I stare at my reflection in the mirror, but all I see is a sad blond girl who once had the brightest green eyes. Now my eyes are dark and sullen. I have rings under my puffy eyes through lack of sleep because of the nightmares I keep having over Jack. I may have been pretty once—hell, I may even have been considered beautiful. But not since that monster came into my life. Not since he destroyed every bit of soul I had left in me. As my mother once said not so long ago, “He took the spark out of my Caitlin.”
“I look haggard,” I finally say, looking up at Stacey. She, however, looks vibrant with her dark red hair and shimmering brown eyes. We are every bit different in looks, but Stacey and I have one thing in common. Our bond. We’ve never lost it. We’ve always stayed in touch. I may have drifted from Jeremy over the years, but Stacey has been my one constant. The only problem is she’s also friends with the one person I want to avoid at all costs.
“He still asks about you, you know.” As if reading my mind, she gives me a gentle smile. “He still wants to know how you’re doing. It killed me not to tell him about Jack, but I honored your request for privacy.”
I lean back a little on the bed as something to do in order to try and not let that name get to me. “I don’t want or need his pity.”
Stacey shakes her head at me. “I doubt that, but it’s your call.” She gets up from the bed with a heavy sigh. “Now, about that meal you were talking about...”
I smile up at her and take that as a hint that I need to get a move on. Getting up, I grab my purse. “You want your usual, cheeseburger and sweet potato fries?”
“Yes, ma’am.” She giggles.
“Coming right up,” I say, heading for the door.
Once outside, I take a deep breath. It’s still hotter than Hell outside, so I’m glad it’s only a short drive.
Once I’m in my Range Rover and start driving, I pass the place where I had my first kiss, and the memory of it comes crashing down on me like a ton of bricks.
“You picked a flower for me?”
“My father always gets flowers for my mom and she loves him for it.”
My cheeks flame pink and Jeremy notices it. “Do you ever think one day we’ll get married?”
My eyes widen at his question. “You... you want to marry me?”
He shrugs his shoulders like what he said meant nothing. “Yeah, sure. Why not?”
Yeah, sure. Why not? That has to be the most romantic thing I’ve ever heard.
“How can you say that so casually?”
“My dad met my mom when she was six. They’re still together to this day. Why can’t the same happen for me?”
My heart beats rapidly, but I bite my lip. “You know they say that lightning doesn’t strike twice.”
Leaning forward, Jeremy places a strand of my hair behind my ear. He’s so close I can feel the heat of his breath against my lips. “Let us be the exception to the rules.”
Heat flushes in my cheeks again as I swallow hard with nerves. Jeremy smiles at my reaction. “Caitlin?”
“Y-yes?” I answer with a shaky voice.
“If I touched my lips with yours, would you let me?”
“Touch your lips with mine... don’t you mean kiss me?”
“Let us be the exception to the rules.” He smirks, and I can’t help but smirk back. “Well, can I?”
I want him to. In fact, I have been dreaming about what it would feel like to kiss Jeremy for a while now. “I guess,” I finally say.
And that’s when he does it. He touches his lips with mine and that’s when it happens. I’ve seen the cheesy movies where a guy kisses a girl and fireworks go off. I always laughed at those movies.
I’m not laughing now.
I can hear and feel them bursting out of me with the warmth of Jeremy’s mouth. His kiss is soft and gentle and the warmth of his fingers on my cheek as he kisses me is electric.
When he pulls away, the loss of his mouth is disappointing. I want him to touch my lips with his again.
“Was that okay?” he asks, and I notice how his eyes are now a fiery blue.
“Yes.”
He hasn’t fully pulled away yet. A part of me wants him to, but another part of me wants him to kiss me again.
“Was that okay for you?” I have no idea if that kiss was as good for him as it was for me. That kiss has been my one and only, so I have nothing else to go by.
With a smile, Jeremy takes my hand. “I’ve had better.”
