by K. A Knight
“Maxen and me will take first, then switch out with the twins.”
I go to protest when he covers my mouth with his hand.
“You're injured, let us do this one thing for you.” Stopping myself from licking his palm, I nod and he smiles brightly at me. “Get some sleep, sweetheart.” He kisses me gently before heaving himself up and disappearing to the front door. Maxen stands and stretches, my eyes automatically checking him out. He winks before leaning in and kissing my head.
“Be good, Mi Alma.” Then he disappears as well. I roll my eyes and pull my jacket from my bag and use it as a pillow. Jax and Drax move about, getting ready as I curl on my side facing the opening and close my eyes. A body slips behind me and one in front. An arm from behind slips under my neck and one around my waist pulling me close. A hard warm body meets my back. I squint my eyes and look into Drax’s. He winks before turning over, giving me his back. He wiggles closer and sighs when I bury my face in it. Draping my arm around his waist, I hug him to me.
“Good night, little warrior,” Jax whispers into my hair. I fall asleep smiling.
I’m so tired that I don’t even wake fully when they change over, only enough to roll off Jax's arm and onto Maxen’s waiting chest. Thorn leans on my back, his head heavy in a good way as I sprawl on Maxen.
“Go back to sleep, Mi Alma.”
“What does that mean?” I ask groggily. He kisses my head and hums.
“It means my heart.” A goofy grin breaks out and I bury my face in his wide chest to hide it. He laughs and Thorn groans before smacking my ass.
“Sleep.”
And I do.
Sun shines into my eyes stirring, me from a nightmare-less sleep. I blink as Thorn’s snoring face comes into focus in front of me, his skin shimmering in the beam of sunlight making its way through the hole. My head is cushioned on Maxen’s arm where he's wrapped around me. Thorn’s legs are trapping mine and our hands are entwined over my heart. I know I should move, we need to leave after all, but I find myself watching him, until he swallows and his eyes crack open, I know I should be embarrassed watching him like a creeper but maybe Dray’s ways are rubbing off on me.
He smiles sleepily at me, his eyes almost closed and my breath catches. He's beautiful, not something I would call a man but it suits him. Even the scar in his eyebrow doesn’t detract from that, only making me more attracted to him.
“Mornin’ babygirl.” His voice is rough from sleep.
“Morning,” I whisper.
He drags me out of Maxen’s arms who moans and rolls over, giving his back to us. Our faces are inches away as we look at each other, smiling.
“I'd be happy waking up every day to your beautiful face. You're in here”- he thumps his chest and then holds my hand over his heart “deep, Tazanna Worth.” The openness on his face almost undoes me and I remember Jax’s words. He said Thorn was my softness. Maybe he's right because suddenly words spill out of my mouth.
“You found the heart I didn’t even know I had anymore. I have rough edges, big guy. I'm angry, sarcastic, and always see the worst in people. How can I be good enough for you four, for each of you?” My insecurities raise their ugly head but I know I need his answer.
“You might be all of those things but you’re also kind, caring, and you try to save everyone, even when you know you shouldn’t. You let us in despite everything you’ve been through and fought through nightmares so bad most would die or give up. You're so strong and so brave. It's us who aren’t good enough for you, but we will never give you up. Your ours baby. We never want anyone to hide behind us. Seeing you there next to us, riding into battle with you leading us. Your dad was wrong. You’re not a princess, you’re a fucking queen. Your darkness is how you survived and you don’t see yourself clearly at all. I'd happily die for you Taz, but more importantly, I’d live for you.”
Noah’s sorrow and death come to my mind, how angry I was that he didn’t fight anymore. That he could leave me so easily. Looking into Thorn’s eyes, I know he’s right. He would die protecting me, but he would always fight with everything in him to get to my side again. Something Noah would never do.
“You're just now letting yourself feel, to find out who you really are after you’ve been hiding it all your life. I can't wait for that day where you embrace every part of you, darkness and all. You'd be unstoppable, a woman who knows when to give mercy, but also when to take it. One willing to fight, or to die for her friends and people. Feeling fear or happiness doesn’t make you weak, they make you stronger than ever.”
Leaning forward, I brush my lips over him. We keep the kiss soft and light. I pull back and look into his shining eyes.
“Thank you, for staying with me.”
He kisses my forehead, each cheek and my lips softly.
“Always, baby girl.”
After mine and Thorn's heart to heart, I wake Maxen and we all have a quick breakfast. I can see the lack of sleep weighing on the guys, but they are in surprisingly good moods and so am I. We laugh and joke through breakfast and even as we pack up. When I sit astride my bike, they all drop quick kisses on my lips before mounting theirs. With a smile, we set off for day two.
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
Heartache and Mistakes
Day two of our journey is uneventful; we ride hard, not even stopping to eat or rest. We ride through a ghost town, the buildings still standing but empty. The glass on the shop windows broken, with their goods laying scattered on the floor. A child's bike lays in the middle of the road, and further down a stuffed teddy.
