‘Tell me, please.’
‘No,’ he replied stubbornly.
‘I thought you wanted me?’
‘I do, can’t you feel how much I want you?’ he asked with another roll of his hips that had me groan again. ‘But you’re right, I can’t let it go further, yet I keep losing sight of that because you bewitch me, Miss Baxter.’
‘Then let’s get dressed and finish our walk and spend the afternoon as friends. If I can’t have you the way I want, then friends is better than nothing.’
‘Is it?’ he sighed.
‘Yes,’ I lied, he grunted, suppressing a laugh.
‘I thought you said no more lies, Ellie?’
‘Ok fine, what do you want me to say? That I want you so badly I feel like I’m going to die if you don’t touch me? That I don’t know how I’m going to handle getting on that plane home in a few weeks knowing I’ve never been physical with you? Or that I’ll never see you again?’ I lifted my head and looked down into his eyes. ‘How’s being honest with each other about what we want going to help? I lie, or I have to leave now.’
‘No,’ he responded again, with the same quick firm shake of the head and he moved one hand around to sweep the hair out of my face and cupped my cheek. ‘I’m sorry, my self-control around you is shit. You need to tell me when I’m going too far.’
‘You make it sound like that’s easy,’ I sighed.
‘I know it’s not. You’re so aroused that I can barely see straight. Your nipples are digging into me, you’re lips are swollen ready for me to take them, both sets, you’re squirming on my cock like you want to take me so deeply inside and I can smell your sex watering for me.’
‘You can smell me?? That’s the most insulting thing anyone’s ever said to me,’ I gasped as I punched him in the shoulder and struggled again to get out of his one armed embrace.
‘No it’s not. I’m attuned to you Ellie, and the smell of your arousal makes me so fucking hard. You don’t need perfume, it’s amazing. I loved you coating me with it the other night, tasting it, o fuck,’ he groaned as his eyes started blazing again and his hips moved.
‘God damn it, you have no fucking control at all. Let me up Dan, as I’m breaking here and you’ll hate yourself for giving in and I don’t want that. Much as I want you, I want us to be able to do it without guilt. Please,’ I begged as I ran a hand over his forehead and caressed his hair. ‘Please.’
‘Get off me and get dressed quickly before I change my mind, I’m on the verge of coming,’ he nodded and closed his eyes as he released me. I scrambled up, amazed that my sensible head was over riding my cantering heart and pulsating body as I ran back to my clothes and quickly started to dress. I heard a groan coming from behind me, looked over and nearly passed out. He’d freed himself from his boxers and was still lying on his back in the snow stroking his quivering length. I felt a tidal wave below, vagina burn was no longer an issue, I was about to be impaled by an internal stalactite. I was too far away to see properly but watched as his back arched and he roared as he came all over his stomach and chest and dropped back onto the snow. I turned away breathing fast, not wanting to embarrass him, finished dressing and bent over to do my boots. I needed another cold shower to get rid of the sexual tension burning me up inside, then a seriously hot bath to thaw my frozen skin. By the time I was done, he was already dressed and looking more composed.
‘Thank you for stopping me,’ he nodded as he walked over.
‘Right now I’m wishing I hadn’t. I’m not sure I can do another twenty-one days like this.’
‘I’d really like you to.’
‘I really want to as well, but I’m finding it hard.’
‘I know. Come here,’ he grabbed me and pulled me back into his arms again and kissed the top of my head. ‘Don’t ever let anyone tell you that you can’t do anything, Ellie. You’re incredibly strong and I admire that about you. Let’s go and get you warmed up,’ he sighed. I nodded, reached down and grabbed his hand again and heard him wince. I stepped back and lifted it up and gasped. His knuckles were bloodied and severely bruised and swollen, how had I missed that all day?
‘How did you do this?’ I asked, though I knew how, I’d watched him punch a hole in his bannister.
‘I needed to get some aggression out.’
‘You may have broken something.’
‘I’m fine.’
‘No, you’re not. Come on, let’s get back to the house and I’ll clean it properly and bandage it up before we put ice on it to reduce the swelling.’