Laughing, I remember that day all too well. I remember hitting Jeremy and him laughing so loudly he told me his sides hurt. I remember him afterward grabbing me, pulling me to him and promising me that our kiss was his first too, and that he was desperate to do it again, and again, and again until we both couldn’t breathe. I remember, also, wanting that too.
Shaking my head from those thoughts, I concentrate on driving again until I realize I’m driving down my old street—the street Jeremy used to live on.
I curse myself for going down here, but another part of me can’t help but take a peek at the house I used to visit often as a child. As I approach it, my heart beats faster as it comes more and more into view. It still looks as impressive as ever with its perfectly mowed front lawn and trailing flowers around the white front door. I often remember the times I used to go around for dinner and think how good-looking Jeremy’s dad was. I never told him that, of course, but I still thought it. Me and several other girls from our school did too.
Smiling, I keep crawling, approaching the house when speak of the devil comes out of his front door. Jeremy’s dad may be almost fifty now, but he still looks like a Greek god. His toned physique is breathtaking.
Panicked, I speed up a little passing his house, when I see Jeremy’s mom come out with him giving him a big kiss. He gently wraps her into his arms and without a care in the world they kiss passionately on their front lawn. I’m so engrossed in looking, that when I turn back, I almost hit a car in front of me. My tires screech a little and my heart races. I look in my side mirror and can see Mr. and Mrs. Scozzari are looking to see what’s going on. Luckily for me, I’ve already passed them, so they can only see my car.
Dipping my head low, I wait for the other car to move past the Stop sign and edge my way closer. Once I turn the corner, I breathe a sigh of relief. I’m certainly not doing that again.
Five minutes later, I reach Shonie’s and park my car in front of the door. I get out, taking a deep breath, and walk inside. Terry, the co-owner and husband of Shonie, looks up when he can tell a customer has walked in. At first he squints like he recognizes me, but he doesn’t know from where.
Then it dawns on him.
“Caitlin, is that you?”
I smile, nodding. “Hi, Terry. How are you?”
“Oh, wow, look at you, gorgeous girl. Come here and give me a hug. It’s been too long.”
Laughing, I walk toward him and he saunters around from the counter. He takes me into his big frame and squeezes the life out of me. “It’s good to see you.”
“It’s good to see you too. It’s a pity Shonie’s not well, otherwise she would have loved to see you.”
I frown, feeling sad. “Oh, no. Nothing serious, I hope?”
He smiles. “Oh, no. Nothing bad. She’s just been getting some stomach pains and the doctor suggested she take some rest. She always works too hard.”
I bite my lip, knowing there’s more, but knowing also that it’s not my place to pry. “Well, when you see her, tell her I send my love and that I hope she gets better soon.”
“Oh, I will,” he says, sauntering back around the counter. “She’ll be pleased as punch once she finds out you’re back. I take it that you are in fact back?”
“Yes, and I’m starting college on Monday.”
“Ah,” he says, with a gleam in his eye. I know that gleam. It’s the same one Stacey has when she talks about Jeremy. “So you’ve been and visited Jeremy then?”
My stomach tightens. “No, I haven’t had ti
me. Plus, he and I... well, we kind of drifted apart.”
He looks saddened by this. “Such a shame. You and he were like this together.” He holds his hand up, showing me his crossed fingers. “But I guess now that you’re back it will be inevitable that you’ll bump into each other every now and then.”
“I guess,” I reply, not wanting to think about him. The more I do, the more nervous I am. With each passing hour toward the start of college tomorrow, my stomach tightens in knots.
What will the day bring?
I guess, soon enough, I will find out.
“Come on, you got to get up now. I have to be at my parents’ house in an hour.”
Amy groans next to me and flushes her dark eyelashes. She’s sexy and she knows it. She also knows she’s the only girl I have ever gone back for more. I think she thinks that it means she’s special to me. She’s even got people calling us Jeramy, for fuck’s sake. For me it’s just sex. Great sex, but just sex.
