by D. J. Manly
* * * *
Scott swallowed. He waited, scarcely daring to breathe. There was a lump in his throat and hot tears burned his eyes. He closed them and one rolled down his cheek.
Ciel was sleeping. He could hear his breathing, deep and even, feel the warmth of his hard body next to his. Although he had had many men, he’d never once slept with one in bed like this.
He wanted to let his body go, release the tension, allow himself to really feel those strong arms around him but if he did … what then … he left himself open for heartache. In spite of himself, he felt his eyes closing, and he was sinking into sleep feeling safe and protected … and loved.
* * * *
It was the shrieking which woke him. Scott was no longer in bed beside him. He grabbed his robe, and threw open the door. Holding it in front of him, he went to the top of the stairs and leaned down over the banister. Below was Amanda in her dressing room, and she was hoppng mad. Scott was standing silently in front of her.
“You know the damn rules. You deliberately broke them, taking advantage of my exhaustion and…”
“You mean drunkenness!” Scott interjected.
“So little I expect from you and yet you break the simplest of rules.”
“It was my fault, Amanda,” Ciel said, slipping into his robe as he descended the staircase.
* * * *
They both looked, a little in awe for a second of how he looked in that short, red silk robe. Then Amanda grew angry again. “Your fault. You encouraged Scott to share your bed last night?”
“Want to punish me?” He smiled, and when he did Scott’s knees weakened. Damn, when he smiled like that … it made him want to punish him all right.
“Actually,” Amanda got this mischievous look on her face all of a sudden, “that’s not a bad idea. What do you say, Scott? Should we punish him from leading you astray?”
Scott nodded, his mouth going a little dry. When he had woken up this morning, he had watched him for the longest time in his sleep, literally aching to touch him. Suddenly his animalistic appetite grew fierce and he was horny as hell. “Let’s take him upstairs to the room,” he said softly, his eyes going to Ciel, “teach him some humility.”
“Hah,” Ciel grinned playfully. “That will be the day.”
“Get up those stairs,” Amanda demanded with a little grin.
“Shit, Amanda,” Ciel teased, “it’s only nine o’clock in the morning.”
“Series infractions call for serious punishment,” she whispered.
“Oh well,” Ciel returned, “since you put it that way.” As he started up the stairs, Amanda was at his heels. She lifted up his robe for a moment and gave him a smack on his gorgeous ass. Scott literally drooled at the sight.
Ciel protested lightly.
“Get that off,” Amanda told him, tugging on the flimsy robe, “doesn’t hide anything, just teases … and you know … what is it they say, Scott?”
“You tease, you please,” he sang.
Ciel untied the robe and threw it backwards. It landed on Scott. Scott threw it aside and it fluttered down to the floor below.
Ciel slowed his pace. Completely naked. Amanda and Scott’s eyes never left his body.
Scott sucked in some breath, his cock hard as rock. If Ciel didn’t hurry up, he was going to take him right there, on the bloody stairs.
When they reached the top, Amanda grabbed Ciel’s arm. Scott came up on the other side and took the other. “You’re ours now,” she said, “ours to do with what we want. Punishment and submission.”
Ciel laughed as they pushed him gently into the bedroom, then through to the little room.
He turned around. “Bring it on baby,” Ciel mouthed.
Amanda marched over to that cupboard where she kept all her goodies and took out her vibrator. She hopped up on what Scott thought of as her observation perch, and said, “Okay, Scott, make him pay for being such a bad boy.”
Scott grabbed hold of his arm and dragged Ciel back towards the corner where the wrist shackles dangled from the ceiling. He raised one arm then the other, securing the cuffs around his wrists.
Suddenly, Scott froze. All he could do was stand there for a moment looking at him, then he lifted a hand and touched his hair. At first he caressed it, then his fingers tightened in it and he pulled it forward so that Ciel’s face was very close to his. “No matter what I do…” he said between clenched teeth, “it’s not going to make it any better.”
