“Elroy would you like to offer Audrey a glass with that?” Mom fake asked. It was really a command.
“No, thank you. It’ll just slow me down.” I took it down in three large gulps and asked for another one. He gave it to me but threw in a warning look with it.
Mom wrinkled her nose but let it go. She turned to Rodney, who was already hitting food hard. “So Rodney, tell us about yourself.”
He furrowed his brows and put down the fork he was using to shovel food in his mouth. “Uh, um—”
“Like what you do, Honey,” Mom prompted.
“Oh I’m a trainer—”
“Well, duh,” I mumbled under my breath. Obviously not quietly enough because I earned three stern looks from various points at the table.
“Did you have something to say, Audrey?” Mom asked.
I cleared my throat. “Actually, I was just wondering where these two lovebirds met.”
“The gym,” Rodney said, just as Ella said “Work.”
I gave her a sour look. Ella spends all day being extra smart and talking about stuff that nobody cares about. She chews eat bite of her food 40 times. She alphabetizes her sweaters according to color, material, and style. She thinks organizing her pantry is a hobby. But at least once a month, she shows up to dinner with some model/actor/trainer she picked up somewhere. They date for a little while and then it ends because it’s obvious she’s not dating in her same species.
If she met this guy within three blocks of her job, I’ll go the rest of this dinner sober.
“I meant his work,” Ella corrected herself. I shook my almost empty beer bottle at Dad, signaling for another one.
“Yeah I’ve been training her and we got along so well that we took it out of the gym. Right, Babe?”
“Right.” Ella took another bite and then promptly threw the ball into my court. “So, Audrey, how’s work?”
I cut my eyes at her. “Fine.”
“And work-work?”
She was talking about my Super work but wasn’t being specific because of the guest at the table. “Fine,” I said again.
“I heard there was a huge warehouse fire in DUMBO this week. That’s in your district, right?”
“Yes, it is.” But she already knew that.
Then Dad piped in. “Yeah, I heard about that. Some paper warehouse or something.” I actually hadn’t heard what exactly was in the warehouse but I just nodded my head like I did.
Now it was Mom’s turn. “How are your numbers, Audrey?”
“Fine,” I said as if repeating it would make it so. Truthfully, I didn’t know how they were. I wasn’t opening any mail from the Council since I was so far behind on my dues. If they thought crime was up in my district, I could be looking at some trouble.
“Rodney, are you enjoying your food?” my mother suddenly said. We all looked at his plate. “You seem to be eating around the potatoes.”
“It’s just that I don’t normally do carbs.”
I almost choked on my own carbs. “You don’t eat bread or pasta?”
Ella jumped in with “His body is his business, Audrey. He has to stay in top shape to attract the right opportunities.”
I pushed my plate across the table to Rodney. “Put your potatoes and roll on my plate, then.”
“Audrey.” My dad said it like he was in pain. “Please act like you were raised by people who love you and not by a group of wild ghetto dogs. Do not take food off of the plate of our guest.”
I shrugged. “I’m not on a diet. I don’t want food to go to waste. There are starving children in Africa that would love those potatoes.”
Mom sighed. “Well, when they get here, we’ll give them to them.”
“I don’t think they have money for plane—”
“Actually,” Rodney interrupted, “today is a cheat day so I’m having some of them. I just don’t want to overdo it.”
“Well next time you’re over, I’ll know to hold off on the carbs,” Mom said.
There was a moment of silence while the entire table chewed. Of course I had to break it with “Like we’re ever gonna see this guy again.”
“Audrey! Shut! Up!” My mom only ever says something so common when she’s really, really mad. So I stuffed some more potatoes in my mouth and did what she asked.
But nobody had told Ella to shut up. She turned to Rodney. “You’ll have to excuse my sister, Babe. She hasn’t brought anyone home in a long, long time. It’s hard for her to remember how to act.”
“Hey that’s not fair. I’ve brought guys home before.”
