by Lexi Blake
Had she given up because she couldn’t be the popular girl? Had she done exactly what Ariel had accused her of doing? Gone into her shell because things hadn’t worked out the first few times? The first hundred times? She’d convinced herself she needed to be Des to be successful.
Maybe she hadn’t looked closely enough.
“I thought you would be with Charlotte.”
She closed her eyes and let that voice stroke over her. She’d never forgotten his voice. Deep and lush and tinged with exoticness. Nikolai. “I was but then the kitchen got crowded. I thought I would wait out here for you. Ariel was with me for a while, but she had some sort of emergency. Someone named Dante.”
She didn’t look at him, preferring to stare up at the sky. It was enough to simply be here.
“Ah, he has certain triggers. It’s sad. He can’t remember a damn thing about his life, but somewhere deep down, his consciousness remembers something terrible.” She felt him move toward her, his big body making the stones vibrate slightly as he walked. “Sometimes he forgets where he is and tries to fight his way out. He never remembers the episodes. Or he never admits to it. I think it would be terrible to know something is out to get you, but not to remember why. But then you know a bit about this. Are you all right?”
“I’m better than I thought I would be.” She was tired but now that she’d been fed and knew she was safe for the time being, it didn’t seem an insurmountable thing. She turned her head, looking up at him and finally saying what she should have hours before. “Did I thank you for taking me in?”
She’d been so upset, so embarrassed at the thought of seeing him again that she hadn’t let it sink in. He’d accepted her immediately. She hadn’t been forced to fight to make him see he owed her. He’d simply opened his arms and let her in.
He’d taken off his coat and ditched the tie. He looked casual and a bit tired, and still so sexy it hurt to look at him as he stared down at her. “I wasn’t looking for gratitude, dushka. I only want to see you safe.”
“Because I’m Des’s cousin?” She shouldn’t ask, but after the day she’d had, she couldn’t make herself stop. It would be good to know. So much of what Ariel had said weighed on her. Nick had chosen Des, but she would never have given him the stability he seemed to require. It was so much of a mystery, and maybe she would be happier if she simply solved it.
He sighed heavily and sat down beside her, his body brushing against hers. “No. Because you’re Hayley.”
“I missed you, Nick.” It was better to say it because it was the truth. Better to say all of it. Her mother had been right. She had stood in a place and time and after it was all destroyed, she was the only one who could tell the truth about that moment. The whole truth. “I miss Des, too, but god I’ve missed you. I don’t know how or why, but you always made me feel safe.”
“I don’t know why. I wasn’t good enough to save Desiree.”
She was quiet for a moment before finding the courage to ask her next question. “How did she die? No one will tell me anything except that she was in the Caribbean and she got shot. I went to the funeral with Dad, but no one would tell him much, either.”
She hadn’t seen her British relatives since the funeral, and then a year later her own father had died and none of them showed up to support her. She’d been cut off entirely.
“I’m sure they tell you a bit.” His voice had gone low, accent thickening. “I’m sure they tell you I am the reason she is dead.”
All their problems seemed to melt away and she was fifteen again looking at the most beautiful man she’d ever seen. Wanting so badly to make him smile. When she’d first met him, she’d had the worst crush on him and he’d treated her like a little sister. He’d been kind and paid attention to her when no one else would and she’d somehow seen past his smiling exterior to the pain he’d hidden. At the time she hadn’t understood why he hurt, but she’d wanted so much to ease it. She let her hand slide over his. “I know it wasn’t your fault.”
He stared down at the place where their hands met and for a moment she worried he would pull away. Instead, he flipped his hand over, capturing hers. “Why do you think that?”
Warmth spread through her as he threaded their fingers together. “Because unlike the rest of the family, I believe Des was everything you said she was. A spy. They still believe her cover, but Des all but told me she worked for MI6 and that you had been in the KGB, though now there’s a different set of letters. All you spy guys are big on letters.”
“SVR. It means the same. I expected that she would tell her family after we left the government work and started here, but she liked the idea of keeping it from her mother and sister.” His thumb made circles over her skin as he started to talk again. “We were on a mission in Grand Cayman, working with a former CIA operative. We were pinned down. She took a crazy chance and it didn’t work out. I should have been closer to her.”
She leaned against him. It was starting to make sense. “No one stopped Des when she wanted to make a point. Was she showing off?”
“Perhaps. She always got competitive when there were other female operatives. She wanted to be known as the best, to have every eye always on her. In this case, she was up against one of the truly finest women I’ve worked with. A woman named Erin Argent. Gifted agent. I’ve wondered if she wasn’t trying to prove to the men that she was smarter and better than Erin. Still, I should have been closer.”
Now she understood what Ariel had said about forgiving himself. “Nick, you have to let that go. She made the choice. You would have saved her if you could.”
“And my sister?” Now he did withdraw, his hand releasing hers as he moved away. He put a good foot and a half between them. “My sister died because I couldn’t save her, because I made a choice that put her in harm’s way.”
They were in dangerous territory, but she wanted to keep him talking. “How old was she?”
He stood suddenly and put out a hand. “It matters not. I’m merely saying that perhaps you should not feel so safe with me. You should talk to my team tomorrow and make your decision then.”
