I took the time I spent practicing to calm my mind again and work out what I wanted to say to the group. I knew they were still scared and mad at what I had done. Finishing my last stance I went inside to face the proverbial music. “Could I talk to everyone in the living room please?” I called out. I downed a bottle of water while everyone gathered.
As I stood in front of my family I made sure to stay calm, I couldn’t afford to look anything but level-headed. “I want to say that I’m sorry. I’m sorry I scared you, I’m sorry I got angry and left. I’m sorry that I got Sam killed. However, I am not sorry for what I did. It made me sick and I hate myself for it but it had to be done. Sam was going to turn, it was only a matter of time. He knew it and so did all of you. One of you called me a coward,” I said this while looking at Hannah, “Like I said last night, you might be right but I know I wouldn’t want to see my friend killing me. So I’m sorry but I did what I thought was best and if you think differently I want to hear about it.” When I finished I expected all of them to speak up, to be angry. When no one would speak or even make eye contact I figured that I had a lot of work to do to gain back their trust. I was shocked to see Jason visibly angry, his face was red and he was unconsciously clenching his fists. I made a note to talk to him in private. The other reaction I hadn’t expected came from Hannah. She stood and left crying, Liz and Carrie got up and followed her out looking worried. With some hesitation, Matt got to his feet and followed the small group of girls.
I looked at the remaining faces, settling on Sarah’s as she gave me a reassuring smile. “Ok, I’m sure there’s still work to be done. I’ll be available if anyone wants to talk in private.” I left and went outside, wanting to change and clean up but I didn’t feel like being around anyone for a while so I decided to begin a new project. With the wall up, the road blockade in place, and a relatively successful raid on the store we were living a pretty easy life. The threat level was down which meant that our life expectancy was on the rise. Since we could expect to survive longer we would need a constant supply of food. Raiding stores would be fine for a little while, if we emptied out the Costco we’d be supplied for quite some time but eventually, we would run out. When we first got here my only concern was keeping everyone alive for one more day, now it was time to think long term. I had plans for growing crops, building a cold storage, for improving our fence, and turning this fortified home into a secure compound where we could live for years, possibly for the rest of our lives, however long that might be. The first thing I was planning was to clear ground and till soil for growing crops. For that, we would need two things, seeds, and gas. To get gas would mean going to the nearest gas station which was back at the Safeway. To get seeds would mean going through town to get to the farm store. There was no way to get there without going through town and after Sam’s death, I wanted to stay clear for a while. In lieu of being able to actually start work, I began to plan out the farm.
On both sides of the long sloping driveway were field like areas which we could use to grow crops. One of the fields had been used for a small garden where my mom grew lettuce, tomatoes, corn and other vegetables, that was several years ago before she’d died. Pen and paper in hand, I began pacing out a grid for growing crops. Using my minute knowledge of agriculture I measured out and sketched how things would be planted. I spent a large amount of time trying to remember what little information I knew about growing crops, including how long they took to mature, how much space each kind of plant needed, and when it would be the best time to plant. The good thing was that we had a little room to fail. We weren’t pressed for food and if we planted crops and they failed then we’d still be able to try again without fear of starving. The Safeway run had put us in a good position and without any competition to our food sources we could live off of the store for a while.
As I slowly walked back to the house and made changes to my sketches I decided that we wouldn’t plant on all of the available land, at least not yet. We would plant on a small plot as a sort of test run. Even though we weren’t short on time I figured we’d be short on usable seeds. Still looking down at my paper I reached the top of the driveway and nearly ran into someone. I must have been lost in thought because I normally wouldn’t be so unaware of my surroundings. Gotta be more careful, I thought as I looked up to see four people standing in front of me.
Jason was in front of the group, behind him was red-eyed Hannah, and standing next to her with his arm around her shoulder was Matt. Bringing up the rear was Justin, looking nervous and like he didn’t want to be there. I smiled and asked, “What’s up Jason, why aren’t you on watch like you should be?”
Jason was clenching and unclenching his fists, the muscles along his jaw flared. He was obviously angry and I knew he was close to losing it. “We need to talk,” he nearly growled.
I looked at each of their faces. From Jason’s eyes which held fire, to Hannah’s red puffy ones, to Matt and Justin’s which refused to look at me. “Yeah,” I said nodding slowly, “looks like we do.”
CHAPTER 12
We stood there in silence for almost a full minute before I spoke again, “Well let’s go inside and talk.” I started off again towards the house when Jason put his hand on my chest, stopping me. Normally it wouldn’t have been a big deal but the way he was standing, the way he was talking to me, added tension and hostility to the air.
“We can talk out here.”
I looked down at his hand and then back to his face and smiled coldly, “I think that we should maybe talk inside” I looked back down at his hand the directly into his eyes.
He must have got my point because he let his hand drop, but that wasn’t the end. “Well I don’t.”
I wanted to get out of this without having to hit someone, “Jason. I saw that you were angry earlier today and I wanted to talk to you in private. We can still do that if you want.” I was trying to offer him a way out of the mistake he seemed determined to make.