Ella tilted her head, pretending like she was trying to remember. But she doesn’t have to try and we all know it. “Yeah. Tommy Radzwille on September 8, 1998. Only you didn’t actually introduce any of us. Actually, we wouldn’t have known at all if Dad hadn’t walked in on you two taking a shower together.”
I groaned. I hate Ella’s talent. “You know what I wish? I wish you would just fall over one day and hit your head a little bit. Not enough to hurt you but enough to forget some shit just once!”
“Okay, that’s it.” We all turned to Dad. He pushed his plate away. “I’m done. I think we’re all done.”
“There’s a cake in the kitchen. Why don’t we bring that out?” Mom suggested. It’s my chocolate, chocolate, chocolate cake, Rodney. If you’re going to have a cheat day, this is what you do it for.” She turned to me and Ella. “Why don’t you two go get the cake and plates, and bring them out here?”
I reluctantly got up, grabbing Dad’s plate and mine, and headed to the kitchen. Ella did the same, bringing the rest. Once we got into the kitchen, Ella got to work and I sullenly stood to the side. After a moment, she finally said something. “You’re not even trying to be nice to Rodney, Audrey.”
“Oh come on. You are not gonna marry some guy named ‘Rodney.’ It’s just not gonna happen. I’m not going to say ‘Oh this is my brother-in-law, Rodney.’ And I’m tired so I’m not going to waste my energy trying to get to know someone who won’t even matter after this week.”
“People call him ‘Rod’ sometimes.”
“That’s even worse and you know it. Ella, he’s on a diet. You’re dating a man who can’t have cake unless it’s a cheat day. You need to think about where your life is going if you think this is anything but a joke.”
Ella slammed down the plate she was holding onto the counter hard enough to almost break it. “Why can’t you just be happy for me?”
“Because YOU’RE not happy,” I screamed. “You keep bringing home these guys who are obviously just arm candy or sexual fetishes or whatever, like you think it’s going to go somewhere but we all know it isn’t. You’re just too different to actually have anything long term with these guys. And yeah, maybe if you were having just a little bit of fun it would be cool. But we all know that you don’t even know how to have fun!”
I’ve had a lot of fights with Ella. Over who got to use the bathroom first in the morning. In the backseat on long cars trips. Over who had to go to the vet when the dog had to be put down. I’ve lost some and I’ve won some, but I’ve never seen her face as red as it was in that moment. Before I realized it, she picked up Mom’s famous three layer chocolate, chocolate, chocolate cake and hurled it right at my head.
She missed. But the racket was so loud that it brought my mother running to the kitchen. “What in the—”
Ella ignored Mom and said in a half whisper that comes when you’re too angry to be loud anymore, “Like you? You’re so fucking fun, right? When is the last time you even had a boyfriend? Or a job for more than ten minutes? You’re a 30-year-old walking, talking mess. And it’s gotten to the point where no one expects anything from you anymore. Which is way more pathetic than a couple of failed relationships.”
I could see Mom in the open doorway behind Ella. And while I expected her to look mad that her daughters were once again ruining a family dinner, I saw something else in her eyes, too. And it looked a helluva lot like pity.
> Behind her I heard Rodney’s voice but it seemed far away. I could just make out “Do you think we’re still going to get cake?”
“No,” came Dad’s dry reply. “There’s not going to be any goddamn cake tonight, Rodney. Your diet is safe.”
Chapter 9
Outside on the stoop, I sat down and looked out into the night. It was not the first time I’d sat here right after a big blowup inside. And it probably wouldn’t be the last. I’d bet all of the smashed chocolate, chocolate, chocolate cake I was eating on it.
My dad’s voice came from behind me. “Are you really eating cake from the floor?”
I hadn’t heard him come outside. I turned back to see his face illuminated from the porch light. He looked older than he had when I’d gotten here just a couple of hours ago. Or maybe I was just now noticing. “This part didn’t touch the floor,” I said through a mouthful of cake.
