by R. J. Price
The man fled.
In his absence, Aren relaxed. She felt different somehow. Not only had she questioned a man, but the man who had control over her and she had won. Maybe.
She waited as time slid past, counting the moments of quiet.
Danya finally appeared, coming down the steps slowly. In the chamber, Danya moved more quickly, within reach of Aren before she moved back, out of reach. The healer breathed in, then out slowly. She went down on her knees, looking up at Aren.
“How have I angered you?” Danya asked.
“You haven't,” Aren said, sinking to the floor herself. A trembling came over her limbs as she watched Danya. Tears sprang to her eyes as it set in on her. “He threatened to rape me and... and I don't know. I just wanted to see you so I told him to get you and when he refused, I threatened to destroy everything. It worked, I don't understand.”
Aren broke down in tears, unable to grasp what she had done.
“He did say that he told you,” Danya said. That was all the healer said, simply watching Aren.
“About the babe I lost?” Aren asked.
“Women lose children often. If it had affected your ability to carry another, I would have told you that before. Long before, like when you awoke the first day. Do you believe that?”
“I do,” Aren said, sniffing as she tried to calm herself down.
“Good, that's very good,” Danya said soothingly. “Now I want you to tell me in as much detail as possible what happened between you and Rewel. It sounds like something has changed in your behaviour. It sounded like you were behaving as any other queen would, except something you did frightened him enough to believe you. That tactic might not work again but if you can tell me what you did, I might be able to help you protect yourself from him.”
“He won't try anything until spring. It's too damp for a child to take, he claimed.”
“How would he know that?” Danya asked.
Aren coughed as the thought occurred to her. “You never spoke with the others?”
“No, they were nasty women, most of them,” Danya said. “Certainly not the sort of queen you'd want to serve. Most of them had a belief that they were better than us because he was a commoner and, myself, a healer. I felt nothing for them.”
“They were innocents,” Aren said.
“Once,” Danya said. “Rewel was also an innocent once. I am an innocent. You are an innocent. I could no more stop Rewel than you could.”
“Why?” Aren demanded.
Danya was quiet for a time, then the healer said, “You told me about your time at court, about the events that led to your fleeing.”
“Yes, and?” Aren asked.
“You made great changes and stood for yourself until your parents arrived at court. Then suddenly you were stuck in place, just running in circles while they dictated your life.”
“What's your point, Danya?”
“Why couldn't you stop your parents?”
“That's not fair,” Aren said. “I asked you a question, but you countered it with a question.”
“Does it not put things into perspective for you?” Danya asked. “I can no more stop Rewel, than you could stop your parents. They are your dark spirits. He is mine.”
Chapter Thirty-Four
Av stood on the porch, a cup of tea in one hand as he leaned on the rail with both elbows. Being outside was so much easier than being inside. Each day was agony for him to live through and he was pretty certain his father knew it.
The broken rib wasn't supposed to happen. Ribs were difficult to heal, what with the chest expanding and contracting with breath all the time. A cold had come into the home, first into Mie, thanks to his day out in the cold, then to Av, probably for the same reason, then into Ervam. The coughing definitely did not help a healing rib.
When Nae had visited to check on Anue and Ervam, she had brought a binding and thrown it at Av's head. She had then proceeded to take a strip off of him, thinking he was denying his own father the medicines that would numb his pain and aid his healing.
Av had dragged the healer off the porch and around the bend, where he had given her a lecture the likes of which she wouldn't soon forget. It was eating him up inside, but the old man wouldn't accept anything to numb the pain because that would mean that Av won.
“Stubborn son of a—” Av stopped speaking when the door opened.
He kept his features carefully neutral, and tried to look as if he were surveying the lake as the door closed again. Jer joined him, letting out a puff of air. The two of them watched the cloud of breath trickle away. Av tried to do the same, but nothing came out. Jer looked at Av, then huffed out an annoyed sound as he buttoned up his coat.
“Hiding out here won't change the fact that he's in there, suffering,” Jer said.
“I know that, but it keeps me from leaping off the edge,” Av said.
“Just let him take the tea,” Jer said, raising his voice and then lowering it all at once.
In his attempt to hide from his own pain, Av had neglected to see to Jer's feelings. His brother was torn up about the fight, trying to keep the peace between warrior and trainer, to prevent them from coming to blows in front of the children.
Av struggled with his own feelings, buried them down deep. He set the cup on the railing.
“He is the one who won't take it,” Av said, turning his full attention to Jer. “All he has to do is submit.”
“You are denying him what he needs.”
“He doesn't need it,” Av said to Jer. “He wants it. It would make his life easier, would numb his pain. If he needed something? His desires be damned, I would make him drink it or he'd drown as I dumped it down his throat.”
“The cough is getting worse,” Jer said.
“I'll send for Nae,” Av said.
“Healers can't do anything for a cough,” Jer said to Av. “If I lose him because you two can't get along, I will be very upset.”
Av stepped up to Jer and wrapped his arms around his brother. He drew the younger man close and hugged him tight, held onto him as if he wouldn't let Jer go, not ever.
