“If you knew what was waiting for me there, you never would’ve thought that.”
“Maybe if you’d told me about your life before Robinson, I would’ve known.”
Onika shook her head and tucked the check into her purse. She was glad she’d never told Aaron about her childhood. He didn’t deserve to know. He was proof that secrets needed to stay secrets.
“I’m only taking this check because I need it. Not because I need you.”
“Okay, good. You still have my number? Let me put it in your phone.”
Onika felt frozen in time as Aaron took her phone and typed his number into the contacts. He flipped the phone over in his hand but didn’t comment on it, although Onika was sure he wanted to. She snatched her phone back and put it in her purse. He had no right to judge her lack of the newest technology when he’d taken everything from her.
“Are you finished? You done?” Onika asked.
“Almost.”
He tipped her chin back and kissed her passionately. Or as passionately as he could muster. And it didn’t come close to any of Graham’s kisses. Graham made her feel like she was the only woman in the world that he wanted. With Aaron, she was one of many that could turn him on.
“We don’t have to get back together, but don’t close the door on us,” Aaron said. “I reacted badly, but I miss you. We’re good together. You understand me like no other woman.”
“I may understand you, but we don’t want the same things out of life.”
“Let me ask you a question, Nikki. This has been bugging me since I found out about what you did to our child.”
Onika’s lip curled angrily. Every time he brought up that abortion, she felt like he absolved himself of any responsibility in their relationship’s demise. He acted like the decision for her to end their child’s life was the determining factor in everything being over. Not his infidelity or lack of commitment.
“What is your question, Aaron?”
“If we had been married, if you had the big wedding and the rock on your finger, would I be a father right now?”
“You mean if you were committed enough to not have sex with every woman who catches your fancy? You mean if you looked at me and said, ‘You’re all that I need’?” Onika shook her head. “This is a stupid hypothetical question, because you were never committed, and there isn’t one woman alive who is all you need.”
“I was so broken when I found out what you had done.”
“How did you find out anyway?”
He shook his head. “There’s not much you can do in this city that doesn’t make its way back to me. I have friends all over. One of my friends donates to the home you live in now. DC is a big city and a small town.”
Onika was surprised that he didn’t say anything about Graham. If he had all this other intel, then he must know that she’d moved on.
“It’s too late to ask those questions. I can’t go back in time and make a different choice. Something tells me you would’ve found another way to dismiss me. Maybe if I had your child I would have a child-support check coming in.”
“Do you think I’d ever let you walk away with my child?” Aaron said.
“So you would’ve gotten full custody and put me out on the street, then. How could I have gotten that story wrong as well as I know you.”
“I don’t think we would be apart if we had a child together. I think we would’ve made wonderful parents.”
The conversation was wearing Onika down a bit, but not enough to accept anything other than Aaron’s money.
“Thank you for this. I do need it, and I will use it.”
“All right, Nikki. Don’t lose my number. Call me when you need me.”
He said when, not if, and that made Onika want to delete his number right then and there. He didn’t believe in her at all. He didn’t think she could make it without him.
While she was definitely going to cash the check, he could keep the clothes and the shoes. Onika didn’t want any other reminders of their life together.
If she needed another human being, she had one. She had Graham, who would gladly put a ring on it and forsake all others just for her.
So she was done with Aaron. As soon as the check cleared.
CHAPTER FORTY-NINE
Graham sat in Sunday morning service feeling defeated. He’d been feeling this way ever since that Saturday morning at the pool with Onika. Everything had been going well until she’d made that comment—until she’d called Jesus his Jesus.
Why would God send him a woman who was perfect in every way except this one thing? And she wasn’t even content to just be agnostic and not bother him about his faith. She had to keep picking and making snide remarks, like she thought less of him for believing in God the way he did.
As far as he could tell, she had almost every characteristic that he wanted. She was beautiful, smart, funny, and sarcastic. She even cared about helping people in need. He enjoyed her company, and she enjoyed him, but anytime faith came up, she turned away.
While the pastor preached, Graham scanned the church full of women. There had to be at least fifteen women to every one man. And some of those men were married, gay, or too old to be searching for a woman. Why couldn’t Graham just pick one of them to be his wife?
Leslie was there, wearing a lime-green suit. There was something about the color that Graham didn’t like on her, but it definitely complimented her shape. The skirt seemed to be some kind of stretchy material that was pulled taut across her behind and hips. The jacket was snug and cinched at the waist. As she lifted her hands to praise God, every man sitting behind her was treated to a nice view, but Graham looked away. He wasn’t interested.
Graham was falling in love with a heathen. A woman who used to go to church when she was a little girl but changed her mind when she grew up. He wanted to change it back. Graham wanted her to sit next to him in the pew and raise her hands in worship right alongside him.
Graham remembered all of the sermons he’d heard, mostly in the men’s bible study group, about dealing with women who weren’t saved. The minister had said that the men were like the sons of Israel, and women outside the church were like the Philistines, Edomites, and Samaritans—all groups the Israelites didn’t marry.