Dad sat down next to me on the steps and I offered him a forkful. He shook his head. “Nah, I don’t eat food off the floor, Audrey.”
I shrugged and shoved the fork into my mouth. There was a long pause punctuated with the sound of my chewing. When I finished my cake, I asked, “Is there a reason you came out here?”
“I just wanted to make sure you’d done everything you came to do tonight.”
My face contorted. “You think I meant to get into a fight with her?”
“I think you meant to be as unpleasant as possible.”
“That’s just my personality, actually.” I paused. “You think I was wrong back there?”
Dad shrugged. “Is it really wrong for Ella to want to have some companionship? It’s hard for her, you know. Being that smart sometimes means that there’s a wall between you and everybody else. She can’t help it. Just like you can’t help who you are.”
“Okay but doesn’t she just annoy you sometimes? Like how she’s always right and always knows and remembers everything? I mean, just between the two of us. I promise I won’t say anything.”
Dad didn’t say anything for a long time. He was quiet for so long that I actually thought he wasn’t going to answer me. But then he did. “Yes.” He quickly added “But you do, too. And I still love you.” He gave me a quick hug and then slipped a hundred dollar bill in my hand. “I believe this covers your appearance fee.”
We said our goodbyes and Dad took my plate back into the apartment. As soon as he was out of sight, I fist pumped in the air and broke out into a big grin.
Mom had already given me the hundred she’d promised me in the kitchen when we were cleaning up. So I just got paid twice. There was a part of me that felt guilty about it but that part was outvoted by the broke part of me. Things were looking up.
Chapter 10
The Council gives a Super her ability diagnosis pretty soon after that ability starts to show itself. If your parents are Supers like mine, they watched closely for signs that something might be out of the ordinary. I had always been a very healthy kid. I never got the chicken pox, even though every kid in my third grade class had it. I don’t have allergies. I have never even had a cold. But when I fell from my third floor bedroom window onto the sidewalk below without a scratch, my parents knew something was up.
By the time I was 13, I had a training bra, braces, and a newfound Super ability. Realizing that I couldn’t be hurt physically didn’t exactly make me popular at school. By then I was in Council School, which is like a private school for the kids who show super abilities. You learn the basics—who discovered America, how to solve quadratic equations and how to cheat on a math test successfully. But instead of physical education, you’re taught about your abilities.
You’d think that because Council school is full of special kids, we’d all sit around the gym floor singing Kumbaya or accepting each other for what we are. But teenagers are dicks. All of them. It doesn’t matter if you can make yourself invisible. They still make a game out of treating each other terribly. Making friends back then wasn’t easy and I haven’t gotten any better as an adult.
“Hey, bitch!” I stopped walking down East Houston and turned around. Mellie came running up to me in skinny jeans, motorcycle boots, and a stylish slouchy top, and gave me a playful push.
I wasn’t surprised to see her. I was supposed to be meeting her for a Saturday brunch session in about five minutes. “Why would you yell that at me?”
“I don’t know. Why would you hear someone yell ‘Hey bitch’ and assume they were talking to you?”
I shrugged and took a bite out of the Danish I was holding. “Low self-esteem?”
“And are you seriously eating breakfast when we’re on our way to brunch?”
“Yes. You know how long it takes to get brunch in this city.”
“And you thought you’d pass out if you had to wait for more than ten minutes without something in your mouth.”
“Yep.” I polished off the last bite as we turned left on Avenue B. I could make out the sign for Cornerstone Bakery already. We’d been there enough that I hadn’t gotten lost this time. I looked down at my phone for the time. “So apparently we’re fifteen minutes late. I know why I’m just now getting here. But why are you late.”
Mellie turned to me with a smile. “We’re not late. I padded the meetup time by twenty minutes so you wouldn’t be late.”
“Bad move. Now I’m just going to assume that you’re always padding the times so I won’t even try to be on time. So now you have to keep doing it or I’ll be even later.”
