Kim ran her finger along her arm. Alicia looked over at her and blushed.
“Yes, that’s very nice,” replied Kim, smiling.
Angel was busy watching them when she got nailed in the head with the ball.
“Stop girl watching and pay attention,” Sally chided.
“I was,” Angel replied.
“So how long have you been going out with Angel,” Alicia asked, summoning up her last reserves of bravado to ask the things she really wanted to know.
“Not long. She’s helped me out of a jam with my ex, who was giving me some trouble. Angel’s been very supportive,” Kim replied, not lying but not being overly truthful either.
“She’s an incredible woman,” Alicia replied, her gaze turning to the game.
“Good women are hard to find, and I always seemed to set my sights on bad women until now,” Kim replied, talking more to herself than Alicia.
“I guess it’s your turn then,” Alicia said, wistfully.
“Date enough bad ones and suddenly the woman of your dreams comes walking in when you least expect it,” Kim said.
“Think so?” Alicia replied absently, wondering if she tried too hard. No one is interested in a grappler. That was what her camp counselor had told her when she was sixteen, madly in love, and about to be left. Even now she couldn’t fathom how someone could touch you like that and still walk away.
“Can I get you another beer?” Kim asked.
“Sure, thanks,” Alicia said, finding it more and more difficult to not like Kim. Perhaps she should find someone more like Kim who was tired of bad relationships instead of setting her sights on people like Angel who were already accustomed to being loved and adored.
Kim stood waiting in the beer line that always ran longer than the food line. She half contemplated getting a snack and then waiting for beer. Ollie snuck up behind her.
“What are you doing here?” Kim said, looking over her shoulder to the volleyball court. She scooted Ollie out of plain view.
“I wanted to see if it was true that you’re dating the postal worker,” Ollie said.
“How did you find out about this?” Kim whispered savagely.
“I saw it advertised in the Women’s Community paper. I wanted to see if you would be here.”
“Why?”
“Then I’d know you were going out with her.”
“You can’t be here,” Kim said, looking over her shoulder. She wasn’t entirely sure Angel wouldn’t back up her threat to pummel Ollie if she ever saw her again.
“I want to know if you were dating her before we broke up.”
“Why?” Kim asked, getting tenser by the moment.
“Because it matters,” Ollie said.
“It’s none of your business and it has nothing to do with you anyway,” Kim said, handing the bartender her and Alicia’s cups.
“That’s for me to decide. It’s my right,” Ollie said.
“You forfeited your rights when you slept with Gigi and godknows-how-many others.”
“Can I get one of those?” Ollie asked the bartender.
“Bud or Bud Light?” the bartender asked.
“Bud Light,” Ollie replied. “How do you know I slept with Gigi?”
Kim looked away. “I don’t want to talk about it.” She took her beers and walked off.
“I want to know what makes you so certain I played around on you. It’s not like you haven’t flirted with other women before,” Ollie said, trying to remember such a moment.
Kim rolled her eyes. “No, that was you.”
“Flirting isn’t fucking.”
“I heard you in the van with Gigi that night at the party.” She hadn’t been proud of standing there listening to her girlfriend fucking someone else in the back of a van. She had gone out to see what Ollie was up to. She’d found out all right. It was standing there listening and faced with the physical truth that pushed her away, that finally allowed her to leave.
A number of lies, excuses, and manipulations ran through Ollie’s head. Suddenly, looking at Kim’s stern face none of them seemed plausible.
“I’m sorry,” Ollie said.
“Me too,” Kim replied, walking off.
Angel kept scanning the bleachers waiting for Kim to return. When she arrived with beers for herself and Alicia, Angel breathed easier. She was amazed at Kim’s social skills as she watched them talking. Angel was sure by the end of the night Alicia would harbor no hard feelings and Kim would have another admirer. Angel smiled to herself. She felt certain that together they could make themselves better. Today was only the beginning.
Six
Del and Mallory drove at a leisurely pace down Central Avenue admiring the skyline and the Sunday morning lack of traffic. Del finally had a day off and she was taking Mallory out for brunch, then to the museum for a display of Spanish art and finally dinner with the family. Del was delighted, albeit nervous. Mallory was mortified.
“I still can’t believe we got roped into dinner,” Mallory said, looking at the Dial tower and thinking how it always reminded her of a bar of soap. She wondered if that had been an intentional architectural whim or a designer faux pas.
Del laughed. “You make us sound like cattle being hauled into the stockade.”
“We are. Dinner will be tedious, trite, pretentious and ultimately unappetizing and at the end of it you will be wishing you had been mercifully put out of your misery.”
“Well, let’s have a big breakfast,” Del suggested, hoping dinner was not going to be as bad as Mallory described.
They drove past the warehouse district on their way to First Watch.
“Doesn’t your friend from Chicago live down here?” Mallory asked, looking up at the dull gray exteriors of the buildings with their windows like gaping holes staring out across the railroad tracks and junkyards.
“She does. Right over there as a matter of fact,” Del said, pointing to a large aluminum gray building.
