by Jenni Wilder
“We’ll catch you later, numbnuts,” Lincoln said to Deacon and smacked him on the shoulder before walking away, towing me along. He pulled me to a quieter corner of the box. “You okay?” he asked me.
“Why wouldn’t I be okay?”
“Deacon doesn’t have the best taste in women.”
“She’s pretty,” I said with a shrug, still feeling inadequate. Obviously it wasn’t the first time I had encountered a girl who was a bitch for no reason, but it still stung.
“He’s an idiot if he thinks that’s pretty,” Lincoln said. Clearly he could tell I was comparing myself to the model. “She’s got nothing on you, Princess,” he said, cupping my cheek. Again I felt a wave of guilt. If he only knew what I was hiding, he wouldn’t be saying that. I could never be an underwear model.
Lincoln must have been able to tell I didn’t believe him because he pulled me into a hug and cocooned my body with his arms, holding me tight. He brought his lips to my ear and whispered just loud enough for me to hear. “You’re beautiful. You’re the most beautiful woman I have ever seen.” And then he kissed me tenderly under my ear and released me. I looked up at him with shock. Lincoln chuckled and kissed my forehead. “Do you want something to drink, Princess?”
I placed our coats in two front-row seats of the box suite as Lincoln chatted at the private bar while waiting on our drinks. I leaned out over the railing at the front of the suite and looked around at the crowd. The arena was packed. Must be a sold-out show, I thought. I guessed our suite was the fourth one away from the stage on the right side. We were going to have a great view of the concert. Other private boxes lined the stadium on our level, and I could see people in them, milling around chatting and drinking while waiting for the concert to start. The stadium seating underneath our level was quickly filling up, as was the seating on the ground level. A false floor was covering the ice for the hockey rink that usually occupied the center of the arena so the stage and floor seating could be there tonight. I raised my eyes up to the next level and saw the cheap seats. That’s where I’d be if I had had to buy my own tickets—way up in the nosebleed section. And even then, for this show, I guessed those seats were out of my price range. Not that I would have had anyone to go with me anyways.
Lincoln returned with two beers and joined me at the railing looking out. He handed one to me, and I took a sip after saying thanks. Beer usually wasn’t my thing, but something about being in an arena watching a concert or sporting event made having a beer seem right and taste delicious.
“Is it weird to be up here instead of down on the ice?” I asked him. This was the venue where he played their home games.
“It’s weird seeing a stage down there instead of ice, that’s for sure,” he replied. “You should come to my next home game.”
But before I could answer the lights dimed around us, signaling the start of the show. Cheers and applause erupted from the crowd as the first opening band, The Orange Dahlias took the stage. I grabbed Lincoln’s hand and squeezed with excitement while bouncing on my feet. This was going to be a great night.
~~~~~~~~
“I can’t believe you won’t admit you think Brit is smoking hot,” Deacon said to Lincoln as we walked through the parking garage to our vehicles after the concert. I giggled at Deacon's persistence. Lincoln and I were holding hands, and Deacon was walking next to Lincoln. Daisy was a few feet behind us, struggling to keep up. I thought she looked ridiculous clacking behind us, unable to walk decent due to her stiletto heels.
“Dude, I just don’t,” Lincoln argued and I giggled again. “Her hair is probably a wig, she’s got on two tons of makeup, and I bet you a hundred bucks there’s more plastic in her than in a recycling bin. Plus she’s probably got the personality of a Barbie doll. Not attractive.”
“Well. I guess now we know why you’re dating that then,” Daisy said from behind us. I gasped as I realized the viciousness behind her statement. The three of us turned to look back at her. The clacking had stopped, and she had apparently given up trying to keep up with us. She was standing in the middle of the path with one hand on her hip.
“What did you just say?” Lincoln said menacingly and took a step toward her.
Deacon rushed forward and stood between them. “That’s it. Find your own way home. I’m done with you,” he told his date and turned to walk away from her, pushing Lincoln to go with him.
“But, baby…” Daisy pleaded.