Mellie opened the door to Cornerstone and I followed her in. “I’m not going to do it all of the time. I just didn’t want you to be late today.”
I understood what she meant without her actually saying it. Mellie and I met at work and just clicked. I gather that’s fairly common for most people but not for me. People think I’m weird. There’s something about me that they can’t put they’re finger on. Most of my friendships are really shallow and short lived. But there was something different about Mellie. Our friendship had lasted over a year now. That was a record for me.
But Mellie wasn’t a loner. She made friends all the time. She had good friends from high school and college. She had gym friends, going-to-the-club friends, and ex-boyfriend friends. And she didn’t always get why I wasn’t the same. So sometimes she invited me to these things where she could introduce me to people. I went because I didn’t want to disappoint her even though I knew it would never work.
The hostess sat us and Mellie immediately started texting. “Cheyenne is getting off the F now. And Gloria is in a cab.”
I put down the menu. I already knew what I wanted anyway: A bacon and cheese omelet with grits, home fries, and biscuits. “So what are you saying? We can’t order yet?” She gave me a death stare. “Fine. I mean, it’s the first time in the world I’m actually on time. If this means I need to sit here and wait for other people to order, it may also be the last.”
“Stop whining. Everybody in the world waits for you 99 percent of the time.”
Just then Cheyenne walked in, all blonde and willowy in a flowy dress. Both she and Mellie squealed and double kissed each other. Mellie had never double kissed me but I guessed this was what she did with her other friends. Cheyenne came over and gave me a double air kiss before I realized what was happening. Ok so she’s the type of person who air kisses someone she’s just met. Got it. They complimented each other on their shoes and sat down. “Audrey, this is Cheyenne. Cheyenne, this is Audrey.”
“Yeah, I think we met at that Great Gatsby party on your roof. ” We most certainly did not, I thought. I remembered when Mellie planned that party but I canceled at the last minute. Drunk, pretentious groups of people dressed like some douche from an old book have always made me nervous. But instead of correcting her, I just nodded. I didn’t want to make any waves or embarrass Mellie. It was important that I get along with her girly-girl friends.
Before we could get into anything else, Gloria showed up wearing blood-red lipstick, a bodycon dress,
and some stiletto boots. She swept into the restaurant and over to our table with a diva’s flourish. Which is saying something because Cornerstone was the size of a shoe box. There really wasn’t any room for flourish or drama. After another round of air kisses and my involuntary participation, there was more talk about what the girls were wearing. We spent exactly four minutes talking about a sample sale that resulted in Gloria’s boots. By we I mean them. My only contribution was that the boots seem uncomfortable. They all just looked at me.
Fortunately, the waitress came around to get the orders and saved me from being executed. Gloria was off carbs. Cheyenne was a vegan. Mellie was trying to fit into a bridesmaid’s dress in exactly eight weeks. They all ordered accordingly. There was a lot of fruit and spinach involved in those orders. I ordered my lumberjack breakfast and added extra bacon on the side to make up for all the healthy eating around me.
I kind of let the conversation drift around me after that. I felt like a kid who’s sitting at the grownup table. I only caught snippets of the conversation. They might as well have thrown me some crayons and gone about their conversation.
Gloria, Cheyenne, and Mellie all knew each other from college. They were in a sorority together and they’d all moved to NYC around the same time. Cheyenne and Gloria talked about their careers and filled Mellie in on what had been going on since the last time they saw each other. Cheyenne unironically told us about her art career. She was photographing herself naked in front of dead animals found on the side of the road to show the parallels between human vulnerability and the shortness of life. Gloria was a real estate agent. She was full of talk about square footage and views.
The waitress brought the food and I dove in. At some point, my ears perked up when Cheyenne asked Mellie how much longer until she put in her notice. “You’re quitting?” I blurted out, spraying grits onto the table.
Super Page 5
