So look in the mirror, Martin, and tell me about the KWYA you see reflected there. We need to check that your inner choir is singing from the same hymn sheet.
Strive and thrive!
Pandora
From: Martin Lukes
To: Jenny Withers
Jens—Just looked at the hospital letter and seems I’ll be practically on nil by mouth for 36 hours before the colonoscopy, and have to take three batches of laxatives. I’ll stay home tomorrow and the next day, and probably best if I don’t go to Max’s debating contest tonight … Mx
MAY 4
From: Martin Lukes
To: Pandora@CoachworX!
Hi Pandora
I am trying to do your tests, though finding it hard thanks to some of the strongest laxatives on God’s earth which I’ve taken ahead of my colonoscopy tomorrow. Still, to the best of my current ability, here we go on my KWYA thingy.
KINDNESS to myself—Yes, I think I’m doing well on this. I’m learning to like myself much more. I’m broadly speaking pleased with what I see in the mirror—could be a bit thinner (though today alone I must have lost half a stone). I see a decent, funny person, good to have around.
WISDOM—Yes, I think the guy in the mirror has it. It’s not just wisdom about stuff I know, it’s wisdom about what makes me tick, and what makes others tick, too.
YOUR VALUES—Not sure that I can actually see my values in the mirror. As you know, I want to use my creativity, my networking, my sense of fun to make the world a better place. But not quite sure I can pick that up from my reflection.
AMBITION—I can certainly see that—this guy is already successful and is on the way up. It’s a look of determination in the chin. He wants to be a leader.
That’s about it. Though if I am being 140 percent honest there is something else I see—I can sense that this guy in the mirror is ill. But we’ll find out more about that tomorrow.
22.5 percent better than my very bestest
Martin
From: Martin Lukes
To: Phyllis Lukes
Dear Mum
Thanks for your e-mail. Yes, I survived the US trip well. Basically, I’m like you mum—tough as old boots, so no need to worry. My strategy is not to think about it, and to carry on as per normal. Colonoscopy tomorrow, so will keep you posted.
On a happier note, we should be hearing if Max has got into Eton in a few days. The lad seemed really confident after the exams and his last school report (did I show it to you?) says he’s a total all rounder—he’s a very useful spin bowler in cricket, on the first eleven rugby team, top set for maths, english, latin. He’s a chip off the old block, though possibly a tad more motivated than I was at that age.
Yesterday he reached the finals of the school debating competition (he’s got his mother’s argumentative streak!!) all foreigners are Wogs. Unfortunately I was too poorly to go, but Jens went and said he was brilliant, even though as a bit of a leftie she was on the other side of the argument. You would have been v proud though.
Keep your fingers crossed for me tomorrow. Will be in touch afterwards.
Much love
Martie
PS I can’t believe that your knee op has been put back again. It’s beyond a joke. I’ve really had it with the National Health Service. I think you should go private, and I’ll pay.
MAY 5
From: Roger Wright
To: All Staff
Re: a-b glöbâl 1st Q earnings
Today you will have seen the announcement out of Atlanta of our Q1 earnings. These show a continued squeeze on margins. It is imperative in this tough climate that we continue to contain costs. To that end I am today announcing the following measures, effective at once.
Cuts to travel budget. All air travel must be in economy class. There will be no exceptions to this.
Our contract with Bloomin’ Krazy has been terminated. In future we will have a display of imitation flowers in the 1st floor reception space only.
Headcount. Project ABC will reduce headcount by an estimated 15 percent. In addition I am today announcing a hiring freeze.
Vending machines. The 3p subsidy per cup will be rescinded, effective immediately.
Roger Wright
Acting Chairman
From: Martin Lukes
To: Graham Wallace
Trust you’ve seen Rog’s memo. Frankly, sometimes dying seems like the easy option.
From: Martin Lukes
To: Roger Wright
Hi Roger
I am extremely concerned at the hiring freeze. I should not need to remind you that the marketing department is the engine room of this company. If we do not have top talent in this department, we have zero chance of maintaining/enhancing our pole position as one of the creative engines in the a-b glöbâl family.
You will be aware I am currently looking for a Senior Brand Evangelist. This is a pivotal position and I am not aware of any internal candidate with the appropriate skillset.
Best, Martin
From: Martin Lukes
To: Jenny Withers
Darling—I’m back at home feeling very dopey after the sedative. Dr. Gorton may be the top bowel cancer bod in the country, but even he was defeated by my case. He claimed not to be able to find any cancer in the colon at all—which frankly, I find very worrying. Have just watched the video of my bowel and I’m 280 percent certain there’s a nasty shadow lurking on the bowel wall. I’ve phoned his office and spoken to one of his dopey assistants who says that shadows are “perfectly normal”(!) God knows where they get these people from. I’m definitely seeking a second opinion.
Come home quickly and watch it with me.
