by Nicola West
The silence in the car after she had finished was almost tangible. Linzi kept her eyes on Jason's for as long as she could, trembling uncontrollably at the darkening expression, the seething anger that she saw there. Obviously he'd thought she didn't know about that, thought her accusations the other day were wild and empty. Now he knew—and she was aware that his fury transcended anything she'd yet seen.
'So that's it,' Jason growled at last. 'That's what's been festering in your mind these past few days. And I suppose you concocted this pretty little tale while I was in Newport the other day. Just why, I wonder? Because you were afraid of what you were getting yourself into? Because you were afraid of your own response to me? Don't trouble to deny it—you know very well you were ready to melt into my arms that night, you'd have been mine without a second thought for your precious Richard if I'd persisted. Even now—' his fingers reached out to touch her neck and slid down inside the collars of her dress to stroke the rounded breasts beneath '—even now, if I wanted to make love to you, you'd let me. Oh, you might struggle at first—' his hand tightened as she pulled ineffectually at his arm '—but you'd come in the end. Wouldn't you, my darling?' The word was invested with contempt as he moved closer and his lips met hers in a hard, brief kiss. 'Don't worry, Linzi. I'm not going to have my wicked way with you— not tonight, anyway. And you needn't make up any more fairy-tales to keep your precious virginity inviolate. I imagine the one you've just recounted will be more than enough to keep you safe until I've finished my work.'
'Fairy-tale?' Linzi held desperately to the shreds of dignity that were all she had left. 'That's no fairy-tale, Jason—and you needn't try to convince me it is. I've seen that baby—and nothing will persuade me that it isn't yours, nothing!'
His eyes raked her body, leaving her feeling that she'd been stripped naked. For a moment his barely-suppressed anger seemed to fill the car almost to exploding point. Then he turned away, and started the engine again.
'There's no more to be said then, is there?' he snarled;
and Linzi felt herself grow cold. She hadn't meant to say that — it wasn't even true, not entirely. She'd just wanted to lash out—to hurt him as deeply as she herself had been hurt. For a moment she longed to call the words back, to have them unsaid; but a glance at Jason's white, furious face told her that no apology could take back what she had just done to him.
Jason didn't speak again all the way home. Nor when he let Linzi out of the car and saw her into the house. Nor when he turned abruptly away and went out again, slamming the door behind him and making his way with heavy tread across the yard to the studio.
CHAPTER SEVEN
Jason did not appear at breakfast the next morning. As if in accordance with their stormy relationship, the weather had broken, and Hugh brought Linzi's coffee and grapefruit into the little breakfast-room just off the kitchen. It faced east to catch the morning sun, but there wasn't any sun to catch this morning. The sky had darkened and brooding clouds hung low over the hilltops. Linzi looked out of the window and shivered.
'Isn't Jason eating breakfast?' she enquired with an attempt at nonchalance, but Hugh was impassive as he poured coffee.
'He's already had his—said he wanted to get to work early. He's very much absorbed when he's working.'
'Yes, I know.'
'Did you enjoy the dinner-party last night? Selwyn Penrhys is back, I believe.'
'Yes, that's right. Do you know him, Hugh?'
'Not well.' Hugh's face was guarded. 'He's been here, of course. Jason's more—friendly—with his sister, and of course Selwyn has been away a lot.'
'Yes, so I understand.' So Hugh didn't like Selwyn either, Linzi thought, and wondered why. She'd told herself it was just her own unhappy association with New York, plus Selwyn's pass at her which he might very well regret now. But there was something else.. . .
Jason didn't want her in the studio this morning, Hugh had told her, and she was at something of a loose end when, shortly before eleven, Megan came out to where she was helping Alun with some gardening to tell her she had a visitor. Puzzled, Linzi followed her indoors, wiping her hands on her handkerchief as she did so, and found Selwyn lounging near the patio door.
'Oh,' Linzi said blankly. 'Megan told me it was someone for me, shall I fetch Jason?'
Selwyn smiled. 'But I am for you, Linzi—how could you doubt it? No, it wasn't Jason I wanted to see.' He. studied her. 'I wanted to ask you to have dinner with me. Tonight. I want to get to know you, Linzi.'
