Todd smiled that sounded like a challenge if ever he’d heard one.
There was another pause and a gulp, “I’m having a glass of wine would you like one? If you do, I’ll pass it through the door.”
“OK, that’d be good.”
Todd felt her weight leave the door and her feet padded away and then back. The door opened a fraction and her arm came out to the elbow, to pass him the glass. He held her wrist as he took the wine from her, and used the opportunity to press a kiss into the palm of her hand, before allowing her to withdraw.
The door closed again, and he heard her sit, but suspected she was facing the door this time. “What was that for?”
“You sound so sad, and I don’t like people to be sad it may surprise you to know I’m not as insensitive as you think.”
Jen laughed again, “Yeah right.”
“See you’re feeling better already, from just one tiny kiss.” Todd pressed on before she could deny it, “Why do I make you nervous?”
There was silence for a few minutes while she sipped her drink, and Todd wasn’t sure she’d continue.
Finally Jen breathed in deeply, “OK, I can tell you a few things that happened to me, it doesn’t really explain it all, but it’s the best I can do.
When I was in 8th grade I was hit by a car and very badly injured. I was thrown over the hood with enough force to send me a few feet into the air, and when I landed on the other side my chest was impaled on a metal fence railing.”
She heard Todd’s sharp exhale on the other side of the door, and continued while she still could.
I had to stay in hospital for a long time, I’d cracked my sternum, and I also broke my collar bone and fractured my hip.”
“Christ Jen, I’m so sorry.”
“Anyway all the injuries were just the start, I lost a lot of school-time and I suffered from a kind of post traumatic stress. When I did try to go back to school, the few friends I’d made had drifted away and formed new friendships. I spent a lot of recesses alone, and because of the injuries I’d suffered I walked with a limp for a while. Eventually I just found myself spending more and more time alone.
Todd became aware that she was talking as if he weren’t there anymore, like it was a bedtime story that she had told over and over until the words came unbidden. She spoke like someone hypnotised so he just waited for her to finish.
“After a while I couldn’t control the panic attacks that came on during school time, and people forgot about the accident and started to see me as a figure of fun. I was bullied quite badly almost every day.
In the end mom couldn’t take it anymore, I was in danger of doing something to harm myself, so she pulled me from school and took on extra work so she could pay for me to be tutored privately.”
Todd was trying to work out the correct response but nothing was coming to mind so he said simply, “God I’m sorry, I can’t imagine..?”
Jen cut him off abruptly, the shuffling noise letting him know she’d risen to her feet, “Your hour is over,” she was sobbing softly, trying not to let him hear it.
“I want to come back tomorrow. We can do this just the same and I’ll sit outside your door for as long as you’ll talk to me, even though I’m pretty stiff out here, and not the good kind of stiff.” He caught himself in the dumb joke and swore; now why could he not have just reined that last bit in?
“Sorry just forget I said that, cheap joke.”
“Todd, if you really must, then come back in two days. I just can’t cope with doing this every day, and please don’t tell anyone, even Lily. I don’t want anybodies pity.”
“Jennifer, the last thing I do is pity you and you’re right, pity is the last thing you need.”
Jen choked back a sob, pulling herself together with difficulty.
Todd got to his feet, and then remembered something, “I still need that promise from you not to run.”
“I promise not to run without telling you, that’s the best I can do right now. Leave your glass and I’ll get it later.”
“Goodnight Jen.”
“Goodnight Todd.”
Todd waited for ten or fifteen minutes, he lost track of it really, he couldn’t hear anything on the other side of the door and didn’t know if that was bad or good, he was hoping she’d open the door to get the glass. He wanted to see her little face, touch her - maybe even kiss her, no matter how brief, just to confirm his intent to not let her run off. But the door stayed resolutely shut and eventually he went back downstairs deep in thought.
Jen had no intention of collecting the glass from the hall until the next day, she wouldn’t risk him still sitting there all green eyed and gorgeous, instead she went into the bathroom and washed her face. She looked up into the mirror and saw that her face looked drawn and pale. In truth she felt absolutely shattered.
Even though it was just past 8, she got into bed and drew the covers up tight. Exhaustion swept over her and she slept fitfully until she woke herself with a shout at 3am, and realised she’d once again been sobbing heartbroken in her sleep.
****
The bell jangled overhead as Jen came through the door of “Beans” coffee shop. She’d woken up feeling raw and wrung out to a message on her machine from Lily asking to meet her.
She caught sight of her familiar blond head over the back of one of the booths, but first she stopped next to Ben who was bent over clearing tables.
“I’m very sorry about the scene in here yesterday, honestly I’m not usually like that,” she muttered.
Ben looked at her taking in her appearance and studying her carefully, “Are you kidding, that was the coolest thing I’ve seen in ages. What regular guy doesn’t enjoy seeing an uber stud like Todd being taken down like that, it was awesome!”
Jen laughed despite herself, “I think he’s probably a good guy, he just aggravates me to death.”
“He’s cool, but it still did my ego some good to see that even the hot guys get kicked in the nuts now and then.”