‘Thank you.’ He bowed his head and kissed my cheek, lingering for longer than was necessary and I didn’t move away, rather leaned into it. I was getting closer to getting him to open up, I could feel it. No matter how painful this was for me, I was going to persevere, I had a feeling he’d be worth the effort, and not just the sex. He insisted on holding my hand as we made our way down a different track and I was surprised when we came to another clearing and there was a large log cabin nestled in the trees.
‘What’s that? Somewhere else for paying guests?’
‘No. It’s a self-contained one bedroomed accommodation. When the owner’s living in his house, he has a live-in couple who do the cooking, cleaning and maintenance jobs, and help with the boathouse rental.’
‘Why not keep them when he decided to rent the house out?’
‘Do you have any idea what rent would need to be charged to pay for that service for guests?’
‘A lot I guess, a serious lot. So they moved out and you came to live in the boathouse to do the day to day stuff?’
‘Pretty much.’
‘It’s big for a one bedroomed place.’
‘There’s a gym and sauna in a separate section in there. That’s where I go most mornings.’
‘A sauna? You probably need that right now after lying in the snow for so long.’
‘It would warm you up too. Do you want to?’
‘I’d love to, but I’m worried about your hand and want to sort that out. Plus, I was going to do a roast beef Sunday lunch if you want to join me?’
‘I’d love to. Sauna another time?’ He smiled at me and I nodded and we carried on back down and came out the other side of the boathouse.
‘O my God, the loch’s really freezing up,’ I exclaimed as I let go of his hand and went onto the jetty and kneeled down and pressed the thick ice forming.
‘Yes. We’re in for a bad week. Snow in the day and then freezing at night. It’s probably going to totally freeze over. My clothes are wet and damp, a hot shower’s in order.’
‘Mine too, that sounds a great idea … in my shower … I meant you in your shower and me in mine, not together, not that we’d shower together ... obviously, but I’m really wet too. No, that sounded all wrong as well … not that I’m not wet, I am wet just not … damn it,’ I groaned and quickly started walking away as he started to laugh. I’d never been this stammering imbecile around a man before, what the hell had Dan … whatever his damn name was, done to me?
The heat of the house was welcoming and I left my boots and coat at the front door and ran up, stripped off and enjoyed a steaming hot shower and did my hair again, then dressed in a pair of cropped white Capri pants and a black off the shoulder jumper. I knew we weren’t going to let it go any further, but it didn’t mean I couldn’t make a bit of an effort. I liked the fact that the house had underfloor heating and no carpets. I could walk around bare foot on wooden and tiled floors, for some reason it was just carpets I had a weird phobia about. I headed down to see him with his back to the door looking out at the view. He had a new pair of jeans on, black this time, with a fitted white shirt over the top. Damn it, he looked even sexier than normal, especially the way his arse was shown off.
‘Have you been standing there long?’ I asked as I opened it.
‘About five minutes.’
‘Why didn’t you just come in?’
‘It’s your house and you said you were showering. I did
n’t want to make you feel uncomfortable.’
‘Right, come up to the bathroom, I think I saw a first aid kit in there and we’ll sort that hand.’
‘Honestly, it’s fine.’
‘No it’s not, don’t argue with me. Now get inside, you’re letting the heat out,’ I ordered, well aware of exactly how much heat I was letting in as he stepped over the threshold and I shut the door. I sat him on the chaise longue in the dressing area of the bathroom and rummaged out the first aid kit I’d seen in the bathroom cabinet, then sat by him and carefully lifted up his hand and placed it on my lap. It looked really bad close up, no wonder he’d winced when I’d grabbed it to sit on his shoulders. I cleaned it with an alcohol wipe, then carefully smeared some antiseptic lotion over each knuckle, taking my time over each ridge and dip so I wouldn’t hurt him and heard him hiss in through his teeth.
‘Sorry, I’m trying to be gentle.’
