“Christ, Kate.” He dropped her on the militarily made-up bed. She giggled as he followed her down, his weight pressing into her body. She hooked her ankles behind his ass and ran her hands beneath his shirt, over his quivering abs. He shuddered as her palms grazed his distended nipples. She did it again, and he lowered his head, taking her mouth with feverish lips.
She loved him. The discovery still bounced around in her head, attempting to find purchase within her stunned emotions. If she hadn’t realized it earlier, she did now. Now, while he was trying like hell to make what she’d initiated all about her instead. She wanted, needed, to show him her love. Show him, because she couldn’t say the words yet. Not yet, when the discovery was still so new. Not yet, when she wasn’t sure how he felt about her.
She’d pour her sentiments into actions, give him the same pleasure he gifted her with his body. She wanted him to unravel, to lose that control he was never without. And maybe he’d discover a similar love for her. She hoped so, because being in love alone sucked.
While she unbuttoned his shirt and he removed hers, when they were at last naked, she understood the risk she was taking, falling in love with a man she hadn’t known long. A man she wasn’t sure returned her feelings. It didn’t matter. Sawyer Hayes made her happy. He made her whole. She would work out the rest, somehow, some way.
She pushed on his shoulders and he obliged, settling beneath her while his hands roved over her body, promising to send her to oblivion if she surrendered her quest. But she was determined, ignored the tingles his gentle fingertips evoked.
“It’s my turn to take charge, Hayes,” she whispered, leaning over him, and his eyes darkened into that forest green gleam of heightened arousal.
“That sounds like a plan—” His sentenced ended on a hiss as she nipped one of his nipples before continuing down his body, kissing and licking along the way. He fisted the sheets as she went lower, his body undulating in time to her sensual exploration.
Once she reached her destination and took hold of him, his hands plunged into her hair, while his breathing huffed out of him like a spent runner’s. He was getting close to losing control.
Without warning, he grabbed her under her arms and dragged her up, and then under him, plunging into her hard enough that she saw stars. One minute she’d been pleasuring him, and the next, he’d taken command of her seduction. She almost howled her dismay.
He showered her face with open-mouthed kisses, her neck, her breasts, until her body trembled. All the while, he muttered against her quivering skin, “I want to come inside you, sweet Kate. Not like that. It’s too lonely, that way. Too detached. I want you with me when I come. When we come.”
How could she be irritated with a man who wanted to please her? His words sent her freefalling into that abyss of love she’d teetered on. With every deliberate thrust of his hips, she fell farther, chanting in her head, “I love you, I love you,” wishing to God she could shout the words aloud. That he would shout them in return.
Between kisses, he told her how beautiful she was, how much he wanted her, and she believed him. He said he’d never felt this close to anyone, so in tune with another person as he was with her. Tears stung her eyes. He slowed his pace, drawing out the tingling sensations until the release snuck up on her, crashing over her and robbing her of breath, of sound, filling her instead with what she was sure was his unspoken love.
…
Kate was asleep. Sawyer stared up at the ceiling while his heart rate slowed. His thoughts jumbled about in his head as he sucked in deep breaths. He wasn’t sure what had happened tonight. Kate had never gone down on him before, which had hurled him out of orbit, but that wasn’t what was confusing. That had been amazing, awesome. Stunning.
No, it was his reaction. He wasn’t a talker in bed. Actions spoke louder than words, yada yada. And if a woman wanted to give him a BJ, he’d always been okay with that. That hadn’t been the case tonight. He didn’t know where the words had spouted from, or the sentiment, but all of a sudden, lying there while she did all the work hadn’t been acceptable.
He’d meant what he told her. She was beautiful, and he wanted her more than any woman he’d ever been with. Words hadn’t been sufficient. He’d tried like hell to show her. Looking down in her face, seeing the sheen of tears glimmering in the moonlight, had sent him into a tailspin. She was crying during lovemaking? And when did he call sex “making love”?
