by Kristi Gold
“No you don’t,” she said. “No sexy talk. Not until you answer my question.”
Fueled by his sudden anger, Mitch bolted from the chair and began to pace. “Okay, Tori, if you really want the truth, I’ll tell you. But it’s ugly.”
“I can handle it.”
He braced one arm on a bookshelf, determined not to look at her, otherwise he might not get this out. “My mother wanted to die at home, and she considered the ranch home, not the Bellaire mansion my father bought to impress all his cronies. So I made the arrangements for her to travel here by ambulance, against my father’s wishes. He was royally pissed at me for doing it.”
“And he wasn’t at her side for that reason?”
“He was here the morning she died, but he had to get back to D.C. to do the nation’s business.”
“He left knowing she was going to die?”
Mitch hated to admit the truth, but he felt it only fair to do so. “We didn’t know it was going to be that day exactly, but we knew she was close. He should’ve stayed anyway.”
“Were you with her when she died?”
“Yeah.” This was the most difficult part—the memories of his mother going to sleep and never waking up while he watched. “She slipped into a coma that afternoon while I was reading to her from this.” He pulled out the book of poetry. “She revered John Donne. She taught me to appreciate poetry.”
Sadness turned her dark eyes even darker. “I did something similar the day my mother died.”
“You read to her?”
“I sang to her.”
Mitch wasn’t at all surprised, and he could imagine how much that had meant to her mother. “What did you sing?”
“The same song I sang the night we met. She loved Patsy Cline. I think that particular song had to do with her feelings for my father, although we never discussed that. It seemed to hurt her to talk about him.”
“Where is your father now?”
“I don’t know. In fact, I don’t even know his name because I never asked, and my mom never offered. She did give me an envelope on my sixteenth birthday that contained his identity. I’ve never opened it.”
Mitch had erroneously assumed that she didn’t see her dad by choice. He’d never begun to consider she hadn’t met him. “Why haven’t you tried to find out more about him?”
“Maybe I just want to keep hanging on to the resentment. I guess we’re alike in that respect, resenting our fathers because of what they have or haven’t done. But at least you had a father to lean on after your mom was gone.”
“Buck, yeah. My dad, no.” Mitch shoved the book back into place and faced Tori. “Then the bastard had the nerve to remarry six months later.”
Tori’s confusion was apparent in her expression. “I thought he remarried a year later.”
“That’s what he wanted everyone to believe, and he had the means to cover it up. That whole wedding the following year was only a show for the media. He betrayed my mother’s memory and he came out of it without suffering a scratch on his well-regarded record.”
“Do you think he was seeing your stepmother before your mother’s death?”
“He denied it to me. But I’ve never believed it.”
Tori rose from the sofa and laid a hand on his shoulder. “Sometimes things happen between people that are beyond control, especially when it comes to grief. Maybe he’s telling the truth.”
Mitch shook off her hand and turned his back to her again. He expected her to listen, to understand, not to side with his father. “It’s not important anymore. That was a long time ago. I don’t care to rehash it, so let’s drop it.”
“I understand. You’re not willing to forgive your father. But at least you have one, even if he isn’t perfect. That’s more than I’ve ever had.”
Remorse for his insensitivity turned Mitch toward Tori again, only to find she was at the door. “Where are you going?”
“To bed.”
“I’ll be there in a while.”
She finally faced him. “To my bed, Mitch. I think you need some time alone tonight. And I’m sorry if I’ve made you dredge up some painful memories. I was only trying to help.”
She had helped him in many ways, if only by listening, that much Mitch acknowledged. But his pride prevented him from protesting, even though he wanted to be with her this last night more than he’d wanted anything in a long, long time. “Fine. If that’s what you want.”
“I’ll see you in the morning,” she said, then left without a glance in his direction.
And more than likely, tomorrow morning might very well be the last time he would see her. He couldn’t blame her for walking away from his bitterness. He understood why she wouldn’t want to be involved with a man who’d made it his goal to steer clear of committing to anything aside from his business. A man who had been so caught up in his own anger that he hadn’t even stopped to consider that she’d never known her own father.
Spending the night without her in his arms would be his punishment, and he should just accept it like a man. But he’d be damned if he would.
Nine
Lying on her side facing the window, Tori felt the bend of the mattress behind her and smelled the trace scent of summer-fresh soap. She sensed his heat a second before he settled against her back and his arms came around her.
“I’m sorry, babe,” he whispered. “I don’t know what else to say.”
As far as Tori was concerned, he didn’t have to say anything else. Although she believed it unwise to accept his apology so easily, she felt powerless to do anything else. An even trade for spending a last night with him.
Turning into his arms, she buried her face against his bare shoulder. Although he had removed all of his clothes, he simply held her for a long while, as if reluctant to make another move. Or perhaps this was what he needed from her at the moment, someone to absorb the pain and anger that still haunted him like a restless spirit.
