When I walk out of the building, the freezing cold air hits my face and causes me to shiver. I was hoping to clear my head a little with the cold air, but I’m still so confused. How has Jamie suddenly turned from the most exasperating man who stole away Dad’s love and respect to how I perceive him now? I can’t get my head round this.
I hop in the taxi, immersed in my thoughts. If somebody had told me a while ago that somebody like Jamie could have triggered so many emotions in me, I wouldn’t have believed them. I am feeling so vulnerable. How did I allow him to have so much influence over me? How can a cake have such an effect? Jamie has charmed and enticed me; now I need to get out of his trap. Yeah, it must be a trap – that’s why he sent me to sign the documents. Although… he got ill for me? I have to be fair– there’s no way that he could have planned to get ill just to make me sign some documents. He probably didn’t want me to know about the Christmas cake or the fact that he chose my favourite chocolates for Valentine’s production. Oh, and the spaghetti – there was a reason behind that too.
I have a feeling that Jamie is turning out to be a better man that I thought he was, and I’m not sure that I want that to happen. He’s the only person on this planet that sends my senses into a spin… no matter how hard I try to avoid this.
I should pretend that I didn’t see or hear anything. If I choose to go down this path, Heather and Liam probably won’t say anything to Jamie and he won’t know that I know. The only problem might be his mother. They speak quite a lot on the phone, apparently. All I can do is hope that she doesn’t drop me in it.
*
“Ah, good to see you at last!” Elly greets me when I enter the book shop at lunch time.
“Thanks for your help, Elly.”
“No problem. Any news?” She asks.
“Jamie feels a lot better now, he’s as strong as an ox,” I reassure her, hoping that she won’t start firing endless questions at me.
“That’s good,” she says, in a different tone to that I was expecting. It sounds like she’s pondering and analysing goodness knows what.
“What’s good?” I can’t help but feel nervous when she looks so thoughtful.
“I was just reflecting on the fact that, no matter what I ask you, your thoughts are always on Jamie.”
“You asked me about him!” I reply quickly. I am not always thinking about him!
“I was asking you about your date with our future guest writer.” Oops – that was a fair cop, she caught me off guard there.
“It was a pleasant night, we went to an Italian restaurant.”
“And?” she insists.
“We might see each other again, after the book presentation.”
“Did he ask you to go out with him again?” The way Elly stares at me with her eyes wide open would offend me normally, but I reckon that I’m not the reason why she’s surprised.
“Yeah, he did,” I reply, as I try to understand why she is so incredulous. Elly keeps staring at me and pulls her thoughtful expression again.
“What, now?”
“Nothing,” she says as she puts on her coat.
“Nothing?”
“I was just thinking that even if you had this breaking news, your first thought was still of Jamie.” I look at her in shock. What is she on about? I can’t stand her when she plays detective.
“I thought you were going home?” I ask, offended.
“Yeah, I’m going,” she smiles, visibly amused. “My theory still holds true!” she exclaims, satisfied, then leaves me to my work.
16
When I open my eyes again in the morning, I’m convinced that Sundays are not fun any more, as they used to be. I used to love Sundays, but ever since I realised that I’m attracted to Jamie and that he isn’t the fiend I thought he was, Sundays have become unbearable.
Already grumpy, I get out of bed, tie my hair up in a knot in an attempt to make it look tidy and go downstairs. Of course Jamie is down here already – he’s busy working on one of his tasty breakfasts which are so difficult to refuse. It’s so irritating. He knows my weak points. Damn him! I have to be careful with this man – I know that if I give in to him again this morning, I’ll regret it. Considering the fact that I’m not capable of emotionally detaching myself from him, I have to find a way to make him stay away from me.
“Good morning!” He sounds happy. He gives me one of those smiles that sweep me off my feet. How can he be so attractive this early in the morning in a t-shirt and tracksuit bottoms with his face unshaved?
“Aha,” I reply, trying to curb his enthusiasm. I try to ignore the inviting smell that comes from the kitchen and flop onto my favourite sofa.
“Are you okay?” It should be me asking that, considering he was ill a few hours ago.
“I’m very well, thanks!”
“Are you sure?” he asks, and turns round to take a better look at me. Then he drags himself away from the kitchen and comes over to me. He begins staring into my eyes, assertively and penetratingly, as though he’s trying to find a clue about what’s wrong. That’s his trick – that’s how he understand what I’m thinking all the time! How come I didn’t realise before? I flip round quickly, turning my back on him. Staring at a sofa feels a lot more comfortable than looking into his eyes.
“What’s up?” he asks patiently as he perches next to me.
“You’re breaking the rules again,” I burst out impatiently, still talking to the sofa.
“Ash.” The way he pronounces my name is beautiful… No, I didn’t mean to think that. “Breakfast is ready – come and have a bite to eat.”
“I’m not hungry, and I don’t need you to make breakfast for me. Do you even remember that we have rules in this apartment? You’ve hardly respected any of them since you moved in!” I exclaim with irritation.
“Are you saying that you’re not hungry?”
“I’m saying that you’re being too invasive, Jamie. There’s no need to prepare meals for two. We’re two different individuals and we have nothing to do with each other. – stop acting like we’re a couple.” I shout, springing upright.
