“I’m going to go for a walk,” I suddenly blurt, getting up from my seat.
Stacey, looking kind of shocked, turns her mouth down before saying, “Okay. I would offer to come with, but I have some homework to do.”
I smile. “That’s fine. I won’t be long anyway. Maybe when we get back we can watch a movie, or something.”
Stacey’s eyes light up. “It’s a date.” She gets up from her seat before giving my arm a short squeeze. “Enjoy your walk.”
I watch as she scurries off toward her room before shutting the door. I sigh, staring at her door for a moment before springing into action, grabbing my blue GAP fleece, keys, and phone.
I take a little skip down the three steps outside our house and breathe in the twilight air that’s currently started. I love this time of day. It’s not completely light, but it’s not dark either. And it has a smell too—I’m sure of it. I don’t know if it’s the air finally settling as the sun itself starts to set.
In a world of my own, I begin my walk—in no particular direction—and think about the years ahead of me now. These years are going to be some of the most important years of my life. I may have suffered a bend in the road along my path, but I’m more focused now that I don’t have Jack as my distraction. With him out of the way, I can breathe more easily. It’s funny how much one can lose themselves when in a toxic relationship. People may try to warn you where it’s heading, but you’re completely blinded and completely stubborn to admit that something’s not right. You feel it in your gut, though. That nagging sense that you’re heading for a fall. But your heart convinces you that it’s all worth the fall. Your heart convinces you that he wouldn’t make so much effort to keep you in your relationship if he didn’t love you. The heart wants what it wants—be damned of your soul.
I know I have flaws—flaws that were brought on by my circumstances. I don’t tell anyone, but sometimes I wake with a jolt during the night and fear my own shadow on the wall staring back at me. I know it’s me, but I still get that split-second moment of crippling fear that it’s him. That he’s found me and is about to enact his revenge for putting him in jail. I berate myself for letting him win—for letting him reduce me to someone I hardly recognize. I know that I’m angry at Jeremy because he uses his fists for sport, but it’s the reason behind it that makes the anger the most rampant. Would it bother me that he fights people in a ring for money if it wasn’t for Jack? Probably not. For over a year all I knew was rage and violence. It’s not something I want to involve myself in anymore.
Still, I can’t help the girl inside of me—the one who has eyes, ears, and all the senses inside, who realizes Jeremy is not the little, skinny boy I once knew all those years ago. He’s already grown into a man with muscles, strength, stamina, and beauty.
And, he is beautiful. There’s no harm in admitting a strong man has beauty. It’s an undeniable fact—a fact that can’t help my heart but flutter when he’s near me. A fluttering I remember all too well as a young girl yet to experience her life.
It’s then I start to wonder. Where would my life be if my parents had decided to stay and Jeremy and I had remained friends? I shake my head. How can I wonder these things when it didn’t happen? I could debate where I would be all day, but it wouldn’t change anything. I left, met Jack, and despite it being the worst decision ever made, it was made for a reason. Maybe it’s to make me the person I have become. I may have fears, but those fears make me a stronger human being. Every day I wake up grateful. Grateful that I escaped a toxic relationship, grateful that I had friends and family who supported me throughout, but mostly grateful to myself for being strong—for not admitting defeat at the hands of a monster.
My only fear now is his family—namely his parents and older sister. They all liked me up until the part I put their precious boy in jail. Yes, I moved because I wanted a fresh start, but if I’m well and truly honest with myself it was because I needed to escape from a possible backlash from them. Shortly after Jack’s conviction I started getting threatening messages on my phone, and dead, black roses on my doorstep when I came home from school. My parents wanted to phone the police, but I didn’t want to cause more trouble. The police would have gone to their house and questioned them. That would have ended up with even more backlash. I left because I didn’t want to deal with it anymore, but I also left because I had this fear—always fear—in the pit of my stomach that things with his family would eventually escalate. So, the minute I graduated, we went on a long vacation to escape, and the moment we got back, I changed my phone, packed my bags, and said goodbye to Nebraska. I will miss the place, and mostly my parents, but I certainly won’t miss the life I had there. I know my parents will want me home for Christmas, and I know I should go, but for now I want to feel the safety of Virginia. The place I left my innocence at.