Lincoln took me under his arm, and the three of us walked away, leaving Daisy standing near the exit of the ramp. I peeked over Lincoln's arm and looked back at her. I could see taxicabs on the street behind her, and I wondered how she would get home.
“Wait,” I said to the guys. I ducked under Lincoln’s arm and walked back to Daisy, ignoring Lincoln when he called my name. Daisy drew her shoulders back and clenched her fists as I approached, clearly preparing for a catfight. “Do you have money for a cab?” I asked her.
She took a small step back. “What?”
“Do you have enough money for a cab ride home?” I asked again and pointed to the cabs on the street. Daisy shook her head and reached for her small purse that I suspected contained only lipstick and a few condoms. I opened mine and pulled out a few bills. “Is this enough?” She looked at the money and then back at me confused. “Is that enough to get you home?”
She nodded. “But… why?” She looked bewildered as she took the money.
“You might be a bitch, but you still deserve to get home safely,” I said simply and walked back to the guys. Lincoln wrapped his arm around my shoulders as I rejoined him and Deacon, and we walked back to our vehicles in silence. I hoped they weren’t mad at me for giving Daisy money. Maybe Lincoln didn’t want me talking to her.
We bid Deacon good-night once we reached Lincoln’s FJ Cruiser, and Deacon went off to his car. Lincoln escorted me to the passenger side of the vehicle, and I continued to worry. He still hadn’t said anything to me. Once I reached the passenger door, I turned to look up at him and was blindsided by Lincoln pushing me up against the side of the vehicle and claiming my mouth with his. He pushed his body against mine, pinning me to the side of the SUV, and kissed me passionately. I was confused as to where this passion had come from, but I wasn’t going to argue. I kissed him back and tried to match his intensity. I ran my fingers through his short hair at the back of his neck and scratched my nails against his scalp. He moaned into my mouth and grabbed the tops of my arms. I whimpered as our tongues danced together, and I pulled at him, feeling as if I couldn’t get close enough to him. Our mouths worked at each other in perfect rhythm until Lincoln slowed the kiss and let his lips fall away from mine. He stood over me, breathing heavily. I put my forehead on his chest and tried to catch my breath.
Lincoln softly ran a hand over my head. “Jillian…, “ he whispered.
I wanted to tell him to take me to his house. I wanted to spend the night there, and I wanted to do more than just kiss him. But I couldn’t. I brought my arms down and hugged him around the waist, nuzzling my face into his chest.
He sighed deeply. “Time to go home?” he asked while rubbing my back and I nodded.
It was getting incredibly late by the time Lincoln walked me to my front door, and despite my nap earlier, I was feeling the effects of having been up early for work that morning.
“You look exhausted,” Lincoln said while brushing his hand across my cheek.
“It’s been a long day,” I said before yawning widely. “But this has been the best night. I’ll never forget it. Thank you so much, Lincoln.” I looked up at him with a big smile but was surprised to see displeasure on his face.
“No. It would have been the best if Deacon hadn’t brought that bitch.”
“Lincoln… she wasn’t that bad.” I had experienced worse.
“No, Jillian. No one talks to you that way.” He was angry now. I sighed and tried to think of how to salvage our night. I brought my arms up to his shoulders and ran my fingers
through his hair again. His face softened.
“Lincoln, I don’t understand why anyone would want to make someone else miserable. I don’t understand the intent behind it. Why anyone would want to be so cruel is beyond me. But there are certain people in this world that thrive on the misery of others.” I paused and moved my hand to caress his face. “There’s no point dwelling on it.”
He sighed.
“No, Lincoln. I won’t let it affect me. I won’t become like them in order to make myself feel better. I gave that bitch cab money because, even though she might be a terrible person, she deserves to have someone make sure she gets home okay.”
Lincoln’s nostrils flared as he inhaled deeply. He cupped my face in his hands and slowly brought his face closer to mine. He breathed my name and lightly brushed his lips over mine. I pushed up on the balls of my feet and kissed him hard. Our arms tangled around each other, and he kissed me with the same passion he had in the parking garage.