Jen looked into Ben’s eyes properly for the first time, and saw a flicker of pain there, so she put a hand on his arm, not something she casually did with strangers. “It still feels pretty raw for you - doesn’t it?”
“It does – but I’ll be ok,” he sighed.
Lily stood up and leaned over the back of her booth and shouted across, “Hey Jen come on over, the coffee’s getting cold already.”
“Who’s your friend?” Ben asked.
“Well friend is stretching it a bit for me,” she said quietly, “It’s Todd’s sister Lily - you’ve not met her before? She’s annoyingly positive too.”
Ben smiled at her, “you’re funny, you know that?”
“Trust me I know – see you later.”
“Come on, come on,” Lily yelled again, “we need to talk.”
“Hi Lily, how are you?”
“I am very very curious that’s what I am.”
“About?”
“What’s happening with you and Todd?”
“Lily, have you spoken to Todd since last night?”
“Not really, he was out early this morning he had some errands to run.”
Jen sighed, obviously she’d not been given the back away talk yet that Todd had promised her. Sitting looking at the girl she just knew it was going to be pointless anyway, she was like a real live energizer bunny.”
“Lily what happened the other night at dinner?”
“Ah you don’t remember, well it was very sweet, before you’d even eaten half your pasta, you were snoozing on Todd’s arm,” Jen’s mouth opened in alarm.
“After a bit he just gave up and put his arm round you while we finished dinner.” Lily looked at Jen with a smile in her eyes while Jen could feel her face turning the colour of fresh raspberries.
“Anyway, there was no waking you at the end of dinner you were out for the count, so he just carried you back upstairs and put you to bed.”
Oh just bloody marvellous Jen thought.
<
br /> “When he came back downstairs, he looked absolutely smitten, even though he said you’d blown your nose on his shirt.”
Jen spat out the mouthful of coffee she’d just swallowed, barely missing Lily who was obviously having a whale of a time recounting the details. A second later Jen realised that if making an idiot of herself under the influence, plus what she’d told him last night, hadn’t been enough to put Todd off her so far, she was going to have to work a lot harder at it tomorrow night.
“Don’t worry about it Jen, he’s practically buzzing at the moment you must be doing something right.”
And what the hell could that be? Jen thought, the man must be seriously deluded to still be interested in her.
She shook the thought away again and tried to stash it in a compartment to be dealt with at 7pm tomorrow night.
“Is that the only reason you asked me here Lily, because I really have work I need to get on with?”
“Er no, although I’m terribly curious about the two of you, I actually had an ulterior motive and was hoping I could ask a favour of you.”
“This was just getting better and better,” Jen thought.
“I’ve arranged to meet someone at Maxwell’s steakhouse tomorrow night. I don’t really know the guy because we met in an online chat room, but we have some of the same friends in common from back home.”
Jen could feel the room spinning she was deadly afraid that Lily was about to ask her to go on a double date.
Anyway Todd won’t let me go on my own, I mean I’m 23 years old, I shouldn’t have to ask his permission but he’s a bit, “while you’re under my roof you live by my rules,” she said, doing an excellent impression of Todd’s smooth deep voice. For the first time Jen looked at Lily and saw how she looked so much like him, although she was as fair as he was dark.
“So are you asking me to try and talk him into letting you go? Because I don’t think meeting a stranger you only know online is a good idea either.”
Lily’s face fell, “I was going to ask if you’d come with me.”
“What after my recent track record as suitable dinner company?” Jen tried to make light of it as she could see Lily was getting upset. She must really be keen on this guy.
“Look Lily, if you want to meet him here during the daytime I would do that for you. I can sit back here and wait in case you send up a distress signal, but you’d have to clear it with Todd, I don’t want to get in the middle of anything.”
Lily looked up at Jen in surprise, “that’s great thank you so much, it’s almost more than I’d hoped for,” she leaned over the table and hugged Jen to her firmly.
When she released her again, Lily clapped her hands together, picked up her bag and dashed out mumbling about going to make the arrangements.
Jen finished her coffee and looked up, to catch Ben still watching Lily as she crossed the street.
Chapter 4
Thursday dawned bright and sunny - but for Jen, knowing she had another date with Todd that evening, it may as well have been raining cats and dogs.
She whizzed through her work and remembered to take a proper break for lunch and to drink plenty of water, he wasn’t going to catch her unawares or unprepared tonight. She needed to put an end to this for everybody’s sake.
At 5pm she switched off her computer for the day, and decided to freshen up. Maybe if she felt more confident, even if he wasn’t looking at her, she would be able to act more positively.
She bathed and took the time to shave her legs. Something she didn’t do nearly as often as she should, after all she lived in her jeans and she didn’t have anybody looking there to worry about.
Instead of putting fresh clothes on she decided to make herself comfy in her fleecy pyjamas and matching robe. She always found them soothing to wear and after the other night when she’d been so drained and didn’t even bother undressing for bed, she may as well be ready for another early night.
When she heard Todd approach on time again, she was already perched on her pillow behind the door and she’d brought her bedcover and tucked it around herself.
“What’s this?” Todd’s voice was muffled by the door. He’d found the glass of wine and a brand new t-shirt that she’d bought him.