My heart skips a beat when I suddenly hear voices in the distance. I gasp, cementing my feet to the ground before pinpointing where the voices are coming from. It’s then I realize just how far and where I have walked to. I never in a million years meant to come this way, but somehow I’m here, standing by a tree on the opposite side of Jeremy’s old house. He’s out of his car and is helping someone out of the passenger seat. A female, but I can’t see who yet. I briefly wonder if he’s decided to get serious with one of his girlfriends and is now taking him to meet his parents. I bite my lip and hold my breath as the girl appears from the seat. I squint a little as it’s getting slightly darker now and therefore harder to see. The girl turns as she gets out, shutting the car door behind her and it’s then I see how young she looks. Way too young for Jeremy. She has beautiful long, flowing chestnut hair, high cheekbones, and an amazing smile. I also notice she’s half the size of Jeremy.
She then turns and when she does, Jeremy offers her the same brilliant smile and it’s then it hits me: This is Jeremy’s little sister, Isabella. That’s who he was on the phone to—saying I love you to. Not some random hook-up. Despite myself, I smile and watch as the two of them approach the house and Jeremy’s mom opens the door. I see them hug before telling them that he’d most probably see them tomorrow. As he walks back, I forget that I’m in plain sight watching him like a stalker until he looks up and fixes me with his eyes. Immediately, I duck down behind a neighbor’s bushes. I watch through the branches as Jeremy tries to find where I’ve gone. I see a frown, and then a smile before he shrugs his shoulders, gets back into the car, and drives off.
I let out a breath I didn’t realize I was holding and get up, dusting down my skirt. I shake my head, thinking I’m an idiot for coming this way and almost getting caught. I’m sure—in the end—he didn’t know it was me. That’s what I’m going to tell myself all night and into tomorrow anyway.
“I had heard of peeping Toms, but you’re certainly no Tom.”
I shriek, turning toward the voice to find a woman standing in her doorway staring at me with one eyebrow raised. I look down, embarrassment flooding my cheeks as I try and think of a good excuse as to why I’m in her front garden hiding behind her bushes.
“I’m so sorry. I... I saw someone I didn’t want to deal with, so I hid. I didn’t mean to trespass.”
The woman’s eyes narrow before I catch her gaze toward the Scozzari house. A small smirk rises before her eyes land back on mine. “Quite the handsome family, aren’t they?”
My cheeks flush purple by this point. “I wasn’t spying...”
The woman places her hand out, stopping me from digging a deeper hole. “It’s okay. I was young once. I’m not immune even at my age to notice a handsome man when I see one. The man of the house... Dean, I think his name is. Quite the err...” She fluffs up her hair before saying, “Looker.” Her eyes turn glassy like she’s thinking of something dreamy when it comes to Jeremy’s dad.
Okay, this is getting weird now.
“I’m so sorry again for trespassing.”
The woman quickly snaps out of her glassy-eyed look, a slight gasp leaving her
lips. “Of course. No problems. Have a nice evening.”
She scurries up inside her house and quickly shuts the door. That’s my cue to leave.
Shaking my head, I start my journey back home and all the while I’m wondering...
How much did Jeremy see?
I had been looking for Caitlin all day. I hadn’t got out of my head the image of her staring at me as I walked back to my car last night. I swear I wasn’t seeing things. It was her. The more I think about it the more I convince myself that she was definitely there... watching me.
I had just finished an interesting lecture with regards to the Zodiac Killer. A killer who during the ’60s and ’70s targeted a number of couples courting in cars. To this day they still don’t know who did it.
