by Odette Stone
Chapter 34
We lay there, both breathing hard. He lay on top of me and he was still hard and inside of me. Jackson lifted his head and looked down at me. He brushed the hair off my face and studied me.
“Are you okay?”
I stared up at him. My heart was filled with so many things. Love, desire, joy, happiness. I was more than okay. I was deliriously happy. I lifted my hands and pushed them through his thick hair. “Yes.”
His green eyes scrutinized me. “You sure?”
“Can we do that again?” I was still breathless.
A smile grew across his face, his straight white teeth flashed. “I might need a minute.”
I watched him wince slightly and then I felt him pull out of me. He rolled off me, dropping onto his back beside me. My entire body was a mass of tingling sensations. My core was throbbing. My legs were trembling. Every part of my body felt alive.
I could not believe that I had just done that. I had just lost my virginity. My granny had always said that sex was special and it should be saved for the right person, but she had failed to mention that it would be the most intense, most incredible experience of my life.
“What are you thinking?” his voice cut through my thoughts.
I turned my head to meet his green eyes. My lips parted at the sheer beauty of this man. I had saved myself for someone special. Jackson was the most special person I knew and I had no regrets that I had given myself to him.
“I think my granny would have loved you,” I said, blushing when I realized that he probably didn’t want to talk about my granny only moments after having sex.
He rolled over on his side and brought his hand up to my face, using the tips of his fingers to brush some hair off my face. “Oh yeah? Why do you think that?”
I chewed on my bottom lip. “You are a very strong person. I mean, you are mentally tough. So was my granny. When my parents were killed, she was as devastated as I was, but she just gathered me up and took care of me. I was a real mess but she was so strong.”
His fingertips traced down to my collarbone. “You were 16?”
“15.”
“You were just a kid.”
Our eyes met. I swallowed. “I wasn’t very strong. I was a complete mess after that.”
“Emily,” he said softly. “You survived something terrible. It takes a really strong person to survive something like that.”
“She used to tell me the same thing.”
“You miss her.”
“Every day.”
“Do you have any other family?”
I shook my head. “Both my parents were only children. All my grandparents are gone. It is just me left. I'm the last one left.”
“Who helped you when your granny left?”
I swallowed and shook my head, giving him a smaller smile. “She did.”
He studied me for a long moment. “Tell me.”
“She was diagnosed with cancer in my third year of University. And she asked me to move back home with her. She made an 8 page list of everything she thought I needed to know before she left.”
His smile was beautiful. “Like what?”
“Everything from how to manage my finances, how to cut fresh flowers to put in a vase, how to iron a blouse, how to properly set a table,” I gave a short laugh. “We had so much fun. She made everything so much fun. We laughed together so much that year.”
His eyes traveled over my face.
“She also planned every detail of her funeral, from what she wanted to wear to what music she wanted to play. She died four days after I graduated. It was like she had timed it so it didn’t disrupt my exams.”
I gave him a smile, feeling stupid that not only was I talking about my granny, I was now going on about her death. Wow. Sexy pillow talk. But the words kept coming out of my mouth.
“Every day for a month after she died, she had a hand written letter for me.”
“Wow.”
“I was a bigger mess after she left than when my parents died.”
He picked up one of my hands and gently kissed it. “You are strong like her.”
I shook my head. “Not really, but some people tell me that I have her eyes.”
“Surviving is a sign of incredible strength, Emily.”
Said the man who had survived much much worse than me as a tiny child. “Is that why you are so strong?”
He went completely still for a long moment. I reached up and cupped his face with my hand, knowing that I didn’t want to push him on anything.
He nuzzled his lips into the palm of my hand and gave it a soft kiss. His gaze met mine. “Want some birthday cake?”
I started to laugh. “What?”
“We have half a birthday cake downstairs,” his eyes looked at the clock. “And we still have thirty minutes of birthday left.”
I giggled. “Yeah. I totally want birthday cake.”
He rolled over and tossed a t-shirt of his at my head. “You can wear that.”
I pulled the green t-shirt over my head and was immediately enveloped in his delicious smell. It was so big it came down to my knees. I watched as he pulled his grey shorts up over his hips.
“Come on birthday girl.”
In the hallway, I picked off the floor the picture book of the wet dogs getting baths.
We made our way down to the kitchen. Jackson pulled the cake out of the fridge and cut a piece so big, he had to put it on a dinner plate. He pulled out one fork and we sat at the island. I flipped through the book, laughing over the hilarious photos of wet dogs, while he routinely fed me bites of cake.
“Look at this one.”
“Are you sure that’s a dog? It looks more like a drowned rat.”
“Look at the ears on this dog.”
“I wonder if they’re coming out with a second addition, Wet owners giving their dog a bath.”
I laughed. “Next time we will be pros.”
“Next time we can go for coffee while Chloe gets dropped off at the groomers.”
I glanced up at him, loving the way the word “we” so easily rolled off his tongue. I knew that there was no “we”. I know that this was a temporary fantasy world in which he disappeared in seven weeks. I also knew that I had no place in his future and he had no place in mine.
