by V. Vaughn
We take a few minutes to eat. He finishes before me, and as soon as I take my last bite, he grabs my paper plate and puts in on the tray. "C'mon," he says.
We get up from our table and walk by the garbage can to dispose of our tray before we head down to the water. The coast of Maine has a variety of sedimentary rocks, and the ones here have sharp angles and visible layers that make stepping down closer to the ocean easy. So does Leo's hand as he helps me. Cold seeps through my jeans to my bottom as we perch ourselves on a small ledge that allows us to dangle our feet over the edge.
Leo tilts his head back and sighs. "I love the ocean. The smell, swimming in the ice-cold water, and the sound of waves crashing on rocks."
"It's beautiful, but I'll pass on cold-water swimming."
Leo grins at me as he pulls the whoopee pie out of his pocket and begins to unwrap it. "It's a bear thing."
"I like watching it," I say as I look down. "You know, the way the waves clear away the sand as if they're cleaning up messes."
"Like starting over." Leo breaks a piece of our treat off and holds it out for me.
"I guess," I say as I take the sweet. "Or maybe it's the constant renewal, as if the sea can heal anything." I pop the chocolate cake into my mouth.
"I like that. My mom has a magnet on her fridge that claims salt water from tears and the ocean can heal the soul or something along those lines."
I take a moment to consider how a good cry and staring out at the water are both soothing. "Maybe it can," I say. "And you don't need medical school after all. What kind of doctor do you want to be?"
"Pediatrician." Leo quickly adds, "I know. Not very manly, but I love kids. They're so honest and funny."
I smile as I think about how much I enjoy teaching my class. "They really are. I like the way most of them don't hide their emotions. You usually know exactly what a kid thinks."
Leo laughs, and the sound is like music to my ears. So when he puts his arm around my waist, it's easy to lean against him. "You're not who I expected you to be," I say.
"I hope that's a good thing."
I look up at him and see a man I think I trust. And maybe one I could spend the rest of my life with. But he’s currently stripping to pay his bills. I curse him for making this so hard, because no matter how nice right now is, Leo’s still thrusting his goods at women for cash, and that vision repulses me on so many levels.
5
As wonderful as it would be to spend my afternoon by the water, talking to Leo, I can't. I shouldn't, because it's only going to make things harder. I have a mountain of laundry and paperwork to tackle before I go to bed tonight too, so I say, "We should go. I've got a long week to prepare for."
Leo grabs his phone, and when he looks at it, he says, "Jeez. We've been here longer than I thought." He stands and reaches a hand out to help me up. "I need to go too. I have things to get done before work tonight."
I hate that jealousy fills me when I imagine him dancing. As we walk back to his car, I picture women grabbing at him as he gyrates on the stage in just his shiny blue thong and greasy skin. Annoyance grows in me, and I ask, "What made you decide to become a dancer?"
"Money." The door to his Jeep groans as he tugs it open for me. "Med school is expensive, and I didn't want to end up with tons of debt, so I decided to take a year off and make as much money as I can."
His words are familiar, and I flash to what my mother looked like passed out on the couch with a bony arm hanging down to the floor as she slept off whatever drug her money she made that night bought her. A job she swore she would do only until we got back on our feet after my father left and her magical powers became too weak to do much good. I know it's not fair to compare the upscale club Leo works at to the dive that employed my mother, so when he gets in the car, I offer, "Just one year is smart."
An image of my mother on a stage with men around her replays in my mind, and I frown as I picture female hands reaching into Leo's G-string. “The job probably has some nice benefits too."
"Dancing is a great way to keep in shape." Leo turns the key, and his engine churns for a moment before it finally catches. He sighs. "I really need to get a new battery. This one doesn't want to hold a charge."
I feel guilty about thinking the worst of Leo, and even though I'm supposed to be finding ways to hate him, I say, "I can make it last a little longer. Not forever, but it'll buy you some time to get through the week if you want."
"Would you? That'd be great. Thanks."