“Jillian… Jillian… “ he said, breaking the kiss. “I have to tell you this. I have to tell you how special you are. I’ve never met anyone like you, baby. Despite all the shit in your life, you see the good in everyone.” He closed his eyes and dropped his forehead to mine. “You’re my beautiful and amazing princess.”
My eyes watered as I let his words soak in, and I shook my head. “Lincoln, I’m not…” I blubbered.
“Don’t cry, Princess. Please don’t cry. You deserve to be happy. I’m going to make you happy.” Lincoln wiped my tears away with his fingertips. I tipped my head up and kissed him quickly several times. He wrapped his arms around me, and despite the cold weather, I felt warm as we stood holding each other.
Chapter Twelve
Lincoln left Chicago the next day for an away game. He had three away games and a fundraising event in the next six days, so I wouldn’t see him until next weekend. We talked on the phone every day, sometimes twice a day, and we texted whenever possible. Lincoln sounded exhausted when I talked to him Thursday night, almost a week after the concert.
“You sound so worn out, Lincoln,” I told him after he had yawned for the fourth time during our conversation.
He sighed. “I’m just glad to be home. I miss you.”
I smiled to myself. “I miss you too, Lincoln. How did the fundraiser go?”
“It was good. Just a boring dinner, but it’s always nice to spend time with fans,” he paused. “I wish you would have been there.”
“I’m sorry. Maybe next time,” I said, trying to appease him.
“Maybe?” Lincoln repeated and I couldn’t reply. I didn’t know what to say. I didn’t know what the future held. I knew we still had a big hurdle to get past. I heard him sigh into the phone. “What are we doing tomorrow?”
“What do you want to do?” I asked, glad he didn’t press the previous issue.
“Surprise me,” Lincoln said with humor in his voice, and I giggled.
“Okay, I’ll text you.”
“I can’t wait,” Lincoln said immediately.
“Me neither. Should I let you go?”
“Are you going to bed?” he asked me without answering my question.
“I suppose. It’s late for me.” I sat on my bed with brushed teeth, washed face, wearing pajamas and my glasses.
“Okay, I’ll let you go, baby. Sweet dreams.”
“Lincoln?” I asked before we hung up.
“Yeah, baby?”
“I can’t wait to see you tomorrow,” I said shyly.
“Me neither, Princess.” I could hear the smile in his voice. “I’ll see you then,” he said to me, and we said good-night.
I flopped back on to my bed. I wanted to call him back and tell him how I felt about him. I wanted him to know what a wonderful man I thought he was and how I wanted to give him my heart and my body. But I knew it was too soon for that. And I still wasn’t sure what, or when, or even if I was going to tell him about my scars. I didn’t know what the right words were to explain. I sighed, crawled under the covers and went to sleep the same way I had all week—reminiscing about Lincoln’s kisses.
~~~~~~~~
Lincoln knocked on my front door late in the afternoon the next day. I ran to open it and jumped into his arms, smiling wide and giggling. He caught me and lifted me off the floor, pulling me tightly against his chest as I wrapped my arms around his neck. Lincoln let out a contented noise while we hugged tightly for a long moment until I pulled back to look him in the eyes.
“Hi,” he said calmly, despite the giant grin he was wearing.
“Hi!” I answered and gave him a peck on the lips before wiggling for him to set me down.
“Is that all I get? One little kiss?” he asked with a pout as he loosened his grip and set my feet on the floor. I bit my lip and tried to contain my smile before tipping my chin up and offering my lips to his. Lincoln brought his lips to mine, and we kissed for a long moment, our lips moving in rhythm, until a voice behind me interrupted us.
“Ewww! They’re kissing!!” Tabitha exclaimed from the entryway before running back to the kitchen. Lincoln and I broke apart, both of us laughing.
“Okay,” I said to Lincoln. “So I thought you might like a quiet night in, so I rented some movies and I’m going to make you dinner. Rebecca is taking Tabitha to a thing at school and then to the movie theater with some friends. So you have two options: option one, we stay here. Or option two, we go to your place.” I paused. “Well, three options, I guess. Option three, we do something totally different ’cause you think this is lame.”
