by Val
Obviously, I had to control myself to some extent with her, otherwise she might have got suspicious. I had no intention of giving Giovanni my phone number on his second visit. First, because I wanted to get to know him a bit better. And second, because I didn’t want to risk problems at the brothel. They keep a close watch on me, and I’m afraid of the owners.
This time, Alessandro decided to spend an hour with Mae. He obviously liked her second time around. When I went into the living room I saw Giovanni on his own, waiting for me. I was late again. But his smile when I came into the room told me his desire to see me was stronger than his impatience.
This time we had to use the small bedroom, as Alessandro had taken the suite. We weren’t as comfortable as we might have been, but we didn’t care. We made love more passionately than I could have believed possible in a place like this. We indulged in all kinds of games, and when his time was up, Susana had to knock on the door to remind us the session was over.
‘Give me your phone number,’ Giovanni said all of a sudden.
‘No, I’m sorry, I can’t,’ I replied, without explanation.
‘Why not? Don’t you want to see me again? You could travel with me sometimes. I’d pay you the same, if that’s what’s worrying you.’
‘Of course I want to see you again. But not outside the apartment.’
I pointed up at the ceiling, to try to get him to understand our conversation was being recorded.
‘What’s wrong?’
He didn’t seem to get it, and took hold of my hands as though begging me to tell him what was going on.
I searched in my bag for a biro and a piece of paper, and wrote on it: ‘They’ve put microphones in the room.’
He took the pen from me and wrote: ‘Give me your phone number, per piacere.’
I didn’t give it him. I was dying to, but for some reason I chose not to. Giovanni was sad when he left, but promised he’d be back on 25th November to spend a whole night with me, outside the apartment. That’s a long way off, and I didn’t know how I was going to be able to bear his absence. This second meeting with Giovanni made a great impression on me, and I’m sure it’s going to affect my work in the brothel. I’m completely torn, because I think he could be the great love of my life, but I don’t know what he feels. He liked me a lot, but probably nothing more than that. I could hardly imagine he had fallen head over heels in love with me.
Accident At Work
22nd October 1999
I’M STILL ON cloud nine, ten days after my meeting with Giovanni. I have no way of getting in touch with him. I can only do it through Susana or Sofia. I think of him twenty-four hours a day, and I go to work less and less. Physically, I just don’t have the strength, and psychologically I have only one person in my mind the whole time: Giovanni. I only see a few clients, although I am still earning quite a lot of money. I stick to my regulars. The idea of being unfaithful has never caused me any problems. In fact, I’ve always thought such a thing was impossible. I thought you could be faithful, even if you had sex with other people. The body can be shared in a way that the soul cannot. But ever since Giovanni, I’ve felt bad with any new client, though I can’t explain why.
Today Pedro came to fetch me and spend the night with me. I went reluctantly, and even a little annoyed, because I knew I would have to put up with all his moaning yet again. I’m so fed up with it! I decided that in order not to be his mother once more, this time I would have to have sex with him. That would calm him down, and then maybe he would leave me alone. When he suggested taking me out to dinner I said no, why don’t we got straight to the hotel. I could tell from the look in his eyes he was delighted with the idea. This was the first time I had taken the lead, and he could scarcely believe it. He didn’t need asking twice. And what should have happened a long time ago happened now.
Afterwards, we were both naked on the bedspread, which on this occasion performed a very definite function: I used it to wipe away my floods of tears.
‘Don’t be like that, please. Nothing’s happened, I swear to you,’ Pedro murmured, trying to comfort me.
I had a knot in my throat that stopped me breathing and made the tears running down my cheeks even more painful.
‘How would you know? You told me you’ve never taken the test.’ I was sobbing as I tried to speak. ‘You’re a coward. Yes, that’s what you are. I always get myself tested. Always, always, always!’
Pedro was horrified at seeing me like this, and tried to convince me there was no problem.
