“Rude! They come into my house without an invite, intrude in my home. And you call me rude?”
“You’re a git and you know it,” the second man replied. “Come on, Kevin. A cailin! We haven’t seen one of those in a long time.”
“Cailin?” Fionna perked up at her native language. Cailin in Gaelic was girl.
Great. Irish sub-fae.
“Fine. But I’m not feeding them.” The one named Kevin huffed. “And they get nowhere near my mead.”
“I should speak to your mother about raising you with no manners.”
“Go ahead. That potato sack is probably still living.”
I growled under my breath, my fingers rubbing my forehead harder. “We are wasting time.”
“See, I’m not the only ill-mannered one,” Kevin quipped. “Barges into my home...”
“Come on, we haven’t had guests in over a decade.”
I could hear Kevin sigh, giving in. Footsteps crackled over the earth, bouncing through the cave, but I still couldn’t tell which way they were coming from.
Fionna moved closer to me. I sensed she wasn’t afraid but defensive. Ready to act. I was not in the least worried about some sub-fae.
A short, bow-legged man, no more than three feet tall, with a large nose and beady eyes emerged in the dim light. He wore a tiny Scottish kilt with a “Rub me and see if you get lucky” T-shirt.
“Holy shite!” Fionna’s mouth dropped open.
I stared, making sure he wasn’t an illusion.
“Aren’t you guys extinct?” Fionna gaped at the short man.
“Do I fecking look extinct to you, lass?” This was definitely the grumpier one.
“But…but…you’re a leprechaun.” Fionna shook her head in disbelief.
“Oh, good on ya. If you want, you can check under my kilt to see I am male too.”
“Your name is Kevin?” Fionna tipped her head to the side.
“Ta.” He scowled. “What’s wrong with that, lass? It’s my mhamo’s name.”
“Your grandmother was named Kevin?”
“Yeah. Something wrong?”
“Uh, no.” Fionna waggled her head. “It’s just... um…not very leprechaun-y.”
“Leprechaun-y? What the hell do you mean? Is that a racist comment?” Kevin’s chest puffed up as he took a step closer. “Huh?”
“Noooo. Nope.”
“What, you think I should be named Paddy or Lucky? Do I fecking look lucky to you?”
“Where is the other one?” I glanced around, ready for an additional man to join him.
“I apologize for my friend. He literally was born in a barn.” The other man’s voice came out of Kevin’s…hand. “I’m Gerry.”
“Holy hen’s teeth.” Fionna’s hand went to her mouth. I had no idea what the hell she meant, but I was sure I agreed.
On Kevin’s hand was a sock. A sock that had two eyes, a mouth, and a nose drawn from what looked like charcoal. Pieces of hay were tacked on the top to resemble hair.
A puppet. That’s who Kevin had been arguing with? A fucking sock puppet?
“How long have you been here?” I asked, keeping my tone low and soothing. I had been partially joking about crazy sub-fae, not realizing how on point I had been. Crazy didn’t even cover this.
Kevin’s wrist turned to him, the sock tilting its head back and forth. “It’s been what? Fifteen or so years now?”
“Ta.” Kevin nodded in agreement.
A chuckle came out of my mouth. Fionna whapped me, darting me a look.
“What?” I motioned to the leprechaun. “Are you seriously going to go along with this? He’s talking to a fucking sock.”
She pinched her mouth together, taking a step closer to Kevin. “I’m sorry for my friend. He forgot his manners.” She held out her hand. “I’m Fionna. This is Lars.”
“Majesty to them,” I protested.
Kevin grumbled, but Gerry, the sock, leaped out, kissing her hand with his drawn-on lips.
“We haven’t had such a bonny lass here ever. Welcome!” Gerry gushed, while Kevin stood back, his free hand hugging his chest like he was pouting.
“Are you kidding me?” Both my hands rubbed my face. This was even too twisted for me. And I had seen a lot in my time.
“Ignore him. We are grateful for your hospitality.” Fionna swished her hand at me.
“Nonsense! We are thrilled to have company,” Gerry exclaimed.
