‘I don’t know, I fell over and cut it on something.’ I took in a deep breath as he lifted my finger to his mouth and sucked it, slowly and sensuously.
‘What are you doing?’ I uttered, completely stunned and also furious that he was turning me on with such a simple act.
‘Trying to stem the bleeding and clean it for you,’ he replied as he slipped it out of his mouth and ran his finger over the cut.
‘You can’t do things like that,’ I protested, ‘not after ignoring me for two days.’
‘Can we argue later, when you’re not bleeding so badly? Come with me.’ I rolled my eyes at his order, I wish he’d stop saying that to me. He led me into his bathroom, put the toilet seat down and made me sit, instructing me to hold my finger up as he found some medical supplies. He crouched down in front of me and carefully cleaned the cut, then swept some antiseptic cream over it before applying a steri-strip, then a bandage and sealed it with tape. ‘Better?’
‘My finger, yes. My cold bottom and temperament, no,’ I retorted with another scowl.
‘Are you about to “lose it” with me and shout “fuck you arsehole?”’ he smiled up at me.
‘I’m close,’ I grizzled, trying to ignore how his hand was still holding my injured one, his thumb rubbing over my knuckles as he looked up at me. His five o’clock shadow made him look so rough and ready, yet took nothing from his handsome face. And the green of his irises were so intense I had to break my gaze as I felt my cheeks flush.
‘So which part do I need to apologise for?’ he sighed.
‘How long do you have?’ I replied quickly, glancing back up with a glare. ‘I think they wrote the Declaration of Independence by hand quicker than I could type your list of fuck ups on my laptop.’
‘That bad?’ he winced.
‘Yes.’ I squirmed on the seat, annoyed that his magnetism was breaching my outer defences, also because my bottom was painfully starting to thaw.
‘You’re mad because I wasn’t there when you woke up?’
‘You could have left a note, or woken me to say goodbye. I know we’re not a couple Dan, but you can’t do … what you did to me, then just walk out without a word and expect me not to be pissed off.’
‘I was angry,’ he replied as he dropped his eyes to my hand.
‘I offered to help you out and you refused,’ I reminded him.
‘Not because of that,’ he sighed, as he continued to stroke my hand.
‘Then what? I’m pretty sure I did nothing wrong.’
‘You didn’t, it was me, again. I keep promising myself I’ll resist these urges I have every time I see you, but I can’t. Sometimes I just forget, cross a line by taking it too far and then I end up hating myself.’
‘So instead of telling me that, you retreat and are mean to me when I ring you?’ I uttered. Men were so clueless sometimes. I really needed to dig out that old copy of Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus, because Dan was definitely from another planet, he was a unique species that someone seriously needed to fathom. I wished I had David Attenborough on speed dial, maybe he could make sense of this creature named “Dan.”
‘I told you that communication isn’t my strong suit, not when it comes to feelings. I don’t know how to do keep doing this, Ellie. Shutting you out gives me time to focus on anything but how badly I want you.’ His voice had taken on a sexier husky tone and I gulped. Don’t let him break you, Ellie Baxter, I ordered myself.
‘Well, you shutting me out gives me time to focus on how much I hate you.’ I snatched my hand back from his, annoyed with myself for being melodramatic and harsh.
‘I’m sorry Ellie, but you have no idea how difficult this is for me, seeing you every day.’
‘I’ve no idea because you won’t tell me, Dan,’ I sighed and stood up wondering why we were both torturing ourselves. He quickly rose up above me and chewed his lip as he held my gaze, I broke away first. ‘I need to go and get changed, and I’m starving. If being around me is so difficult for you, I’d rather we have no contact at all. I can’t deal with this up and down all the time. I never came onto you on Monday, that was all you.’
‘I know and I’m so sorry,’ he whispered.
‘Would there be room at that hotel? I can move in there until my flight home so we don’t have to see each other anymore.’ I was sure I heard him take in a shocked gasp and lifted my eyes up to his to see he was really unhappy with my suggestion.