'You do?' Linzi remembered the previous night. 'I thought perhaps you'd come to apologise.'
'Apologise?' Selwyn repeated. 'Oh, you mean for that little fiasco last night.' He laughed, clearly not in the least embarrassed. 'Yes, it was a little ludicrous, wasn't it? I can only blame the wine we had for dinner—it rather went to our heads, didn't it? Never mind, little one, next time we'll make sure that we aren't interrupted.' He moved a little closer. 'It's been quite a bonus finding you around, Linzi. Pretty girls aren't all that thick on the ground in this neck of the woods. . . .'
'Look, you seem to have the wrong idea about me, Selwyn,' said Linzi, moving away. 'I'm already engaged, and getting married in a couple of months. I'm not interested in petting sessions with you or anyone else. Sorry, but that's the way it is.'
'Oh, it is, is it?' Startled, she looked up and caught an expression of malevolence on Selwyn's face. 'That's not what I heard! Quite the reverse, in fact. I got the distinct impression that you were only too ready for the occasional bit of fun.'
Linzi stared at him, her flesh prickling with repugnance. 'What—what are you talking about?'
'Little sessions in the old chapel?' Selwyn suggested, keeping his eyes fixed on her. 'Or were you just examining the fixtures and fittings?' His smile widened foxily, showing his white teeth. 'Come off it, Linzi. You're not the pure and innocent maiden you're making yourself out to be.'
'Ceri, Linzi said slowly. 'Ceri told you about the chapel, didn't she? Was it her idea that you should make a pass at me too? So that I could look foolish in front of Jason?'
Selwyn chuckled. 'What a vivid imagination you have! As if I need my sister to tell me what to do with a beautiful woman. And as I told you, I'll make sure there's no chance of interruption next time.' He reached out and stroked Linzi's arm with his finger. 'Change your mind, Linzi. Come out with me tonight.'
'No, thank you,' Linzi answered steadily, and moved away from his reach. 'I've told you, I'm not interested.'
'Rather stay in with Jason, eh?' Selwyn's voice took on an ugly note. 'And in just what way is that more loyal to the City banker than coming out with me?'
'There's nothing' between Jason and me ‑'
'No? Then you won't mind my telling your boy-friend about the chapel, will you? I'm sure he'd be interested.'
Linzi closed her eyes. Just what was Selwyn playing at? What was he hoping to achieve? If he was hoping to deflect her attention from Jason—or Jason's from her—then he really needn't bother. After last night, she'd be surprised if Jason ever spoke to her again. And her own emotions were so confused that she didn't know whether she cared or not; When she thought of going back to London, never seeing Jason again, a hard knot of misery seemed to gather in her stomach. Yet the thought of Sian could change the misery into anger and disappointment, and she felt convinced that tomorrow couldn't be too soon for her departure. Bewildered, she raised a hand to her head, and opened her eyes to find Selwyn watching her.
'Look,' she said, 'I don't know what you're after, but if all you want is to blackmail me into an affair with you, you're wasting your time. I shan't be here much longer, anyway. And I really do think that Richard is more likely to believe me than you.'
'You do?' He showed his teeth again, and Linzi felt a quiver of fear. 'All right, Linzi, we'll leave it at that. I'm sure you know your own business best. But we're still friends, aren't we?' To her surprise, he held out his hand and smiled disarmingly. 'After all, you can't really blame me for tr
ying, can you?'
Taken aback by his effrontery, Linzi could only stare. And then a sound at the patio door made them both swing round as Jason came into the room.
Would she ever be able to see him without thinking how handsome he was? Even in working jeans and sweater, the lines of his muscular body outlined by the dark material, Jason looked as much in command as in the formal clothes he had been wearing when she had last seen him. His face was stern, as if carved from granite, and the lines of it tightened as he looked from Linzi to Selwyn and back again.
'Sorry, I seem to be in the habit of interrupting you two.'
'You're not interrupting at all,' Linzi said quickly. 'Selwyn just looked in to say hello ‑'
'And invite Linzi out with me,' Selwyn cut in smoothly. 'But alas,, she prefers the company at Bron Melyn. You'll have to tell me your secret some time, Jason.'