Tori did want more from him. She wanted to remember being so closely joined with him that she didn’t know where she began and he ended. To remember what it was like to be totally lost in love with a man, something she’d never understood until now.
She breezed her hand down his back, over the curve of his hip and then back up his side before reaching between them to touch him. He was already aroused, even before the first steady stroke of her fingertips. When she continued to explore, a slight groan slipped from his lips before he gave her a meaningful kiss propelled by pent-up emotion and the ever-present passion. He clasped her wrist and brought her hand to his lips for a kiss, then sent his hands over, touching places both innocent and intimate. Rolling her onto her back, he kissed his way down her body, breathing soft sensuous words against her skin, stopping to finesse her breasts then working his warm, wonderful mouth lower, bringing her to the sweetest release she had known in his arms.
He moved over her without a sound, entered her with a sigh, made love to her carefully as if she were precious. Then the passion prevailed, setting them on a frantic course. When they were spent in each others’ arms, their skin damp from the heat of the lovemaking, their ragged breathing echoing in the silent room, only then did Tori realize what they’d forgotten. Again.
Although the timing wasn’t conducive to pregnancy, she felt she should be honest with him about the chance they’d taken, both tonight and the first night they had been together. Yet when he whispered, “I can’t get enough of you,” in her ear, she couldn’t quite find the strength to tell him. Not yet. But she had to tell him before night’s end.
He rolled onto his back and settled her against his chest, stroking her hair and kissing her forehead as he always did in the aftermath, a habit of his she had come to appreciate and cherish. Only one more of the many reasons she loved him, and she did love him, wise or not.
Mitch’s rough sigh signaled the end of the comfortable silence. “I’ve never told anyone about the moments before my mother’s death. Not even Buck. He left the room bec
ause he couldn’t handle it.”
Tori found it odd that Mitch hadn’t blamed Buck for his absence where he had blamed his dad. She also suspected that he was concerned she might use that information in the article. “I promise it will stay between you and me.”
“And if you ever decide to find your father, I have a few connections who could probably help.”
“I really appreciate that, Mitch.” And she did. “But I’ll only consider doing that when I decide to have children. I would want to have a medical history, if that’s possible. I doubt I would pursue any kind of relationship with him, and that’s assuming he would even want that.”
“You plan to have kids?” His incredulous tone cut Tori to the quick.
“In the future.” Quite possibly in the near future, if she’d become pregnant that first night they were together. It was now or never. “Speaking of children, there’s something I need to tell you.”
He tensed against her side. “You already have a kid?”
“No. The birth control shot I told you about, well, it’s been a while since I had it. It might not be effective. I don’t think there’s a huge chance I could be pregnant, but nothing’s fail safe.”
She closed her eyes tightly and waited for the fallout. Waited for him to bolt from the bed and run like the wind. Instead, he said, “Condoms aren’t one hundred percent fail-safe, either. We’ll just hope there won’t be any consequences. And if there are, we’ll deal with it if and when the time comes.”
Tori didn’t dare ask how he intended to deal with it. She only knew that if she happened to be pregnant, she would love and care for the baby as well as her mother had loved and cared for her. She would tell her child about its father. But would she tell Mitch and face his rejection, the same as her mother?
He lifted her chin and kissed her lips softly, thrusting all the concerns from her mind. “Are you sleepy?”
“Not really.”
“Neither am I. Any ideas how we might pass the time?”
He was drawing her in again with only the idle touch of his fingertips stroking her shoulder. “We could go grab a bite to eat in the kitchen,” she said, even though she couldn’t imagine choking down a bite of anything.
“I’m not hungry.”
“Go for a midnight ride in the truck?”
His finger drifted down between her breasts. “Why don’t we just go for another midnight ride?”
“But Mitch, it’s only been about twenty minutes.”
He pulled her over until they were face to face, body to body once more. He pressed against her, making it quite clear that twenty minutes had been more than sufficient. “You’re insatiable,” she told him.
He palmed her breast. “Downright rapacious.”
“Rapacious? How about voracious?”
He slid his hand down her belly and taunted her some more. “Horny.”
Tori laughed but not for long. She was too caught up in his caresses to laugh. Too overwhelmed by the fact that he could make her want him so desperately. Too aware that tomorrow would come too soon.
But tonight was theirs—all theirs—and she planned to enjoy it to the fullest.
After last night, Mitch knew every inch of Tori’s body, every sweet curve, crevice and furrow. He knew every sound she made when he pleased her, every soft sigh and steady moan. He knew the feel of her hands on him, all over him, and thinking about that now brought his need for her back to life, even if he hadn’t slept in over twenty-four hours.
He valued her as a lover, would miss her in those hours before dawn, but he would long for her friendship just as much. That’s why he couldn’t let her leave until she agreed to see him again.
Determination drove him out the front door that he let slam behind him, startling Tori, who was now standing at the passenger side of Stella’s car. He slid his hands deep into his pockets before he did something stupid, like carry her back to his bed to engage her in a little sensual torment until she agreed. But that wasn’t the answer right now. She needed to know that this wasn’t only about sex. Not by a long shot. How he was going to express that, he had no idea. He’d just have to wing it and wish for the best.
