The Violet Line

by Bilinda Ni Siodacain

  “Well maybe I don’t want to see her. She hurt my mom I can’t condone that; I won’t.” I fled the table and ran out onto the street; I had to get home. I had so much whirling around my head that I didn’t know what I was supposed to do first; nothing made sense anymore. Why did everything always have to be so complicated? I stopped. I needed to talk to my mom about all this first, find out what she knew about her sister and why she would want to see me after all this time of having no contact. It didn’t make any sense; but then, when did anything make sense now? I laughed out loud. It sounded slightly manic to my ears, but I didn’t care; I needed to get home. I began the trudge in the direction of my apartment.

  Chapter Nineteen

  Closing the door of my apartment, I let the silence soothe the turmoil in my mind. Why did everything always have to happen at once? Looking down, I noticed I was still wearing Lorcan’s jumper.

  “Serves him right,” I muttered as I banged into my bedroom, ripping the jumper off over my head and quickly slipping into pajamas. I lifted Sam’s jumper from the chair and pulled it on over everything and sniffed the collar; his smell was starting to fade and it was being replaced by the smell of my perfume. I wanted to at least have the smell from his clothes and now it seemed I wouldn’t even have that anymore. I headed back into the sitting room and picked my phone up from where I had discarded it. One text. My heart leapt at the thought that it might be from Sam but this was squashed quickly when I noticed it was from Annie.

  “What happened tonight? How’d it all go? How’s Aidan? Did he say anything about me when I left? You should come over.”

  I toyed with the idea but quickly dismissed it. I needed some time so I could talk to my mom about what I had learned. Surely if she really knew anything, she would have told the rest of the family instead of letting everyone think the worst. I dialed her mobile number and listened as the phone rang and rang; surely she would still be up considering we hadn’t spoken yet today. After the sixth ring she answered.

  “Hello?”

  “Hi, Mom; it’s Jade.”

  “Jade, you never rang me. What’s going on? Is everything alright? I was worried; you didn’t even bother to send me a text. What’s been going on?” Her voice was more angry than panicked but I knew it was caused by relief.

  “Look, I’m fine.” I tried to sound as reassuring as possible; I didn’t want to burden her with my issues and I needed to get her talking about her sister. “It’s just something to do with Sam but it’ll all be fine; I’m sorting it out. Mom, I wanted to ask you about your sister.”

  Silence greeted my question until eventually, “What did you want to ask me?” Her voice sounded colder and I didn’t want to push her for the information, but I knew I had to if I was going to get to the bottom of this whole situation.

  “What happened, Mom; what really happened? Do you know where she is?”

  She sighed on the other end of the phone. “No, I don’t know where she is.”

  “But you know that she is still alive? Why haven’t you ever told anyone? Didn’t you think they might want to know?”

  “I did tell them. I told them about the letter she left for me but they wouldn’t listen; it was as though they were happier to just let her go.” Her voice began to crack. “When we discovered her bed that morning and the note saying she had gone to a better place, I wouldn’t believe it. And when I went back to my room, I found a note from her saying she’d be in touch; ‘look to your window,’ she wrote. I showed it to my mother but she dismissed it and I was told to just accept the fact that my sister was gone. Jade, they had a funeral for her, for goodness sake – with an empty coffin.”

  I was shocked; she had never told me this much of the story before. “But did she get in contact with you?”

  Her voice was low and sounded as if it came from far away. “Yes, she contacted me. When I woke one morning, I found her message written on my window in the fog. In it, she told me that if I ever needed to talk to her to write it on my mirror and she would get it and write back on the window. It sounds ridiculous, doesn’t it? I didn’t believe it myself, simply thought it was one of my brothers playing a cruel joke on me. So I tried it out, expecting nothing to happen, but within a few seconds of my writing ‘hello’ on the mirror she wrote back. It’s how we have stayed in contact for all these years. She never told me where she was no matter how many times I have asked her, begged her to tell me. She always says she cannot reveal her whereabouts to me but that she is safe and well. Jade, why have you asked these questions? Do you know something? She hasn’t contacted me in quite some time now but it has always worked.” Her voice sounded concerned as she thought there might be something wrong.