Linzi caught Jason's eyes on her, bright and sardonic. 'Oh, you must have misunderstood her,' he said deliberately. 'I'm sure Linzi must have had quite enough of my dull company. Why don't you go with him, Linzi? I'm sure you'd enjoy an evening out with Selwyn.'
Linzi gazed at him in helpless fury. Was this a conspiracy or something? Last night he'd been angry because he'd found her apparently enjoying a tumble with Selwyn on the chesterfield—now he was making it impossible for her to avoid a further encounter. Perhaps he didn't think she was serious in her refusal, and wanted to see how far she would go before giving in. For a moment' she was strongly tempted to accept Selwyn's invitation on the spot.
It was Selwyn himself who saved her. With a casual shrug of the shoulders he turned away, saying, 'Oh, don't push her, Jason. I think she's got a lot of sense in refusing to come out with me until she knows me better. After all, I might be a rapist for all she—or you—might know!' He turned back and gave Linzi a friendly grin. 'But you wouldn't refuse a walk on the hills during broad daylight, would you? Bring Bracken along, if it gives you any comfort—I'm sure he'd defend your honour.' And, as Linzi hesitated, he added softly: 'It might be quite interesting for you, actually. I've got some pictures you might like to see. You could give me your opinion of them.' He waited for a moment. 'Shall we say just after two? I'll come over and we'll walk up from here, shall we? And don't worry about the weather—the clouds are disappearing already.'
Linzi could find nothing to say. Her heart was hammering against her ribs. But her lack of response didn't seem to worry Selwyn. He grinned at Jason and slid out through the patio door, whistling. A few minutes later they heard his car start up and disappear down the lane.
Jason eyed Linzi speculatively.
'Well, that invitation didn't appear to fill you-with joy,' he remarked. 'You look as if you've seen a ghost. I thought you liked our Selwyn?'
'You think a lot of things,' Linzi said shortly. 'Jason, you made it almost impossible for me to refuse to go out with Selwyn—why?'
'Why?' He raised one eyebrow at her. 'I don't know what you're talking about. Surely you wanted to go? A night out with a good-looking young man like Selwyn— why, half the girls in South Wales would jump at the chance ‑'
'Well, I happen to belong to the other half.' Restlessly, Linzi moved around the room. 'Look, you got the wrong idea last night—I wasn't enjoying a roll on the sofa with Selwyn, whatever it may have looked like. He made a pass at me, and I didn't like it ‑'
'Oh, I could see that!' Jason interrupted with heavy sarcasm.
'Jason, it's true! He took me by surprise, that's all. I was extremely relieved when you and Ceri came in ‑'
'Let's give it a rest, Linzi, shall we?' Jason sounded bored now as he moved to stare out of the window. 'Okay, I've got the message, you hate the sight of Selwyn, that's why you're going walking on the hills with him this afternoon. All right, I believe you.'
'I'm taking Bracken ‑'
'And just what protection do you think he'll be? He's police-trained, yes, but to hunt down criminals, not guard a maiden's chastity! I didn't notice him defending your honour up in the chapel, did you? No, he simply lay down in a corner and went to sleep.'
'I suppose he's been trained to do that too!' Linzi flashed. 'Since you had him, of course!'
Jason sighed. 'Here we go again. You simply won't believe I'm not the seducer of the valleys, will you?'
Jason turned away and stared out of the huge window. Higher up the valley, the clouds were already lifting, shreds of blue sky showing between them. His back was broad, stretching the fabric of his sweater, the strength of his muscles apparent in every movement. Linzi watched him, a feeling of deep despair growing in her stomach, flooding her body and limbs. She knew now that the love she felt for Jason was real, true and everlasting. Nothing could destroy it. And she longed for him to turn round, gather her into his arms and take full possession of her, ease the yearning she felt in every cell of her trembling body, and bring her the fulfilment only he could bring.
Slowly, she saw him turn back, and her heart thundered, pulsing the blood through her body so that she tingled. But he didn't move to touch her, and she knew that her moment of desire was once more to pass unassuaged. Knew too that Jason mustn't suspect her feelings, must never know how she longed to be in his arms.