He pulled harder on his hair, and smothered his lips with his at the same time. Suddenly, he let go, and wrapped his arms around him, pressing their bodies close together. He held him, kissing his hair, then a strangled little sob came from somewhere deep inside of his chest. Abruptly he pushed away. His eyes lit with tears. “I hate you,” he told him, then turning to Amanda, he said, “I’m sorry. I can’t do this anymore.”
Amanda opened her mouth to speak, but Scott just shook his head and ran out of the room.
Amanda belted her dressing gown and slid off her seat. “Scott,” she called, hurrying across the room.
* * * *
“Amanda,” Ciel said urgently, pulling on his constraints. She paid no attention. “Fucking great,” Ciel groaned. A few minutes later, Amanda returned. Ciel gave her a grateful smile when she reached up to undo his cuffs. She handed him his robe.
“Where’s Scott?” He asked, shrugging into it.
“I don’t know. He took off in his car.”
“I’ll go and…”
She put up a hand. “No. It’s okay. When I brought you here, Ciel, I brought you here for both of us. I thought Scott would enjoy you as much as I would enjoy both of you together. From the onset, it’s been a struggle.”
“You want me to leave?”
The question hung in the air between them for a few minutes. “I will speak to Scott when he returns but I … I think he liked it better when his partners changed often. I think he misses the variety.”
“It’s all right. I’ll leave.”
“Look, we made an agreement. I plan to stick to that. I’ll set you up in an apartment in L.A. until you finish your studies at the university and…”
Ciel shook his head. “No. I’ll pay my own way, Amanda. I’ll find a job. You gave me my chance to be here in the U.S. It’s enough.”
When he went to walk past her, she reached out and grabbed his arm. “Ciel,” she breathed, tears rolling down her cheeks, “I’ll miss you. I…”
He removed his arm from her grasp gently. He nodded, then left her bedroom and went down to his own room, and began to pack. His emotions were in turmoil. It appeared that Scott’s were too, but he was either too damaged or too stubborn to recognize it. It was wishful thinking to believe Scott was in love with him. Maybe he did hate him.
Anyway, he had just realized one thing. Amanda had played with them both, manipulated them as if they were puppets on strings. And as long as she kept Scott tied to her, nothing would ever change. She’d find a replacement soon enough. It was time for him to go. This whole thing had been insane to begin with.
With his suitcase in hand, he came downstairs. Amanda stood there waiting for him. She was offering him contact numbers and cash. The more she insisted on helping him, the angrier he got.
“Amanda,” he said, “stop it. You can’t make everything right with money. It’s gone beyond that now. Your little fantasies are great except for one thing, you don’t invest anything emotionally. You can’t get hurt, you can’t get burned. You remain immune … but Scott,” he choked now, his throat aching with unshed tears, “Scott and I, we were the ones touching. We were the ones making love, and you know what, most of the time I forgot you were even there.”
Amanda’s face drained of color. “That’s not fair. I love you. I love both of you.”
“Yes,” Ciel said, “you love us in the safest possible way.” He met her eyes. “Scott is a scared little boy who’s been hurt so much in his life. He’s afraid to love. Your love is safe,
Amanda. He will never love you passionately. And you’re so afraid of being alone, you’ll never allow him to love any man passionately.”
Amanda turned away from him.
Ciel was shaking. His eyes were brimming with tears.
“Where will you go?”
“I’ll be all right. Tell Scott I…” He paused, shook his head. “Tell him I said good-bye.”
With that, he walked down the long corridor to the front door and stepped outside.
Chapter Eight
Scott felt rather foolish as he pulled the car into the driveway many hours later. He wasn’t sure what in hell had come over him. He wasn’t used to feeling out of control like this. Maybe he needed a break. He sucked in some air and walked into the house, thinking that probably Ciel and Amanda would be asleep by now. He hoped they wouldn’t mention it in the morning. As he turned the corner to stairs, he was surprised to see Amanda. She stood in the hallway, her arms folded across her chest. She looked miserable.
“Amanda, I’m sorry,” he said. “I hope you weren’t worried. I haven’t been sleeping too well lately and … well … I just lost it. I’ll try to…”
“He’s gone,” Amanda said softly.