“Speak for yourself,” Kevin muttered, huffing another big sigh.
“Shut it, Kevin,” Gerry grumbled back at his friend, turning to Fionna. “We don’t have much, but we have some honey wine.”
“I told ya; they ain’t touchin’ my mead,” Kevin barked.
“We are fine. Thank you. We actually came here to find something.”
“Ha!” Kevin’s head whipped to the sock. “Knew they were here for that. No one just comes to visit, you log.”
I swear I saw the sock sigh. What the hell? It was a sock. Not real.
“Can you help us?” Fionna laced her hands together.
“Help? They will tell me where it is now.” I had no time for this.
“Shush.” Fionna glared back at me, her expression telling me to back off, then returning to Kevin. I exhaled and let my head fall back with irritation. “We’d be so grateful for your assistance.”
Time was ticking by. People called me “majesty” for a reason, and I had perks of bypassing pomp and circumstance. Normally, I tried to show respect to all, but my patience had expired a while back.
“No. This is absurd. Enough—”
“I said shut it.” Fionna cut me off, an eyebrow raised in warning, scolding me like a child. “I will handle this.”
I growled, flinging my arms out, and walked a few steps away to tamp down my testy temper. “Fine,” I grumbled.
“Do you know about a treasure hidden here?” Fionna prompted. “The Cauldron of Dagda?”
Kevin rolled his eyes.
“What the toadstool sandwich do you think I’m doing here? I like to live in a fucking cave with this arsehole?” Kevin waved his free hand at his “friend.” “Let me tell you, it has not been a picnic.”
“Me?” The puppet sputtered back. “I haven’t been easy to live with? You are the most cantankerous sod. All you do is gripe and drink mead.”
“At least I don’t fart in my sleep all night,” Kevin spat back.
Gerry slowly turned to look at Kevin, his mouth opening, shaking its head in bewilderment. “You are an eejit.”
I was starting to like Gerry. “Shit.” I pressed my hand to my face. I was already seeing the puppet as though it were alive. I needed to get out of here. My own sanity was at stake.
“Great.” Fionna rubbed her palms together. “Do you know if it’s hidden here?”
“Ta,” Kevin replied.
“Can you tell us where?”
“No.”
“What? Why?” I blurted out before Fionna could respond. “Do you understand I am the Unseelie King?”
“I understand you’re a wanker.”
“How dare—” I rushed for the sub-fae as Fionna jumped in my path, blocking me.
“Lars, calm down. That is not going to help us.”
I had demons and shifters cowering at my feet, but a three-foot leprechaun was giving me grief? They were known to be assholes, but he should still fear me. My magic guided straight for him, circling his neck with ease.
Kevin gasped, his free hand going to his neck.
“Kev!” Gerry cried, the puppet frantically hovering close to his buddy.
How was he still able to talk? I was choking him!
“Lars. Stop.” Fionna shoved her own magic at me, banging into me like a bumper car. My gaze went to her brown eyes, somehow gentle and strong at the same time. Did I never notice their depth? How you could fall into them and drown? They held so much power, and I felt myself ease off, taking a deep breath.
Kevin gulped for breath behind Fionna, bu
t she kept her regard on me, not severing her hold until she watched my shoulders drop. Her hands squeezed my arms, then she spun to the leprechaun.
“Kevin, please. We really need it.” She walked up to him, touching his shoulder.
Kevin snarled at her, rubbing his neck.
“He wasn’t lying,” Gerry said quietly. “We can’t tell you where it is.”
“Ah.” The back of Fionna’s ponytail bobbed. “You’re spelled.”
“That Druid bastard. He tricked us.” Kevin spit on the ground.
“Well, that and…” Gerry trailed off.
“Don’t.” Kevin lifted his lip at his friend.
“Because—”
“Shut up, Gerry.”
“Wedon’tactuallyknowwhereitis!” Gerry spit out the words so fast it jumbled together. He sighed with relief as though he had been holding it in for years.
“But…you said.” Fionna straightened, confusion coating her features.
“You asked if I knew the cauldron was hidden here.” Kevin pushed up his chin, rubbing his T-shirt.