She leisurely strokes my arm as she pouts her full lips. “I could come with you.”
Sighing, I get off the bed. “Amy, how many times have we gone over this? I’m not looking for a relationship, and taking you to meet my parents is definitely relationship status.”
Uh-oh, she doesn’t look happy. I seriously don’t need this shit. “It’s fine.” I know, like every other man on the planet knows that when a girl says she’s fine, she really means, “I’m secretly picturing me cutting your dick off.”
“It’s just... we’ve been seeing each other off and on now. I just thought—”
“Well, you thought wrong.” I see her casting her eyes down in a sulk, so I go and sit next to her. “Amy, when we started this I told you I wasn’t looking for anything serious. You seemed to be on the same page as me. What’s changed?”
She sighs and starts fiddling with the sheet on top of her. “I just thought with us spending more than one time together... that there was a connection, that’s all.”
I rub my temples to appease the escalating headache. “Listen, my situation hasn’t changed, so maybe we need to back away from each other. Quit while we’re ahead.”
Her big brown eyes widen at me. “No, I don’t want that.”
“But if you’re wanting more than I can give you then—”
“No, it’s okay. I thought you may have changed your mind.”
I take her hand. “I haven’t and I won’t. You need to know this.”
She looks a bit disgruntled about it, but manages to raise a smile. “Why do you have to be so nice about it? At least if you were a dickhead it would make things easier.”
I smile back at her. “That’s because I wasn’t brought up that way.” Checking my watch again, I nudge her. “Come on. I really need to go now.”
She grumbles again, but this time she complies. We both get dressed and I drive her back to her house. She leans over for a kiss and lingers. “See you tomorrow, hot stuff.”
I laugh under my breath. “No doubt I will.”
She smiles against my lips and kisses me again before getting out of the car. I watch as she gets to her door before driving away. I may just be using her for sex, but I can still be a gentleman about it. Besides, my mom and dad would have a hissy fit if they knew I wasn’t being respectful to the ladies.
As I drive to my parents’ house, I think about Amy and wonder if it may be a good idea to cool things off with her a little. I know I asked and she said no, but I think putting some boundaries between us might be a good idea. With Amy she knows she’s a sure thing. I call, she comes running. I may be a gentleman, but my dick is an asshole. When it wants pussy, it tells my brain to act. I know it sounds like a cop-out, but hey... I’m young. You only live once. One day I will have that house with a wife and two-point-four children, but only when I’m ready. Only when I meet the girl of my dreams.
As I think on that, Caitlin crosses my mind, which irks me a little. She left and I know she couldn’t help that, but after a while she stopped calling, and then she met some fucking chump after that, leaving me and her old life a distant memory. We were children, and I know it shouldn’t annoy me that she moved on, but it still riles me up when I think about it. I occasionally ask Stacey how she’s getting on, and normally she gives me all the details. Lately, however, she’s been rather cagey about Caitlin. It’s almost like she’s avoiding talking about her... like she’s trying to hide something from me. Maybe she’s pregnant and getting married to this asshole.
Who knows.
Not wanting to think about her too much, I make my way down my old street and park in my parents’ driveway. I turn off the V8 engine of my Dodge Challenger, also cutting off the sound of G-Eazy’s “Me Myself and I,” and I wait for the inevitable.
I smirk when I see my little brother, Derren, come running out of the house. He always does this when he sees my car. He loves it.
“Jez!” he bellows, making me laugh.
“Hello, squirt, how are you?”
“Hey, less of the squirt,” he pouts. “I’m almost ten. That’s double digits.”
I ruffle my hand through his long blond hair. “So it is.”
“Can you take me for a drive?” His face is so animated that it makes me sad to turn him down.
“Not right now. Maybe after dinner?”
“You promise?”
How can I say no when he looks up at me with his pleading blue eyes. “Okay, after dinner.”
“Yay!” he screams, as he runs back to the house toward my mom standing in the doorway.
“Mom! Mom! Jez said he would take me out in his car after dinner.”
