by M. S. Force
“We can get you into Mr. Godfrey’s apartment through the garage.”
Before I can tell him I don’t want to go to Mr. Godfrey’s apartment, Josh is getting into the passenger seat and we’re leaving the airport. If I tell them I don’t want to go to Flynn’s, how can I be sure they won’t tell someone I said that? I’m very concerned about doing something to draw more attention to my relationship with Flynn. We’ve already had more than enough.
So I say nothing. It’s not like his place isn’t lovely. It’ll hardly be a hardship to spend time there. And he has that amazing tub that he never uses, a memory that has tears stinging my eyes. I can’t imagine what it’ll be like to be there without him.
I snuggle Fluff closer to me. “We have each other, right, Fluff?”
She licks my face, and I’m immensely grateful for the one “person” I can always count on no matter what. We’ve been through everything together.
At Flynn’s building, the photographers are set up out front, so we drive around the building to the garage entrance in back. The mere sight of the building and the door to the garage is enough to resurrect some of the sweetest memories of my life, and I’m again on the verge of tears.
Seth punches in the code to open the big metal door. He has the SUV inside and the door closing before the photographers can mobilize.
I stare at Flynn’s priceless Bugatti, remembering him picking me up for our first date in the gorgeous car and teasing him later about loving that car more than he loves me. My gloved hand over my mouth is the only thing that keeps my sob from escaping.
“We’ll get your bag, Mrs. Godfrey. You can go ahead up.”
I’m left staggered from being called Mrs. Godfrey for the first time by someone other than my husband. I clear my throat. “I, um, I don’t have a key. With me.” I add that last part because I don’t want them to know I’ve never had a key. Well, that’s not exactly true. Flynn gave me one the night we met so I could use his awesome tub any time I wanted. I’d left it on his dresser because I didn’t feel right about taking it.
“We’ll be close by if you need us,” Seth said. “Just send a text.” Bringing my bag to me, he uses his keycard to send me to the top-floor apartment. I let Fluff off the leash in the elevator. The doors open into Flynn’s foyer, and Fluff trots into the apartment like she owns the place. And then she starts barking, snarling and growling.
I pull my bag off the elevator and follow her into the living room, where I see that she’s barking, snarling and growling at Flynn.
“Natalie…” He looks awful. His gorgeous face is ravaged by despair. I can tell with one quick look that he hasn’t slept since I saw him last.
I’m still angry that he lied to me. I still don’t know how I feel about discovering he’s a sexual dominant with desires I can’t begin to understand. I have no idea where we can possibly go from here.
But none of that matters when compared to how much I love him. All I see when I look at him is the man who came running to me at my darkest hour, who went to war on my behalf, who donated half a million dollars to my sick friend and gave me the sun, the moon and the stars. I see my best friend and my love.
I run to him.
He meets me halfway and lets out a low moan as he hugs me fiercely, lifting me off my feet into his embrace.
I cling to him, breathing in his familiar scent, relief coursing through me. The turbulence inside me settles and quiets. I’m back where I belong, and that’s the only thing I know for certain right now.
“I’m so sorry, sweetheart,” he whispers. “This was all my fault. I should’ve told you everything.” His face brushes against mine, leaving dampness behind. His tears shatter me all over again. “I’ll do anything… Anything it takes to fix this. I can’t live without you, Nat. I love you so much. Tell me you still love me.”
“I do, Flynn. I still love you.”
And then he’s kissing me, fiercely, intently, and it’s like the first time all over again, that day on the street outside of Aileen’s when he kissed me like he would die if he couldn’t kiss me right in that moment. I wrap my arms around his neck and kiss him back, every bit as desperate for him.
He pushes my coat off my shoulders, and it lands on the floor behind me. Then he’s lifting me and carrying me into the bedroom. We come down on the bed in a tangled mass of limbs, all without missing a beat in the kiss. His hands are everywhere, as if he’s taking inventory and making sure I’ve returned to him whole and intact.
I can’t get close enough to him, even with my fingers fisted into his hair, my legs intertwined with his and his tongue in my mouth. It’s not enough. It’s nowhere near enough. “Flynn…” I break the kiss, gasping for badly needed air.
“Tell me, sweetheart. Tell me what you want.”
“You. I want you.” I tug at his T-shirt, which quickly disappears over his head. Nuzzling his muscular chest and taking comfort in the soft brush of his chest hair against my face, I am home.
He drags my sweater up and over my head, releases my bra and unbuttons my jeans. I fumble with the button to his jeans, so he helps me.
The second we are both naked, he rolls me under him and pushes into me in one smooth stroke that stretches me to the point of pain. It’s the most exquisite pain I’ve ever experienced. His eyes close and his forehead comes down on mine. The relief I see on his face is so profound it brings me to tears.
For the longest time, neither of us moves. We simply exist, together, breathing the same air, our bodies joined, our hearts beating as one again.
“Natalie…” He kisses my face, my lips, my neck, and then returns to my lips.
I wrap my legs around his hips, hoping to encourage him to move, but he remains maddeningly still.
