by Connie Cox
“How old were you?”
“Eight.” He stared out at the vast ocean all around. “My brothers were sixteen, fourteen and thirteen then. They buried their grief, trying to help me recover from mine. They had to grow up so fast for me. Along with Yiayia, they’ve been taking care of me ever since. They’ve never once complained about their lot in life.”
“Your family finds strength in each other. I saw that last night at the dinner table.”
He gave her a wry look. “And then there’s me.”
“You’re different?”
He nodded confirmation. “I’m different.”
“How?”
“I love my family but I often feel trapped, smothered. Uncomfortable in my own skin.” He’d never said any of this out loud. Not even to himself in the dark of night. Why now? Why Annalise?
Was it because they were complete strangers and would never see each other after this trip ended?
He’d had so much on his mind and in his heart for so many years. Recently, since he’d started to consider selling his portion of the practice, the pressure had been building more and more until he thought he would come apart at the seams.
“They’ve sacrificed so much to give me a comfortable lifestyle they’d never even dream of having themselves.”
And he had been determined to succeed for them. To give back to them. To show his appreciation by being all they wanted him to be.
“They’re very proud of you. Even when your brothers tease you, they do it with pride in their voices. And your grandmother told me at least a dozen times how you have big-time celebrities for clientele.” Realization dawned. “You’re afraid of disappointing them. How could you? You’ve become everything they sacrificed for. You’ve fulfilled their expectations. They get to be in the limelight through you, and I think they’re perfectly happy that way.”
“But that’s not me.” He struggled with being that man they imagined him to be. The one who strutted onto talk shows to talk about celebrity makeovers or who attended black-tie affairs with a model on his arm. The whole time he sipped champagne and waved away expensive hors d’oeuvres he thought of those who didn’t have the basics of clean water to drink or food to eat.
“The sparkle in Yiayia’s eyes when she brags about my photos on the society pages of the newspapers can’t erase the bleakness in the eyes of the mothers whose children suffer from cleft palates. Doctors Without Borders. That’s where I belong. No fanfare. No glory.”
No family. That part was too painful to say aloud. Giving up the happiness his brothers had found in the arms of the women they loved had been a decision he’d willfully made but he still couldn’t stop wishing he could have it all.
But his wandering ways didn’t make for permanent relationships. A woman needed things. A house full of knick-knacks and baubles, a steady group of friends, children. Permanence. All the things he couldn’t promise her.
“You’ve chosen a tough path.”
He nodded. “But I need it. I’m never more alive than when I’m cheating death. I need the deeply satisfying buzz of seeing blank eyes start to sparkle, of seeing hope come alive in environments and conditions that make living from day to day a challenge.”
His world was not one where he would voluntarily raise a family.
“I can see that in you. I hear the passion in your voice.” Her own voice quavered, as if she was hesitant to offer that much up to him. “Why medicine? There are a lot of professions you could have chosen.”
He shrugged. “Most of my memories of the wreck are fuzzy, just a lot of hazy pain, emotional more than physical, I think. I broke my jaw but I don’t remember it hurting all that much right then. They sent a helicopter. There were flashing lights and rain and loud voices over the police cars’ speaker systems.
“But through it all there was this doctor who crawled into the wreckage and held my hand while they cut my parents out. He promised me he wouldn’t let go until I was free and he talked to me the whole time. He was calm and sure when my world was in total chaos. He was my hero. I wanted to be just like him.”
Niko wiped at his eyes with the back of his hand. “I’ve never told anyone—no one’s ever asked before.”
The silence stretched awkwardly as he looked out at the ocean, feeling the loss of his parents, remembering the hours he’d waited alone for rescue. Knowing how he often felt alone even now, despite the love of his family throughout the years.
Annalise startled him when she covered his hand with her own. She didn’t say anything. She didn’t even look at him. She just stared out at the ocean, too. But with her hand on his, he didn’t feel so alone.
A movement against the waves caught his attention.
“There they are.” With his free hand, he pointed at the magnificent mammals playing in the waves.
Annalise shielded her eyes with her free hand. “Four of them.”
Two small dolphins played among the larger ones. “A family.”
“Their families are called pods. It’s a matriarchal structure.” Annalise smiled as one of the dolphins broke away from the group and started twisting itself above the waves.
“I’m very familiar with that structure.” Niko watched the baby dolphin jump and spin. “There’s always one that’s got to be different.”
She squeezed his hand. “That’s not a bad thing.”
When the dolphin had done a half dozen jumping twists, he swam back to his pod, where the other dolphins bumped noses in greeting.
The wind blew Annalise’s hair into her face. He reached up to brush it back, but something in her eyes made him hesitate and he wrapped his fingers around the railing instead.
She released his hand to push the errant strands away herself. “That must be the dolphin version of a family hug.”
She had given him the perfect opening. “How about your family?”