“I would like to meet her someday,” Mallory said, cautiously. She was curious to see other parts of Del’s life because there was so little of it to see. Her father lived in Chicago, her mother was dead and she was an only child. Now with Angel in town Mallory could learn more.
“Would you like to see if she wants to have brunch?” Del asked, sensing Mallory’s interest. She was getting better about reading her and she liked the sensation it gave her. It made her feel like she was getting closer to Mallory and that the once unfathomable depths were starting to have dimension.
“If you want,” Mallory said, handing Del the cell phone.
Del smiled. “She might play soccer on Sundays. I’m not sure.”
One portion of Angel’s brain briefly gathered that it was the phone ringing. On the fifth ring her hand reached for the phone and without opening her eyes she answered it.
“Planet Claire, how may I direct your call?”
Del laughed hysterically, “That is by far the most original opening line I’ve ever heard.”
Angel opened her eyes, registered the caller and replied, “Sometimes I get mistaken for a night club. What’s up?”
“Come for brunch?” Del asked, going around the block.
Mallory watched with anticipation.
Angel leaned over and looked at the clock. “I just had breakfast three hours ago.”
“Some date!”
“We talked all night,” Angel replied.
“Better date,” Del said.
“I think so,” Angel said, starting to replay the evening’s events.
“So does that mean you aren’t hungry?” Del asked.
“I don’t know,” Angel said.
“There’s someone I want you to meet,” Del said.
“Mallory?” Angel said, sitting up.
“Yes,” Del replied.
“I’m awake now. I need to take a shower.”
“We could pick you up.”
“Where are you?” Angel said, figuring she had some time.
&
nbsp; “First Street and Washington.”
“Oh.”
“We could drive around the block a couple of times,” Del offered.
“No, come up. I’ll leave the door unlocked and take a shower,” Angel said, getting up and weaving toward the coffee maker.
“You’re wonderful,” Del said.
“I’m not in good shape,” Angel replied, still bleary from sleep deprivation.
“I won’t make you explain the theory of relativity,” Del replied.
“Okay then. See you soon,” Angel said, taking a quick look around the loft. At least it wasn’t a pig pen at the moment. That was one benefit of not having Jennifer around, Angel thought wryly. I won’t have to hide the drugs and sex toys or try to pick up a zillion empty liquor bottles. There is something to this clean living stuff.
Del gingerly opened the door to the loft. She didn’t hear the shower. She shrugged her shoulders and went in. Mallory followed.
“Where is she?” Mallory asked.
Del smiled. “On the couch. Want a coffee?”
Mallory sat down in the overstuffed chair next to the couch and looked upon Angel for the first time. She lay on the couch with her hand in her huge cup of coffee.
Del handed Mallory her own cup of coffee.
“She’s dreaming,” Del said.
“How can you tell?” Mallory asked, feeling half guilty for gazing on someone in such a vulnerable state.
“Look at her REM movements.”
“Will she pee like at slumber parties when you stuck someone’s hand in water?” Mallory asked, thinking of her days of being shoved off by her mother to spend time with friends she didn’t trust.
“I guess we’ll see. I think that is a myth.”
Angel was dreaming the same thing she often dreamed since leaving Jennifer. She was always running and trying to hide and she didn’t see her until the last minute when she thought she had escaped and Jennifer popped up and caught her. She would wake up in a fright.
Angel awoke screaming “No!” and spilling her coffee as did Mallory, who was totally unprepared for this moment.
Mallory stood up, looking at the pool of coffee at her feet and the cup still spinning. Angel sat up and felt the coffee soaking into her socks. She looked at Mallory, who stared back.
“You must be Mallory,” Angel said, still trying to get oriented to the present moment.
“I am. I’m awfully sorry about the mess,” Mallory said, taking the towel from Del.
“I’m the responsible party. I must have fallen asleep. Del, it’s time for the method,” Angel said, going to the kitchen.
Del grabbed the ice cube trays while Angel filled the sink with cold water.
“How long?” Del asked, checking her watch.
“Fifteen seconds.”
“And then she stuck her face in the sink with ice cubes and cold water. It was the most extreme awake mechanism I’ve ever seen,” Mallory told Dr. Kohlrabi.
“She hadn’t got much sleep.”
“True, they said they used to do it all the time when they were in college after partying all night.”
“So you found out things about Del,” Dr. Kohlrabi queried, comprehending that Mallory had been fretting about not knowing about Del’s past.
“Yes.”
“And were you disappointed?”
“No, actually I feel better. They both went out with a lot of women and then Angel got involved with Jennifer and Del went to med school. That put an end to the playing days. Now it appears they are both ready to settle down with the woman they love.”
“Which would be you?”
“Del says so.”
“Do you trust her?” Dr. Kohlrabi asked.
“I do. It’s taken me a long time to say that but I trust her. I don’t think she would put up with me if she wasn’t in love.”
“Don’t shortchange yourself,” Dr. Kohlrabi cautioned.
“I’m not. I asked her if she would come see you.”
“What did she say?”
“She agreed.”
“I’ll make time at your next session.”
“Deal. There is this other issue I need to discuss.”
“Yes,” Dr. Kohlrabi asked, marveling over Mallory’s response, thinking proudly She is getting better.