“I love you so much,” he whispers against my lips. “I almost lost my mind without you. I fucked this up so bad, and I’m going to fix it. I’ll do anything it takes, but please don’t leave me again. Please.”
“I’m not going anywhere.” For better or worse, he’s my husband, and I love him. Every beat of my heart is for him.
His tortured moan seems ripped straight from his soul, his tears dampen my face and neck as he begins to move in me, thrusting deep, withdrawing and slamming into me, over and over again. He hooks his arms under my legs, pulling them up higher and driving farther into me.
He keeps watch over me in that sharp, knowing way of his, looking for signs of trouble. But there’s no trouble. There’s only piercing pleasure as his forceful strokes trigger a powerful orgasm that makes me scream from the sheer magic we create together. At least it’s magic to me. I’m not sure now if he feels the same.
Thrusting deeply, he throws his head back, his eyes closed and his jaw tense as he comes. I’ve never seen anything more magnificent than the sight of my husband lost in passion, lost in me.
As amazing as it was, however, I’m again left to wonder if he’s as satisfied as I am.
He releases my legs, which are quivering in the aftermath. I hold him close to me, his face nuzzled into the nook between my neck and shoulder. His heavy breathing sets off goose bumps that make my nipples tighten.
He groans. “Do that again.”
“What did I do?”
“Tighten your pussy around my cock.”
His earthy language, which would be off-putting from anyone else, is a huge turn-on coming from him. I give him what he wants.
“Fuck. Christ, I’m already hard again.”
I’m surprised when he withdraws from me and flops onto his back, his big, hard penis extending above his navel. I surprise myself—and him—when I rise to my knees and bend to take that beautiful part of him into my mouth.
His gasp of surprise makes me smile. He’s taught me how to do this, how to give it to him the way he likes it—deep and tight and wet. I begin by wrapping my lips around the wide head and sucking—hard.
He arches his hips, his hands full of my hair. “Nat, God… Natalie… I don’t deserve this or you.�
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I moan, letting my lips vibrate under the sensitive head. He’s taught me so much in the last few weeks, things I never would’ve considered doing before I loved him.
He pulls himself free of my mouth. “No, Nat.”
“Did I do it wrong?” Will I always wonder now if I’m pleasing him? How will I know?
“Come up here.” He holds out his arms to me.
I settle on top of him, his erection pressed tightly to my belly, my breasts flat against his chest.
With his hands on my face, he stares at me. “I was grossly unfair to you. I knew it while it was happening, and I struggled with it. I need you to know that.”
“I do know. I even understand why you didn’t tell me.”
“I’m so sorry I lied the other day. I’m looking you in the eyes right now and promising you, swearing on my life, that it’ll never happen again—ever. I need you to believe me when I tell you—”
I lay my finger over his lips. “I do. I believe you.”
“It killed me to know that I’d hurt you so badly, that I’d done the same thing to you—”
“No, Flynn, no. It was nothing even close to that. It hurt me, yes, but you lied to me because you love me, and you thought you were protecting me.”
“Yes,” he says, sounding relieved that I understand.
“That’s not the same thing as what happened to me before. You… You’re…”
“What, sweetheart? What am I?”
“Everything.”
He closes his eyes as his cheek pulses. “The day we met,” he says softly without opening his eyes, “when Hayden told me there was no place in my life for a sweet girl like you…” He opens his eyes, and I see the agony he has endured. It’s plainly obvious now. Has it been there all along, but I missed it because I didn’t know to look for it? “He was absolutely right. I knew it then, and part of me knows it now. But my heart recognized you that day in the park. I knew you as mine. That’s why I went after you. It’s why I’ve done everything else since then. That moment of recognition has governed every choice I’ve made where you’re concerned.”
I’m deeply touched by his heartfelt words. “After our first date, when you didn’t call me… You said it was because of you, not me. This is what you meant?”
“Yes.” He keeps one hand on my face and raises the other to run his fingers through his hair. “There’s so much to it. I don’t even know where to begin.”
“Start at the beginning. I want to know you, Flynn. I want to know all of you, even the parts you think will scare or unsettle me. I want everything with you.”
Caressing my cheek, he says, “You’ve already had more of me—more of the parts that truly matter—than anyone else ever has.”
“Then give me the rest, too.”
His deep sigh lets me know this isn’t easy for him. He turns us so we’re on our sides, facing each other, sharing the same pillow. Then he tugs the comforter up and over us.
Fluff jumps up on the bed and settles in a huff behind me, her back pressed against mine. The relief at having our little family back together almost makes me forget we are far from out of the woods, despite our passionate reunion.
“I want to tell you everything. I want to tell you because you deserve to know, and you have to believe I trust you with my life. But what I’m going to tell you involves other people, too, and it’s imperative that you never speak of it to anyone. Ever.”
“You have my word, Flynn. You can trust me to keep your secrets the same way I trust you to keep mine.”