Scott blinked. “What? Who’s gone?”
“Ciel. He’s gone. I thought it was best.”
“You thought it was…” He stopped. He heard his voice. It was loud, angry. He quieted it. “What happened?”
Amanda shrugged. “He wasn’t right for you, that’s all. I’ll find someone else. We thought it best that…”
“We? I thought you said you.”
“It was mutual. He said to say good-bye. He’ll be fine. I offered to help him but he…” She stopped.
“Look, let’s leave this for tonight. I’m tired. I’m going to bed.”
Scott watched her as she walked past him and began to climb the stairs. He put his hand out on the banister, and squeezed it. Something painful streaked through his chest. He ground his teeth together.
It would be all right now. Ciel was gone. Everything would be all right. He squeezed the banister tighter. It blurred in front of him. His head fell to his chest, then his knees hit the floor. The tears tasted bitter in his mouth, foreign. They made his skin feel taut and dry. When the sun rose in the sky, he was curled up there at the bottom of the staircase, with no more tears left to cry.
* * * *
When Amanda came out by the pool that night, she forced a big smile onto her face. Scott had passed out by the pool again, the third time this week, an empty bottle of gin sitting at his feet. “Scott,” she said, grabbing his arm and trying to pull him out of his favorite lounge chair.
“What?” he growled. “What is it?”
She swallowed the urge to bitch about his drinking or about the way he looked. He hadn’t shaved or washed today, and he reeked of alcohol. “I have a surprise for you,” she told him as he stumbled to his feet.
He blinked. “Oh Amanda, not tonight, okay?”
“Scott, you promised me we’d get back into it, and Mama hasn’t had any fun in awhile.” She pretended to pout.
Scott laughed out loud. “It’s only been a week.”
“Almost two weeks, Scott, now.” She was losing all patience with him. “Ciel is gone. Deal with it. Move on. That’s my philosophy.”
“Ciel? Ciel who?” He sneered. “Fuck Ciel.”
“That’s the spirit, baby, now go,” she gave him a shove, “take a shower, clean up. He’ll be here any minute, and darling, he’s a hunk.”
* * * *
Scott stood in the shower for close to twenty minutes. No matter how long he stayed in, he couldn’t wash away this feeling that hung over him like a shroud. Ciel.
Even saying his goddamned name hurt. It wasn’t as if he was in love with the guy. It’s just that he left without even saying good-bye to him, and his cock had ached like hell ever since. Of course, that was normal. He’d been his fuck mate, and let’s face it, the guy was good at it.
He needed to jump back on the wagon, get his cock sucked. Amanda was right about that. But his energy had been so low, and he couldn’t seem to drag his ass out of bed until three in the afternoon. And then all he wanted to do was drink until he couldn’t think anymore, couldn’t feel anymore. Ciel.
So he’d got to him a little. It didn’t mean he couldn’t shake this. This new guy, whoever he was, might just be exactly what he needed.
* * * *
Amanda’s excitement was a little overdone, and Scott told her so as he walked into the living room.
“Who in hell is this guy, a god?”
“Practically,” Amanda giggled, sipping on her martini.
“Where did you find him?”
“He races motorcycles. You should see him in leather.”
Scott sighed, walking over to look out the window. Rain was running down the window in rivers. It was rare to see the rain. He reached out and touched the window pane. He saw the water running down Ciel’s chest now in his mind. He remembered catching him just out of the shower once. How he’d wanted to lick those droplets off his chest. Is that the time Ciel had told him that he was falling in love with him? Or had he said, he thought he was? Maybe he’d imagined it. Maybe he imagined it when Ciel had told him to leave this place with him.
“Scott, Scott, did you hear me? He’s here.”
It was Amanda. He turned around, startled for a minute. “Who?” he said.
“Your surprise, silly. Come on.”
He followed her to the door. Last time Amanda had surprised him, he’d walked into her room to find Ciel sitting there. He wondered who would be behind door number two.