“Angel went to take a shower and I was sitting at her desk looking at her new book of cartoons. She’s a cartoonist. Then she was changing and it’s a loft apartment and I could see her in the reflection on the window.”
“And?”
“And she is beautiful. I felt bad like I shouldn’t be thinking that. She is Del’s best friend.”
“Do you love Del?”
“Of course I love Del. Do you think I would put myself in such a precarious situation if I wasn’t in love?”
“I’m not saying that.”
“What are you saying?” Mallory said, getting freaked by the minute. Therapists are supposed to sort things out not create muddles.
“I’m saying that finding another woman attractive doesn’t mean you don’t love Del and it doesn’t mean you’ve desecrated that love.”
“You mean it’s not like what Gigi does? That is my greatest concern.”
“What does Gigi do?” Dr. Kohlrabi asked.
“She lives with one woman and cruises other women.”
“How does that work?”
Mallory rolled her eyes. “It’s a boundary thing. As lesbians, our lines are not as clearly drawn, meaning that women are friends and lovers and lovers and friends and sometimes everything gets all yanked around. Does that make sense?”
“Meaning your friends can potentially be your lovers rather than with straight people who have friends and then husbands.”
“Yes,” Mallory said.
“Okay, back to your original question. It’s not like what Gigi does, rather you are opening yourself up sexually for the first time in several years and finding women attractive is simply a by-product,” counseled Dr. Kohlrabi, wondering if perhaps Gigi was the one in need of therapy rather than Mallory.
“All right.”
“How was the rest of breakfast?”
“Fun. The two of them together is hilarious.”
“You’re getting better you know,” Dr. Kohlrabi said.
“I know.”
“Are you okay with that?”
“I’m kind of scared but I can’t depend on you forever. One day you’ll retire.”
“I will. You’ll be long better by then,” Dr. Kohlrabi replied.
Angel was putting herself through the paces of yoga followed by weight training. She had been to see her chiropractor. He had advised more stretching exercises. She tried to tell him that all she needed to last was seven more years and she could retire. She thought of Jennifer calling her a coward for not getting out and doing the cartooning for a living.
It was a constant source of annoyance for Jennifer that her artistic lover was also a blue-collar worker. Angel kept trying to explain the reasons behind this kind of employment. “I have a retirement plan, health insurance, and a monthly income.” These were unfathomable entities to her happy-go-lucky girlfriend. Thinking of Jennifer always frightened her because she was trying to eliminate her presence from her life. Thinking of Jennifer made her think of how she felt about Kim.
Kim made her think of falling in love. Falling fast, maybe too fast, and she wasn’t entirely sure she was ready. She looked forward to delivering the mail each day because Kim would be there at the end of the route. She spent the nights figuring out yet another way of seeing her, of going to the art museum for the South Western display or the long drive to hike in the Preserve, how they hugged at the end of an evening, of how Kim touched her thigh, or smiled, or dancing, all those things that implied closeness but didn’t entail sleeping together. Angel thought of how Jennifer had courted her.
Or rather stalked her, Angel thought wryly. It wasn’t like Angel hadn’t had girlfriends before but none so deep and all enc
ompassing as Jennifer. Jennifer saw her at the gym while she was looking for bodies for her photo shoots. She chose Angel, who refused. She pestered her until she became a permanent fixture in Angel’s life. Jennifer knew how to get to her, to find those places that Angel thought well hidden and once discovered she exploited them, right up to the day Angel left.
Angel would not have gotten free if Jennifer hadn’t been stuck in rehab. She remembered the frantic call she’d gotten from Skyler saying Jennifer was in the hospital having her stomach pumped and her system flushed of a myriad of drugs and alcohol. Angel went out of a sense of duty. She wasn’t speaking to Skyler, who was her best friend until she slept with Jennifer. She nodded at Skyler as she went in to see Jennifer. She was hooked up to tubes. She smiled weakly at Angel, who looked at her with a mixture of sadness and disgust.
“They’re going to put you in rehab you know,” Angel said.
“I know. It’s probably a good thing.”
“Why do you do this?”
“Because I have no self-control,” Jennifer ventured.
“Exactly,” Angel replied, reliving all the other times she’d held her head while she puked, pulling her out of cars when she was too drunk and high to walk, of cleaning up the loft of all the empty bottles after parties that seemed to happen every night.
“Angel . . .”
“Yes.”
“I love you.”
“Yeah. I got to go.”
“I’ll see later.”
“Yeah,” Angel said, walking out knowing it was the last time.
“She’s your problem now,” Angel told Skyler.
By the time Jennifer was released, Angel was gone.
Angel tried putting all those memories behind her but falling in love somehow dredged them up again. It made her compare now with then. Maybe that was why she had shied away from love. Being in love meant dealing with the past and she wasn’t sure she was ready for that. She went to take a shower. The phone rang.
“Do you like to camp?” Kim asked.
“I don’t know. I’ve never been camping,” Angel replied.
“You’ve never been camping?” Kim asked incredulously.
“I admit my education has been lacking,” Angel replied.
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