  “No, no, everything is fine; I’m sure. It’s just that I met someone who says they are friends with her, well his mother is. He came looking for me as a favour to her. He says she wants to meet me but I don’t know why she would; none of it makes sense.”

  My mother was silent, before adding, “Well, maybe you should agree to meet her; she might have something important to tell you. She was always into the unexplainable; maybe she knows something about your gift.”

  “Mom, how would she? She doesn’t even know me. And I couldn’t do that to you.” I was almost certain I couldn’t anyway, but what if she knew more about the situation to do with Sam? It was quite strange how Lorcan turned up the moment Sam disappeared; it was all too much of a coincidence for my liking.

  “Jade, you should go or at the very least contact her. Do what I do, write it on the mirror. I promise you somehow she will get it; it has never failed for me and she won’t let you down. If anyone can help with your gift, she can. After all, it’s all she dealt in before she disappeared; I can only imagine that over the years she has gotten better at it. Trust me, Jade. Will you do this for me?” She pleaded with me and I couldn’t refuse her.

  “Fine, Mom, I’ll contact her. But I bet it won’t work; your mirror is probably special or something.”

  “It’ll work; don’t be so negative, dear. Light a white candle in front of the mirror and then write your message. Always sign it with your name; that way she’ll know who it’s from. Let me know how it goes.”

  We said our goodbyes and I hung up. I was nervous about doing this. What if it didn’t work? In an odd way, I really did want it to work; I was curious about this woman who could just up sticks disappear and never contact any of her family. I was also curious after what my mother had told me. What if she really did know something about my gift? What if she knew something that would help me to find Sam? The thoughts whirled through my mind. I suppose if I didn’t try it I’d never know.

  Getting up from the sofa, I crossed into the bedroom and opened the top drawer on my bedside locker. Rummaging inside, I searched for a white candle; I had to have one in here somewhere. Finally grabbing a small stubby one, I walked back into the main area of the flat. I wasn’t sure about which mirror I should write it on. Which one would be appropriate, I wondered before finally deciding on the cheval mirror in my bedroom. Grabbing the lighter from the kitchen, I trotted back into the room and picked up an eyeliner pencil. This would surely do and it should come off fairly easily too; not too much mess if it didn’t work out. I couldn’t believe I was actually going to go through with this; maybe I had gone completely mad after Sam left me and this was just my brains way of trying to cope. I shook the image from my mind and hastily began to scrawl the message on the mirror. ‘Hello, Aunt Emily, it’s Jade.’ That sounded ridiculous, I thought to myself but I certainly had nothing better to go on. I tried to think of something else, but everything sounded silly and pathetic to my ears. In the end, I settled for simple and to the point. ‘I met Lorcan. What do you know and why do you need to see me?’ Reading over it, I thought it sounded a bit rude, but then why shouldn’t I be a small bit rude? This woman had left her family years ago and never contacted them apart from my mother, but that still didn’t make it all right. I signed my name underneath and
lit the candle. I wasn’t sure what I should expect. Standing up, I stretched my cramped and tired muscles; it had been a long few days. I walked slowly over to my bedroom window and gazed at it. Nothing. Maybe she hasn’t got it yet, the small voice in my head piped up; maybe she’s trying to figure out what to write back. I stood in front of the window for a few minutes more before giving up. I needed sleep. Maybe there would be something tomorrow.

  Walking out to the kitchen I proceeded to switch off the lights and deadbolt the door. After I had finished tiding everything away, I hurried back into my room. The mirror remained unchanged and there was no difference in the glass of my windows. I sighed in disappointment. Why would I expect anything else? Clearly my mother’s mirror was somehow magic, allowing her to communicate with Aunt Emily. It was a stupid idea for me to have tried anyway. Crawling under the covers of my rumpled bed, clicking the bedside lamp off, I lay in the dark watching the patterns from the streetlights on the ceiling. I didn’t expect sleep to find me – I had so much to think on and ponder – but it did eventually and I drifted off into a fitful sleep filled with dreams of broken mirrors and Sam’s disappointed face.