Suddenly, Amanda was drawing this man inside. He was handsome enough, five eleven, muscular, short dark hair and black eyes. God, he had Ciel’s eyes, but there was no other similarity between them.
In the living room, Amanda made small talk, and Eric, as least that’s what she called him, spent his time looking at Scott.
“I’m happy to finally meet you, Scott,” Eric told him. “Amanda has told me so much about you. She said you were beautiful. She wasn’t kidding
Scott gave him a faint smile. “Thanks. Let’s fuck, okay?”
Amanda laughed nervously. “Scott. Really.”
“That’s fine with me,” Eric replied gruffly.
“Are you sure you’re all right with our rules, Eric?” Amanda asked, shifting a little on the sofa.
“Yep,” he replied, keeping his eyes on Scott.
Scott shrugged. “Let’s go.” He stood up, grabbed an open bottle of scotch off the sideboard, and made his way to the staircase. Eric and Amanda followed.
“He’s a little anxious,” Amanda was saying. “He hasn’t had any in awhile.”
Scott grunted, taking a swig from the bottle. She didn’t need to make any excuses for his behavior. Fuck you, Amanda. “When it comes down to it, honey,” he said over his shoulder, stealing into her bedroom, “you haven’t had any either. Not since you drove Ciel away.”
Amanda cleared her throat. “I didn’t drive Ciel anywhere, love.”
Scott kicked the door open to the back room, and swirled around in the middle of the floor. He looked at Eric. “What do you think, Eric? Kinky enough for you?” Again he tossed back some of the liquor.
“Amazing,” he said, his eyes straying over the handcuffs and padded seats.
Amanda sucked in some breath. “Let me take the bottle for you, honey.”
“That’s fine, darling,” Scott met her eyes. “It’s my friend. So, what do you feel like tonight, Amanda? Should I do Eric, or does he do me?”
“Why don’t we just see where it takes us?” Eric suggested, coming closer to Scott.
“No, no,” Scott said, wagging his finger, clutching the bottle in his hand and lifting it again to his mouth, “it doesn’t work that way, Eric lover. Amanda wasn’t clear on the rules. Amanda is the boss. She decides. She’s in control. She controls everything … or so she believes.”
Amanda’s face hardened. “You’re drunk, Scott. You’re embarrassing me.”
“My God, I’m sorry,” he mocked. “Eric, forgive me. The last guy who was in this room with me, well, he fucked off. He got the hell out of here and…” He paused. “Do you know why he left?”
“Scott, I don’t think…”Amanda began.
“Shut up, Amanda,” Scott slurred. “Just shut the fuck up. Do you know why he left, Eric?”
Eric shook his head uncertainly.
“Because we fell in love.”
“Scott,” Amanda sighed, “you don’t believe that…”
“We fell in love, Eric,” Scott met his eyes, Ciel’s eyes, “and Amanda didn’t approve … and I couldn’t face it because … I was scared.”
Scott began to undo his shirt. He struggled out of it, and met Eric’s eyes again. “I’m just her puppet you see, and we’re the same, Amanda and I. We’re scared of love because we never had love and we don’t want to get hurt.” Tears streamed down his face now. “Fuck me, Eric, and Amanda will watch and she won’t feel anything. She doesn’t want you to feel anything either.” He began to undo his pants.
“Scott,” Eric said, “I don’t understand. I…”
Amanda came over and placed a hand on Eric’s arm. “Can you wait for us in the bedroom? I’m sorry. He’ll be fine and then…”
“I’m fine now,” Scott cried out. He took his pants down and his underwear. He stood there naked, his hands out to his side. “You want me, come and take me. I’m just a whore. I’m not supposed to feel anything. I can’t feel anything.”
Eric made a move towards him, but Amanda stopped him. “No. I’ll take care of him. I always take care of him. Why don’t you leave? I’ll call you, okay?”
“Scott,” Eric said.
Scott was sobbing now, his head on his chest.
“Scott, if you love him, this ah … Ciel, then,” he looked at Amanda, “don’t let anything stop you.”
Scott picked up his head in time to see him slip out of the room.