“No, this is fine right here.”
“If that’s what you want,” I said pulling out my radio, “Hey everyone.” I heard my voice echo from their own radios. “Could I get everyone to come outside? It’s not an emergency or anything but I’d like everyone outside as soon as possible,” I finished calmly. I put down the radio and waited patiently for everyone to arrive. Once assembled I spoke to the group, “Everyone, Jason has something he’d like to say to me. I offered him the opportunity to do so in private but he declined. So tell me Jason, what is it that you wanted to tell me?”
“You killed Sam.”
“I know.”
“You killed him and all you did was say sorry, like that would make it all better.”
“I told you that I did what I thought was best.”
“What you thought was best!” he nearly screamed, “not what we thought was best, not what the group thought was best, but what you thought was best! Who put you in charge? Why should we follow you? You know what I think. I think you’ve let this little bit of power go to your head. Sam told me what you said to him down at the road. About the options you gave him and about falling in line. You’re nothing more than a murderer.” Sarah was about to speak up but I stopped her with a look, Jason wasn’t done yet. He must have noticed the brief communication between us because he went on to say, “And then what do you do after you kill him? You brush it off like it was nothing and then you storm off to shack up with her,” he nods towards Sarah. “Is that why it was so easy to kill him? Because he was getting too close to her?” he nodded again at Sarah.
I saw that Sarah was dying to say something and would have if I hadn’t said darkly “You better be very careful about what you say next Jason. You can say what you want about me, you can hate me and curse me but I will not have you attack my family, a family I might add, which I thought you were a part of. Sam was my brother in all but blood and if what I’ve been told is true then you know how I feel about Sarah, so I’ll repeat my warning. Be very careful about what you s
ay or else you just might find what you came looking for,” I finished, inches away from him, pushing the words through clenched teeth.
“Is that supposed to scare me? Because it doesn’t. And what the fuck is all this family bullshit? This isn’t a family, fuck I didn’t even know you two years ago and you think we’re family? The only person I could ever consider to be family is Matt and as you can see, he’s not too happy with your leadership either,” he spat. I looked to Matt, still standing with his arm around Hannah. I had already figured out why Matt was standing here. It was obvious when he took off to comfort Hannah earlier, but I didn’t know why she was here, or Justin for that matter.
“What about you Justin? Do you think me a corrupt murdering dictator too?”
“I’m just here to help keep the peace,” he said shaking his head.
I nodded then turned to look at Hannah, “You’ve been quiet. What do you think of me, other than the fact that I’m a coward?”
She spoke to me not with anger but with sadness in her voice, “You keep using the word family. You said Sam was like your brother. Well he reminded me of mine. He even said he would look out for me. I know he wasn’t and I know that he lost control with Liz, but when he smiled at me I couldn’t help but see my brother. And I don't know how you could have done what you did if he meant that much to you. How could you shoot him?”
I smiled sadly at her trying my best not to let tears escape, “He was my brother and my best friend and shooting him was both the hardest and the easiest thing I’ve ever done. It’s obvious why it was so hard. Not only was he the only person I’ve ever killed but he was my friend. It was easy because he was my friends and because we both knew what he would turn into. It’s the truth when I say that I think I did what he would’ve wanted. If I hadn’t done what I did he would’ve been faced with two possible outcomes. He would have either died from his bite and then been brought back as one of those things or he would have killed himself. Now I don’t know about you but I can’t imagine how hard it would be to place my gun to my head and pull the trigger. And it is because he was my friend and my brother that I took that choice away from him. Can you understand that?” She was crying into Matt’s chest when I finished but I could see she was nodding her head. With that explained I turned back to Jason who was still standing there seething, “So Jason, now that you’ve gotten that off your chest where do we go from here?” I said taking a few steps back, arms held at my side. He stood there angry but unsure about what he should do. “You came here looking for a fight didn’t you? Well go ahead, swing away. I won’t stop you and I won’t fight back.” Until now I was sure I could get him to calm down but he took what I said as a challenge and as soon as the words left my mouth I saw the anger flare up in his eyes and he started towards me. With a yell he threw his first punch and, true to my word, I didn’t stop him. I let him hit me full on the mouth, mostly. I turned with the punch so it wouldn’t hurt as much. I think he was shocked that I had just stood there and taken it. I tasted blood in my mouth and using my tongue I probed for lost or broken teeth and found that I had cut the inside of my mouth. I spat out a gob of blood, “Feel better?” He growled and shook his head. “That first one was free,” I said “now you’re going to have to earn them.” I didn’t throw any punches of my own but I didn’t let him make much contact either. It was easy to dodge, block or redirect his attacks, he was angry and it made him sloppy. Anger can do one of two things in a fight, give you focus, giving you a clear target to attack, or it can cloud your vision, make you see red, and make fighting harder. Jason was seeing red and his vision was getting worse with each failed attack. “Are you done?” I asked him as he stood there breathing heavily.
“Fight back you pussy,” he screamed in rage, his voice cracking.
“I told you, I’m not going to fight.”
“What does she see in you?” he asked mockingly, “You’re a coward. She must be dumber than I thought.”