  I awoke with tears on my face. The pillow was soaked and I was once more tangled in the bed sheets. I lay there trying to slow my beating heart. what time was it? I rolled onto my side and picked my phone up from where I had left it the night before. Six forty-five. Almost time to get up anyway, I thought as I cuddled down under the covers, throwing the damp pillow across the room. The phone buzzed on the table beside me, making me groan. Reaching out, I groped around blindly until my hand closed around its smooth shape. I dragged it back under the covers with me and looked at the brightly lit screen.

  ‘Want to get coffee?’

  I typed the word ‘sure’ onto the screen and pressed send to Annie. Sighing, I lay there for a few more minutes before dragging myself out of the bed and heading in the direction of the shower. I glanced at the mirror and then the window as I passed them, but still nothing had appeared.

  Emerging from the shower, I felt slightly more awake but my dreams were disturbing me. After last night’s escapades, I was sure that even if I found Sam he wasn’t going to be happy. Lorcan’s words came back to comfort me. He didn’t think it was my fault; he had assured me it was just the ‘Siren’ music the vampires were so fond of that had caused me to behave the way I had, but I still felt ashamed. Brushing my wet hair back into a ponytail, I pulled on my clothes for work. May as well go in today; I couldn’t pretend to be sick any longer. I picked up my bag from behind the sofa and grabbed my car keys as I headed out the door.

  Navigating my way through town was simple; I was out just before the rush hour traffic and nothing had begun to back up just yet. Finding a space just down from the coffee shop, I walked back up towards its brightly coloured exterior. I could see Annie waiting for me outside, two steaming cups in her hands. I hurried over to her and took the proffered one.

  “So what happened last night?” She began her questioning straight away.

  “What; not even a hello?”

  She looked at me crossly before answering. “Hello. Now tell me.”

  I smiled and began the long fill in, leaving out the part about how Aidan had hypnotised her, saying instead it was another vamp. I also edited down the bit in the club, but left in Lorcan’s part in the whole situation. I finished by explaining about the message I had written on the mirror in the hopes that somehow my aunt would contact me. I watched for her reaction as she sipped thoughtfully on her drink; waiting was not my strongest trait and I couldn’t help the sigh of impatience that escaped my lips. At length she spoke.

  “So do you really believe Lorcan; do you think he was telling the truth? About your aunt, I mean; do you think he really knows her?”

  “Hmmm, I’m not really sure to be honest. It’s not impossible; I just don’t know what I should believe anymore, you know? But at this point, I’ll give anything a chance. I just wished I knew if Sam was alive or not; it’s the not knowing that I can’t stand. I wouldn’t mind anything, just some sort of sign. If trusting this Lorcan guy is the way to go, then I don’t mind; I’d do anything to get him back.”

  Annie nodded as I spoke. “I know how you feel,d I she answered, her voice filled with feeling.

  “Annie, I didn’t mean to upset you.”

  She looked at me. “Jade, it’s fine; really. I can understand your drive and your pain; you don’t need to apologise for something I’d do myself. I mean, you don’t know what’s happened to Sam, but sometimes knowing doesn’t make it any easier. I know what Aidan is and I still love him, but knowing doesn’t allow me to be with him. That hurts. We were always so close; we did everything together and now...” She shrugged her shoulders helplessly. “Now I can’t even see him; even being close to him is too much of a risk. I don’t want to cause him upset, but he has this whole new life that I have no real part in and I just don’t know how I’m supposed to deal with all that. I know how I feel about him; I’m just not sure if he’s going to continue feeling the same way about me. How do you stay loving someone who you’ve outpaced?”

  “Annie, I don’t know what you mean. Outpaced; how has he outpaced you?” I couldn’t hide the confusion from my voice at her choice of words.

  “Jade, think about it. We did everything together and now he’s a vampire; how can I compete with that? He’s faster and stronger – God, Jade he even died – and I’m not any of those things. Is he really going to want to stay hanging on to his human girlfriend, the girlfriend he can’t even come near? I don’t think I could make him do that and I don’t think I could handle the gradual distance and silence as he realizes he doesn’t want me anymore.” Her voice cracked at this point and I wasn’t sure what to say to comfort her.