He was watching me. “Why are you sad?”
I smiled and shook my head. “I’m not.”
“I could see the emotion cross your face. What are you thinking?”
I was thinking that I had finally found the kind of love that my granny used to talk about. The love that felt like you were being thrown off a bridge without wings, but at the last moment, he swoops beneath you and catches you in his arms. The kind of love that was so big, so real and so alive, it seemed to fill every single cell in your body. And unlike other people, my love had an expiration date on it. It was fleeting and would only last less than two months before it would disappear. I already missed him. This was real. This was happening. And it would never last. Like the day my granny told me she was dying, I felt the same sense of panic over the idea of saying good-bye to this man.
I shook my head. “Nothing.”
“Liar.”
“More cake please,” I said, watching as he loaded the fork and fed me a bite. He watched me chew and then reached out and using his thumb brushed it across my bottom lip.
“Icing,” he said, before sticking his thumb in his mouth.
We stared at each other for a long moment and then I was launching myself at him. He hauled me up into his lap, so that my legs were wrapped around his waist. His mouth devoured me. Left me breathless.
And then, I was suddenly being hauled up and tossed over his shoulder.
“Jackson,” I gasped laughing.
He was running up the stairs, taking them two at at time. And then we were in the bedroom and he had flipped me back on the bed and then made short work of kicking off his shorts. His arousal was huge, hard and intimidatingly big. I gave a half scre
am-laugh when he pounced on the bed, landing on all fours, on either side of me. He reminded me of some crazy wild jungle animal about to devour his pray.
He looked down at me with an intensity that made my entire body shiver.
“You scared?” he growled in a low voice.
“No,” I said, my breath catching. Loving every dangerous second.
“You would be,” he said, as he dipped his head down and nuzzled my neck roughly. “If you knew what I was going to do to you.”
A loud pounding of someone knocking on the door sounded from below followed by the frantic barking of Chloe. I blinked as Jackson moved with lightening speed off the bed and pulled on his shorts.
“Who would knock at this time of night?” I couldn’t keep the fear out of my voice.
His eyes traveled down my body, “Don’t move. I'll be right back.”
I sat up in bed as Jackson disappeared down the door. I heard the loft door slide open and then the sound of voices talking. I sat there listening, my heart pounding. I couldn’t hear words but I heard the tone. Something bad was happening.
A moment later, Jackson pushed into the room. He took a deep breath. “Get dressed. Matt’s been in a car accident.”
“What? Who was that?”
He was already pulling a t-shirt over his head. “The police.”
I scrambled off the bed, unsure what was happening. I found my underwear on the floor beside the bed. My entire body was trembling. “What did they say? Is he okay?”
Jackson stopped moving and turned to look at me. “They said it wasn’t good. They told us that we needed to get to the hospital as quickly as possible.”
Chapter 35
I sat in the waiting room of the hospital. The smell of antiseptic and illness made my stomach turn uneasily. I huddled in the hard plastic chair. I watched as Jackson talked to the cops and an ER doctor in the hallway. I still didn’t know what had happened. All I knew was that Matt was in surgery.
I watched as Jackson ran his fingers through his hair, nodded and then turned and walked towards me. He sat down on the chair beside me and leaned forward so his arms were resting on his knees. He turned his head and looked at me. His green eyes were so serious.
I swallowed in fear. “What happened?”
“Apparently, it was a single vehicle accident. Matt was drunk. He lost his car going over a bridge and he flipped the vehicle upside down into the water.”
My hands flew up to cover my mouth.
“Some samaritan who was jogging saw the entire thing happen. That guy just happened to be a water rescue diver.”
I couldn’t breathe, much less speak.
“When they pulled Matt out of the car, he wasn’t breathing. They did CPR on him for close to 35 minutes until the ambulance managed to start his heart again. They say he’s lucky to be alive.”
My breath was coming in and out of my chest in little gasps. “Is he going to be okay?”
He shook his head. “They don’t know at this point.”
I felt all the blood drain out of my face. “Oh no.”
He was watching my face. “They just brought Matt into surgery. I need to go get Irene.”
I was working to bring oxygen into my lungs. My heart ached for the woman who was going to be woken up to the worst news a person can bear.
He looked back at me. “I don’t want to leave you here alone, but I can’t tell her this on the phone and then ask her to get here by herself.”
I shook my head. “No. You have to go.”
He wrapped a huge arm around me and tugged me close, so that he could kiss my forehead. “I want you to call Beth. You shouldn’t be here alone.”
I nodded, my eyes squeezing tight. “Okay. I will.”
He looked at me for a long moment and then he spoke. “You can’t tell Irene that you and Matt broke up.”
My breath hitched in my throat. “What? You want me to lie?”
His expression was gentle. “You can let Matt tell her when he wakes up. But right now, Irene will feel helpless and alone in this. And she needs you to be there, right beside her. Let her lean on you, as his fiancé.”
My eyes searched his face. “I'm a terrible liar.”