Her lips took on a wry twist. “In some animal species, the mothers eat their young.”
She brushed off the hair on her check as she lost the brightness in her face. Her eyes looked bruised and sad.
Niko would do anything to wipe that sadness from her soul. But he had a feeling that would take a lot of time and patience and he only had a few weeks.
Then her eyes went blank, making him doubt what he’d seen just seconds before. She took a quick step away from him, glancing at her watch and clearly backing away from the intimacy they had shared. “I’ve got to go—”
“Back to work?” He said it for her, saving her the indignity of uttering the time-worn excuse. When he’d picked up Sophie’s new insulin vial after lunch, he’d already been told the doctor had taken the early shift and was off for the rest of the day.
Obviously, he had mistaken the good doctor’s compassion for something more. He wasn’t sure what he’d wanted that “more” to be.
Even though she hadn’t moved a muscle, he could feel her pulling away. “Niko, this is supposed to be your vacation, a time for fun and recharging.”
“Not a soul-searching expedition.” He felt rebuffed and more than a little embarrassed. Spilling his guts wasn’t something he usually did with a woman—especially a woman he just met and had no intention of getting to know beyond these three weeks out of time. Just because he felt a pull toward her didn’t mean she felt it too, or that she had to respond even if she did.
Her forced smile was so very different from her natural one. “Make sure your fun doesn’t stress your wound.”
This was a time for fun, not a time for deep reflection—most particularly about a woman he’d just met and would never see again after his fun was over.
His perspective restored, he nodded. “Sure thing, Doc. I’ve used work as an excuse myself a few times. I didn’t mean to keep you from your patients. And I’ve got umbrella drinks to try. Maybe I’ll catc
h you later.”
Walking away was the right thing to do. Why was it so hard?
Because he never backed down from a challenge, right? That had to be the reason. But maybe this time he should. Life was too short...
From now on, when a woman flirted with him on deck, he would flirt back, buy her a drink, enjoy her company with the understanding they were both stealing a moment in a fantasy world that would come to an end when the cruise ended. He would take advantage of this time that had nothing to do with his reality and enjoy himself.
Then, during those long nights under mosquito nets, he would pull out the memories, have a smile, and find the energy to get back to work in the morning.
As he headed toward the big-haired brunette, the one that was supposed to be his type, he could feel Annalise’s eyes on him, watching him.
When he looked back to be sure, he kept his sunglasses securely in place as he flashed her a cocky grin, deliberately hiding his reaction to a woman who moved him like no woman ever had before.
“Is this seat taken?” he asked the brunette.
She had more than enough appreciation in her eyes to soothe his ego, right?
She greeted him with a sweep of her hand to indicate the empty chair. “I’ve been saving it for you.”
Niko let out a deep breath. This woman knew the game. Now to have some fun.
“What are we drinking?”
“I recommend the rum punch.” She welcomed him with a raised glass and a gleamingly bright smile. “I’m Helena. Your grandmother said we should meet.” Her Greek accent verified her heritage.
She was everything he should want in a woman, especially one who was only temporary.
If only he could be less aware of the reluctant little honey-haired blonde walking away from him and more interested in the eager brunette right in front of him, he would make a lot of people very happy—including himself.
The waiter brought over a tray holding huge glasses filled with enough fruit to host a luau. The paper umbrellas wilted against the condensation on the glasses. Definitely not his kind of drink. He thought about asking for a beer instead, but that would mean he’d have to stay around and wait for it to be delivered and he wasn’t sure he wanted to stay that long.
“Your grandmother tells me you’re single?”
Niko nodded confirmation.
“I’m divorced.” Helen took a deep sip from the new glass and shrugged, as if it didn’t matter, but her eyes said it really did.
Niko sipped his too-sweet drink and tried to look sympathetic. He’d heard so many domestic tales of woe that all he got from the conversation was validation that he was not made for marriage. “Sorry it didn’t work out.”
“Me, too. My ex-husband was a Texas oil tycoon. Sadly, after I turned thirty-five, he became more interested in drilling holes than in me.”
“So you’re going back home?”
“To visit. Maybe to stay. I’m not sure yet.” The way she said it, she sounded like staying wasn’t her first choice.
“We’re on a family vacation. My grandmother is going to show us her homeland.”
“I know. I met your Yiayia. She tells me you’re a very successful cosmetic surgeon who’s been on television and works on celebrities.”
“Maxiofacial surgeon.” He gave her his best smoldering look. Somehow, it felt more manipulative than usual. “I can see you don’t need my services.”
But Helen knew the game. She batted her eyelashes at him. “And here I was thinking you’d be good at popping a champagne bottle cork. Tonight? My balcony?”
It was the kind of invitation he’d hoped to get when he’d boarded the ship. But now all he could think of was sharing a sunset beer or cup of tea with Annalise on the foredeck again.
When he didn’t answer right away, she gave him a hard look. “Not interested?”