“Need any help?” he asked, realizing he was a little late in making the offer since her bags were already positioned in the trunk. His fault, since he’d stayed way too long in the shower, hoping she might change her mind about joining him after she’d refused the offer. He’d begun to sense the distance she was putting between them long before she’d left his room to pack.
She smiled but it faded fast. “I’ve got it all. Thanks.”
He’d never noticed the flecks of gold in her brown eyes until now, or how the highlights in her brown hair took on the appearance of fire in the sunlight. So much he hadn’t noticed and he wanted more opportunities to correct that. “Are you sure you don’t want me to take you to the airport?”
“You’re needed more here. Buck told me you’re all about to saddle up and move the herd.”
“I could take a couple of extra hours.” Man, he sounded almost desperate. Maybe he was. “The boys won’t be back from church until lunchtime.”
“That’s okay,” she said. “Stella needs to pick up some things in the city that she can’t get here.”
He clenched his jaw tight against protests he wanted to issue over her stubbornness. “Fine. But before you go, we need to talk about when we’re going to see each other again.”
She leaned back against the car and toed a rock with her sneaker. “I really don’t think that’s going to be possible.”
Damn her resistance. “Sure it is. I either come there or you come here a couple of weekends a month. If money is a problem, I’ll buy you a plane ticket.”
Her gaze shot to his. “It’s not the money, Mitch. But there is a problem.”
“What?”
“I’ve been in a long-distance relationship before. It doesn’t work.”
“We could try it. It might work for us.”
“Yes, it probably would work for you, but not for me.”
“I don’t understand what you’re saying, Tori.”
She released a slow breath. “I don’t want to be your weekend girl, Mitch. I don’t want to end up like Mary Alice, spending the next nine years of my life in a relationship that’s never going to go anywhere.”
How could he explain that she was nothing like Mary Alice? How could he tell her that she’d meant more to him than any woman he’d been involved with in his thirty-three years? “What do you want from me, Tori?”
“Nothing, Mitch. I don’t want anything from you. But I might if we stay involved and I know that scares the hell out of you.”
Mitch couldn’t deny that. He also couldn’t deny he didn’t want to lose her completely. “If you mean marriage, you know how I feel about that.”
“Oh, yes. You’ve made that clear as glass.”
Turning away, she opened the door but Mitch closed it with his palm before she could climb inside. “Tori, I’m asking you to think about it. You don’t have to answer me now.”
She faced him again and framed his jaw in her palm. “Yes, I do have to answer you now. And the answer is no. I’m already halfway in love with you, and I don’t want to go all the way alone. I don’t want my life to be full of goodbyes. So let’s just leave it at this.” She stood on tiptoe and kissed him as gently as her touch. “I’ll send you a copy of the article when I’m through with the final draft.”
Still reeling over her declaration, he didn’t know what to say. Could he really offer her more than his time in bits and pieces? Could he even consider committing to her? Right now, he wasn’t at all sure, so he offered her the only thing he could until he sorted everything out. “You don’t have to send the article, Tori. I trust you.”
She looked as if he’d given her his entire ranch. “I won’t let you down.”
She already had, but it wasn’t her fault. It was his.
“I have something for you,” she said, then p
ulled a brown clasp envelope out of her back pocket. “Here. But don’t open it now.”
Mitch took it in his hand and turned it over. “What is it?”
“The picture you took of me in the office.”
Damn. “When did you get it developed? Where did you get it developed?”
“Stella let me in the drugstore yesterday morning before they opened. I used their equipment.”
Man, that was the worst move Tori could’ve made. “What did you do with the negative, because I don’t have to tell you what could happen—”
She patted his arm. “I destroyed it, so don’t look so worried.”
Something else was also weighing heavily on his mind and he needed to get it out in the open. “You will tell me if you’re pregnant, right?”
“We’ve got to go, Tori,” Stella called from the driver’s side.
Tori consulted her watch. “She’s right. I’ve got to go. Bye, Mitch. It’s been great.” Without another word, she slid into the car and closed the door.
It’s been great? How many times had he said that to a woman before he sent her away to resume his solitary existence? He was getting a bitter taste of his own medicine, and it burned like acid all the way to his gut.
Angry at Tori over her casual dismissal, at himself for not being the kind of man she needed, Mitch spun around and headed for the house, determined not to watch her drive out of his life. But as if he’d lost command over his will, he turned and leaned a shoulder against the rock support on the front porch. Stella pulled the sedan out of the circular drive and headed away, then stopped abruptly.
When the passenger door opened, Mitch believed Tori had changed her mind. Believed she was coming back to tell him that she didn’t want it to be over. At the very least, coming back for one more kiss. Hell, he didn’t care why, just as long as she did come back.
All his hope dulled when she exited the car with camera in hand and snapped a picture of him, favoring him with a sweet smile as his final keepsake.