‘It’s because you’re being gentle,’ he responded quietly and I deliberately didn’t look at him. Three years, three years without sex meant no one had touched him like this, no wonder the slightest caress of his skin made him feel things that it normally wouldn’t.
‘I wish you’d let me help you,’ I sighed as I wiped the cream from my hands and pulled out a roll of bandage.
‘You are helping me,’ he replied with a shake of his hand.
‘You know what I mean.’
‘Yes. And you are Ellie, just by being here and being you.’
‘It’s not enough,’ I whispered as I looked up at him.
‘It is for me, for now. It’s a lot for me. Please accept that.’
‘Lift up your hand, please.’ I decided to focus on non-emotional stuff, I’d already managed to get him to relax today, one step at a time. I wrapped the bandage around his knuckles, down around his wrist and then halfway up his fingers to try and stop him from moving his joints too much, giving the wounds time to scab and heal.
‘How am I supposed to do anything with my hand secured like this?’ he asked with a frown.
‘You can still flex the top of your fingers, you’ll just have to use your left hand for everything else,’ I advised as I put it back on his knee and he gave me a naughty smile. ‘I wasn’t talking about that.’
‘You watched me earlier.’
‘Well, you weren’t exactly discrete about it,’ I replied as I went scarlet and quickly stood up.
‘I told you you’d pushed me to the brink, I had to release some tension. This aggressive way isn’t as effective,’ he advised with a wave of his bandaged hand.
‘Well, it’s best you don’t do the non-aggressive tension release with either hand in front of me again.’
‘Did you like watching?’ he asked as he stood up next to me.
‘It wasn’t the worst sight I’ve seen, but you were too far away to see anything properly. Please, can we change the topic of conversation?’ I walked away with the first aid kit and repacked it at the sink and silently cursed him as I closed the lid. I was turned on again, it was like I was hypersensitive to any form of stimulus with him, sight, touch, smell, sound, even memory.
‘You’re turned on.’
‘Yes,’ I whispered breathlessly. ‘So please stop.’ I left him in the bathroom and ran downstairs, I needed something else to focus on other than the longing in my body for his touch again. I got the beef and fresh vegetables out and placed them on the island and watched out of the corner of my eye as he came down the stairs.
‘Where did you learn to cook?’ he asked as he sat at the island facing me.
‘My mum had lots of jobs when I was growing up, so if we had enough money to buy decent food, instead of stuff on toast, I was the one at home who had the time to do the cooking.’
‘You had a difficult childhood?’
‘No. Just a relatively poor one, millions of people are worse off than we were. We had a roof over our heads and didn’t go hungry even if the food was a bit repetitive.’
‘No brothers or sisters?’
‘No. They decided they wanted me to have the chance to make a life for myself and having another child would mean splitting what little time, attention, and money they did have. Are you just going to sit watching me? Or would you like to learn to cook for yourself at the same time?’
‘You want me to do stuff?’ he looked at me in amazement.
‘Don’t tell me you’re one of these chauvinists who believes that only a woman should do housework and cooking?’
‘Well no, but I’ve never had to do that stuff before, hence my living on bread and ding meals.’
‘Ping meals. You’ve never done it because your millions of women did it all for you?’
‘When I was attached, yes. Plus I didn’t see where the enjoyment was in doing it.’
‘Wow, you just answered a personal question. I am making progress,’ I smiled as I looked at him. ‘Well not many people would enjoy cleaning, but cooking is really enjoyable, so get up and get around here, it’s not a spectator sport.’ I made us both a black coffee and we spent an hour standing side by side as I showed him how to prepare the meat and I put it in the oven to start. He watched me peel and chop potatoes, carrots and parsnips, with him using his hand as an excuse not to participate. I made him put all the Yorkshire pudding batter ingredients into a bowl and took over from him and put the veg into roast and left the Yorkshire pudding mixture in the tins at the side, ready to put in near the end. ‘I think we’re done. See, easy.’
‘You make it look easy.’ He reached out his left hand and as it came towards my face I took a quick step back.
‘What are you doing?’
‘You have flour on your cheek.’