He turned his head on the pillow to look at Kate. She faced him in sleep, curled in the shape of the letter C, her bare shoulder peeping out from under the covers. He fought the urge to lean over and kiss it, and perhaps wake her for another bout of lovema— No, sex. He rejected the notion and the sappy sentiment, yet he continued to study her in the moon’s glow. A warm contentment washed over him, and he snapped his gaze to the ceiling.
As much as he loved being with Kate, he had to remember the reason they were together in the first place. She worked for a drug-dealing cartel pilot. While his heart, his gut, and his dick strenuously refuted any guilt on her part, his mind continued to sift through the current facts. Like when he’d overheard her speaking to Mr. Cabrera on the baseball field.
Had they been discussing Bobby, like he wanted to believe? Or had they been talking about something more nefarious? Had she decided to make extra money to pay off her parents’ debt, not caring whether it was unlawful? Was he endangering this case, his career, for a possible felon?
Before he could answer that question, Kate mumbled in her sleep and reached out for him. Her warm hand smoothed across his chest and back again. His nipples stiffened, and he grew rock-hard. When her foot rubbed along his calf, all his doubts scattered. No way was she guilty, he reasoned, rolling over to face her. He couldn’t be that wrong about someone.
As he reached out for her, when her hand slipped down beneath the covers to cup him, he gave up rationalizing. With a growl equal parts arousal and frustration, he pulled her under him, taking her mouth with bruising intensity. He entered her, found her wet and ready, and he didn’t give a damn what she’d been saying to Cabrera. All that mattered was that she was here, with him, wanting him. And when the familiar tension grew inside, he rationalized that everything would get sorted out eventually. It had to. He didn’t know whether he could let her go if it didn’t.
Chapter Fifteen
Kate returned home from meeting her new client a few evenings after that Tex-Mex dinner with Sawyer, when she’d discovered her feelings for him. It was mind-boggling how her life had changed in the last few weeks. She’d gotten her first bona fide client since her parents’ death, and she’d met a man who sent her rocketing into space with just a look, a touch.
Remembering how her mom and dad had been so happy when she received her degree brought a mist to her eyes. They’d hugged her on graduation day, telling her that no matter what happened in her future, no one could take her education away. They’d been right.
They’d also been correct when they told her she would meet someone when the time was right. She leaned her head against the headrest and closed her eyes, picturing her mom and dad that last day, before the accident. How they’d kissed her goodbye before leaving her apartment.
“Oh, Mom. I’ve met a man,” she whispered in the silence of the parked car, eyes tightly scrunched. “I wish you could meet him. He’s funny, and smart, and has a steady job. Oh, and he’s tall. And, yes, even though you wouldn’t want to hear it, he’s fantastic in bed.”
She grinned, opening her eyes and staring at her apartment, and Sawyer’s, right next door. Her parents, especially her dad, would have covered his ears to the last statement. But it was the truth. Every facet of Sawyer’s personality made her fall in love with him, and that included his lovemaking.
She tingled at the thought. She’d always wanted what her parents had had, and she was pretty sure she’d get it with Sawyer. She thought back to their interrupted dinner the other night, the night he’d made the earth move beneath her. Wh
en he’d made love so sweetly, so excruciatingly slowly, that she’d almost embarrassed herself by crying.
They’d been together since that night, every night, actually, yet that time stood out for her. It stood out because it was when she realized she loved him. It changed everything for her. Even though she went about her daily chores, the knowledge sat deep inside her, warming her heart, and tingeing everyday moments with a rosy glow. She was in love!
A kernel of doubt intruded. While she’d discovered her feelings that night, she still didn’t know how he felt. She’d convinced herself he had to feel the same, even if he hadn’t said I love you. His declarations during that session had to mean he loved her in return.
She looked around and noticed Sawyer’s truck parked a few slots away. She frowned. He’d told her he was going to San Diego today and wouldn’t be home until late. He must have finished early, whatever he’d been doing.