Lincoln chuckled and grabbed my hands. “No. Not lame. Let’s go to my house.”
I smiled big. I was excited to cook him dinner again, even though it was a simple thing. “Okay, let me just gather everything together and we can go.”
Lincoln parked his SUV in front of his house and jumped out to help me with the bags. I had several bags full of assorted vegetables, the chicken, a container of premade fried rice, and store-bought brownies and ice cream for dessert, along with the movies. Lincoln carried them all into his house and held the door open for me. I was sorting through my stir-fry ingredients at the kitchen counter when I felt Lincoln come up behind me and wrap his arms around me. He placed light kisses on my neck, and I leaned my head back against his shoulder and let out a happy murmur. We swayed softly, and his arms tightened on me as his kisses got more intense against my neck. “You keep doing that and we won’t be having dinner,” I told him.
I felt him smile against my neck. “I’m okay with that.”
I elbowed him lightly in the stomach, reprimanding him. “I’m not. I’m actually really hungry.” I tried to squirm away from the circle of his arms, but he kept his arms locked in place.
“I just like having you here,” he told me quietly and kissed my neck once more before letting me go. I sighed happily and turned to him.
“I like being here,” I told him as I lifted up on my toes and kissed him quick on the lips. I peered up at him and saw his face erupt in a smile just for me. His smile made my heart flutter, and I hoped I’d be able to control feelings that were bubbling up inside me.
We worked well together in the kitchen. Lincoln pulled out pots and pans I requested as I set the chicken to cook. We cut up the vegetables in harmony, occasionally brushing against each other, and every time we did, my heart pounded in my chest. I had a nervous energy flowing through me, and I hoped I wasn’t rambling as I answered Lincoln’s questions about myself.
I added the vegetables to the chicken and began to cook the stir-fry. “Can you pop the rice in the microwave and heat it up?” I asked him.
“Of course,” he said and kissed my temple before starting his assignment. I watched as he moved around the kitchen, and my heart hurt. So far, everything I knew about Lincoln showed him to be a wonderful man. He was genuinely a good guy—he cared for me and was just a down-to-earth decent guy. We liked the same things, laughed at the same jokes, and we could hold a conversation easily. He was s
mart; he understood when I talked about my research. When we talked on the phone in the evening, he would ask what I had done with my day. He was genuinely interested in my day and cared about what happened to me. I didn’t know how I had gotten so lucky but what scared me is I didn’t know how long I had until my luck ran out. I assumed Lincoln would want to take our relationship another step forward sometime soon. I was secretly terrified that the next step would be a clothing-optional step. I knew I should tell Lincoln the truth, and soon. I shouldn’t be leading him on like this if there was no hope for a future between us, but I didn’t want this to end. My guilt over this situation was eating me up inside. Every time Lincoln went out of his way to do something sweet for me, I felt as if the dark hole of guilt was swallowing me deeper. I sighed and focused my attention on the stir-fry. Tonight would not be the night to tell him. I could handle one more night of guilt.
Lincoln and I snuggled on his couch in his man cave after dinner on the pretense of watching a movie. I had worn a sweater dress that fell to my midthighs and leggings solely for this reason. I assumed at some point tonight we would be cuddling, and I didn’t want to worry about my shirt riding up and exposing my scars. I felt the familiar guilty sensation wash through me again as I remembered why I was wearing this particular outfit, but I pushed it aside and concentrated on how good it felt to be snuggled against Lincoln. He was so warm and comfortable. When we began watching the movie, we had been sitting upright. Lincoln had his arm around me, and I was tucked into his side, but as the movie progressed we gradually got more comfortable until Lincoln was basically lying down on the couch with me lying on top of him again, my head on his chest. I could hear his steady heartbeat, and it was lulling me to sleep. He had one arm wrapped around me and was tracing circles on my back with his fingertips. His other hand was holding mine against his chest. His breathing was slow and steady, and had it not been for his fingertips on my back, I would have thought he was asleep. I was very close myself by the time the movie ended.