She raised her chin and met his eyes with the defiance that was her only weapon.
'You'd be wiser to treat Selwyn with more caution,' Jason warned her, his face grave. 'Linzi, do you have to go out with him this afternoon? I know I made it awkward for you, but—well, I'd be happier if you rang him and called it off.'
Linzi watched him warily. His sudden change had thrown her off balance and once again she wanted to drop all her defences and run to his arms, blurt out all her worries and let him lift the burden from her. But it was too soon, too sudden. Until seconds ago, they had been fighting. How could she trust this about-face?
Jason took a step nearer and lifted her chin with one finger so that she was forced to meet his eyes. Their blue was as intense as the sea she remembered off the Cornish coast years ago. They searched her own, questioning, seeking, but she did not understand the questions he was asking—or maybe she was afraid to.
'Look, Linzi,' he said, and his voice was urgent, 'we've got to stop all this scrapping. It's not getting us anywhere. Okay, I'm as much in the wrong as you are—but you get my goat so much at times that I—oh hell, let's forget that. I just want to be sure you know what you're doing. There's this Richard—are you really sure he's the right one for you? And Selwyn—what the hell are you playing at there? I thought I knew you, Linzi—oh, I realised you'd have changed, grown up, matured—but there are changes I didn't expect, changes I don't understand and don't like. I know you don't like me to say this, Linzi, but I do still feel responsible for you. I don't want you to get hurt.'
Linzi found herself blinking away tears. He felt responsible for her—but he didn't love her. And how desperately, how achingly she needed to hear him say that. To know that he loved her as she loved him, in spite of Sian, in spite of everything that had happened between them. But it was no use. There could never be love between them, not love of that kind. To Jason she still was, as she would always be, his responsibility. And for her, that simply wasn't enough.
His lips were close to hers as he whispered: 'Don't meet Selwyn this afternoon, Linzi.'
She longed to tell him that she wouldn't. A walk with Selwyn was the last thing she desired, especially when there was a chance of repairing her relationship with Jason. But Selwyn's words came back to her as she hesitated. They'd seemed almost to constitute a threat—could well be a threat. And with a jolt of panic, she knew that she would have to go.
Abruptly she turned away from Jason, leaving him staring after her as she moved quickly across the room.
'I have to go,' she said. 'I—I've promised to go. You're right, Jason, I don't like it when you say you still feel responsible. It seems to me that you're doing just what you did five years ago—using it as an excuse to keep chains on me. Well, I'm grown up now and it wo
n't work.' She turned to face him, knowing that her only salvation lay in making him angry, for she was totally unable to stand out against his tenderness. 'I choose my own friends now, Jason. I've been doing that quite successfully for five years, and I think I can look after myself pretty well without your grandfatherly advice. And since you made it so difficult for me to refuse to go -with Selwyn, I mean to stick by my arrangements. Who knows, I might even enjoy it. You seem to think I might anyway!'
Jason's face darkened. He stared at her, his eyes taking in every detail of her appearance, the thin sweater outlining her full breasts, the jeans that hugged her small rounded hips. Then he said shortly: 'I wish you well then, Linzi, for there's nothing more I can do. But I hope to God you know just what you're doing—and what you want out of life. Because I'm damned sure I don't!'
*
The heavy clouds of the morning had, as Selwyn had forecast, dispersed by the time Linzi set off with him up the lane, but the afternoon was heavy, the heat sultry. The freshness of the past week had gone and Linzi felt hot and disinclined to climb far up the hill. Even Bracken seemed to feel it; instead of lolloping along ahead of them, he walked beside her, his tongue already hanging out.
Selwyn seemed to be completely without embarrassment as he chatted to her about his travels. He had been to Europe as well as America, she found; he dealt with all kinds of commodities, whatever was most in demand. Just now he was particularly interested in Citizens' Band radio. He had made several useful contacts in America, and had only been waiting for the legalisation date to be announced in Britain to begin selling here. You couldn't help but make money, he assured her, if you had the right eye for profit and chance.
'And you have?' Linzi said drily.