That minister had told them all that they should choose a sister from within their congregation or at least another church, so that they could be equals. Back then, Graham had agreed and thought that it was a good idea to believe the same as his potential wife.
But now, since he was falling for someone who didn’t profess to be a Christian, he didn’t know where he still stood on that, especially since he felt God put Onika in his path for the first and then the second time.
After the service was over, he hurried out of the church to take Onika to brunch. He’d driven to church, because it was Sunday and the traffic would be easy.
He pulled up in front of Safe Harbor and jumped out of the car. Before he could even make it up the walkway, Onika had opened the front door, emerged, and then closed it behind her.
“Come on. We’ve got a houseful, and I want to leave and come back,” Onika said.
Her hair was in a bun on the top of her head, showing off her sexy neck. It looked so smooth and creamy that Graham wanted to kiss it, but since he’d just come from church, he kissed her cheek instead.
“Is it okay for you to leave this way? Who’s in charge while you’re gone?”
“Oh, it’s Charmayne,” Onika said as she got into the car. “Everything is fine.”
Graham went around to his side of the car and jumped inside. Onika was examining the wood panel dashboard on his older-model Honda. He hoped she didn’t have anything negative to say about it, because he absolutely loved his car. He’d bought it at an auction and fixed it up.
“Where are we going?” she asked.
“Do you want to have brunch at my place? I was thinking of making you my famous apple pancakes.”
“Famous? With all the gir
ls you loved before?”
Were there really any girls before Onika? He’d had a girlfriend in high school, a couple in college that weren’t serious. As an adult, he had friends that he occasionally slept with but didn’t consider marrying. But there was no one he’d loved before.
“They’re famous in my family. My mom loves them, and so do my cousins.”
“You have a big family? Lots of cousins?”
Graham nodded. “Yes. My mother has five sisters and two brothers, so there are a bunch of us.”
“Do they all live nearby?”
“Not all, but many of them do. We don’t get to see each other as much as we like, but they are here in DC and Maryland.”
“I always wanted cousins. I didn’t have any. My mama was an only child, and I’m not sure about my father. Actually, I bet I have some cousins on my father’s side.”
“So why don’t you start looking for them. It’s always good to find your family, if you can.”
“My family on my father’s side speaks Spanish. I don’t even know how to go about communicating with them or contacting them,” Onika said.
“You want me to help you look for them? I love doing that kind of stuff.”
Onika shook her head. “No, I’m good. They aren’t looking for me, and I ain’t looking for them. That’s actually kind of a good thing.”
“So, to my house for pancakes, or do you want me to take you out somewhere?”
“It doesn’t make me a difference. Whatever you want to do is fine.”
“I’ve seen where you live. I want you to see where I live.”
“Okay.”
Something wasn’t right. Graham couldn’t put his finger on what felt funny, but something did. Onika felt distant, like on their first date when he’d kept saying the wrong thing. Except today he hadn’t said anything that could be offensive.
“Are you okay?” Graham asked. “You seem a little distracted, like you left part of yourself back at home.”
“Maybe I did leave part of myself at home. I was out really late last night at my friend’s engagement party.”
An engagement party. Wasn’t that the kind of event when girls wanted to have a date? Why hadn’t she asked him to go with her?
“It’s one of my line sisters that I don’t really like,” Onika said.
“I’m in the wedding, so I’ll be stuck being near her on her wedding day. That is no bueno.”
“I didn’t get to go to the engagement party with you, but I’ll go to the wedding if you want me to.”
“It’s a ways off, but thank you.”
Wait. What if she hadn’t invited him because her ex was going to be there?
“You don’t think your friends will like me?” Graham asked.
“Of course not. My friends are going to love you.”
“Ohhh. So you’re just not ready to show me off then.”
Onika smiled. “I just want to keep you to myself for now. I am a private person. I don’t like everyone in my business.”
Graham liked to think that he was a private person as well, but he had his two homeboys that he told everything to, and they were it. Lorne was a bottomless pit of secrets, and so was Craig. He never needed anything to go beyond the two of them.
Onika took her privacy even more seriously than Graham, though if she couldn’t take him to an engagement party, it probably wasn’t privacy at all. There was most likely an old boyfriend who was going to be there, and she wanted everyone to think that she was still single. Maybe not everyone, but just that one guy.
“Do you have eggs and bacon, too? What about some smoked sausage?” Onika asked, snatching Graham’s attention back on her and away from his suspicions.
“Oh, yeah, I have everything.”
“Graham, is something wrong?” Onika asked.
Graham almost said nothing, but denial when something was wrong was not a good precedent to set. Plus, the more he thought about it, the more he needed to know the answer to the question nagging at him.
“I would’ve gone to the engagement party with you if you’d asked. Why didn’t you?”
She nodded, maybe understanding his sudden change of tone. It was a simple question, and her pause was a bit too long for Graham’s liking.
“This is a pretentious group, Graham, and I honestly haven’t dealt with any of them in months. I had a bad breakup, and he kept custody of the friends. I didn’t want to put you in an awkward situation.”