"Hold on." I splay the fingers of my left hand to push power at his battery, and I chide myself for putting Leo in my mother's shoes. He doesn't look anything like a drug addict with his finely tuned physique. I've worked hard to make sure my past doesn't cloud every judgment I make, and this should be no different.
I'm distracted enough by my thoughts that I keep a steady stream of magic going for about thirty seconds instead of a couple, which means I just bought him a whole new battery. When I stop, I let my head fall back against the seat with the kind of exhaustion one feels after running a few miles.
"Whoa," Leo says as he leans over me. He smoothes the hair back from my forehead as his brow knits with concern. "Are you okay?"
His touch is gentle, and my heart warms with the way he cares. I offer him a small smile. "I'm fine. I just need a minute to recover, and I'll be as good as new."
"If I'd known how much that would take out of you, I'd never have let you do it."
I sit up straight again, renewed, as if I finally caught my breath after exercise. "It was nothing. I actually gave you enough energy that you don't need to get a new battery now. Not to brag, but I'm a pretty powerful witch." I tug on my seat belt and click it into place. "I can throw a mean fireball too. You don't want to mess with me."
"The next time I'm in need of protection, I'll bring you along."
Clearly, I'm not done with my past influencing my decisions, because I say, "Seems to me that's a nightly occurrence."
Leo frowns for a moment before his face relaxes. "I have a really crazy week, but can I see you again next weekend?"
My heart beats a little faster with excitement before I stop it and let out a sigh. "Leo, this has been really fun, but I'm afraid this is it. We're—I can't be with you."
"But we're soul mates, Sammy. I don't understand."
"Being soul mates doesn't mean we have to be together."
His eyes harden. "You have a problem with me being a dancer, don't you?"
The pain of watching my mother fills me, and I realize I have no desire to watch history repeat itself as Leo destroys himself in the same way. This time, it might destroy me too. “Yes." To give it more conviction, I envision him ironing wadded-up greasy bills flat so he can take them to the bank as some woman coos to him to return to bed. Jealous anger simmers in me.
Leo's eyes widen, and I realize I'm scowling as magic sputters like tiny sparks from my fingers. I clench my hands into fists to stop it. "Just take me home, please."
The drive isn't nearly as pleasant on the way back, because every time I steal a glance at Leo, I see his jaw is set and his mouth is a tight line as if he's mad. I've hurt him, and my heart aches because of it.
When we get to my house, I say, "Thanks for lunch. It was nice getting to know you."
Leo's stare borders on a glare as he says, "Thanks for being honest with me, Sammy, and letting me know the real you too."
I understand anger is a go-to for many men when they're hurt, so I let it go. And it doesn't surprise me when the moment I open my door, Leo stomps on the gas hard enough that his tires squeal as he peels away.
Even though it's clear I've pushed Leo away, it's still painful to have him mad at me, and tears fill my eyes as I put the rest of my groceries away and wonder how I'm supposed to live without him in my life. I push on the pantry door when I'm done, and it clicks shut before I go to my bedroom to grab my laundry.
As I sort clothes by colors, my phone rings, and I grab it to see Elise is
calling. I don't even get a hello out before she says, "You find your soul mate, and you don't even call us?"
"What? How do you know?"
"Please. Word travels fast in the clans. Bella, the Robichauxs' witch, called me to get the scoop on who you are."
"Oh. Well. I hope Bella's not disappointed when she finds out nothing's going to happen. I told Leo I'm not interested."
"You did what?" she yells, and then our call clicks off.
I stare at my cell. Did Elise just hang up on me? I try to call her back, but the line is busy. It's just as well, because I'm sure Elise was going to give me a lecture about accepting fate and how wonderful soul-mate love is. Like I don't know. My heart feels as if it's being torn into shreds over what happened with Leo today.
I grab a laundry basket of whites and manage to get the wash started before Nina and Elise burst through my front door. "A knock would be nice," I say as I put my hands on my hips, ready to push back against what I suppose is a soul-mate intervention.
Elise is in fight mode, and her eyes flash with her magic, but Nina appears to be calmer. She puts her hand on Elise's arm and says, "We're here as your friends." She tightens her grip on Elise as she looks at her. "Let's make tea and sit down for this."