On the way out four bodies hang along a pole as a reminder of the world we are in. Clearly a family, caught by some rogue scav. A small boy who can’t be any older than ten hangs at the end. I don’t know why, but I can't seem to look away from him. His striped t-shirt has a rip and holes in it, showing his malnourished chest. His little legs are encased in dirty tattered black shorts. One foot has on a trainer while the other is bare, the trainer lost to the street below. His baby blue eyes are open and staring lifelessly at me, his terror and pain seemingly etched forever in their depths.
Next to him hangs a young girl. Her dress is ripped down the middle, showing the whole world her not fully developed breasts. The animals even took her knickers. Logically, I know she is dead, but it makes me feel sick knowing that she has been left like this. Her mother is in almost the same state next to her, only she has clearly been tortured. Where one of her nipples used to be, only blood and a hole remain with a clear teeth imprint. Blood covers all of her rounded stomach and her bare feet show some of her toes missing.
The father is naked, his balls and cock obviously cut off. His chest is a mess of cuts and stab marks and his face is drenched in blood.
I pull my bike to the side, away from where I had stopped just before them. I can’t leave them like this. I jump from my bike, and without saying anything look around for a way to get them down, my mind screaming the entire time.
“Baby girl?” Thorn asks. I move away when he tries to touch me, and I see his face fall. His hurt spears through me, and I quickly grab his hand and hold it to my cheek. Letting his warmth comfort me, I close my eyes.
“I can’t leave them like this. They deserve to be able to rest in dignity.”
“Ok.” He says, he kisses me softly and keeps a hold of my hand.
“Let’s get them down.” He orders. The others nod grimly, and I watch from the safety next to Thorn as Drax climbs the pole and carefully cuts down one after the other. Each time a body falls to the floor, it feels like a knife twisting in my gut.
When the dad’s body lands on the floor with a squelch, the skin over his head flaps open. They tried to skin him! Anger runs through me. Unable to stand here, I move over to the girl. I try not to look into her eyes as I cover her up. I do the same to the mom and turn back to my guys.
“We can dig a grave around the back of that shop. Let's give them some peace.”
They nod and follow me, each one of thei
r faces filled with the anger and sadness I feel at this senseless torture and murder.
◆◆◆
We all help to dig the graves and bury them. When the last bit of soil covers the bodies, something in me loosens. Thorn fashions a cross for each out of some wood and I kiss his cheek in thanks. We stand at the edge of their graves, our heads bowed. Each sending our own words with the bodies.
With one last look at the dirt, we turn back to our bikes, walking in silence. We mount our bikes and set off again, this time more subdued, the reminder working to keep us on our toes. By the time the sun sets I calculate we should arrive at The Worshippers settlement by tomorrow afternoon. We camp out under an old bridge and build a fire to cook some meat we brought with us, courtesy of Major.
“So, what's the plan for when we get there?” Drax asks around a mouthful. Leaning back on my arms, I stretch my legs out, the muscles aching from riding all day.
“Honestly, I don’t know. I'm going to wing it.” He chokes on his next mouthful and Jax thumps his back grimly.
“Wing it?” Drax chokes out before grabbing his water and downing it. I nod, amused.
“Yup, I'm going to approach the gate and hope they don’t kill me on sight. They shouldn’t; I'm a woman and they often collect them for their leader to serve as his concubines.”
“That’s the plan?” Thorn asks incredulously.
“I know—“ I scrub my head. “If I had more time I would have sent word to some men I trust within his cult, but I didn’t.”
“Hey—” Maxen scoops my legs up and massages the tired muscles. “We follow you, we get through this together and then head back.” Nodding, I lean my head back against Thorn’s shoulder next to me.
“I think you should wait somewhere they won't see you until I secure our passage,” I say around a blissful moan at Maxen’s talented fingers. I'm almost too engrossed to notice the look they share over my head.
“Sure thing, babe.” Drax winks and carries on eating.
When we finish, we put out the fire and station two people on watch again. I volunteer first, noticing the tiredness in their eyes, plus I've never been around people for this long before. It’s tiring, and I could do with some space to sort through my chaotic thoughts. Maxen takes one end of the bridge and I take the other as the twins and Thorn sleep.
Looking out into the darkness, I think back on the past week. I’ve changed so much, I can feel it already. I'm not as harsh, and my emotions pulse once again in my body. I have something to fight for again and not even the darkness and horror of my memories can take that away.
Major was right. I had been burying my head in the sand hoping it would all go away. These men changed that. They brought the colour back into my world and yanked me out, kicking and screaming. They don’t pretend everything is good, but they stand beside me when it gets bad.
