I finally pull myself together and start the car. I am already running a little behind, and I know Grandma and Mom both aren’t going to be too happy about that. Thanksgiving is a time we all get to get together as a family, and it is important to them. It is important to me, too, but this year everything seems to be so mixed up in my mind when it comes to my feelings.
ONCE I WALK into my grandparents’ home, I can hear the conversation already coming from the dining room. I walk in and peek around the corner, trying to give my most adorable smile possible. Grandma sees me first, and her hands rise up and clap together. Everyone turns and looks at me, and Grandma gets up and walks over to give me one of her the-best-thing-on-earth hugs. “Oh, my precious granddaughter is finally here. I knew you would be here any minute. I am sure you just got a little mixed up on what time to leave. Being that you stayed in your new place last night and all; right, Honey?” She pulls back and gives me a wink. I give her a big smile back, and lean in to give her one more kiss on the cheek.
She then starts to make her way back to her seat as I make my way around the table, hugging and kissing everyone. Once I reach Pop’s seat, he scoots back and stands up, giving me one of his very popular bear hugs. “Don’t you think you were going to get away with just leaning in on me girl.
I haven’t seen you in what feels like forever, so nothing less than a full on hug and kiss are going to do, Little O.” This is the name Pop has called me my whole life. For some reason, the O in Caroline really stuck out for him—so begun Little O. I give Pop a good squeeze back and a kiss on his cheek. “I wouldn’t have sat down without one, Pop.”
I sit down in my seat, and everyone starts passing around the food for me to fill my plate. Now, I know they say gluttony is a sin, but there are a few times a year I feel this sin must be done. Thanksgiving, of course, being one of them. I notice Mom and Mark smiling at each other throughout the meal, and it really makes me feel good. Mom was always scared to really try and love again, but she let her walls down for Mark, and I think it has been a wonderful thing.
After my second plate of food, I go for my sampler mix of desserts. I seem to feel the need to at least say I gave it all a try when it comes to sweets. My grandma looks over at me with a big smile. “It is good to see you eating so much, Caroline. You feel like skin and bones. Do you eat right at that school of yours?”
I can’t help but laugh, and shake my head. “Yes, Grandma, I promise you I am eating. I just stay busy with work, and I have been running again recently—with Tara.” Of course, I leave out the whole exercise time spent with Kyle. My mom knows I have gone out with him a couple times, but I have never let on that it has been more than that.
The rest of the day goes on with stories of good and crazy times. There are lots of laughs, and even a few tears. I help Mom and Grandma in the kitchen with the dishes, and the guys are in charge of covering and putting away all the food that needs to go back in the fridge. Then of course, they are off to watch some more football. Grandma puts on a pot of coffee, and I love the way it smells as it is brewing. There are just certain things that stick with you throughout life. The smell of coffee brewing in my Grandma’s kitchen will always be one of the best things to me. Something about it brewing here smells different than anywhere else.
As soon as the pot is ready, Grandma pulls out three mugs and pours coffee in each for her, Mom, and I. Mom and I both add what we need to our cups, and we all go sit around the small kitchen table. We talk about Mom’s plans for the wedding, and I can see the pure joy on Grandma’s face to see her daughter so happy again. Mom seems to have an extra special glow going on with her as well. I am really happy too, but I am definitely starting to feel the effects of the sin I just committed. I feel, well, just blah and tired. Hopefully the coffee will help with the tired part.
As the night goes on, and I avoid the dining room where some of the food is still out, I start to feel a little more like myself. I still feel tired, but I can’t shake the feeling that I really want to sleep in my own bed again. This, of course, doesn’t really make a lot of sense either, since I have only slept in it one other time, but I just can’t help wanting to be back there when I wake in the morning. I have to work tomorrow night, but this will give me the chance to spend the whole day in my new bed, if I choose to.
Everyone is at the point where they are all just sitting back relaxing, nibbling, and watching TV. I am sitting on one of the sofas between Mom and Grandma. I reach over and put a hand on each of their legs. “Ok guys, I think I am going to head back home now. I didn’t get around to putting any of my things away yet, and I feel really bad leaving my space such a mess. I don’t want to start off with Tara thinking I am a slob.”
Mom and Grandma both look at me and pout. “Well Caroline, you kind of are a slob, so why try and make the girl think any different.”
I roll my eyes at my Mother. “Mom has jokes—look at that. Raleigh wasn’t here for the low blows, so you thought you would try and take her place, right?”
Mom and Grandma both start laughing. “I do miss that Raleigh of yours, too, Caroline. We just don’t see you girls enough anymore.” I squeeze my Grandma’s knee before I stand up.
Once I am up, and give my mom and grandma both a big hug and kiss, I start to make my way around, hugging and kissing everyone else goodbye. I save my Pop for last, and I am pretty sure I could see a bit of moisture building up in his eyes. I swear, if my Pop starts crying in front of me then I will be a blubbering mess for the rest of the night. I reach my arms around him, and give my part of our big bear hug. I lean down toward his ear and whisper, “Thank you, Pop, for being the man in my life. Once Daddy was gone, I could have never hoped or prayed for any one better. I love you always.”