Elise lets out a huff. "Fine."
"Right this way," I say and lead them to the kitchen. Even though Elise may think she's right, I know my friends only want what's best for me, and they're bound to understand why I pushed Leo away.
6
The burner on my stove ticks as I light it, and I turn to Elise and Nina sitting at my table to say, "Leo the stripper is my soul mate." I fall into a chair at my kitchen table and blow out a big breath. "I didn't really faint at the club Friday night. I faked it because I didn't want to rip Leo's pants off for every woman to see. Stupid soul-mate connection."
Nina squints at me. "I thought something odd was up with that."
"I would have told you guys. I swear. But Nancy was with us, and…"
"And you could have called us Saturday morning," says Elise.
"I could have. But I'd already decided I wasn't going to act on anything with Leo. I'm pretty sure you wouldn't have approved, Elise."
"But why not?" asks Nina. "Why don't you want to be with your soul mate?"
"And how can you not?" asks Elise.
"That, I get," says Nina to Elise. "Sammy's got willpower made of steel. One time, we decided to do a juice fast, and oh my god, we were sooo hungry. I—oh." Nina finally catches on to the fact Elise isn't interested in our dieting past. "Anyway, if anyone can resist a soul mate, it's Sammy."
"Guys," I say, "the thing is it's all wrong right now. I'm not done with my thesis, and I really want a solid career base to fall back on before I get involved in a serious relationship that's going to take time and energy to do right."
Elise blinks in surprise and looks at Nina, who is frowning. I sigh. I know I'm a bit wary of love considering my upbringing with a mother who spelled men into her bed regularly, but my friends don't know about my past. It's not a piece of me I've ever wanted them to hear. "I understand you don't get it. But can't you just let me do what's right for me?"
"No," says Elise. "You're not making sense. Being in love makes everything easier. Sure, it's work, but it's not like you're taking on another job. You want to do it."
"Okay, then what about the fact I teach small children and my soul mate takes his clothes off for a living?"
"Wow," says Nina as she stares at me in surprise. "You did not just say that."
I did. And my friends are likely shocked because they don't know I have a good reason for my prejudice. But Nina's reaction hits home about how off base my feelings about Leo's job are, and shame rises up in me to make my ears burn.
Elise shakes her head. "You may be wound a little tight, Sammy, but I've always thought you had an open mind and a huge heart. What's going on?"
My stomach cramps when I think about how I should just tell my friends about my past. They love me like a sister, and if anyone is going to help me see straight through this situation, it's them. I take a deep breath and prepare to tell them the truth.
"Sorry," I say as my friends stare at me with concerned faces. "I don't mean to be so judgmental about Leo. It's just— my mother was a stripper in a disgusting dive bar, and I have a lot of bad memories associated with it."
"Oh my gosh," says Nina.
"Sammy." Elise touches my arm.
I pull away from her. "I'm fine. It was all a long time ago.”
The teakettle screams with steam, and Nina gets up to make us our drinks. She says, "I wish you'd told me, because I never would have made you go to the club."
"Where we went Friday night was very different from where my mother worked." I smile at Nina as she thumps down three mugs onto the table. "I was very happy to go and celebrate your upcoming wedding. Promise."
"You know I loved having you there," says Nina. "You were awesome up on that sta—" She winces and lets out a groan. "Why do I always put my foot in my mouth?"
I chuckle, because Nina is a lot like a child when it comes to social graces, and it doesn't bother me when she blurts out what she's thinking. "Don't worry. I know what you meant."
"Okay," says Elise. "So you have strong feelings about Leo's job. Totally understandable. But my guess is that this isn't his dream career. Right?"
"It's not. He says he is doing it for a year to help pay for med school."
"You've talked to him?" asks Elise.
"Yeah. We had lunch today."
"Oh!" squeals Nina. "How was it? Did you kiss him and get all floaty?"
I laugh when I think about the way Nina levitated when she described her first kiss with Seth. "That actually happened Friday night, and yes, it made me feel all floaty. But—" I scowl as I try to find words to describe my hesitation. "I do get that Leo dancing for money is very different from what my mother did, and it is short-term."