Love M xx
PS I’m very very hungry after my purge. Can you pick up a large Indian takeout on yr way back?
MAY 6
From: Martin Lukes
To: Pandora@CoachworX!
Hi Pandora
The medical profession are completely baffled by cancer and tests ongoing. The results have left me feeling very low and confused. When your cancer was diagnosed did you come across any medical experts prepared to think out of the box on this? Not 22.5 percent better than my bestest (if I’m honest!)
Martin
From: Martin Lukes
To: IT Department
ARE WE THE ONLY COMPANY IN THE WORLD WITHOUT A FUNCTIONING SPAM FILTER??? I AM TOTALLY FED UP WITH ALL THIS SPAM. I DON’T NEED VIAGRA, OR PENIS ENLARGEMENT—CAN SOMEONE IN THE IT DEPARTMENT GET THIS SORTED—NOW.
MAY 7
From: Pandora@CoachworX!
To: Martin Lukes
Hi Martin!
The great news is that your KWYA is in perfect harmony, and you are now ready for the next module, which is all about your heart.
Like many highly successful men, Martin, you let your head work overtime. You are extremely intelligent, Martin, and very logical, but unless you let your heart talk, you will achieve your goals, but you won’t be fulfilled, and you will have a working style that will veer on the demanding and the bullying.
So I am going to show you how to build a little bridge between the left side of your brain, which is the logical side, and the right side, which controls your feelings. Close your eyes, Martin. Imagine a red rose in the right side of your brain. Imagine a white rose on the left. Can you see those roses, Martin? Now swap them over.
The power of this exercise is amazing. If you do it every hour for the next four weeks, you will find the bridge is there and the difference in your decision making will be amazing.
Strive and thrive!
Pandora
From: Martin Lukes
To: Keri Tartt
Keri—do you mind if I ask you something? I’d really like your honest answer. Do you think my management style can be demanding, or even bullying?
Martin
From: Martin Lukes
To: Keri Tartt
Very kind of you to say so! Thank you! Next odd request. Can you come into my office
and help me perform a little trick with roses?! A large latte and an almond Danish would be nice … it’s something that may require a little sustenance!
M
From: Martin Lukes
To: Pandora@CoachworX!
Hi Pandora
For what it’s worth, you have got me wrong if you think I’m purely a “head” person. Certainly logical thought is extremely important to myself, but I reject 120 percent the idea that I am bullying. I’ve just asked for some honest 360 degree feedback from members of my team, who do not buy into the idea at all! That said, I’ll practice the tests and see what happens!
22.5 percent better than my very bestest
Martin
MAY 10
From: Martin Lukes
To: Phyllis Lukes
Dearest Mummy
Can you send me the name of your knee doctor and I’ll investigate the private option?? Really don’t worry about the money. Obviously I’ll pay for it. I thought I had already said that. Yes, the Eton fees are going to be an arm and a leg (assuming he gets in), but I’ve only got one mum, and I’m going to walk the extra mile to look after her!
Martie
From: Martin Lukes
To: Keri Tartt
Hi Keri
Great trousers! Very fetching!
Can I ask you to do a little something? Can you find out who is in charge of our health insurance? I want to wangle my mother’s op onto my policy. I know it normally only covers wife and kids … but I think I might be able to swing something … M
From: Martin Lukes
To: Roger Wright
Roger—You suggest Bettina Schmidt as a satisfactory candidate for Senior Brand Evangelist. I know that she has worked on some leading edge marketing projects for a-b glöbâl (Germany) before her maternity leave, but I understand she will only be working four days a week. We are all working 24/7 as it is—and a new member of the team must be 120 percent committed.
Rgds
Martin
MAY 12
From: Keith Buxton
To: All Staff
Hi everyone
I wanted to update you on where we are with our behaviors matrix. We must not lose sight that the purpose of it is to divide all our family into three streams—A, B and C. We feel it would therefore be inappropriate if our target behaviors are branded around the letter C, as these are the co-colleagues who do not have a future here.
I am delighted to say that we will unveil the matrix next week. In advance of that time, if any co-colleague would like to feed into the process please feel free to contact me.
Keith
From: Martin Lukes
To: Graham Wallace
Graham—Jesus fucking wept. I despair over this place. Rog is fobbing me off with some German girl as the new Suzanna who has just had a baby and who will have fried brains and be dribbling milk and dashing off home the whole time. Now bloody Keith has decided he doesn’t like my matrix after all. Drink later?
Martin
MAY 13
From: Martin Lukes
To: Keri Tartt
Keri, can I try something out on you?
When I was in the shower this morning I was thinking about the behaviors matrix, and this word came into my mind. Creovation. Cre-ovation—half creativity and half innovation! What do you think?