“I missed you today.” Amy pouts before grabbing at my shirt collar and nibbling my neck. Something that would normally get me hard instantly, but today, not a twitch. I think it may have something to do with my little stalker who I can’t seem to get out of my head since her return.
“How was college?” I ask as she’s still nibbling on my neck. My eyes are darting everywhere outside my college. I hadn’t expected Amy to meet me here—we certainly hadn’t organized anything. My sole intention was to stay outside and wait for Caitlin to leave so I can question her about last night. Now that Amy’s here, it’s ruining that plan, but I still can’t help but look.
I don’t expect the giggle that erupts from Amy suddenly. “I forgot to tell you, we tried dying people’s hair today and Stephanie’s model’s hair turned orange. It was the funniest shit I had seen in a long time.”
I look down at her animated face and the smile on her mouth that I once craved around my cock... and... nothing. Not a thing.
“What did the model say? I bet they were pissed.”
Amy—from the moment I met her—was all pristine hair and nails. I don’t dig that shit, but I must admit she does keep herself in good shape. She has to in order to study Cosmetology. She could have gone to some of the best schools in Los Angeles, or Nebraska, but she chose instead to go to Fairfax. I often asked her why and she keeps on insisting it’s because she doesn’t want to leave her sorry excuse for a brother, but the more and more I think about it, the more I believe it has something to do with me. I really hope I’m wrong in my assumption.
“She screamed. I mean, like, real high-pitched, make-your-ears-bleed, scream.” She goes off into a fit of giggles before saying, “But then she calmed down when the teacher told her she’d fix it. She ended up getting the full works—including manicure, makeup—the lot.” Fluttering her eyelashes, she places her hand on my chest and leans forward until our mouths are inches apart. “What about you?” she asks seductively. “How was your day?”
I look down toward her lips and watch as she licks them. She knows I’m watching and is deliberately trying to turn me on.
Nope.
Still nothing.
“We talked about the Zodiac Killer today.”
Her forehead crinkles into a frown. “The who?”
“A serial killer from the ’60s and ’70s. He’s never been caught.”
Her frown deepens. “Ugh, that’s gross. Why are you into such morbid subjects?”
I shrug, not knowing why. “I just am. Everything about it interests me...”
I’m about to say a lot more when Amy tugs at my arm, pulling me closer to her body. “Can we not talk about this anymore? I don’t like it.”
I shrug. No skin off my nose whether she wants to hear it or not. It only adds to the reason why we’re not—nor will we ever—date.
Realizing this isn’t going anywhere unless I take her home, I admit defeat and I’m about to ask her if she wants a ride when movement catches my eye. My head snaps to the movement and I smile when I see it’s Caitlin in a pair of the sexiest denim blue jeans I have ever seen on a woman. Her ass in them is phenomenal. I watch as she walks toward the steps, her hips swaying with every step she takes, her blond hair billowing in the wind as she grabs the handrail and starts to make her descent.
Without thinking, my feet find movement. “I’ll be right back,” I say to Amy, before running toward Caitlin. I can hear Amy complaining behind me, but I don’t bother to turn and look. All I’m focused on is the girl in the sexy blue denim jeans who’s currently walking down the steps—farther and farther away from me.
“Caitlin!” I shout, gaining speed toward the steps she’s still climbing down. “Caitlin!” I call again, but she still carries on ignoring me. Once she’s on level ground, I manage to jump down the last step. “Caitlin, wait up,” I call, tapping her on the shoulder.
She has no choice but to turn now, taking out one earphone as she does. She offers a saccharine smile before saying, “Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t hear you.” She raises her earphone up as her excuse. I know she heard me, but I’m not going to call her out on the fact. “What’s up?”
Her attempt at looking as casual as possible is flawed by the fact her whole body has become rigid. I wonder why...
“How was your day?” I ask, smiling brightly. I can’t help but notice the slight cleavage she has with her pale blue T-shirt she has under her equally blue GAP fleece. In fact, this fleece looks familiar...