“Lily told me what happened the other night.”
“You didn’t have to buy me a new shirt,” he smiled.
“No – but it seemed like the thing to do, I wouldn’t feel the same about a shirt of mine if you’d blown your nose on it.”
Todd laughed out loud, “I’ll keep that in mind for the future and this just may become my new favourite one. I’ll always have fond thoughts of you when I wear it.”
“I’ve asked you not to say stuff like that to me, I’ve told you this is not going anywhere, I’m just humouring you because I don’t seem to have a choice.” Jen grouched.
Todd stopped the words about to come from his mouth, he must remember not to poke too much fun at her - she was so damn tetchy.
“Ok I better not waste anymore of my time slot,” he sighed heavily, and she felt his weight drop down and come to rest against the door. “You were telling me the other night that you got pulled out of school after you were bullied.”
“Yes, well pretty much after that I lost contact with everybody I knew that was my age and I just studied by myself. I spent a lot of time on my own because mom was working long hours.”
“Didn’t you have any hobbies or anything that got you outside?”
“Not really, I’d always been shy even before everything that happened. I did horse riding and ballet when I was a lot younger but never stuck to it; I love reading and movies that’s about it. I know it’s hard to understand but I spent a lot of time not very well after I came out of school. I had to see a psychiatrist and I was on medication for a long time, I had panic attacks that would come on out of the blue. I spent a lot of time just coping and getting by.”
Todd had a sudden flash of enlightenment, “Jen did you date much when you were a teenager?”
“No.”
Todd processed this for a second, “did you date at all?”
There was a long silence and Todd thought he’d gone too far, and then she started speaking again.
“When all this happened to me I lost out on that time in your life when you figure out what you want to be, who you are, but I guess the worst thing was I didn’t get the chance to go through the whole first love, dating, relationship drama you should have as a kid growing up. I didn’t develop the confidence teenagers take for granted, I don’t think it’s possible for me even now as an adult to think about having a relationship.”
“So does that mean you’ve never dated?” Todd wanted to get a firm answer from her, again there was a pause.
“If I tell you this now you have to know it’s something I find very embarrassing.”
“I know you don’t trust me yet, but you can, I can keep a secret Jen.”
She gave an exasperated sigh on the other side of the door, “I’m 27 and I’ve been on a sum total of two dates, both failed miserably because I panicked because I was afraid. Other than that I almost allowed myself to be kissed once, by a friend of my neighbours who I wasn’t in the least bit interested in, just because I forced myself to try.”
Todd whistled long and low, “When you warned me this wasn’t going to be easy, you weren’t kidding were you?”
“No and now you know why I try not to intrude on people’s lives. I don’t want to try and have relationships anymore; I can’t give people what they need.”
“I think you can, you’ve just convinced yourself it’s too hard to try.”
“Todd, the older I got the harder everything became, it seems like you’re pretty much supposed to sleep with someone on the first date and not bat an eyelid now. I couldn’t make myself try with that kind of pressure. I’d be the butt of the joke when somebody figured me out.”
Todd was no dummy and he pressed for the last bit of clarification – “Jennife
r are you still a v..”
“Yes Todd, A+ on the perceptivity test, there’s no flies on you – Jen’s a virgin, are you happy now, you got all the information you want?” Jen’s voice vibrated with anger and embarrassment.
There was another long pause, then Todd spoke quietly, “I’m still not going anywhere, and I still don’t want you to go anywhere either. Maybe you just need someone who is willing to let you go slow and gain some confidence, and this is me volunteering in case you’re wondering?”
“Look can we just change the subject,” Jen pleaded. “I saw Lily yesterday and she wanted me to go with her on that date you said she couldn’t go on. Did she talk to you about it?”
“Yes, she said you told her to change it to a coffee date and that you’d wait around to make sure it was ok.”
“So is it ok?”
“I guess, but I’m still not happy about it. I don’t like being responsible for her, while she’s with me I’d rather lock her up in a chastity belt and ban her from dating entirely.”
“I’m afraid she’s too full of it to let you do that.”
“I know, she’s a pain in the ass isn’t she?” he laughed, pleased Jen agreed with him on something.
“Look Jen my hour’s up soon, but I want you to do something for me without questioning it.”
“I can’t promise that.”
He growled in frustration, “What are you wearing?” She looked down at herself.
“My jim jams and a bathrobe.”
“Are they sexy ones?”
“No,” she shrieked, “I don’t own any sexy ones.”
“That’s good, for now anyway and the purposes of this experiment. Do you have a footstool or something you can stand on?”
She wracked her brain picturing where she kept one, “Er yes?”
“Good, come on out here and bring it with you.”
Jen made a noise as if she was going to refuse him, and Todd barked, “Just do it will you, you’re driving me nuts.”
A minute went by and then the door cracked inward, Jen stood there in fleecy pink checked pyjamas and a robe just as she’d told him.
Todd drank her in, she looked tiny and super cute, her hair was piled on her head again and her face was scrubbed and shiny as if she was all washed and ready for bed. He just wanted to sweep her up and cuddle her.
Blooming Page 4