He cupped my face with his hand. “I know you are. That’s one of the things I adore about you most.”
His thumb wiped a tear from my cheek. “Are you going to be okay here?”
I squared my shoulders and nodded. “I am. Just go get Irene.”
He stood up and then hesitated. I stood up and he turned to envelop me in a strong hug. I felt his strength seep into my body. I breathed in his scent. And then he stepped back and was gone.
***
Beth showed up in record time. We didn’t speak. We just sat huddled together in the family waiting room for something to happen. For the doctors to tell us that Matt had made it through surgery okay. For Irene and Jackson to show up. For some sort of news. She went to get coffee for us, but other than that, she never left my side.
I sat, my knees up and my head on my knees. I felt numb. So much had happened in the last 24 hours, it didn’t even feel real.
“Are you okay?” Beth asked me for the hundredth time.
I looked over at her. “Should we call Julie?”
Her look was questioning borderline incredulous. “Julie?”
I licked my lips. “Matt and her were sleeping together.”
Her eyes were like saucers. “What?”
I nodded. “Matt and I talked after the party and I guess she had told him about my feelings for Jackson. Matt was livid.”
She blinked. “He was livid? He was sleeping with Julie and he was upset that you liked Jackson because he actually treated you like a human being.”
I breathed in through my nose. “Matt broke it off with me. He told me that the money wasn’t worth the effort of being with me.”
Her mouth dropped open. “Oh Em. Are you okay?”
I dropped my head back so I was looking up at the ceiling. “So, then after he left, Jackson gave me this birthday gift and it was so perfect and thoughtful and then the next thing I knew we were having crazy wild sex.”
Her mouth dropped wide open. “You slept with Jackson?”
My eyes felt hot and dry. “I don’t know why they call it sleeping with someone. We did no sleeping.”
The look on her face looked beyond shocked and then she gave a half laugh of disbelief. “Holy shit.”
“And then the police showed up and here we are.”
“Holy fuck,” she said. She stared at me for a long moment. “How are you doing?”
I shrugged. “I feel really weird. I can’t really wrap my mind around anything that has happened.”
“That’s because you lived a lifetime in one night.”
I sucked air into my lungs. “I feel like a fraud sitting here pretending to be Matt’s fiancé.”
“No shit,” she said, her eyes wide. “But you need to pretend otherwise they will kick us out of here and not give us any information.”
“Right,” I said nodding. “Okay.”
***
Beth and I sat huddled in the waiting room together. A couple hours later, a man came walking towards us wearing blue scrubs and a long scrub gown that flapped behind his legs as he walked. My heart was in my throat as he walked up to me.
“Are you Matt’s fiancé?”
I stood up. I opened my mouth but no words came out.
Beth moved to stand next to me. “She is.”
The doctor had kind brown eyes. “Matt is currently undergoing brain surgery to stop a brain bleed.”
I just stared up at him. My entire body felt frozen. I felt like I was swimming under water. “Is that from the accident?”
“Matt wasn’t wearing his seatbelt at the time of his accident. Typical of motor vehicle accidents, he hit the front of his head on the windshield. That’s where the brain bleed is.”
“Are you the surgeon?” I said, my tongue felt thick and stupid.<
br />
“I'm one of four surgeons working on Matt.”
“So, he’s still in surgery.”
“We found a mass in Matt’s brain in the frontal lobe. It was damaged during the accident and that’s what we are working on right now.”
“What do you mean when you say mass?”
“We did a biopsy. The mass is a benign tumour growing in the front of his brain. Right above his hairline.”
“Matt has a tumour? In his brain?” I couldn’t even keep up with this conversation. I felt like I was on an episode of Grey’s Anatomy.
“A number of blood vessels that feed that mass are bleeding. So we would like your permission to try and remove the mass.”
I brought my hand up to my head, trying to keep up with this conversation. Why were the asking me? Why wouldn’t they just do it?
“You need permission?”
He nodded. “We need permission. The surgery comes with it’s own set of risks.”
“What kind of risks?”
“The frontal lobe is responsible for a lot of important functions. If we remove a mass of that size, risks could include problems with speech, memory, muscle weakness, balance issues, vision issues, coordination issues.”
“And if you don’t remove it?”
“There is a chance we won’t get the bleeding under control which could result in a stroke, brain swelling or even a coma.”
I stared up at this man. “What are you going to do?”
He gave me a regretful smile. “As his fiancé, the decision is up to you.”
I turned and looked at Beth. Her eyes were wide.
I looked back up at the doctor. “What do you think I should do?”
“We think it is more risky to leave the tumour in Matt’s brain. We want to remove it. Despite the risks.”
“Do it,” my voice sounded so far away. “Take it out.”
Chapter 36
“The doctor would like to talk to you,” a voice jarred me out of my restless sleep. I opened my eyes. I was curled up in a hard chair. Irene looked as dazed as I felt. The only person who looked normal was Jackson, who was nursing a coffee.
We were ushered into a family room that had two worn couches and a couple boxes of Kleenex on the side tables. We sat there in silence together, none of us speaking.