His face lifts into a small half smile, but his eyes are still troubled. “The summer we were twenty-one, Hayden went with his dad to make a movie in Amsterdam. They were there the whole summer, and Hayden became friends with the lead actor on the film, a hotshot young star whose name you’d recognize. He introduced Hayden to a whole new world neither of us knew existed. I got cryptic texts from him that I wouldn’t believe the shit he was doing. When he finally got home to LA, he was a different person. Like any young guy who’s had the ultimate sexual experiences, he wanted to talk about it. And like any young guy whose friend has done crazy shit, I wanted to hear about it. Rather than tell me, though, he showed me. He took me to some clubs in LA where I got an eyeful, to say the least. It wasn’t just the sex, even though that was incredible—both to watch and to participate in. I was equally fascinated by the exchange of power, the emotion, the connection.
“I was brought up to respect women, and I always have. I was raised by a mother who blazed her own successful path in show business, and I was heavily influenced by three strong-willed older sisters. So to discover there were women who were willingly submissive was eye-opening to say the least. But it was more than that… I felt like a part of myself that had lain dormant my entire life was awaking to discover who I was really meant to be. I’m not sure if that makes any sense at all.”
“It makes a lot of sense. I’ve felt that way since I met you.”
“I’ve felt the same way, Nat. Even though there were things I kept from you, I’ve felt more alive and more settled since I met you than ever before.”
“How is that possible if you were also denying this huge part of yourself to be with me?”
Chapter 3
This is excruciating. I can’t bear to see her doubting our connection or thinking I’ve been finding fault in her when that couldn’t be further from the truth.
“It’s possible because I love you so much.”
“I believe you when you say that, I honestly do. But I still don’t understand how you can love me so much if that means you can’t be yourself with me.”
I stare at the wall behind her for a long time, trying to find a way to explain something I’ve had a hard time understanding myself. “After we first met, and you told me how you felt about sex, I sensed pretty early on that something awful had happened to you. I had to resist the overwhelming temptation to have someone find out what. I decided I wanted to let you tell me when you were ready. After what happened on our wedding night and then when I heard the whole story… I just knew I could never let you see the dominant side of me because it would scare the hell out of you.”
“So you were prepared to live without that for the rest of your life?”
“If that’s what it took to make you happy.”
“But what about you and what you need?”
“I was willing to live without it if it meant I got to have you.”
“Flynn… You shouldn’t have to do that.”
I reach over to run my finger over her kiss-swollen bottom lip. “I spent one day without you and felt like I was going to die. Trust me, if the alternative is to lose you, I can live without anything—except for you.”
She looks up at me with eyes gone liquid with emotions she doesn’t try to hide. “While I was gone, I relived every minute we’ve spent together, every second, every touch, every kiss, every time we made love. I thought about all the things you did for me when my story went public, how you helped Aileen and brought my kids to see me before we left New York… You made me feel so safe and loved, even when my life was falling apart.”
“There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for you, Natalie. Nothing at all.”
“Then you’ll show me what you want from me? You’ll let me see your darkest desires?”
“No.”
“That’s it? Just no?”
I curl a strand of her long hair around my finger. “You’ve given me a priceless gift by trusting me enough, after what you endured at such a young age, to let me make love to you, to take me into your body and allow me to be with you this way. It would kill me, and I mean literally kill me, if I did anything to ruin that trust or to scare you so badly you wouldn’t be able to stand my touch.”
“How will we know if I can stand it if we never try?”
“You have no idea what you’re asking.”
“Then tell me! Show me. Educate me. But don’t leave me in the dark wondering what you really wan
t and making me wonder, every time we make love, if you’re unsatisfied.”
I stare at her, incredulous. “I’m not unsatisfied.”
“But you want more.”
“Yes, I want more! I’ll always want more with you. But I’m satisfied with what I have, and that’s enough.”
“How long will it be enough? How long will it be before you’re having fantasies about doing things with me that you’ve done with other women?”
I divert my gaze because that’s already happened, but in dreams over which I have no control.
“Flynn?”
I’ve promised to be honest with her, and I intend to keep that promise. “I’ve already had those fantasies. I’ve had dreams about being at the club and in the dungeon with you.”
“That day in LA… When I asked you what was wrong and I thought I’d said something in my sleep that had upset you…”
“I’d had a dream that left me out of sorts, but I worked it out.”
She is quiet for a very long, unsettling moment.
“What are you thinking?”
“I don’t know if I can do this.”
Her words strike fear in my heart that ricochets through my entire body. “What can’t you do?”
“This. Us. Any of it.”
“Natalie, come on. This is only one part of our relationship. The rest of it is fucking perfect. You’d really throw all that away because of this?”
“I can’t possibly answer that question without knowing what this entails.”
“So, what? You want details?”
“That would be a good place to start.”
I can almost feel my blood pressure inching into the danger zone at the thought of detailing my kink to her. My sweet, beautiful Natalie hasn’t the first clue what she’s asking for. She’ll never look at me the same way again if I tell her, and I can’t risk that.
I get out of bed and pull on a pair of sweats.
“Where’re you going?”
“I need a drink.” I leave the bedroom and go into the kitchen, where I pour myself a couple of shots of Bowmore, my favorite Scottish single malt. It burns all the way through me, reminding me I haven’t eaten much of anything in the last twenty-four miserable hours.