I think I hear a quick sniffle, and Pop’s squeeze gets even tighter. “Now, you know I’d rather your Daddy had been here throughout it all, but you have been nothing but pure joy for me, Little O.”
Now I am the one starting to tear up, and I know it is time for me to go. Once I get started, I might not ever be able to drive out of here. Everyone walks me to the door for one last hug. Once I get outside, I pause by my truck and look up at the stars. I know my Dad is up there watching over us all, and I am very thankful for that. “I love you, Daddy. Happy Thanksgiving.”
Once I get back to the house, I notice no light other than the porch light is on. I walk in, calling Tara’s name just to be sure, but she isn’t home. I make my way to my room and start pulling out all of my belongings. I move about, finding a place for everything. I have two framed pictures I carried with me. One of them is of me and my parents when I was about five, and I put it on my nightstand. The other is a two part frame of me and Raleigh. The first half holds a picture of us the first year I moved to Virginia, and the second half is a picture of us our first day of college. I can’t help but smile while remembering all the years Raleigh and I have shared.
Once I put everything away, I leave my one photo album on my bed to look through later. I grab together some sleep shorts and my Wolverine t-shirt. Yes, I can’t help but find Hugh Jackman in The Wolverine hot, so this is the way I get to sleep with him. I hear my phone as I am getting ready to walk out of my room to shower.
“Happy Thanksgiving, Kyle. Did you and your family have a good day?”
I can hear music playing lightly in the background. “Happy Thanksgiving to you too, Caroline. I saw that you text me earlier; sorry I am just getting a chance to call you. It has been a really busy, but really good day. I am just headed back home now. How was your day?”
“Mine was nice too. I ate too much, of course, but it was really nice seeing everyone again. Especially my grandparents. I actually ended up driving back to my place tonight. I left my room a mess, and wanted to get things straight. Plus, I slept so good in this bed last night that I wanted to be back in it tonight, and sleep the day away tomorrow.”
I hear that faint rumble of his through the phone again. “I sleep my best when you a
re beside me. I hope to get the chance and see how well that bed of yours really does sleep. I have a band practice tomorrow evening, and I know you just said something about sleeping in. But I was curious; would you be cool if I came by your new place for a little while tomorrow, though?” I pause for a second, thinking about what Kyle just said. “Caroline, you still there?”
“Oh yeah, sorry Kyle; of course you can come by. I don’t have to be at work until 4, so that would be nice.”
“Ok, how about twelve then; is that ok?”
“That sounds perfect, Kyle. I will see you then. Be safe driving home ok?”
“I will. See you tomorrow Caroline, and sweet dreams.”
I STAND IN the shower longer than necessary, letting the hot water run down my neck and shoulders. Kyle’s feelings for me are obviously growing stronger—faster than my own. I can’t say I don’t care for Kyle, because I do. He seems to honestly be the perfect match for me in every way. I just can’t shake the fact that I feel so drawn toward another man.
If I were actually falling for Kyle in a serious way, then I wouldn’t have this confusion. I would just know, right? I slam my fist into the front of my thighs “Uggg, why does everything suddenly feel so damn complicated?!”
Once I’m dressed, I go grab the photo album off of my bed. I am suddenly wide awake, so I go lie on the couch and look through my life on paper. My mom put this together for me before I left for college last year. It starts from birth, and I have added pictures up until the accident. The last page has a picture of Raleigh’s car at the tow company after the wreck. Beside that, is a picture of her and I sitting on her bed her first day back home from the hospital. I start running my finger across the scar on my neck, and I feel the tears start running down my face.
Looking through all the times in Florida with my Dad, and then my life in my grandparent’s house, the days at mine and Mom’s home here, and Raleigh and I a little bit of everywhere. I can’t help the wave of emotions that hit me. I curl up in a ball on the couch and let the tears just flow.
I wake up and stretch my arms out, and I hit something solid. I sit up quickly and throw my hand over my mouth to keep from screaming. My room is still pretty dark, but I know for certain who this very firm back belongs to. Even without ever seeing it bare in person, because the tingling running through me from head to toe and the sight of the tattoo and military cut are dead give aways.
There is only one man that sends this automatic sensation through my body, whether I want it to or not. What the hell is Eric doing in my bed, and how did I end up in here? The last thing I remember is crying on the couch. I should smack him, yell at him, and kick his ass right onto the floor. I seriously believe he must have some form of a mental disorder. With all his mood swings and the way he is just so easily invading my space.
Instead, I sit and stare at him, and listen to his breathing. He is such a broad and dominant force lying here beside me. Yet, the slack of his shoulders and the slow easy breaths coming from him make him seem so peaceful. I am on the side of the bed Raleigh claimed, while Eric is asleep on my side of the bed. I am lying under my sheet and comforter, but he is laying on top of them with a different thin blanket thrown over him. Eric’s blanket is pulled up just to the bottom of his rib cage, and the fact that he is shirtless has me very curious as to what he has on under the blanket. I can literally feel my fingers twitching to lift the blanket and have a peek. What the hell is wrong with me? Maybe I am the one with a mental disorder.