“I want you.”
His jaw straightened, face tightening. “You should not.”
“If you force me to take another bodyguard, I will, but I would prefer it if you stayed with me. I know I was a bitch earlier, but I didn’t realize how much it would hurt to think about you with other women. I guess I’m not as over you as I thought I was.”
“Another reason for you to stay away, dushka. I wasn’t good for you then. I’m toxic now. What you need, I’m not the man who can give these things to you.”
“I don’t know what I need anymore. I got what I wanted, Nick. I got the cushy job and the house. I had a boyfriend for a while. He was super smart and popular amongst the faculty, and I was bored to death because all we talked about was work and publishing and getting ahead. We looked good on paper. My life looks good on paper, but I don’t know that I’ve felt as much over the last five years as I did walking through your door today. I was knocked over by it. My house blew up and it didn’t affect me the way seeing you again did.”
He paced, his feet thudding along the stones. “Do you understand where you are? The man you knew back then had never been in one of these places. The man you knew then didn’t understand what he needed from a woman. You see plants and romanticism but take a closer look. What’s hidden amongst all this pretty greenery? Sometimes I think I prefer Taggart’s club. It’s all on display. There’s no question about what it is and what people do there.”
She looked around, but she’d already seen some of what he was talking about. “The X thingees on the back wall? And the bench with the restraints? I’m fairly certain what they’re used for. I’m not a virgin. I mean, you know that. You were kind of there when I punched that card. But I’ve punched it a couple more times. Maybe not so many that I got a freebie, but there have been a few. I’ve had sex since the last time you saw me.”
She
was babbling. It was what she did when she got nervous. She said the stupidest things.
He arched a single brow arched over his eyes. “You’ve had sex that involved a St. Andrew’s Cross?”
That’s what it was called? She vaguely remembered the term. “No, but I let a doctoral candidate tie me up. He was a specialist in Victorian era England. He also showed me how doctors back then cured hysteria. There was a reason women complained so much. He was quite good at it.”
She’d preferred his manual manipulation techniques to actual intercourse with him.
Nick stared down, his eyes fastened on hers. “When he tied you up, did he spread your legs out? Did he restrain all your limbs? Did he put a spreader bar between your ankles so your pussy was always on display for him? So he would have access and could fuck you with his fingers or his tongue or his cock? Did he turn you over and spank your pretty ass until it was red and you would feel him all the next day? Speaking of your pretty ass, did this man of yours play with it? Did he lube you up and force you to take a plug because one day he intended to shove his cock up your asshole, to take it and make it his because every single inch of you was intended to be owned by him?”
She could barely breathe. Every filthy word from his mouth had gone straight to all those parts he talked about owning. Her nipples had hardened. Her pussy had gone a little soft. Her anus had squeezed, but that might have been an act of self-defense. She wasn’t sure about the back door action he talked about, but the rest of it…he’d asked a question. She should probably answer if she wanted to disguise the fact that all she could think about now was sex. “No. Uhm, I did get a lecture on Victorian erotica.”
His hand came out, finding her hair and tangling in it, forcing her chin up so she could look in his eyes. “That’s what I would do to you this time. I was a different man back then. I was capable of tenderness. I don’t think I am today. I would be rough and I would take my pleasure from you.”
“Without giving anything back?” Somehow she didn’t think Nick could play that way.
“Oh, you would get something back. You would get pleasure. Orgasms. You would scream out my name and beg me for more. I would train you to come at my command and, dushka, I’m not talking about you walking to me. But that would be all you get.”
He was forgetting something. “I would get protection, too. I would get safety from murderers and I would get orgasms. I’m sorry, Nicky. You’re going to have to explain how that’s a bad deal for me.”
He stopped, letting her hair go and taking a big step back. “I didn’t mean to do that, Hayley. You’re tired and I’m tired. You’ve had a rough couple of days and I’m sure I look familiar to you.”
She wasn’t letting him off that easily. “Do you know what else I might get, Nick? I might get over you. I might figure out that what we had that one night five years ago wasn’t anywhere close to as good as I remember. Don’t you owe me that, too?”
He took another big old coward step back. “I’m not having this conversation with you tonight.”
She stood, facing him. “I’m fine, Nick. Yes, I’m dead tired, but I can think and express myself. The brandy we found is helping with that.”
Nick’s eyes came up and he turned suddenly as the doors to the back rooms scraped against the floor. Charlotte was walking out, holding the baby bundle in her arms while her husband followed her, a girl clinging to either side of his muscled body.
“You fed her alcohol?” Nick asked. “Without consulting with me?”
Ian Taggart stepped in front of his wife as though Nick was threatening her.
Charlotte waved her husband off. “Don’t play the caveman. Nick’s not coming after me. After all, they don’t have a contract or anything. She’s a client. I’m one of the owners of this business. I can help her out in any way I like.”
There was something almost taunting about the way Charlotte spoke to Nick.
“Oh, this is a plot.” Ian stepped back. “I don’t get in the way of her plots.”