  “You can’t know that’s how it will turn out. I think you’re running ahead of yourself. Aidan loves you very much; he’d kill for you and I think he’d die without you. You belong together. Look at Sam and me; we made it work even though I’m none of the things he is. I’m not as fast or as strong; I can’t hypnotise people so they can no longer think for themselves. I haven’t lived as long as he has and I haven’t experienced or seen the things that he has, and yet we still work. I think the same thing will apply to you and Aidan, but it requires some patience. It’s going to take a long time for it to work out between you two and I think for now, you both need some time to try and figure out what is going on between you.” I spoke as honestly as I could, trying to make her see what they still had even though Aidan was different.

  “I suppose. I think I’m just scared, Jade; I don’t want to lose him.”

  “I know you are, but we’ll fix this, ok? I promise somehow we’ll fix it together.”

  I smiled at her, trying to feel and believe what I was saying myself. She gave me her best watery smile before changing the subject.

  “So what are you going to do today? Nobody has been in contact with you yet, have they?”

  “Well no, but I’m hoping soon. I don’t really have much faith in my aunt contacting me like that; I think I’ll really have to wait until Lorcan pops up again before I can ask him about it all. But I am hoping Graham contacts me soon; he said he would in the note.”

  “Yeah, but what are you going to do if he does contact you?” she queried.

  “Obviously, I’m going to go see him. I have no choice; he says he might have the information I need about Sam.”

  “But Jade, can you trust him? I mean, he is a vampire; maybe you should bring someone with you like Lorcan or maybe Aidan?” Her nervousness was evident in her voice as she spoke.

  “Trust me, Annie; I’ll be fine and I’ll take precautions. You know the usual ‘no eye contact’ and holy water. I’m still not fully certain if I can trust Lorcan yet; I’ve only just met him. What if he’s not who he says he is? I mean you didn’t see the way he threw that vampire across the room last night; it was unreal. I’ve only ever seen Sam do things like that. It surpri
sed me; I’m not sure what he is. I think he might be a werewolf, but how am I supposed to ask him that? It’s not exactly polite. ‘Hi Lorcan, just wondering; are you a werewolf?’”

  Annie looked thoughtful at my pretend conversation with Lorcan.

  “Annie, I’m not just asking him is he a werewolf.” My tone held a note of warning. She had a tendency to run away with her own imagination and the last thing I needed right now was her imagination going into overdrive about what Lorcan might be or even how I should broach the subject with him.

  “Fine, fine.” She held her hands up in surrender. “It’s just, you know the most direct and obvious way to get it out of him; that’s all I was thinking.” She glanced at her watch. “Damn, is that the time? I gotta dash; I have a lecture in ten minutes. Let me know how it all goes, ok? Keep me posted; I want regular texts!”

  I smiled as she jumped up and gave me a quick hug. “Of course I will. See you later!”

  I hugged her back and watched as she hurried away. Slowly finishing up my coffee and draining the dregs from the bottom of the cup, I watched the people as they passed by. All of them hurrying and going somewhere, grabbing coffees and some trailing young children behind them; I envied them the simple tasks they were going about. I wanted to be rushing off to work, kissing Sam as I headed out the door, spending my day behind my desk daydreaming about when I would be finished. I wanted my old life back. Not this half-life I seemed to be existing in now; not really getting anywhere but trying desperately to go there. I missed Sam, his constant and unfailing love and affection; I missed the way he looked at me as though I truly was the only person on earth that he cared about. I had never coped well with loneliness and this time around was no exception; I needed to stop feeling sorry for myself and get on with the task at hand. Looking down at the time on my phone, I jumped. I was going to be late if I didn’t get moving and I needed to keep my job; it was the only stable thing I had left in my life now. Getting up, I jogged back to my car and hopped in, all the while trying to frantically think up of a suitable reason for missing so much work and not having a sick cert. I really hoped the boss swallowed my story of prolonged and incapacitating food sickness that stopped me from ringing anyone, let alone actually going to the doctors to get the cert in the first place. I was pretty sure he wouldn’t, but for the most part I was a good worker. I certainly typed the fastest in there; without me, none of his letters would go out on time and the phone would never be answered. I just hoped it was enough. I crossed my fingers and said a little prayer as I pulled into the parking lot. Pulling into the space nearest the door, I checked my hair – still damp. I hadn’t worn any make-up today, opting instead for the ghostly pale look; it should add some credence to my story, I thought as I got out and prepared to face the music.