“You have to do-up the bindings because he won't let me touch him, and I know that must hurt you,” Av said in a whisper. “I'm sorry it hurts you. But if he won't submit, he can't have it. Have you not put it together yet?”
“No, besides the fact that he made a choice that you didn't like,” Jer said. “With your mood since Laeder's visit, it's hard to guess what set it off. You've every right to go off—someone you love is in pain and hurting—but so is someone we both love.”
“I wasn't supposed to break a rib,” Av said, pulling away from Jer. “I lost control. Only for a moment. And now I have to watch him suffer and be stubborn and not submit. But I made my stance, I cannot back down now.”
“For what purpose?” Jer asked.
“He said she couldn't have anything to numb the pain because when a queen is numbed, her magic floods the land no matter whose territory she's on,” Av said.
“What's that matter?” Jer asked.
Av watched the idea turn over in Jer's mind. The man came to the conclusion, his eyes going a little wider and he pulled away from Av.
“It had to be done, Jer,” Av said. “You can't make a girl suffer just because an old man is still suffering.”
“She's still here?” Jer asked, looking around them, at the yard, to the porch, to their father's home. “After all these years?”
“She's not. Mother is long gone—not long gone, but long to the other side. All that remained here was her magic.”
“That's why he still grieves,” Jer said.
“It's also why he won't give in,” Av said.
“At least tell me it hurts,” Jer said.
“It does,” Av said. He held up a hand when Jer tried to say something else. “It hurts me in ways I cannot put words to because I know I'm not only making him submit to me, but I'm erasing the last of her from everything.” He paused to consider. �
�What kind of a son does that to his own parents?”
“It's been weeks,” Jer said. “She's already gone. We didn't even feel it. This land belongs to Anue now. Which is a frightening thought. She's too young to hold land.”
“Especially when she's linked to Aren,” Av said.
“You know about that?” Jer asked.
“You're kind of stupid sometimes,” Av muttered.
“No, about what the healer said to me, about Anue,” Jer said, watching Av for a time. “She didn't think Anue's arm should have broken, given the force a young boy, even a young warrior, can give off. Sure, we're stronger than the average man, but that's after years of training. Some of the guard can take on the weaker warriors and win. Mie's barely old enough to know that he has a mind, let alone be able to tap into whatever it is that makes us stronger.”
“He's also years younger than I was when I first dropped into that crazy state,” Av said. “And you followed along behind, but there're no other ranks in the village to have triggered him.”
“And the only man with answers isn't talking to either of us and while he's aware of Mie's state, isn't sharing with the rest of the group,” Jer muttered.
“Let's focus on the family problem, not other reasons to get him to submit,” Av said.
“It makes it easier to go back inside,” Jer said. “Like walking into a wall of knives. And you out here, hiding from him. Why don't you spend more time inside, like you've got a pair of balls?”
“Balls do not promise the ability to stand against someone like Father,” Av said. “Mother could do it, but she didn't have balls.”
“The way he tells it, she had a pair elsewhere,” Jer said. “Though I never understood what that meant.”
Av laughed, immediately understanding, yet it had never occurred to him before. Jer stared at him, cocking his head to the side. In response, Av motioned as if he had a pair of breasts. To which Jer stood and stared at Av's chest, frowning.
“I don't get it,” he said.
“Mother had a giant pair, just they weren't between her legs, they were hanging off her chest.”
Jer’s frown deepened. Then it seemed to dawn on him as his eyes went wide and his mouth dropped open. It was a ridiculous idea, yet Av had heard guards say almost the same thing about the women Av had chased as lovers. For a while Em had tried to convince others that Av was gay by claiming he liked those with balls. The guards had retaliated by declaring that of course Av liked a person with giant balls... attached to her chest.
“If only she were here,” Jer said. “She'd—”
Av watched Jer frown and look away. “She'd what?”
“You get in that house, right now,” Jer said, jabbing a finger at the door. “Now, Av.”
Confused, Av obeyed. Walking into the house was terrifying for him, like being dropped into freezing waters, like walking into a wall of knives on purpose. A trainer's rage was a special sort of anger, one of the only things that could pierce the warrior who had annoyed the trainer.
His father sat before the fire, a blanket across his legs. That much, at least, Ervam had allowed Jer to do but only to set a good example for Anue. The girl sat in another seat by the fire, pillows tucked around her, a blanket tucked up over her legs and up to her chest. In her lap was a book, which she had insisted on being able to turn the pages herself.
Mie was on the floor, his back to Anue's seat. The position was one that Av recognized. Mie was literally watching that which Anue could not. The little warrior turned his attention to Av and Jer, walking into the house. Av saw how Mie relaxed just slightly, but not entirely, when he recognized his brothers.
Jer went about boiling water and making tea with the herbs that Nae had provided for Anue. He set the mug on the table and then gave Av a look that dared him to question him.
“Ervam,” Jer said. The use of his name, instead of calling him Father, caught the trainer's attention despite the pain that had to have been clouding his vision. “Come here.”
