offense, she just laughed. Not the kind of laugh that was false, or hiding some kind pain, but a genuine belly laugh. “Sure. Why not? It’s the first time I’ve ever been someone’s cure instead of their disease.”
“How do you know?”
“I don’t see anyone lined up waiting for you to hand them that particular prescription.”
“Once upon a time, there was a boy named Robbie Carter—”
She groaned. “Don’t remind me. That’s so embarrassing.”
“You know?” He turned on his side to look at her.
“Wait, know what?” Her brown eyes narrowed. “Besides he didn’t show to pick me up for Winter Royalty. Didn’t call. Never spoke to me again.”
“He thought you were the cure, so to speak.”
“Funny way of showing it.”
“Eric and I didn’t care for the way he talked about you in the locker room.”
She pushed at his shoulder. “What are you talking about?”
“He talked about how he was guaranteed to get in your pants at Royalty. He called you a slut, so I punched him.”
“Once?”
“Repeatedly. Then Eric hit him. Then the rest of the team told him if he said one more wo
rd about you, they’d leave nothing left of him but a grease stain on the floor.”
“Those guys never gave a damn about me. Why would they do that?”
“They cared about what Eric and I cared about. That was enough.”
She sighed and flopped back on the grass. “Well, you could’ve told me he wasn’t coming.”
“We didn’t want him to bail. We just wanted him to treat you with respect.”
“My knights in shining armor, trying to keep me celibate since tenth grade.”
“Oh, please. Don’t tell me you really wanted your first time to be with Robbie Carter.” They’d moved into dangerous territory, he knew. This wasn’t something they should be talking about.
“Well, I did just want to get it over with. I definitely didn’t want to be trite and wait until prom.”
“So who was it?”
“You wouldn’t know him. He lives in Canada.”
“Don’t go Sixteen Candles on me. Come on. I’ll tell you mine.”
“Yours was Lynnie. At Winter Royalty.” She rolled her eyes, but then she smiled. “She told me all about how magical and special it was.”
“Was it?” Those words punched him in the gut. “I’m glad.”
“Wasn’t it for you?”
“Of course it was. Then eight months later she broke up with me.”
“Because she knew you were the one. She wanted to make sure neither of you ever had any regrets.”
“I’ll be honest—all of my junior year, I thought I was dying. I dated other girls, but there was only Lynnie.” Only Lynnie, until he became someone else. Until his job changed him. Or maybe it unearthed who he really was, deep down in his bones. Because even though he saw horrible things, he made a difference. He loved what he did. He wished that the world didn’t need people like him, but as long as it did, he’d be there in the thick of it.
“Enough about me. You already knew that. Answer my question.” He searched her face. “Unless you really don’t want to.”
“So you’re telling me the state of my virginity and nonvirginity has been a burning question plaguing you since high school?” She smirked.
“What if it has?” What was he doing? This had gone past the boundaries of their friendship. He could lie to himself and say that friends shared these details all the time, but that wasn’t what this was. Not for him.