‘I don’t want you to go,’ he replied firmly as he palmed my cheek. I closed my eyes and leaned into it. A few minutes in his company and I just forgot about everything else but him. Forgot everything but how my heart beat a little faster and how my body instinctively responded. I was drowning in him.
‘So you either suck it up and keep your hands off me and join me for Christmas, or you stay down here and eat your Pot Noodle alone, because I’m not risking my fingers and arse again coming down here with a turkey dinner for you. What’s it to be?’
‘I’d like to spend it with you. You need to be strong for me and refuse me if I try anything again.’
‘Well no problem then, as you know how much I hate you coming onto me. Multiple orgasms that blow my mind are such a drag,’ I replied with a roll of my eyes.
‘I mean it, Ellie,’ he said sternly as he narrowed his eyes at me.
‘So are you coming or not?’
‘Better choice of phrases wouldn’t go amiss either.’
‘You can talk! A simply yes or no, please. I’m cold and hungry.’
‘Yes, please. Thank you.’
‘So stop talking and go and pack an overnight kit, you can stay in the guest room.’
‘Go and stand by the fire then and I’ll chuck a few things in a bag.’ He stepped aside and left me to go and attempt to dry my backside by the wood burner. I sighed and wondered if we were going to get through tonight and tomorrow unscathed. He seemed to lose some of his control when he spent too long with me, while I had no reason to resist his advances, not when I wanted him so badly. This had the potential for disaster written all over it. He reappeared holding a small bag, turned all the lights out and held out his arm and nodded for me to jump up. I opened my mouth to object. ‘I’m not letting you fall over again Ellie, and what were you thinking coming out without a coat?’
‘I wasn’t thinking, I was really mad at you.’
‘You’re not going to knife me while I’m asleep, are you?’
‘I don’t hate you that much, actually I don’t hate you at all.’ I love you. ‘You just pissed me off. I like people who are straight with me Dan, I don’t need mixed signals from anyone, non-friend, friend, or friends with benefits, whatever we are.’
‘I’m a friend with benefits?’ he grinned at me.
‘Not anymore it seems, no, as it doesn’t seem to help either of us.’
‘I thought you were hungry or are we going to have some deep analytic chat for the next hour about the fuckedupness of this … whatever we’re calling our relationship?’
‘I vote food and no fuckedupness discussion, please.’
‘Me too, so jump up,’ he ordered.
Day Twenty One
Ellie
I woke up first and smiled to myself. We’d had a really nice night, even though there was the continual undercurrent of simmering sexual tension, we’d resisted. I’d made steak and homemade chips with a brandy sauce, and a pear and apple crumble and still marvelled at the amount of food he managed to shovel down without any of it accumulating as fat on his body. After I’d got ready for bed, dressed in a t-shirt so as not to tempt him, he’d lain down on the bed next to me to listen to me excitedly discussing my plans for when I returned home. The last I’d remembered was struggling against my eyes wanting to close, trying to stay focussed on his green eyes and soft lips.
As I slowly opened my eyes I smiled properly, he’d fallen asleep with me and was lying on his side with his arm draped over my waist, those perfect lips were so close, tempting me and I wo
ndered if I could just lean in a little and kiss them without him noticing. How was he so good looking? I wondered what his parents looked like, there must be some serious genes in the family to have produced him. Just as I was about to risk it and lay a kiss on him, he groaned and lazily opened his eyes, dazzling mine with their brilliance.
‘Good morning, Miss Baxter,’ he smiled.
‘Good morning, Mr. Complex. You were supposed to sleep in the guest room.’
‘I was comfortable here, plus I figured I needed to protect you from those Grizzly bears in case one of them opened the front door and came in to maul you in your sleep,’ he winked.
‘You’re so good looking,’ I blurted out without thinking and bit my lip, screwing up my face embarrassed as he laughed.
‘Thank you. You’re not so bad to wake up to either.’
‘I have a few questions to ask,’ I reminded him, welcome for a distraction. He’d not removed his arm and I could feel his fingers circling the small of my back over my t-shirt.
‘You do,’ he sighed with a nod of the head.
‘Four,’ I tested, wondering if he was actually keeping count.
‘Three,’ he retorted. Damn him!