“I don’t understand,” he says, looking at me like I’m crazy.
“There’s nothing to understand – you live your life and I live mine.”
He stares at me for a few seconds, trying to digest the uncomfortable truth. I hate it when he looks at me like that, I can’t tear my eyes away from his and the intensity of his look makes me blush instantly.
“I know what you’re trying to do,” he states eventually. “But you won’t succeed. Stop it.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about – I just want you to respect my rules in this apartment,” I reply tersely. I don’t want to let my guard down.
“You’re trying to be nasty to me, but I won’t fall for it again – so stop it.”
“Are you saying that I’m a nasty person?” I don’t even know why I’m taking it so seriously.
“Stop it.”
“How dare you? Why do you think you have the right to give me orders? You should be the one to stop talking to me like that.” I fold my arms and stretch out on the sofa again, edging as far away from him as possible. This is going to be yet another horrible Sunday. How long until the end of the year?
Jamie sighs impatiently and springs up. Did he finally decide to leave me alone? It can’t be that easy – after a few steps, he stops and turns round again to face me.
“No, I won’t fall for it this time – you won’t get rid of me that easily. You can pretend that there’s nothing between us, you can be nasty to me for the whole day. You can lie to yourself if you want, but I won’t fall for it.” he announces.
“Why are you so stubborn?” I ask, edging even further away from him, trying to distance myself physically and emotionally.
“You’re attracted to me and you can’t deny it.” One of his droll smiles appears at the corner of his mouth.
“Of course I can, I’ll never admit anything like t
hat.”
“So,” he stretches out his hand towards me and strokes my cheek lightly. A warm shiver runs up my body – an unwelcome emotion. “Doesn’t this have any effect on you?” he asks in his warm, masculine voice.
I remain silent for a moment, thoroughly enjoying his sweet caress, then I realise that I’m letting my guard down. When I focus on my surroundings again, he’s looking at me with amusement – so like his mother. His fingers run through my hair and the palm of his hand moves lightly on my cheek. I see the fire of desire light up his eyes and for a moment, I want to give in to it… but I can’t. No, I can’t.
“No, we can’t.” I say out loud. I pull his hand away as though it were burning my face. I take advantage of his confusion to stand up and walk away. I can’t give in. I can’t give in.
*
I watched TV all day long without understanding any of it. My eyes were focused on the screen; I was immersed in my thoughts. Unwelcome thoughts are running through my mind. Only now do I realise how difficult it is to completely forget somebody, no matter how hard I try. I should at least be proud of the fact that I don’t give in too easily to men – at least not as easily as Elly. I don’t know how she can be happy being so vulnerable. I should also be happy that Jamie hasn’t been around for the rest of the day. I managed to spend the rest of my Sunday in complete solitude – excluding the short lunch break, when I went to the kitchen to get a snack. Jamie cooked another one of his delicious meals but I chose not to even look at what he was frying in the pans. I’m worried that each of his dishes might hide a secret meaning, especially after the short conversation that I had with his mother. Jamie isn’t the type of guy who leaves things to chance.
No, I didn’t give in. I fixed myself a quick sandwich with whatever I found in the fridge and then I went back to my room, still feeling very hungry despite having eaten. He looked disappointed and annoyed at the fact that I didn’t join him for lunch – if he wants war, war he shall have. Right now, these are the only weapons available to me – refraining from eating what he cooks and trying to keep away from him.
“Get up!” I jump up from my cosy position on the sofa at the shout that comes from behind. I turn my head round – Jamie is in front of the bookcase near the stairs. He’s standing with his arms crossed and an expression that doesn’t look good.
Did my ears detect an authoritative tone in his words? He has no right to tell me what to do. I’m pretty sure I already told him that, so I turn round again to watch the TV.
“Ashley,” he calls me again, this time more gently.
“I’ve nothing to say to you,” I reply, keeping my eyes on the TV. Perhaps this was a bad move, because a few seconds later, he’s standing right in front of me. “I do.”
“Move away, I can’t see anything.”
“Get up, Ashley. Get ready, we’re going out.”
“We’re going out? What do you mean?”
“We’re going out for a meal.” he says, with a note of enthusiasm in his voice – the corner of his mouth moves a little, resembling a smile.
“A meal out?”
“I’m taking you out for a meal, Ash.” he adds, in case I hadn’t understood the first time. “Get ready, we’re going in half an hour. I’ll wait for you downstairs,” he says and then heads to his room.
“I don’t want to go out with you!” I reply, before he disappears behind the door. I don’t have to explain myself to him.
“You can’t choose. Get ready, you have half an hour before we go out,” he says authoritatively and then he closes the door.
Hell. Is he serious? I don’t want to go out with him – it would be a date, a real date, and not something fake like the meal with Elly and Alex!
My mind doesn’t want to accept that I have to get up and get ready. It would mean I had accepted defeat, and I refuse to. When we started sharing the same apartment, I knew that it would be a difficult year… but this is worse than I could ever have imagined.
“Twenty-three minutes!” He shouts from his room.