He knew it had something to do with a man. An ex. The only ex, if she was being truthful about the number of guys she’d dated.
“Was it your first time seeing him since you broke up?”
“I didn’t say he was there.”
“You didn’t. I assumed.”
“Don’t do that.”
Graham tapped his index fingers on the steering wheel, trying to think of how to counter. He felt like he was being a jerk, but he couldn’t help it. He’d never felt this kind of jealousy.
Questions pummeled his mind like actual blows. When she’d seen her ex, had she hugged him? Kissed him?
Graham wanted to know if their new, fledgling love had doused her old flame.
“I’m sorry,” Graham said.
He could only offer an apology for his rudeness, but not for his feelings.
“I forgive you.”
Graham didn’t want forgiveness; he wanted an explanation, but she clearly did not intend to give him that.
While he drove, Onika slid her hand over Graham’s knee. She squeezed a little, massaged and caressed the same spot. He almost let her touch distract him again, like it had done at the swimming pool. This time he focused.
“I’d like to say that we’re exclusive. Are you okay with that?” Graham asked.
“We are. Okay. I’m more than fine with it.”
That felt easy. Too easy.
“I didn’t mean to come across like a caveman or anything. I just want you to know that I’m not kidding around, even though it’s only been five weeks.”
“Well, to be honest, I’m not seeing anyone else, and I wasn’t when we met. So being exclusive is pretty easy. Plus, I like where this thing is going so far. I want to see where we end up.”
“Okay.”
While not conclusive, this was enough for now. It was okay that her passion didn’t match his. He was the one dreaming of her when she came along.
One of Graham’s favorite gospel songs played on the car radio. It started, “Be not dismayed.” It was his favorite because of the chorus, “God will take care of you.” He believed that over everything in life. No matter what, God had him.
He was caught up for a moment in the beauty of the singing, and in his thoughts. But then he noticed that Onika was singing along.
Graham said nothing, he just let her sing, and marveled at her pretty soprano voice. Then she chuckled.
“My grandmother used to sing this song all the time. I’m surprised I still remember the words.”
Graham wasn’t surprised at all. He said a prayer of thanks for what he considered a sign. If Onika still remembered a gospel song, then maybe she still remembered God. And if she still remembered Him, she could one day believe again.
CHAPTER FIFTY
Onika felt a sense of comfort looking at a five-figure balance in her bank account, even though every apartment she called had minimum-income requirements that she couldn’t meet. Or they’d ask for four pay stubs when she only had three. So even though she had the cash, she had to remain under Charmayne’s roof just a little longer.
She logged off her bank account and logged onto a few job sites, uploading her résumé anytime she thought she was qualified to do the work. She applied for bank teller jobs, restaurant gigs, and government jobs. She was closing in on two months at Safe Harbor. It was too long, especially with her new roommate, who was nothing like Ty.
Graham wasn’t even around to keep her company and take her on fun, albeit cheap, dates. He was out of town with his job for a t
raining class. Would be gone for four days. Onika had gotten so used to seeing him every other day that she missed him.
After applying for dozens of jobs, Onika went onto Graham’s Facebook page. She liked looking at his pictures, especially from when he was younger. And he had a couple of workout photos where his ripped, chocolate-dipped chest was exposed and covered in sweat. Those were her favorites.
Graham had new photos on his page, apparently from the training class. He was smiling from ear to ear in all of them, and some of the photos were group pictures. Onika narrowed her eyes at the screen to make sure her suspicions were correct. Yes, Graham’s coworker, Leslie, was posing near Graham in just about all the pictures.
Everyone looked like they were having fun—especially Graham. She wondered what his church friends thought about the multiple empty cocktail glasses near Graham in the photos. Not that they were all his, but the glazed-over look in his eyes, along with his bright smile, made Onika think that several of them were.
Onika clicked through the photos until she saw one that really irritated her. Leslie had taken a selfie with Graham, and although he wasn’t smiling in this one, she was. Onika folded her arms across her chest and glared at the computer screen. Leslie needed to back up off her man.
She chided herself for this thought at first. They were still new, but he’s the one who asked her for exclusivity. And she had agreed. So . . . he needed to get that woman off of him. Immediately.
Onika sent him a text. YOU AND LESLIE ARE HAVING BIG FUN.
Then she waited for a response. It came quicker than she expected.
NO WE’RE NOT. SHE GETS ON MY NERVES.
This made Onika laugh, because she knew that, regardless of what Leslie put on social media, he was telling the truth. The nerve of Leslie, though, when Graham had told her multiple times that he wasn’t interested.
Onika felt like being petty and stirring the pot, so she typed a comment under the non-cute selfie. IS THIS WORK OR PLAY?
Leslie must’ve been feeling equally petty, because she responded almost immediately with one word: BOTH.
Onika stared at the screen, wanting to reply, but not replying, because she didn’t want to impact Graham’s job. Plus, she’d started it, posting on a picture Leslie had put up. Graham needed to handle Leslie, though, because Onika didn’t have a problem handling the desperate woman herself.
Her Secret Life Page 22