‘Please, don’t go on so. I’ve never done the test because there was no need. I’ve already told you, I haven’t made love to my wife in four years. And apart from you, I haven’t had any extramarital relations.’
‘I’m not an extramarital relation!’ I said in a fury.
Somehow, I had managed to start breathing properly again.
Then I saw the split condom in his hands and had another panic attack. I got up and went and shut myself in the bathroom.
‘Listen. Here’s what we’ll do. I’ll go and have an HIV test tomorrow morning, and since I don’t have it and you don’t either, there’ll be nothing to worry about, will there?’
His words bounced off the bathroom door. I could not reply; I was so angry with him for having deposited his semen inside me without my permission, for having been so useless at putting on the sheath, for wanting to give me too much love when I hadn’t asked him for any in the first place. I hated him with all my heart, and was revolted by what had just happened.
I decided it was God’s punishment. I got into the shower, determined to eliminate every last trace of my sin.
Out Of The Closet
30th October 1999
FOR THE PAST week I’ve been feeling very bad about what happened with Pedro. And it’s had an effect on my work. I’ve refused several clients I’ve been offered, and my spirits have hit rock-bottom. I’ve told Pedro I don’t want to see him again until he gets the test results.
I am still getting on well with the other girls, and today I even confessed to Cindy what had happened. She looked very serious and tried to console me by saying there was very little chance that I could catch a disease like that from someone like Pedro. She also told me the same thing had happened to her twice, and that it was one of the risks of the job.
‘You can never predict when there’s going to be a dud condom,’ she said. ‘And the more often you have sex, the more risk you run.’
Curiously enough, that hadn’t even crossed my mind until now, which made me even madder at myself. It can happen to anyone, but I blame Pedro for doing this to me, and Giovanni just for not being there.
Now Pedro has literally vanished off the face of the earth, which makes me fear the worst. I calculated that if I spent another night with him, even though I can’t stand him, that would be the end of my AIDS paranoia. There’s only one problem: Pedro has never been seen again.
As if that weren’t enough, the brothel owners seem to suspect that I see Pedro outside the agency, and get him to pay me without giving them their half. It’s not true! If they only knew.
Tonight I agreed to go to see a woman client. She turned out to be an upper-class girl of around twenty, who opened the door to me in a transparent white nightdress, with crochet work at the neck and sleeves. She was very pretty, but I was surprised to see someone so young.
The apartment looked immense, with high ceilings and an interior corridor that seemed to go on and on. She took me to a small reception room, and offered me a drink.
‘I’m Beth,’ she said, handing me the glass of whisky I had asked for.
‘Are you on your own tonight?’
‘Yes, my parents are away on a trip, and I was getting very bored, so I called up to get some company. Were you surprised at finding a woman here?’
‘No, not at all,’ I replied, as naturally as I could. ‘What surprises me is to find such a young woman with such clear ideas. That’s all!’
‘I�
��ve often been told that. What can I say? I like men and women. Tonight I felt like being with a woman. Besides, my boyfriend has left me, and I wanted to try to forget him.’
As we were sitting chatting, I heard a sudden noise in another room. We were not alone. I must have looked worried, because Beth immediately tried to reassure me.
‘It’s Paki, my dog. Don’t worry!’
A lovely Alsatian came into the room, panting, with its tongue lolling out of its mouth.
‘Hey there, beautiful! Come here, come here boy!’
The dog came over to me, sniffed at my legs, and then stuck its nose up under Beth’s nightdress. She didn’t seem to mind his intrusion, but started stroking his sides.
‘This is my friend, right? We’re friends,’ she said to the dog, just in case it was thinking of jumping up at me and ripping part of my face off.
The fact that she had to say that to the dog did not reassure me in the least. On the contrary.
‘Is he aggressive then?’ I asked, joking. The truth was, I was scared stiff.
‘No, don’t worry. It’s just that he doesn’t like strangers. But he’s a good boy,’ Beth said, scratching his back.