M
From: Martin Lukes
To: Keri Tartt
Thanks, Keri—I thought you’d love it! Jens doesn’t get it, or at least she pretends not to. Obviously I’m not going to say anything as clichéd as my-wife-doesn’t-understand-me, but last night she had the nerve to suggest she is the only one who is doing real work and I’m just faffing around. Keri, you are a massive reality check for me, you remind me that my creovative juices are flowing!
M
From: Martin Lukes
To: Jenny Withers
Jens—I know it’s your book club tonight, but I don’t think I’ll be able to make it back in time to hold the fort. I need to prepare something for Keith and BSM on creovation. With respect, I don’t think you quite grasped the point of it this morning—you were too busy giving orders to Svetlana and looking for Max’s cricket jumper.
Will probably be back 10ish.
Martin
MAY 14
From: Martin Lukes
To: Barry Malone
Hi Barry
Just wanted to say that I strongly agree that it’s inappropriate to have all our behaviors start with a C. I should explain how the suggestion came about—It was surfaced by a junior member of my team, and I included it in my presentation as I passionately believe in order to get a team to co-create effectively, you have to throw everyone’s ideas in the pot, stir them around before you start weeding the weaker ones out.
However, it’s important we don’t throw out the baby with the proverbial bathwater. The most important C on the list is creativity. This is our tool kit for changing our dna, if you will. I’ve been thinking about what sets the truly creative co-colleagues apart. It isn’t simply creativity. Neither is it innovation. What the highest flyers do is combine the two into a single behavior that I call Creovation. A Creovative idea is both out of the box and actionable. It is bolt-on and blue-sky. I passionately believe it should form the heart of our matrix.
All my very bestest
Martin
From: Martin Lukes
To: Barry Malone
Hi Barry!
Thanks for getting back so quickly! I’m totally delighted that you think Creovation is phenomenal. Can I revisit your image of the stonemason? If the stonemasons building the flagship St. Paul’s cathedral in London had been a bit more creovative, they might have come up with something less of a cliché than a bog standard dome!
All my very bestest
Martin
From: Martin Lukes
To: Keri Tartt
Hi Keri
I’ve got a challenging one for you. Can you find out how to register something as a trademark? I want to protect my intellectual capital in creovation, before someone nicks it.
Ta muchly M
MAY 16
From: Martin Lukes
To: Phyllis Lukes
Dear Mum
How are you? Glad to hear your roses are looking lovely.
I’ve got some great news re your knee op. It’s all sorted, you’re going to have it done at the Wellington, they’ll ring with a date later today. I’m still pretty hacked off with the medical profession—they still haven’t traced the source of my cancer. The only person who is being remotely helpful is Pandora, who is teaching me how to tackle it by exercising the right side of my brain. I know you think all of this is mumbo jumbo, and at one level I do too, but I’ve decided to give it a try. Let’s face it, I haven’t got much to lose.
Despite all this, everything is going v well workwise. I’ve come up with this new concept called creovation, which is going down a storm here. Which is ironic in a way given that my back is against the wall heathwise. Or maybe it’s not so ironic. Didn’t Beethoven write his finest unfinished symphony on his deathbed?
Hope to see you at the weekend.
Lots of love
Martie
From: Martin Lukes
To: Phyllis Lukes
Dear Mum,
You’re such a one for the Queen’s English!! It means part creativity and part innovation. Really mum, I think it’s time to wake up and smell the coffee. Times change, and you have to creovate!!
Much love
Martie
From: Martin Lukes
To: Keri Tartt
Thanks Keri, you’re a star! Question. Does the £125 buy me the tradmark in the world or just in the UK? I’m going to need global protection for this, as the market in these ideas doesn’t respect national boundaries!
M
MAY 17
From: Martin Lukes
To: Jenny Withers
Jens
Don’t forget that we’re going to
Chelsea Flower Show tomorrow pm with my friend Tim from Boogie Gargle Fink … Is my Hugo Boss pale gray pinstripe at the dry cleaners?
Mart
From: Martin Lukes
To: Jenny Withers
I told you about Chelsea MONTHS ago. What is this Eve-o-lution cocktail party? Is it some women’s networking thing? If it’s networking you want you can’t do better than Chelsea … all the great and the good from the advertising fraternity are at our table.
M
From: Martin Lukes
To: Keri Tartt
Hi Keri
How do you fancy going to the opening night of Chelsea Flower Show with me tomorrow? We’d be guests of BGF, which always pushes the boat out on these occasions … bubbly … nice eats. Hope you can make it. Posh togs the order of the day.
M
MAY 18
From: Martin Lukes
To: Bettina Schmidt
Hi Bettina
I understand you’re returning from maternity leave next week, joining us in marketing. I’m sure you’ll notice the buzz after Germany!
I believe you have requested Fridays off, but unfortunately I shall be starting a regular weekly team briefing, which it would be a shame to miss.
Who Moved My Blackberry? Page 9