‘I’ve got it,’ I replied and wiped with my hand.
‘Other cheek,’ he smiled and I moved my hand. ‘No, you’ve still missed it. Let me.’
‘I’d prefer you don’t touch me,’ I replied as I skipped away from his advancing body and headed for the downstairs toilet.
‘Why?’
‘You know why. Skin on skin just gets us in a mess.’
‘How about if I wear gloves?’
‘You don’t wear gloves.’
‘I would if it meant I could touch you again.’
‘I have some oven gloves over there, knock yourself out,’ I nodded as I went into the utility and closed the door and heard him laugh. When I came back out he was trying to lay the fire with his left hand, so I made him instruct me as I did it and got it going. I opened a bottle of red and we sat at the island drinking and listening to my iPhone music on shuffle and found that we were able to have a normal conversation about our music and film tastes. He liked watching films, just wasn’t interested in television programmes. I plated up dinner when it was ready and looked at him every time I put something on his plate, waiting for him to tell me when I’d done enough. I’d never met anyone with a hunger for food like Dan. ‘Dessert?’ I asked after he’d cleared his plate.
‘No thank you, that was amazing.’
‘I’ve enough to plate you up another dinner for tonight.’
‘What about you?’
‘I can’t eat again after that late lunch, I’ll just have some fruit later.’
‘Then I’d love another plateful for later. I have a big appetite.’
‘I’ve seen.’
‘For all things,’ he added with a quick flex of his eyebrows and a twinkle in his eye.
‘I can imagine.’
‘Do you imagine?’
‘Imagine what?’ Pretty sure what he was meaning, but I didn’t want to make another fool of myself.
‘Me, when you’re getting yourself off with your vibrator.’
‘Dan,’ I scolded. That was exactly what I thought he meant.
‘You do.’
‘I didn’t actually reply.’
‘Didn’t have to. You’ve gone pink.’
‘It’s the wine.’
‘Don’t lie.’
‘Fine, yes you may h
ave made a cameo or two,’ I grabbed my glass and the bottle, then stalked off to the lounge and sat in the corner of the large leather sofa and put my feet up.
‘Just one or two? You’ve featured in many of mine.’
‘I’m flattered, but I thought we agreed that the topic of sex was off limits as friends.’
‘You talk about sex to Brooke,’ he replied as he sat down in the opposite corner, one leg hitched up so he could face me.
‘Brooke’s my best friend, and there’s no sexual chemistry with us.’
‘There’s sexual chemistry with us,’ he stated confidently with a smile.
‘I know there is, which is why it should be off limits.’
‘Then what do you suggest we talk about.’
‘I’ll go get the list,’ I grinned and leapt off the sofa and ran upstairs to grab it off the printer.
‘Seriously? We’ve had a great day and you want to talk work?’ He called up.
‘You’re on the clock twenty-four-seven Dan, and nothing today has exactly been hard for you,’ I called back down.
‘Trust me. It’s been hard plenty of times.’
‘Banned topic,’ I yelled as I grabbed the paper and heard his laugh rise up through the building. I went back down to find he’d removed his boots and socks and had stretched his long legs across the sofa. ‘Where am I supposed to sit?’
‘Where you were before, but stretch out like me. Can you cope with our legs touching?’
‘I think so,’ I nodded, totally unsure. I was careful not to sit on his feet and tucked mine up by his thigh and giggled when he put his hand out and clasped one. ‘Stop it.’
‘Your feet are cold,’ he advised as he suddenly bent one knee and moved his leg over so I was between them. ‘Tuck them under my thighs.’
‘Fine,’ I sighed and slid my feet slightly under his thighs and bottom and he did the same under mine, making me laugh.
‘You have adorable dimples.’
‘My dad used to call me sweet cheeks,’ I smiled.
‘Sweet cheeks,’ he repeated as he looked intently at me. ‘It suits you. You miss him?’
‘Every day,’ I nodded, ‘Mum too.’
‘Can you talk about it?’
31 Days of Winter Page 20