“No, wait!” I turn round quickly, kneeling on the sofa. I don’t want to get off it. I hear him walk out of his room and then open the door. He looks at me with a light in his eyes that shouldn’t be there. Why are Sundays so difficult?
“Yeah?”
“I’m not joking, Jamie. I don’t want to go out, I’m not in the mood and I’m tired.” I insist, hoping that this will convince him.
“You have to eat something – you don’t seem to want to eat anything that I cook today, so I’ll take you out for a meal.” I have a funny feeling that he spent a few hours thinking about this during the afternoon.
“Jamie!” I complain, sitting back on the sofa. I’m trapped and I can’t seem to find a way out of it. How come I’m pleading with him? He’s almost ready – he looks extremely attractive even if he’s wearing just a pair of casual jeans and a white shirt with the collar unbuttoned.
“Stop moaning – I told you that it wouldn’t work this time. You have eighteen minutes,” he continues, glancing at his watch.
“No, no, no! I won’t go out with you, I won’t get changed, I won’t move from here, stop harassing me! If it’s an invitation, I decline. I’m free to decline any invitations,” I retort. A moment later, Jamie is sitting next to me, his expression is both thoughtful and determined. It looks like he’s trying to find a way to convince me.
“Why are you so keen?” I ask, trying to discourage him.
“I told you – maybe you don’t have the courage to admit the truth, but I do.”
“What are you talking about, Jamie?”
“Us. I’m talking about us.”
“There’s no ‘us’, I don’t know how many times I have to repeat that,” I say, feeling uncomfortable.
“That’s what you’re trying to convince yourself, for some unknown reason, but you know that it’s not true.” His penetrating eyes emphasise the fact that he’s certain of himself.
“Show me. Show me that I’m wrong.”
“How can I show you? You wouldn’t believe me even if the Queen wrote to you about it!”
He obviously doesn’t want to give up on me.
“I don’t want the Queen to tell me. I want the facts. We kissed, and that’s a fact. We both liked it, and that’s another fact. We’re both attracted to each other, that’s a fact.”
“I was drunk, Jamie. I didn’t want to kiss you, I was just drunk.”
“You were the first time. But what about the second time? And the third?”
“Mistakes. They were just mistakes and you obviously want to keep rubbing it in.”
“You’re not telling the truth – you call them mistakes but both of us wanted to make them. I want you kiss you even now.”
“Are you serious?” I say and I shake my head slightly.
“Never been more serious,” he carries on.
“I hate you.”
“I love you.”
I stare at him for a while, unable to say anything. I don’t know how to react – he can’t say something so important so lightly, with that expression and the way he looks at me. No, nothing good can come of this. I don’t trust him, I can’t trust him. This story is getting out of control.
“That’s enough, let’s end this conversation here.” I cut him off before the discussion becomes too serious. He doesn’t seem surprised by my reaction – a moment later, he leans over me a little and puts his hand on my hair.
I know what he’s about to do – I know it well, and yet I’m unable to move a single muscle in my body. This would be the right time to slide away from him, but I just can’t. The touch of his warm, sweet lips on mine finally ends my inner struggle. I know that it’s not right, but the taste of his lips is the sweetest – he kisses me gently at the beginning, almost like he wants to make sure that it is okay with me. His slow, passionate kiss is impossible to resist. I kiss him back as passionately, until my emotions take full control. A moment later, his warm hands are around my
body and I surrender to his determined touch. The weight of his body on mine, his fingers running through my hair, his other hand touching my stomach under my sweater all make me unable to fight it. I shouldn’t have allowed this to happen, but it’s so difficult to regret this right now.
All of a sudden, everything around me disappears – the characters in Grey’s Anatomy move their lips without making a sound, the light that illuminates the room slowly fades, the memories of our fights over the apartment are forgotten – it’s just me and him. It’s me and Jamie – two bodies mixed into one.
Our tongues describe a greedy dance which sets my body on fire. I pull his shirt out of his jeans and I unbutton it slowly, until I feel his warm skin with my hands. He takes his shirt off impatiently, never detaching his lips from mine. Then he caresses my back with one hand and runs his finger over my cheek with the other, until he touches my neck. I love his hands and the way he touches me – he’s demanding and yet very gentle. I love the way he makes me feel so protected and desired. I close my eyes and I give myself up to him, oblivious to all my worries. The kisses are delightful but I want more – he senses this and he stands up. He lifts me up easily and takes me in his arms. Jamie knows how to treat a woman and how to make her feel important. As I lay my head on his chest, I completely forget the reasons why I should keep away from him. He’s the only thing that I have ever desired, more than anything – even more than my own apartment.
When he takes me to his room, I put my hands on his cheeks and kiss him again. He smiles at me in an impudent way and I glare at him. When I see the passion and the joy in his eyes, though, I surrender again to him and his desire. The fact that I was the cause of all this gives me a strange satisfaction, and I forget that I should be upset with him for luring me into the inevitable.
“Just a mistake, huh?” he smiles naughtily again, gazing deeply into my eyes.
“Shush,” I say to him, and then I kiss him again.
The Inheritance: A feisty, giggle-inducing romance Page 19