She raises her eyebrow at me. “Did he, now? No speeding.”
I place my hand on my heart and pull an offended look. “As if I would.”
She smirks at me. “Come here.”
I walk toward her and give her a big hug. It’s then I can smell my favorite coming from the house. “Is that Bolognaise I can smell?”
She pulls away with a smile. “Yuh-uh, and I made plenty. I know how you boys can put it away. Even Derren eats two helpings at a time.”
My mouth is salivating. No one can beat my mom’s bolognaise. “When’s it ready?” I’m eager to get going already. I haven’t eaten a thing since three hours ago.
Mom starts laughing. “Come in and say hi to your dad at least.”
I step through the threshold and close the door behind me. Dad is on the couch drinking a bottle of beer and watching football. “Hey, son!” he greets with a big smile. “I know you’re going to want to eat pretty soon, but come here and give your dad five minutes. I didn’t get to speak to you properly when you dropped Bella off the other night.”
Sitting down, I look around and notice she’s not there. “Where is she?”
Dad rolls his eyes. “She’s upstairs getting ready to go to her friend’s house. She said something about you dropping her off after dinner?”
Shit, I had forgotten all about our little agreement. “Yes, I told her to call me if ever she needed a ride.”
Dad smiles with pride and slaps my back. “Your mother and I brought you up well.”
I smile, but the guilt rises up. “You brought me up to be a gentleman, and that’s the way I am.”
Dad smirks. “Speaking of which, do you have a special lady in your life?”
“No.” I chuckle. “But I do have lots of lady friends.” I give him a cocky look and he knows full well what I mean.
“I hear ya.” He laughs, shaking his head. “As long as you wear protection... that’s the main thing. That, and you don’t string them along.”
I think about Amy and the conversation we just had before I dropped her home. “Nah, they know the drill.”
“So,” he drawls, cutting the conversation. “How’s the job going? Are you able to get by on your salary?”
I told Mom and Dad that I took a job helping out at Calvin’s uncle’s garage. It’s true, but I make most of my money through fighting.
“Yea
h, I’m getting by.”
“Are you sure? You know there’s always a roof over your head here if you need one.”
“I know, Dad. I just like my own independence. The rent’s not too bad and sharing it with Calvin helps.”
I can see he’s satisfied. My dad worries about everyone in the family. “As long as you’re sure.”
“Hey, Jeremy, I got you a root beer.”
Looking up, I see Mom handing me my favorite drink. “Thanks, Mom.”
“Dinner will be ready in ten.”
My stomach grumbles in protest. “Good. I could eat a horse.”
My mom smiles over at my dad before placing an arm around me. “I was afraid you were going to say that.” Our collective laughter echoes around the expanse of the room.
“Are you all set for college tomorrow?” Dad asks.
I’m not ready, as I’ve never cared that much about school. I just scraped by and that was enough for me, and also enough to satisfy my parents.
I don’t say this, of course. Instead, I smile and say, “I’m ready as I’ll ever be.”
“If you keep fidgeting like that people are going to think something’s wrong with you.”
It’s day one of college, and also day three of a brand-new start. I was ready for day one, but not this day. I don’t think I’ll ever be ready for this day. I’m not sure why I’m so nervous. Maybe it’s the thought of seeing some familiar faces that I haven’t seen in five years.
“I can’t help it, Stacey. It’s been forever since I was home.”
She rolls her eyes at me. “You know, if you had let me tell everyone then maybe you wouldn’t be so twitchy now. At least people would be expecting you. This,” she says, motioning with her hands toward the college and crowd of people milling around the entrance, “is just going to freak everyone the fuck out when they see you.”
Feeling a knot in my stomach, I close my eyes. “This isn’t helping.”
“I’m just saying.”
“Well, don’t.”
As if things couldn’t get any worse, some of the crowd seems to dissipate and I see who it is that was bringing so much attention.
Scozzari: Deviant #3 Page 2