‘Only three?’
‘It was three, but that was a question so I’m reducing it now to two,’ he chuckled.
‘O, come on,’ I groaned with a shove of his shoulder. ‘That’s not fair, it wasn’t even a personal one.’
‘You say you’re asking special questions and I set the clock,’ he shrugged. ‘My game, my rules. Two questions left.’
‘You’re so infuriating,’ I huffed. ‘Ok … tell me about your parents?’
‘At last an open ended question,’ he grinned.
‘What’s an open ended question?’
‘One where I can’t give a yes or no answer to, and that in itself was another question, so once I’ve answered the one about my parents you’re done until midnight.’ He laughed when he was hit with my disapproving scowl.
‘You’re so sneaky, Dan. I bet you cheat at cards and Monopoly don’t you?’
‘I don’t and I’ll prove it later, I have some board games in my bag to try and occupy us so we keep our hands to ourselves,’ he winked and I embarrassed myself even further by snorting like a pig, which made him laugh.
‘Well you’d better get them out now, the games that is, as you have your arm around me and you’re stroking my back,’ I reminded him. He frowned and his bottom lip jutted out as he removed his hand. I quickly closed my eyes and took a deep breath, startled at how badly I wanted to kiss him and for his hand to stay exactly where it had been.
‘So, Happy Christmas, Miss Baxter. As I can’t do what I’d like to do right now, are we eating soon? I’m starving.’
‘You’re always starving,’ I replied with a blush as his eyes told me exactly what he wanted to be doing right now. I didn’t even have to flick my eyes down to check if he had an erection, I knew he had from the heavy breathing and the way he kept shifting his hips. ‘Happy Christmas too, Dan.’ I leaned in and kissed his cheek, then quickly pulled away and leapt out of bed, heading for the bathroom before either of us lost control. I locked the bathroom door, just in case, showered and styled my hair, for once put on some mascara and eyeliner and a smudge of gold eye shadow which always highlighted the green of my eyes. I sprayed some perfume and put on my new black lace underwear, pleased it was my old knickers he’d ripped the other night. I topped it all off with my mini knitted dress and gold heels and checked myself out in the mirror. ‘Looking good,’ I nodded as I did a twirl. I picked up my locket, opened it and looked at the photograph of my parents. ‘Happy Christmas,’ I whispered with a kiss on the tiny piece of glass protecting the old black and white shot, before snapping it shut and kissing the silver casing. I quickly smudged away the tears gathered along my lash line. I still missed them terribly, Christmas always made it harder. I sighed and shook myself down before heading down the stairs, carefully in my heels.
‘Wow,’ Dan uttered as he looked at me from his perch at the island. ‘You look beautiful.’
‘Thank you,’ I smiled, pleased at his reaction to my efforts.
‘I feel kind of underdressed now.’
‘You look amazing, as always,’ I shrugged as I quickly walked past putting more distance between us. He’d obviously had a shower in the guest room, his hair was damp, he smelled delicious and he’d shaved, the lack of beard or stubble just showing off his devastating square jaw line. Damn it, I was horny already and we were only an hour into the day. ‘So my question, you never answered it,’ I reminded him as I put the turkey in and started emptying the fridge of the vegetables to prepare.
‘Why don’t I make us a fire, we can have breakfast, and when you’re ready we can sit with some Champagne and I’ll answer it then.’
‘So long as it’s not an avoidance tactic,’ I warned as I looked at him over my shoulder. He winked and headed over to the lounge and I cocked my head to check out his backside. He may think he was underdressed in his jeans and a pale blue shirt, but I was thinking he was overdressed. I’d much prefer him to be wandering around in his boxers, or preferably naked, that would be a great Christmas present, if I couldn’t have the actual man himself. I made pancakes with bacon and maple syrup for breakfast and we enjoyed them at the island, then chatted as I prepared the vegetables.
‘What time were you thinking of us eating?’ he asked.
‘You’re hungry again?’ I laughed.
‘No, I’m good for a few minutes,’ he teased. ‘I just … I need to think about …’ he sighed and I looked up at him.