There was something sensual about Beth that stirred me. She was as sweet as an adolescent, yet there was a sexual glint in her eye. As I was studying her more closely, I heard another noise from somewhere in the apartment.
‘Beth, there’s someone else here, isn’t there?’
‘No! Don’t worry, something must have fallen. I’ll go and take a look. You stay here!’
‘Beth, please, it’s all right. I’d prefer you to tell me the truth.’
She ignored me and left the room.
‘I’ll be right back,’ she said over her shoulder.
I was convinced there was someone else in the apartment. And besides, Paki had not moved an inch. It must be somebody he knew, and Beth was lying to me.
Five minutes went by. I didn’t dare move. Paki started sniffing me again, then yawned, and lay down at my feet.
‘I can see you’ve made friends already,’ Beth said, coming in and seeing the dog stretched out in front of me.
‘Yes, more or less. I really like dogs, and I think he’s realized that. So, what was it?’
‘Nothing. The logs I have on the fire in my bedroom. Would you like to see it?’
This was a clear invitation to follow her to her bedroom, so off we went, glasses in one hand and handbags in the other, with the dog following on behind. The bedroom was large and very pretty. It had rustic furniture and a bed in the shape of a boat. The spotless white sheets were strewn all over it, while at the other side of the room was a hearth with a newly lit fire.
The bedside table was full of glasses with the remains of drinks in them, and with white stains on their sides.
‘My boyfriend was here this afternoon. We were in bed together, and then we broke it off. Strange, wasn’t it?’ said Beth, sniffing a line of coke. ‘Want some?’
She had scraped the remains of the white powder on the bedside table into a little heap. She wet her finger, dabbed it in the powder, and sucked it.
‘No, thanks. I don’t do drugs.’
I had a fleeting image of Beth flat on her back beneath a dark, muscular youth, and groaning as she came. They must have been taking coke all afternoon and then, when she was completely smashed, she probably told him to get out, tears in her eyes, to get out of her life for ever. And then later, when she recovered, she called the agency to send a girl so she could take her revenge on every man on earth, especially her boyfriend. I could understand that.
She put her arms round my neck and kissed me on my lips. Her tongue was hot and bitter because of the coke she had taken, and I soon began to feel my own tongue go numb. Despite this disagreeable sensation, we lay down together, until suddenly I heard another sound. I was sure this time it hadn’t come from the fireplace. No, it was from a huge wardrobe standing next to the window. Alarmed, I struggled up, though Beth tried to keep me in her arms.
‘It’s nothing! Come back, you can’t leave me all aroused like this!’
I didn’t pay her any attention, but opened the wardrobe door.
‘So it was a log in the fireplace, was it?’ I shouted, catching sight of a shape hiding at the back of the closet. I reached in and pulled the man out.
‘Hey you, come out of there! That’s enough of playing hide-and-seek!’
I tugged so hard that he nearly fell on the floor. Then I saw who it was! I couldn’t believe he would do something like that to me! Standing there before me was Pedro, as embarrassed at his failed ploy as at being discovered.
‘What, it’s you?’ I shouted, for once forgetting my good manners. ‘What the fuck are you doing here? Come on, explain yourself!’
Pedro tried to regain his composure, and sat down next to Beth, who seemed to be having an attack of hysterics. Her laughter filled the bedroom and set Paki off barking.
‘I’m sorry, my love,’ Pedro finally managed to say. ‘I wanted to give you a special present, so I hired this woman to give you a good time. Afterwards I was going to follow you home and tell you the test results were negative.’
He lowered his chin to his chest, just like a kid who’s been discovered being naughty.
‘What kind of a present is this? And I bet you wanted to make it a threesome. I nearly died of fright when I saw you in there. And because you’re incapable of getting a proper hard-on, you get someone else to do the work. And you hired a woman! You couldn’t stand the thought of me doing it with another man, could you, you asshole!’
At least I’d got it all off my chest, even though I was already regretting half of what I had said.