"But you need the excuse because you're not mentally ready yet. You have a hard time with surprises and things that throw your schedule off," says Elise.
"She does," says Nina. "But you know you always adjust, Sammy."
I look at both of them, a bit surprised at their assessment, because they articulated what I couldn't. I smile as I shake my head. “You guys really do get me. You know what a perfectionist I can be, and I've got too much on my plate right now. I'm afraid I can't do all of it well. I want to put the soul-mate thing on hold for another few years until I can devote myself to it."
Elise chuckles. "Oh, honey, we do get you, but life doesn't go according to plan. The thing is you're only going to make yourself miserable if you try to wait. Leo too." Elise's face lights up, and she sits back and smiles as she lifts her mug of tea. "I just realized something."
"What's that?" I ask.
"Nina and I don't have to do a thing to fix this. Take it from another control freak, because you may recall I tried to stay away from Ian. I don't care if your willpower is made of titanium, you'll never be able to resist the draw of your bond with Leo." She blows on her tea before she gives me a knowing smile. "Go ahead and try. I dare you."
"She's right, Sammy," says Nina. She stirs honey into her tea and grins at me with a dreamy look in her eyes as liquid splashes over the side of her mug. "But I'm positive you're going to be happier than you ever imagined."
I smile back at my friends, who are so sure of themselves. But I'm not happy, because I remember Leo's Jeep squealing away earlier. I may have already succeeded in sending my soul mate away.
7
After Elise determined that the power of the soul-mate bond would force me to be with Leo, we moved on to the subject of her kids and Nina's upcoming wedding. I was grateful for the pressure to be off me, but once my friends left, guilt filled my thoughts. I barely ate my dinner, and it wasn't because the breadcrumbs were wrong.
I snap out a blouse before laying it on my ironing board. I'm embarrassed I let Leo believe his job as a m
ale dancer came between us. I know how awful it is to be judged that way, because people made a lot of assumptions about me based on my mother. Starch floats out in a fine mist when I spray it over the white cotton, and the iron thuds when I place it on the shirt to press out the wrinkles. I think about how Elise and Nina are so sure I won't be able to resist Leo for long. But as Nina said, when I set my mind to something, I don't stop until I get it. If I want to stay away from my soul mate, I can. And that's exactly what I plan to do.
I try to distract myself with thoughts of the lessons I'm teaching this week. The ironing board creaks as I painstakingly get every crease out of my blouse as if one tiny wrinkle will ruin my resolve to stay away from Leo. But it doesn't work, because my guilt over making him believe I don't approve of his job won't stop nagging at me. And I know at the very least I've got to apologize to Leo if I'm ever going to be able to let it go.
So when I hang up my last shirt, I make my way to the kitchen and grab my car keys. I'm going to the club to find Leo and tell him I'm sorry. And then maybe I can put this whole thing to rest and move on with my life. The way I have it planned.
When I get to the club, I'm surprised to see the parking lot so full on a Sunday night. Music thumps loudly as I approach the building. A group of women ahead of me are dressed up for a night out and giggling like teenage girls. It makes me smile as I recall how much fun my friends had the other night. While I have no doubt many women have fantasies about the hot bodies up on the stage, most of them see it as a night out to be silly and enjoy watching good-looking men. I don't recall anything other than lecherous smiles at the place where my mother worked. The patrons of this club are definitely a strong contrast to those men. It hits me just how much different the two forms of entertainment really are, and my guilt becomes heavier on my shoulders.
As I stand in line to pay the cover charge, I notice one girl in the group of women before me dressed conservatively, and I recall what Leo told me about Nate singling out that type to come on stage. I may not have been able to save myself, but I can save her. I squint to focus on the two top buttons of her blouse with the intention of popping them off. But when she reaches in her back pocket to grab something, giving me the perfect opportunity to open up her shirt, I hesitate. It occurs to me that the way I was dressed is the reason I met my soul mate. My heart swells as the warmth of love fills me.