‘You need to go and do whatever you do each day, today?’
‘I ought to, yes.’
‘Then I can get everything ready for an early evening meal instead of lunch. How does six p.m. sound?’
‘Great, I’m really sorry to leave you on your own.’
‘It’s no big deal,’ I shrugged as I looked back down at the potatoes I was prepping. Except it was a big deal. He was leaving me alone on Christmas Day for four or five hours to do … I hadn’t a clue. There again I had to remind myself that we weren’t a couple, nor was there any obligation for him to hang around all day.
‘You’re disappointed?’
‘We’re not a couple, Dan. You’re free to do whatever you want, just make sure you let me know if you’re held up as I’ll be really pissed if I’ve gone to the trouble of cooking all day and I sit waiting for hours on my own.’
‘I’m really sorry, I wish I didn’t have to go. Can I do anything to help?’
‘I’m nearly done, you can get that backgammon set out, I’m going to beat you this time.’
Half an hour later I cleaned up the kitchen and set the alarms on my iPhone to remind me what time various items needed to go into the oven, and grabbed my glass of Champagne and headed over to join him in the lounge. I deliberately sat in the armchair, at a right angle to him and saw his eyebrows raise.
‘You’re not sitting next to me?’
‘I’m not sure it’s a good idea.’
‘I’m not sure it’s a good idea you sitting where I can see your bare legs and then down your dress every time you bend forward.’
‘O, right.’ I looked down at my scoop neck top and sighed, he was right. I reluctantly got up and sat next to him, tucking myself right up to the arm of the sofa, trying to avoid our thighs touching. ‘So, stop stalling. Answer my question, please.’
‘I’m not sure what I can tell you that would be of interest. My father’s a QC in London, he should have retired but can’t bring himself to. My mother was a model in her younger years, she’s Brazilian and they went crazy for her looks on the catwalks in New York.’
‘That explains your dark good looks,’ I smiled. ‘Are they both tall? And don’t even think of refusing to answer, you hardly gave me anything there.’
‘Dad’s six foot three, Mum’s five foot eleven.’
‘Same as me. How did the
y meet?’
‘In a restaurant in London. Dad was a barrister back then and was celebrating winning a major case. He turned around in a bar and spilt his scotch all down my mother’s white dress. Naturally, being fiery tempered, she launched into a tirade of abuse in Portuguese and to shut her up he kissed her, she slapped him and the rest is history.’
‘He kissed her?’ I laughed. ‘Sounds like not knowing boundaries runs in the family.’
‘Yes, well Dad’s used to taking action and getting his own way. He decided he wanted my mum and nothing was going to stop him.’
‘He’s lucky she didn’t sue him. Do they still live in London?’
‘Yes,’ he nodded.
‘Do you get to see them much?’
‘Not as often as I’d like.’ He ran a hand over his eyes. ‘In fact, I ought to ring them. Do you mind if I head down to the boathouse for a while? I forgot to bring your Christmas present with me, too.’
‘You got me a present?’ I looked at him amazed. Presents and a load of personal information, I was wearing him down.
‘Don’t get excited, it’s not much.’
‘It’s the thought that counts,’ I smiled and quickly looked down and took a deep breath as he stood up, his crotch level with my face.
‘I’ll be back in a while, then I’ll disappear as discussed.’
‘Ok,’ I nodded. I felt him hesitate and wondered what he was thinking, but he suddenly strode away and I heard the door shut. I went and checked on the turkey, basting it and covering up the wings with foil again. Then I grabbed my iPad and sat back in an armchair and facetimed Brooke.
‘Ellie!’ she screeched as her face came into view. ‘Happy Christmas.’
‘Happy Christmas, Brooke,’ I beamed. ‘How are you? I’m really missing you.’
‘I miss you too babe, I’m fine.’ She looked over her shoulder and then came closer to the screen. ‘Bored to fucking tears with the oldies, I’d much rather be up there with you.’
‘Brooke Hansen!’ I scolded. ‘You’re lucky you get to spend Christmas with your parents, it’s one day, make an effort and give them lots of love.’
31 Days of Winter Page 31