Charlotte frowned, cuddling her baby. “It’s not a plot. It was brandy and she’d had a shitty day. It’s called being a good girlfriend.” She turned back to Nick. “Apparently someone’s feeling possessive, but according to Hayley he’s got no reason to. They aren’t exactly together.”
“She’s my client,” Nick insisted.
“And again, I’m your employer and I’m hoping to be her friend. It doesn’t sound like she has many of those. When you two have a contract between you, I’ll honor it. Until then, there’s no bond for me to honor. I’ll treat her the way I would any unattached friend. I’ll watch out for her,” Charlotte explained.
“Stay out of it. You might be my boss, but you’ll be gone long before I figure out her situation.” Nick held out a hand. “She’s my charge and I’ll deal with her as I see fit. If you have a problem with that, take it up with Damon, but he knows what happens if he tries to take away my right to protect her.”
To protect her. Not to love her. Not to pleasure her. Hayley looked at that hand waiting for hers.
It had to be enough for now.
She placed her hand in his. “I did hire him. I kind of didn’t know I was getting a whole team.” She didn’t fight him at all as he dragged her close. It looked like Ian Taggart wasn’t the only one who could play the caveman. “Also, you might rethink the taking-me-on-as-a-client thing when you understand I have a fake passport and almost no cash. Oh, and an Oyster card, but it’s almost empty. So I hope your offer of friendship also includes a discount.”
Charlotte’s lips curled up. “I think we can work something out. After all, you brought us a dead body. It’s the gift that keeps giving.”
“I’ll handle it, Hayley,” Nick said, beginning to walk toward the elevators. “You don’t have to worry about money.”
But all he had to offer her was orgasms. Maybe it was time to start watching him. She’d paid so much attention to the words coming out of his mouth that she hadn’t watched what he was doing. She’d walked into his office and started creating drama like she was still twenty years old and wanting so much to be in their chaotic world.
She’d offered him peace that night and thought he’d rejected it. Now he said he was a changed man, a toxic man, but she looked up at him and all she could see was a man who still needed some peace.
Was she fooling herself? Or was he lying to himself?
She tripped on one of the rocks, a light shuffle of steps. She started to rebalance almost immediately, but before she could gain her footing again, she found herself up in the air. Nick swung one arm under her knees, the other around her back, and hauled her close to his chest.
“You’re too tired to be up and this is what comes from you drinking too much.” He turned, holding her tight, and faced the Taggarts. “You see, she could have killed herself.”
Charlotte merely nodded, her eyes wide with what seemed to be mirth. “Yes, I can see that, Nick.”
Ian’s girls seemed to be trying to climb their father like he was a jungle gym. Every time she was sure one of them was going to tumble to the ground, he would catch them with the ease of a man who’d done this all before. “I’ll make sure Charlie doesn’t give her the heavy stuff anymore. No more…brandy. Yeah, and when is the wedding?”
Nick grunted and turned again, striding toward the elevators.
“Use protection,” Taggart called out. “Unless you’re ready for monsters of your own.”
“I would flip him bird if I had extra hand,” Nick muttered under his breath.
Ah, teamwork. She brought her right hand up and gave the man her middle finger, though she had the grace to wince. “Sorry. That was actually from him. I think you’re both lovely. He’s in a bad mood. He’ll be better tomorrow.”
A brilliant smile crossed over Ian Taggart’s face, taking the man from grimly handsome to movie star hot in a second. “I like your girl, Nick.”
Nick frowned as he moved into the open elevator. He turned. “She is cli
ent. Nothing more.”
But he managed to press the button for his floor and then settled her close. He was silent as they rode up.
It was a start.
Chapter Six
Nick stared down at the report in front of him, but all he could think about was the night before.
What had he been thinking? He’d practically molested Hayley. Oh, he’d only used words, but if she could have seen what was going through his brain at the time, she would have run out into the street and begged for the assassins to come and get her.
Then he’d picked her up and she’d cuddled against him like a kitten who needed affection.
He’d put her to bed and closed two doors between them because one wouldn’t have been enough. Instead of sleeping on his couch, he’d made a pallet on the floor of his office so he would be as far from her soft, sexy form as possible.
“Morning, Nick.” Owen smiled as he strode into the conference room. “What do we have on the agenda this morning? Damon said I could sit in on the meeting and maybe try to help out with the lass a wee bit.”
It was more likely Ariel’s doing. She was convinced letting Owen try to find some normalcy would ease some of his issues. “Please pick up one of the reports the Dallas office sent us. It appears Mr. Miles has an identity for our would-be assassin.”
Owen grabbed one of the reports and poured himself a cup of coffee before returning. “Where’s your girl? Actually, where is everyone? I thought we were starting soon.”
“They’re on their way up. You didn’t go to the breakfast? Apparently Teresa wanted to welcome back the boss with a buffet.” He’d basically fled when he’d looked over and seen Hayley sitting down with the Taggarts. She’d looked up at him, all fresh faced and smiling, offering him a place beside her, and he’d run. He’d told her he had to prepare for the meeting and not to leave unless she had an escort. He’d done it all with a frown on his face because he’d wanted nothing more than to sit beside her and pretend for a moment that he was bringing a woman home to meet his family.