Analysing my feelings, I think I might love them a bit. It’s new and tentative but it's already so much stronger than with Noah. What we had was desperate, seeking something to hold onto to keep us afloat in a world of pain and torture. The thing between me and the guys now, no matter how strange, pulses with happiness and a partnership. Footsteps behind me have me whirling with my blade drawn. Drax holds his hands up in mock surrender before plopping down next to me. Shaking my head, I sheathe my blade and look back out into the Waste.
“I need to tell you something, in case anything goes wrong tomorrow. I need you to know.” Turning with a blink, I look into his serious face. His eyes are full of nerves and something else.
“Know what?” Tilting my head to the side, I eye my usually playful twin. He swallows before licking his lips.
“I love you.” He stares shyly at me, the words floating in the air between us. My chest warms and happiness bursts to life in me, My chest warms as I feel the broken pieces of my heart sealing together as my eyes fill with tears. But panic immediately follows the happiness making my heart beat double time.
“Wh-” I choke out but a howl has me jumping into a crouch with my blade in my hand once again.
“Taz-”
I hold my hand up and close my eyes, listening hard.
“Sweet cheeks, please say something.” Opening my eyes, I look at him, his face looks stricken. I don’t want to say it back, not until I’m sure, but I need to give him something. I open my mouth when a twig breaks close by.
“There's something out there.” His face falls and closes down but he nods. He crouches next to me, but he feels a million miles away. Shit, I need to fix this but I need to protect us first. I can accept his distance, but I can’t accept him dying because I was busy pouring my feelings out.
A howl sounds off in the distance again, making me clutch my knife tighter.
“Stay behind me,” I warn before sneaking around the chunk of stone I was sitting on. There. Moving in the shadows are at least three ferals. Drax must see them too because he swears and I hear him draw a knife.
“What do we do?”
Grinding my teeth, I wait to see if they move closer.
“Wait. I don’t want to kill them if we don’t have to.”
“Why?” He whisper-shouts.
“Because it will draw a pack and then we are fucked.” He swears again and I have to agree. We stay crouched there as they sniff about before yipping at each other and taking off in the other direction. I barely breathe until I can't hear them anymore and then I still wait. A good twenty minutes later I relax my position and turn to Drax.
He glances at me, then sheathes his knife. He looks at the ground, his face hard. Fuck, I hate sharing feelings, but if it will bring back my Drax, I’ll suck it up.
“I've been in love before.” His head snaps up as he watches me warily. “I know I mentioned it to you.”
He nods. “What happened to him?”
Noah’s dead body flashes in my mind, making me fall back on my ass. “He died.”
He sucks in a breath and sits cross-legged in front of me. “What happened?” He grabs my hand and squeezes, offering me comfort. I sigh and look into his eyes.
“He was one of Ivar’s general's son’s. We were friends at first, both of us being around the same age. We had to hide it, me being a slave and all. We grew up, growing closer as we did. But he was training to be a warrior and I was Ivar’s pet. He used to come to my room every night and treat my wounds from the day, and every time I could see his heartbreak. He was soft, too soft for this world. His dad thought it could be trained out of him, but I knew better.” Looking down, I play with Drax’s fingers.
“We fell in love. It wasn’t sudden and all-consuming, but slow and warm. I needed someone, anyone, and he felt the same way. Once Ivar caught us kissing, he punished me.” I release my death grip on his fingers and he lifts my chin up with his other hand.
“How?” he asks softly. I refuse to look away, to be embarrassed about what I endured.
“He tied me to the post on the steps of his castle and whipped my bare back. When he was done, I was half dead. He left me there overnight. I remember the crows circling me as I watched the night turn to day. Ivar released me the next evening. Noah came and looked after me that night. I could feel his helplessness and anger. I just never expected him to do anything about it. The fool attacked Ivar.” Licking my lips, I carry on.
“Ivar was going to kill him as Noah’s dad stood by and watched, because if he pleaded for his son’s life, it would be seen as a weakness. Ivar found an even better way to punish him. He threw me in The Ring. Noah knew if I lost I would be raped and killed in front of everyone. But I won, so Ivar kept putting me back in.”
“What happened to Noah?”
“He couldn’t stand by and watch me fight, but I had changed by then, the blood and pain consuming me, my only thoughts on survival. He wanted to run away, I knew it wouldn’t work. Ivar would find us, hell we wouldn’t even get out of the territory.” Stopping, I suck in a breath as the memories cloud my vision.
“I remember I had just w
on my fifth match. I was so fucking proud of myself, high on the adrenaline and blood. Ivar was happy, too happy. He told me to rest that night which was unusual. Even if I won, Ivar found an excuse to try and punish me. When I got to my room, I found Noah hanging from my ceiling.” My heart breaks all over again, my cries loud in my own ears.
“Oh, babe…” I look at Drax, the pain fresh in my eyes as the tears I didn’t cry then fall now.