‘And who are you anyway?’ I asked, turning to Beth, who had finally calmed down and was searching for any last grains of coke on the bedside table.
‘Me?’ she said, as if I could be speaking to anyone else. ‘I’m the same as you. I do the same kind of work, but from home.’
She started laughing hysterically again. Pedro’s efforts to calm her down came to nothing. I got my bag and left, slamming the door in the face of poor Paki, who had followed me out.
Pedro decided to follow me, and when he got out into the street he started to run to catch up the hundred metres’ distance I was in front of him.
‘Wait, Val, please wait!’ he panted.
I waved to the first free taxi I could see coming down the street.
‘Marry me, please! I’m begging you!’
‘Go to hell!’ I growled.
I went straight home.
Partner Swap
25th November 1999
SEVEN IN THE evening.
No sign whatsoever of Giovanni. He promised me he would come today and we could spend the night together. But Susana hadn’t called to tell me I’ve got the night booked. I was on edge all day, and had the familiar sensation that for the second time in my life I was being betrayed. I tried to take a nap to relax, but I couldn’t sleep a wink. In the end I went to the gym to work it off. I took my mobile, just in case there was a last-minute call. Deep down inside, I still hadn’t lost the hope that I would see the Italian who had stolen my heart for a third time.
A quarter past nine at night.
I had been lifting weights for a hour, and was cursing all the men under the sun, when I got the call I had been waiting for all November.
‘Remember, at eleven you’re supposed to be at the Hilton Hotel.’
‘What do you mean, remember? Susana, this is the first I’ve heard of it!’
‘Well you know now, don’t you?’ she said, sounding confused. ‘Mae and you are spending the night with those two Italians. You should be happy, sweetheart, it’s all the more money for you.’
It was late, so I had to hurry. I flew home still dressed in my gym kit, and had a quick shower. The anger I had been feeling all day gave way to a sense of joy, so I did not even feel like taking Susana to task for not telling me earlier. Unfortunately
I didn’t have much time to get ready or choose a stunning dress, so I took the first I could lay my hands on, a black outfit I wore with a cashmere coat. I had to pick up Mae on the way, so I told the taxi-driver to wait. Mae looked divine, from which I concluded she had been told about the date much sooner than I had, because she had even found time to go to the hairdresser’s.
Susana was waiting to give us a slip of paper with the hotel rooms on it. To my horror, I read:
Val and Alessandro, Room 624.
Mae and Giovanni, Room 620.
I couldn’t believe it!
‘I think there’s been a mistake,’ I blurted out to Susana.
‘A mistake? Where?’
‘With the names. You’ve got them mixed up. Surely they should be the other way round.’
Mae was looking at me defiantly, and said ironically, ‘They must want a change. I was with Alessandro the last time. Now you can have him. I didn’t like him anyway. I reckon the other one must be better in bed. I’ll tell you tomorrow how the night went!’
I had to restrain myself from jumping on her and tearing her hair out. I could not believe it. How could anyone be so cruel: how could he lead me on to think he liked me? Not only that, but he was forcing me to go and spend the night with his friend! My head started to spin so fast I almost fainted. I didn’t know whether it would be best to escape there and then, or to spend the night with Alessandro and be the best lover he had ever had, so that the next morning he could tell Giovanni what a fantastic night we had shared. I wanted to make Giovanni suffer, to die of jealousy.
In the end I decided to pluck up my courage, and we took a taxi to the hotel. We arrived ten minutes early, so I suggested to Mae that we had a drink in the bar. I needed something strong to be able to withstand the humiliation I was being put through. I still couldn’t believe how shameless he had been. Would he dare look me in the eye? What if I never even saw him?
I asked for a straight whisky, with no ice. While I was drinking it, I could see that Mae was blissfully happy as she sipped her Fanta orange through a red straw. It seemed as though everyone was laughing at me, but I had no idea why all of a sudden I had become the clown.