As she looked at his truck, an idea popped into her head. She wouldn’t know how he felt for sure unless she bared her soul, her heart, to him. She’d never been afraid to say her mind before, so she shouldn’t start now. Not now, when it meant the most to her. If she wanted to know if he reciprocated her feelings, she needed to ask. Living in the unknown was not an option, and she was disappointed in herself for even thinking she’d remain quiet about her feelings.
She got out of the car and headed to his place instead of hers. She’d just drop by and surprise him, and bring up the subject at the opportune moment. Since their last meal together had been interrupted, deliciously, maybe she’d make it up to him. Have the dessert first, before starting to cook. Get one appetite satisfied before the other, and then have some pillow talk afterward.
Squaring her shoulders, she marched to his front porch and knocked, then tried the knob. She was in luck; it wasn’t locked. They hadn’t gotten to the point of exchanging keys, but she knew he wouldn’t mind the interruption she had concocted.
“Sawyer?” she called as she entered. The apartment was quiet. Maybe he was in the shower. The idea that he might already be naked propelled her down the hall.
She heard a faint cough. It came from the direction of the second bedroom, his office. The door had always been closed, until today. She hurried toward it.
She stopped in the doorway. Sawyer stood in the middle of the room, his back to her. He swung around, and she spied a phone at his ear. He started toward her, and she spoke before she lost her nerve.
“Sawyer, I need to—are those computers in your closet?” Attention diverted, she craned her neck around him as he reached for her shoulders. She shook him off, dodging to the side to confirm that, yes, he did have computer monitors, plus a desk, where clothing should be hanging. Her gaze darted over the screens, and her jaw dropped as she realized what she was looking at.
All thoughts of declaring her love flew out of her head as she tried to make sense of what she was looking at. Frowning, she faced him.
“Why the hell is my apartment on your computer screens?”
…
“I’ll have to call you back. Something’s come up,” Sawyer muttered into his phone, jabbing it off after reassuring Sanchez everything was cool. Which it sure as hell wasn’t. Then he reached out for Kate again, and once more she recoiled like he had leprosy.
He dropped his hands. What the hell should he say? Give her some bullshit about trying out new security for apartment owners? She’d see through that lie before he finished telling it. But could he risk the truth? Would she grasp the importance of his subterfuge, understand that he had to verify she was innocent before he could divulge his true identity? He’d like to think so, but that was probably his guilt, looking for appeasement.
Hadn’t he locked the front door? Obviously he hadn’t, since she stood before him, getting angrier by every minute he remained silent. He glanced at the monitors, while he shuffled through explanations like a frantic DJ looking for a song request.
Unfortunately, when she walked in on him, the video feed had returned to her place, and Sanchez had called for an update. Well, he sure as hell had one now. He was facing his worst nightmare. How he’d ever thought he could keep his identity a secret, especially when he and she had become so close, he didn’t know. Maybe, deep down, he hadn’t wanted to continue the subterfuge, which might explain his foolishness in not locking the door. Or, maybe he’d simply been stunned stupid by their off-the-charts chemistry.
Even now, with her staring at him, confusion clouding the depths of her blue eyes, all he wanted to do was pull her into his arms, kiss that bewilderment out of her expression, and tell her…tell her what? That he’d never reacted this way about a woman before? That she was the first woman for whom he’d crossed the ethics line?
Oh, yeah, blame her for his lapse in professionalism. That would really make his case. Though his reasons were true. As soon as he’d met her on the beach, he’d felt an inexplicable connection. Connection and attraction. Her mixture of sass and sadness had drawn him in until here he was, endangering his very career because she was all he thought about. For example, at this moment he was more concerned about her feelings than the job. What did that tell him? Before his mind could weigh the significance of the answer to that question, her sharp voice snapped his attention to her.
“Who were you talking to? How’d you get cameras in my apartment? Are you that controlling in a relationship that you have to spy on me when I’m not with you? Or, are you some kind of techie, peeping Tom who gets his rocks off by watching me when I’m alone? Isn’t showering with me, sleeping with me, enough for you? Answer me!”