Ervam stood slowly, setting the blanket on the chair before he approached the dining table and looked at Jer.
“Have a seat, both of you,” Jer said, then looked at Av.
Taking in a breath, Av took a seat. His father did the same. Jer set his hands on the back of the chair before him and stared down at the two older men. He kept the height for a reason, Av knew.
“We, are a damned family,” Jer said. “Family doesn't fight, family doesn't bicker. It doesn't beat one another into a pulp for the sake of petty arguments.”
“It's out of your control,” Ervam said.
“You keep quiet, unless I ask you a question, Ervam. Because I know what you did, and unless you want the entire house to know, you will not speak.”
Av glanced at the children, who were suddenly watching them.
He recalled, dimly, such a conversation between his mother and his father and a warrior. He couldn't recall who the warrior had been, but he remembered a fight. Mirmae, the queen, could pull off such a trick, a queen could make demands on other ranks. Jer was not a queen, he was simply a warrior.
Ervam relaxed himself slowly. Shame prevented him from revealing what he had claimed before. Av knew then that he had won. His father regretted the decision, his impulsive words, but wouldn't give in to Av out of pride alone.
“You are both stupid,” Jer said. “But you, Ervam? You are aged, beyond your prime. Do you want to die? Do you want to set a terrible example for not only other ranks, but for your sons? Is that what you want? For Mie to lose his mother and his father within the span of six months because you're too stubborn to do what is right?”
“What is right?” Ervam asked.
Jer slammed his hand onto the table, making everyone flinch. “You care for your body. You make certain that your body is able to survive. No matter your damned pride. If you need water to live, you suck a dick to get water.”
“Jer, there are children present,” Av said.
“I don't need anything to live,” Ervam said.
“But you aren't respecting your body, and it has served you good and well,” Jer countered. “Anue, don't worry about eating full meals, I'm sure your mother was right.”
“What are you saying?” the trainer snapped, standing too quickly. An arm wrapped around his ribs, and he curled as the motion caused pain. Ervam gritted his teeth and growled out the pain. “Are you mad? You don't tell a queen that.”
“And you don't set a poor example for the children,” Jer said.
He picked up the mug of tea and set it before Ervam. Jer said not another word, simply pulling out the chair and sitting, watching the trainer expectantly.
Av wanted to run and hide. He did not want to be a part of this. When he looked to Jer for help, he found that annoyed glare turned to him. Av, too, was being punished for not ending this sooner.
Jer was not stronger than either of them, but the bonds he had created with them over the years were stronger than any muscle might have been. His brother counted on those bonds being strong enough to survive a test. Av could only pray that Jer was right.
There was a very long, awkward silence as Jer glared at Av.
Then their father said, “Fine,” and dragged the mug towards himself.
Chapter Thirty-Five
Aren set the book to the side when she heard a footstep on the stairs. Danya appeared a moment later with clean clothing in one hand and an orb in the other. With a frown, she came to Aren and set the clothing at her feet, then left again.
This was not the first time Danya had brought Aren clean clothing. She knew what was going on. There was no way for Danya to see where she was stepping without the light, but she could only carry so much in one hand at a time. The healer, over the course of almost an hour, brought down three buckets of water, a package of soap and a washcloth, and a little scoop to dump the water over Aren's body.
The most time-consuming part was heating the water. Once it was heated and in the chamber, something about Are
n's magic kept the water warm. Cold water stayed cold, and, without access to her magic, Aren had no way to heat it up of her own free will.
With all the items, finally, Danya motioned to Aren, who stood and began undoing the buttons. The healer left with the dirty clothing immediately while Aren began scrubbing herself as best she could.
Rewel did not allow her to bathe every day, as she was used to. Not even every other day. Once a week, by Aren's count. There had been one time where Aren hadn't bathed for several weeks, but that had been because Rewel had fallen ill and Danya had to tend to him.
Once washed, Aren slipped into the new, clean clothing.
“I'm decent,” she called to the steps.
Danya appeared and began the process of removing all the items once more. Aren wished there was something she could do to make the woman's job easier, but the chamber seemed to be made entirely of stone. Dumping a bucket would mean it would stay in the chamber and stagnant water was not a good thing—that much Aren knew.
When all the items were removed, Danya returned with a bowl of food and a filled bottle. These she set before Aren and then sat a little ways away.
“I already ate,” Danya said.
Aren picked up the bowl and sniffed it. With a frown she looked into the bowl and poked at a potato, then a carrot. Root vegetables made up a majority of their diet and Aren had become bored with them months ago. In amongst the vegetables were chunks of what looked like meat. She plucked one up between two fingers and placed it in her mouth, chewing as the warmth of meat filled her senses.
Rewel didn't even trust her with a spoon. The man was afraid Aren might try to scoop out his eyes with any utensil she was given. He had reason to worry, though Aren still would have appreciated being able to eat with something besides her hands.
“Deer,” Danya said. “Rewel brought it down last night. There were six of them, he said, grazing on the edge of the village proper. I saw birds this morning, a robin, just sitting up in a branch, singing its little heart out.”