My eyes wonder to his tat on his arm and back. It wraps far down and around the back of his shoulder blade. It is a lot of intricate designs running together and through one another. In the center of it all, there is a badge with a number mixed in. Once again I can feel my fingers twitching with want to reach out and trace over every detail. I have this feeling that if I were to touch his bare skin right now at all I wouldn’t be able to stop. I suddenly feel very over heated under these blankets.
“Are you going to just sit there and stare at me, or are you going to at least say good morning?”
Oh my god that voice; it sounds even deeper and raspy as he is just coming out of sleep. Oh shit, he is just coming out of sleep! He’s awake! “Huh, ummm, what?” I feel my cheeks burning, and I sit up straighter, pulling the blankets off of me.
Eric rolls over onto his back and turns his head toward me with a smile on his face. “I said good morning, Caroline.”
I freeze for a moment, staring into those eyes of his and the whiteness of his teeth, along with the shadow of stubble I can tell has formed around his chin. Fuck me, this man is gorgeous. I have to shake my head back and forth, before I hop down quickly from the bed. Eric sits up straight and rests his back against my headboard as he looks me up and down.
The sun has risen more now, and the room is a little brighter than when I first woke up. He reaches his arms up over his head and stretches. I know my mouth just dropped to the floor, and I think my heart stopped beating. The definition in his arms, chest, and abs. I swear I want to strip down and jump on top of him right now. I look down to where the blanket has fallen, and see the waist band of his pants. At least he isn’t getting ready to hop out of the bed in his birthday suit. Even though the thought of that has my knees going weak now as well. Pull your shit together, Caroline.
Eric is still just staring at me with a humorous expression on his face. “Wolverine huh, Caroline? I wouldn’t have taken you for a comic book type of girl.”
I finally find my voice. “I’m not; I am a Hugh Jackman as this role kind of girl. As a matter of fact, he was the only man I was supposed to be sleeping with last night. Do you care to explain to me how in the hell I got into my room, and why the fuck you’re in my bed with me?”
Eric’s lips go flat, and his eyes suddenly look fierce. “Language, Caroline. Unless I have you naked and begging, I don’t think I want to hear that word coming from that pretty mouth of yours.”
“Well, you will never catch me begging Eric, so get the fuck out of my room!” I walk over and switch on my light, and then reach for my door knob.
“Wait, wait… I thought you wanted an explanation for me being in your bed?” I drop my hand down from the door, but I can still feel the heat rolling through me from how angry he has now made me. What a cocky bastard, thinking he can tell me how to speak and that I will be begging for him.
Eric grinds his jaw back and forth a couple times, and then runs his hand across his head and down the back of his neck. He pulls his cover off and turns sideways, placing his feet on the floor. He is still wearing his pants from yesterday, and the button is undone. He finally looks back up at me, and I just stand there with my arms crossed under my chest.
“Ok, I obviously need to think before I speak to you, and watch my ways of sarcasm and humor. They obviously just seem to piss you off.”
“Telling me how to speak, or your sexual plans for me, are not sarcasm or humorous Eric!” Eric’s hand shoots up, and he suddenly stands up from the bed. Even with being pissed off, I can’t help the way my eyes wander over his body, taking it all in. I close my eyes briefly, and take in a deep breath and then release.
“I’m sorry, Caroline. I actually think I have said sorry to you more times than anyone in my life. When Tara and I got back in the middle of the night, you were out cold on the couch. We both thought you weren’t coming back here last night, so I had already figured I would stay here, since it was so late when we got in. Before you moved in, if any of us would stay over here this room was the place we would sleep. Tara told me I would just have to suck it up and sleep on the couch. She was getting ready to wake you so you could get in your own bed, and I told her no. I could just carry you to bed and get my spot on the couch all set up myself. I don’t think she was to keen on that idea, but she agreed because she hated the idea of waking you up, too. So, she walked into your room to pull the blanket down, and then told me good night and went off to her room to sleep.”
I finally drop my ar
ms down, and feel my face relax slightly. “That still doesn’t explain how you ended up in bed with me, Eric. You know, what is now supposed to be my bed.”
Eric takes a couple steps closer to me, and then stops. “I picked you up and you mumbled something, but I couldn’t understand. Then you turned your face into me and wrapped your arms around my neck, but you never woke. When I layed you down in your bed, your face just looked… well, sad. I found myself sitting down beside you, and pulling your hair back away from your face and tucking it behind your ear. Then you got a smile on your lips and mumbled something else. I went and got a blanket for me down from the closet, and I really did try and lay down on the couch. The fact is—look at me—there was no way I could make myself fit right on that thing.”
He is silent again for a moment, and I hear him let out a sigh. “I guess I could have layed on the floor or something. To be honest, though, I just felt drawn here, instead. I made sure to keep my pants on for both our sakes, and I slept under my own blanket. I was trying not to make it to awkward, but I guess I didn’t fully succeed with that plan. Maybe I was just tired and not thinking straight, but it just felt like the right thing to do to me at the time. I get it now; it seems strange. I really did sleep well, though—here, like this.”
In the Stars Page 17