This was so not how he’d envisioned revealing his true persona to her. He’d never considered how he’d confess who he really was, but he sure as hell hadn’t pictured this scenario. She was advancing on him like badass Wonder Woman going after Aries the god of war.
Her bravado seduced him, though now wasn’t the time. This was the most important moment in his recent history, and he couldn’t get aroused by her anger. He couldn’t have her thinking he’d trivialize her concern by trying to jump her bones. He didn’t know what the hell their relationship was, but it was more serious than a simple hookup.
He grabbed her forearm, but she yanked it out of his grasp just as quickly.
“Don’t manhandle me. And answer the damn question, Sawyer. Why are there computers in your closet, spying on me?” Her voice held the slightest quaver at the end.
Her lips trembled, and his heart cracked. She wasn’t just angry; she was hurt. Shit. He’d figured she be furious. Had counted on it. He hadn’t thought she’d also be hurt. He was going to have to come clean and face the consequences. He’d never prepared for this moment, had blindly assumed everything would work out fine. And now it was the moment of truth.
“I’m a DEA agent.” He picked up his badge from beside one of the computers and handed it to her. She glanced at it, and then at him, her luscious mouth dropping open into a disbelieving O-shape. When no sound came from it, he made to continue. That’s when she erupted, her voice rising like the squeak of a wheel.
“DEA? Drugs? You think I sell drugs? Give me a break. Have you seen where I live? I must be a pretty poor drug dealer, since I can’t even afford my own place… You’re serious,” she added, when he didn’t say anything, just stood there letting her wind down.
“I am serious. But I’m not investigating you. It’s your boss, Cabrera.”
“Mr. Cabrera? Bobby’s dad? He’s a realtor. All he does is sell houses. Even at night.”
“He’s not selling houses at night, Kate. He’s flying his drug cartel boss around to his various warehouses. He’s a licensed pilot.”
“Wait,” she narrowed her gaze on him. “You used me to get close to my boss, didn’t you?”
Oh, hell. Here it was, the moment he’d been dreading. She’d jumped to the very conclusion he’d hoped she wouldn’t, yet knew that she would. And she was right; he had made contact with her to find out about Cabrera and Ortiz.
But that had lasted about a minute, because as soon as he’d met her, he’d been attracted to her.
Guilt for wanting her for himself had been the only restraining factor, but it hadn’t been strong enough. Kate Munroe turned out to be a drug he couldn’t shake. Who knew that he would become addicted to a sassy, sexy nanny who had once been his suspect?
“Answer me, dammit. You’ve been watching me eat, sleep, and shower, for chrissake! I deserve an explanation.”
“There aren’t any cameras in your bedroom or bathroom.”
She blinked at him. He needed her to understand that he hadn’t planned on liking her, wanting her, as much as he did. That their relationship wasn’t part of the job. He’d broken every rule of propriety when it came to her, let alone as an officer of the law. And the problem was, he would do it all again, she was that much under his skin.
“You had those two rooms covered, anyway, didn’t you, Agent Hayes?” Her disdain broke through his tangled thoughts, as she tossed his badge onto the desk.
His face flushed at her sarcasm. “It wasn’t like that, Kate, and you know it. Sparks flew as soon as we met, and if you’re honest with yourself—”
“Don’t talk to me about honesty, Agent Hayes. I’m exactly who I said I was.” She pivoted, and for a moment, he thought she was finished speaking, ready to head out the front door, and out of his life. She couldn’t. He wouldn’t let her. What they had together was unfinished, and he’d be damned if she left before he got her to see that.
He reached out for her shoulder, just as she turned around. The shine of unshed tears in her eyes had him dropping his hand.
“Kate,” he began, but she shook her head until he thought it might spin off her neck.
“Shut up, Sawyer. You don’t get to call the shots anymore. I know all I need to know. You set up that meeting on the beach, got me to let you in Bobby’s house, and then you decided, well, hey, since I have to watch her anyway, I may as well make it worth my while.”
Undercover with the Nanny Page 13