“Yeah?”
“It’s not.”
“Where. Is. It?” One stride and I was even with Fionna, anger contracting my muscles.
“Can’t tell ya.”
My molars ground until I heard my jaw crack.
“You think it would be so easy? You’d just walk in, grab a cup-o-tea, and take a treasure as a fecking parting gift?”
“Watch your tone with me, leprechaun.” I loomed over him. “I am still your King, and I have the power to destroy you.”
“Someone has anger management issues.” Kevin continued to rub his belly. “I’m starving. Is it supper time yet?”
“We just ate lunch,” Gerry replied.
“Ta. Your point?”
“How. Do. We. Get. The. Cauldron?” My voice boomed around the cave, slamming off the walls.
“With your attitude, I don’t feel like telling you.” Kevin harrumphed, wrapping his arm over his chest again, and turned his cheek away.
“Tell me now, or I will make you,” I fumed, shocked by the little effect I seemed to have on him.
“No,” he sulked.
“Yes.”
“No.”
“Okay, boys. Time out,” Fionna cut in, seeing I was about to strangle the fae, and this time I would not back down. “Gerry,” she addressed the puppet. “Maybe you could be so kind.”
Gerry pinched its mouth together, looking between her and me.
“Ignore him. I’m asking. Please. I would be so grateful.”
She was working him. Fionna wasn’t a patient, sweet person, but unlike me, she seemed to know how to charm him.
I never needed to be. I asked and got what I wanted. Sometimes with a little force.
“Oh, cailin.” Could a sock have the power to blush and look sheepish? “For you I would do anything. You are the prettiest thing I have ever seen.”
“Thank you.”
“I mean, if you want to lose that arse, you can stay here. You have to put up with this sod.” It jerked its head to Kevin. “But he’s not so bad after you get to know him.”
Was I really seeing this? A sock was hitting on Fionna? And even worse, why did I feel bothered by this? Every man in Scotland seemed bewitched by her. My jealousy over the bartender last night was humiliating. Nothing existed between us. She could do whatever she wanted. Ha, who was I kidding? The thought of her going home with the kid almost made me explode the building. My jealousy had turned me rash, foolish, and angry. I had embarrassed myself.
Now I wanted to strangle a sock.
“You’re very sweet. Tempting.” She gave me a wink, as if she were taunting my actions from the bar. “But we really need to get the cauldron.”
“It’s a riddle.”
“Excuse me?”
“You have to solve a riddle to figure out its location,” Gerry clarified.
I groaned, pinching my nose. “The damn Druid made this a scavenger hunt.”
“I guess it was naïve to think he’d make it so easy to retrieve.” Fionna’s shoulders dropped, but then she rolled them back, lifting her head. “Okay, what’s the riddle?”
Kevin grumbled to himself then nodded to Gerry.
Gerry cleared his throat dramatically.
“Descend where red water flows.
Treasure will be found in the dark ones round.”
Fionna and I both stared at the puppet blankly. “That was it? Is that all to the riddle?”
“Did I say it wrong?” Gerry whispered to Kevin. “They’re just gaping at me like gobs.”
“I need a drink.” I swiveled, squeezing the bridge of my nose. I paced around the fire, my boots stirring up the dirt.
“I feel as though I should know this.” Fionna nibbled on her bottom lip. “Like Uncle Isaac left this just for me. He used to tell me stories and riddles all the time.”
I stayed quiet, rolling the riddle over and over in my mind. Descend where red waters flow. Treasure will be found in the dark ones round.
“Red waters. Dark one’s round,” Fionna repeated to herself over and over, until I was about to lose my mind. “Wait...”
“What?” I swung to her.
She snapped her fingers as though she was trying to grasp something. “I don’t know, but I feel I’ve heard this riddle before. Like I know the answer. But…” She clapped her hands excitedly and sat down on the ground, shutting her eyes.
“What are you doing?”
“A memory-retrieving spell. On myself.” She grinned, her lids still shut. She started to hum the words of the spell, her forehead crunching down. Magic swirled in the room, her hair flying up around her face. Apparently this memory was buried deep, as her chant rolled to the back of her throat, exertion already dampening her hair.