Don’t get angry, I thought, Don’t get angry.
“Killing Sam obviously didn’t mean anything to you if you could come back here and hook up with her right after. Dumb and easy, quite the combo,” he sneered.
There it was, the very thing my reptilian brain needed to justify hitting Jason. All the pain and soreness in my muscles disappeared as my body was flooded with the adrenaline that comes with anger. My face darkened, “I warned you twice. This is your third strike. You wanted to fight. Fine, I’ll show you a fight,” I said letting the anger out.
I can’t say I’m proud of what I did but I can’t say I’m ashamed either, he deserved what happened. Most fights are ended quickly, they’re never the long drawn out battles you see in the movies, but this one was. I let Jason know just how dumb his plan to fight me was. I landed kidney punches, punches to his gut, his sternum, and one to his jaw that hurt my hand. I knocked the legs out from under him, making him land hard on the asphalt. Finally, I caught him in the same hold that I had used on Sam. I didn’t make him go unconscious, I just held him long enough for him to get scared of not being able to breathe. That is a terrifying feeling and panic quickly sets in. I left him gasping for breath and bleeding on the ground. I turned away from him and spoke to the group with a hard voice and harder eyes, “It wasn’t long ago that you all made a choice. I know it seems like an eternity ago but I’m sure it’s still fresh in your minds. You made a choice to believe what I told you, to follow me here and to trust me with your safety. Now I’m going to ask you to make another choice. If you don’t like what I’ve done, if you think someone can do this better than me then I want you to make it known. Talk, argue amongst yourselves, cast a secret ballot, I don’t fucking care anymore. Just make a choice of who will be in charge. I won’t vote and I won’t argue because I will not lead people who do not want to be led. I won’t be seen as corrupt, a murderer, a tyrant or a coward, so make your choice. I’m going inside.” I didn’t really care how they voted or what they decided. I’m sure my fight with Jason didn’t help my case but I just didn’t care anymore. They could choose whoever they wanted, because the truth was, I didn’t ask for the job. I didn’t want everyone to depend on me. I just wanted to keep everyone alive and I could still do that with someone else in charge.
I cleaned up and changed into a pair of jeans and a t-shirt. My temper was still high and I knew that I didn’t want to face everyone still angry. I pulled out my two pistols and my cleaning kit and sat on my floor cross legged. I began to methodically disassemble, clean and reassemble my guns. This had the same calming effect on me as it always had, I was still angry but I was in complete control of it. As I put my pistols back in their holsters the door opened and Sarah walked in. I let out a long breath and stood, “So, who’s the new head honcho?”`
“Someone everyone agrees will be the best for the job. We voted like you said and it was unanimous.”
“Just tell me it’s not Jason. Tell me they chose you, please let it be you.”
“No, they didn’t choose me and they didn’t pick Jason.”
“Then who?”
“You really are an idiot aren’t you?” she said smiling. I just gaped at her and shrugged. “We chose you. Now I think we may have made a mistake.”
“What? Why?”
“Are you kidding me? We know that you did the right think. We know it was hard for you but you did it anyways, and we’re not stupid. You were the one who got us here, kept us alive. No one here can say they’ve done that.”
I just stood there in silence until something dawned on me, “Now I’m going to have to deal with Jason,” I sighed unhappily.
Sarah laughed loudly, “Comes with the job.”
“Damn it. Ok, let’s get this over with,” Walking outside I asked, “Wait. You said it was unanimous. Even Jason and Hannah?”
“Well Hannah realized that you were right and even though she’s still upset the agreed that you’re the best choice.”
“And Jason?”
“After he got his
breath back and got off the ground he realized that he no longer had any support and after some thought he realized that was being an ass and an idiot.”
I was worried that I may have made more of an enemy thaa a friend but I would deal with that when it came around. “I’m sorry for the things he said about you.”
“Thanks but you don’t have to be sorry, you didn’t say them. Plus, I can take care of myself.”
“I know you can but it made just made me so angry, just like he knew it would.”
“I’ve never had a guy fight for me like that,” she teased.
I smiled and kept walking, mumbling under my breath, “I'd do more than fight for you.”
“What?” she asked.
“Nothing.”
“No, you said something. What’d you say?” she frowned suspiciously.
“I didn’t say anything,” she looked at me pointedly, “I swear.” She shook her head and kept walking. Reaching the rest of the group, who were all standing in a half circle, I looked at each of them in turn. “So you’ve made your choice?” There was scattered nodding. “Fine, but I want to make this very clear. This is the second time you’ve chosen to follow me. I want you to remember that, I didn’t ask for this, you did. Jason, let’s talk.” I walked past the silent group towards the Pole Barn. I knew Jason was following without looking back. He wouldn’t ignore me after our fight in front of everyone, not after they just showed their support for me. I opened the door and gestured for him to enter, he did and I closed the door behind us. I went and sat down at the table that I had moved in here and waited till he sat across from me. “So. What the fuck was that about?”
Survivors Series (Book 1): Heroes Aren't Born Page 17