“As much as I’d like to, I’m here for my family this trip.”
“Sure.” Her smile was bitter. “I guess my ex was right.”
Yes, she knew the game well, fishing for a compliment to negate the ex-husband’s harshness. He had a list of phrases he used in situations like this. Why couldn’t he think of an appropriate one?
“I hope your homecoming is everything you expect it to be.”
He left the drink on a tray, excused himself and determined to be anywhere she wasn’t.
It wasn’t Helena, who appeared to be perfectly perfect. It was him. He was so tired of playing the game.
Annalise didn’t even know there was a game, much less how to play.
Niko suddenly felt very good about his decision. Helena was the kind of trouble he didn’t need.
But, then, all women came with a certain amount of trouble, didn’t they?
Why did Annalise seem worth it when all the other women didn’t?
While he didn’t believe in love at first sight, he now had first-hand knowledge that obsession at first sight was a very real phenomenon.
CHAPTER FIVE
ANNALISE DUCKED INTO an elevator and hit the button to close the door just as she began to shake. The intensity of emotion Niko had shared with her had caught her off balance. She’d wanted to reach out and hold him tight, to take away the pain in his heart, to make him all better.
But all she’d managed to do had been to touch his hand then make a hasty retreat before the conversation turned deep again. Sharing secrets about her own family would have been more than she could have handled.
As always, she hid behind her work, just like Niko had accused her of doing. It was all she had.
Annalise spent the rest of her afternoon off in the office, helping her new physician’s assistant get settled into the ship’s routine.
The work was familiar. Safe. Unexciting.
Unlike the way she felt around Niko.
As she worked, she couldn’t keep herself from thinking of all she was missing, keeping herself apart and safe. And unexciting.
In fact, she would have to describe her life as downright boring.
For the first time ever, she craved a thrill down her spine, the kind of thrill she got when Niko was near. She wasn’t sure what she should do about it but she was certain her lack of ability to handle her emotions had come across to Niko as disinterest.
That buxom brunette certainly had no problem projecting her interest, had she?
As she and her P.A. documented inventory and filed their charts, she was glad that the P.A was either in too chatty a frame of mind or was discreet enough to pretend not to notice her mercurial mood.
With only a fraction of her attention Annalise listened to her talk about leaving her fiancé at the altar.
“I figure I’ll do this for a while, maybe a year. Then, when all the fuss dies down, I’ll go back home.”
While some did it for the adventure, the P.A. was one of many who had chosen to work on a cruise ship to run from bad history. She and Annalise had that in common.
Annalise responded, to be nice. “Better to break up before the marriage than after, right?”
She didn’t add that it was even better to break up before the preacher and congregation were seated, waiting for the bride to walk down the aisle, like her new P.A. had done. That was an opinion better kept to herself.
But her P.A. seemed to be competent in her work. The way she managed her love life was none of Annalise’s concern.
Then, again, with Annalise’s lack of experience she really didn’t have much basis on which to judge these matters of the heart.
Was Niko a love-’em-and-leave-’em kind of guy? From what his family said about him, she’d just bet he was.
“So what’s your story, Doc? The contract office said you’d been sailing longer than any other doctor they had signed up.”
Th
is was not a conversation Annalise wanted to have. Her dread must have shown on her face because the P.A quickly followed up with, “They said it in a good way. That you were the best to learn from. But you’ve been doing this for a while, haven’t you?”
“Yes, I have.” The normal explanation would be that she was still running away, and maybe that was correct, but she had no intention of discussing her personal hang-ups with anyone other than her therapist. Hopefully, her tone would discourage any further conversation along this line.
Her contract was up when they made port in Malaga, Spain. She had an option to extend her tour of service to cover the extra week the ship would be looping through the Greek isles, but was thinking hard about whether she wanted to sign another contract at the end of this trip.
Regardless of her reasons, putting down roots in her home town of New Orleans, or in any one particular place in the world, held no appeal for her.
She’d been thinking about Niko and his charity work ever since she’d examined his knife wound. Maybe she’d find a private moment to ask more. It would be a legitimate reason to see him again instead of a trumped-up excuse.
And just maybe he wouldn’t reject her like she had rejected him.
Tonight? On the foredeck? Annalise didn’t believe in happenstance, but maybe this once she could allow herself to believe that if it was meant to be, it would happen.
* * *
Niko and his brothers and sisters-in-law had been hitting the “golf balls” made of fish food off the back of the ship for over an hour now. Watching the fish school to eat the “golf balls” made Yiayia and the children smile.
He teed up the fish-food golf ball and concentrated on swinging the club. Or at least he tried to concentrate on his swing. Even though he’d vowed to put Annalise from his mind, he hadn’t been able to do it.
As he shanked his shot, he realized what had been nagging at him. That blank expression on her face when he’d asked about her family. He’d seen that look before—from victims trying to cope.