A thin trickle of blood trailed out of her nose.
“Fionna.” I moved closer to her. I understood Druid magic took a toll, but I hated seeing her hurt herself.
She’s doing it for you.
“Fionna. Stop. We’ll figure—”
A current of magic shot into her like a javelin. Her back struck the rocky ground, as though someone had thrown her down with all their might. Her mouth opened, but no breaths followed. Her eyes flared with fear.
“Fionna!” I dived for her, pumping my magic into her body. I didn’t even consider if it would help or not, working off pure instinct. My energy spread out like a thousand fingers, touching and inspecting anything harming her.
She gasped and her hand grabbed mine as she gulped air greedily.
“Are you okay?” I pushed hair back from her face.
“Ye-yeah.” She nodded, her lids fluttering. “Could you stop…doing that?”
My energy still roamed through her.
What was I doing? I healed people all the time, but I kept it clinical and unobtrusive. I healed at the surface level. What I had just done crossed the line from clinical into intimate.
I had only done it once before with the first woman I had ever lain with. It had been so intimate and exposing, it felt like we had flayed ourselves open to each other. Every secret, every thought exposed. I was so young and not yet completely in control of my powers. I vowed to never let it happen again.
I swore, jerking back, pulling everything with me.
Fionna closed her eyes briefly, taking a moment before she reopened them, her gaze landing on me.
“The Devil’s Pulpit.”
“Excuse me?”
“Finnich Glen. That’s where it is.”
“You know for sure?” I helped her sit up.
“The night he left, he came in my room to say goodbye. He told me the riddle, saying it was extremely important I remember.” She dabbed at the blood along her nose, lost in thought. Fear flicked around her eyes. “It feels as if this has been waiting for me…like he knew something before he left.”
“What?”
“I don’t know.” She licked her lip. She didn’t say it, b
ut I could see the unease in the lines of her face, almost taste it. “But it is definitely hiding at Finnich Glen.”
Finnich Glen. The name rolled around in my head as I tried to recall anything I could from when I used to live here.
“Red waters flow.” I tipped my head back with understanding, the riddle clicking in. Finnich Glen was an area with a hidden gulch running through it. They call it Devil’s Pulpit now. From ground level, you descended a set of stairs, which they named Jacob’s Ladder, to get into it. A mineral in the water there turned the water a rusty color. I had heard about the place but had never been there. Now it was all I could think of. “Devil’s Pulpit, here we come.” I smiled.
“This time I drive.” She narrowed her eyes.
“Good. Get the hell out of here. You’ve overstayed your welcome anyway.” Kevin motioned for the door, stomping away. “I can finally get some peace.
“Bye, beautiful cailin. Parting is such sweet sorrow…” Gerry’s voice drifted off down the tunnel.
“Yeah, because a decade alone has done him so well.” I shook my head. “Asshole.”
“I think you found your kindred spirit.” She got to her feet, grinning.
“Kevin or Gerry?”
“Please, you are so a Kevin.” She rolled her eyes. “I’m more of a Gerry.”
“Oh, then you get all the duties my right hand usually does.” I winked and twisted on my feet, heading down the tunnel, leaving her gaping at me.
I enjoyed leaving the Druid speechless, even if just for a moment.
~~
I was relieved to exit the cave. The last bit of sun hit the mountain as we trekked back down the peak with the cold air filling my lungs. Not only did we have a lead, but I was free from Kevin and his hand puppet. I’d had my fill of crazy lately.
“I think I’m going to miss him.” Fionna rubbed her arms and put back on her jacket that had been tied around her waist. The most tortuous part of the hike lay behind us as we made our way down toward the valley in the chilly wind.
“Which one,” I scoffed.
“Gerry, of course.” She peered at me like “duh.” “I mean, he asked me to move in with him.”
I barked out a laugh.
“Don’t mock. All any girl wants is a good man who loves her.”
The Fall Of The King (Lightness Saga Book 3) Page 19