“You wait outside of the school just so you can chase me down and ask me how my day was?”
“I’m being polite. Isn’t it polite to be polite?”
She turns one half of her lip down in annoyance. “You’re stalking me.”
I close one eye and think for a moment before answering. “Yes.”
For a brief moment she looks a little shocked by my instant admittance. “Why?”
“I believe we have to set a date for when we go out together.”
She rolls her eyes. “Are you going to ever forget about that?”
She’s looking more relaxed now, like something’s calmed her. “No. I learned from the best to chase down a woman until she relents.”
She blows out a puff of air, but she can’t escape the slight blossoming of her cheeks. Her eyes are still a little dark underneath like she’s not sleeping, but still... I don’t think even Vincent Van Gogh would be able to do her beauty justice. Caitlin is someone to admire in the flesh. A photograph or painting would never be enough.
“It may have worked for your dad, but stalking me isn’t going to get the same results.”
I smirk before starting toward her. She swallows, her lips parting a little as I come closer. My dick twitches at her reaction to me. And then she does something that makes my semi-erect cock harden even more. She locks her hazel eyes with mine and I notice it straight away. It’s only a fleeting moment, but enough to seal it in my memory forever.
Desire.
She wants me. If it wasn’t the eyes that gave her away, it was the parting lips, the reddening of her cheeks, and the way her breathing has become labored that will.
When I’m only a few inches away from her, I stop and smile before saying, “Hey, fair is fair. You stalked me first.”
She takes a step back, her eyes widening as her body stiffens again. So this is what she was fearful of? She wondered if I saw her last night.
Oh, yes, baby. I saw you all right.
I step forward again, grabbing one of her strings dangling from her GAP fleece and twiddling it between my fingers. “You know... this fleece looks very familiar.”
Immediately she looks away, her breathing quickening again, but this time because she knows she’s been caught. But then, as if something comes to mind, Caitlin takes in a deep breath, looks directly at me, and says, “I was going for a walk and I didn’t even know where I was until I reached your old house.”
I have to give her credit. At least she’s not trying to deny it outright. “So, you’re saying you just happened to be around my house at the same time I was dropping my sister off?”
She frowns in disgust. “Don’t be so full of yourself. How was I to know you would be there? Maybe I wanted to check out your hot dad
.”
I roll my eyes at her. I’ve heard this a thousand times over by many of the girls I know. “No matter how many women have eyes for my dad, my dad only ever has eyes for one woman. And that’s my mom.”
Looking irked, Caitlin lets out a breath. “He’s still hot.”
“So what you’re telling me is that you’re stalking my dad?”
Her eyes widen. “No... that’s not what...”
“You just said you were there to check out my hot dad.”
“I said maybe, not that I was. I seriously took a walk and ended up there. I don’t know how, I just did.”
She looks down at her feet then and somehow I know she’s telling the truth. Still, it’s nice to know her subconscious led her to my old house. Maybe she didn’t altogether forget about me like I thought she did.
So, what happened?
“Jez, hurry up, I’m cold.”
The voice reminds me that I left Amy up by the exit of my college. I had completely forgotten about her. Caitlin looks up toward the voice before looking back at me. “Your girlfriend’s calling you.”
I smile, then she starts to walk off. “She’s not my girlfriend,” I answer, but she’s already walking away, waving like she has no care in the world.
But I see you, Caitlin. I can see that weight of the world on your shoulders. A weight you should not have to bear on your own.
I know she’s hiding something. What that is I have yet to find out. I’m still watching Caitlin walk away when I feel a tugging on my arm. “Hey, Jez, who’s that girl?”
Reluctantly, I turn to Amy, seeing the anger and hurt in her eyes. She may try to deny it, but it’s there. “She’s a friend.”
“I’m your friend and yet you don’t run after me like that.”
Scozzari: Deviant #3 Page 5
