by C. J. Miller
Finding clean T-shirts and shorts, Jade gave Declan a shirt and an oversize pair of cotton shorts.
They crawled onto the mattress, the sheets cool on her body, and lay at the center of the bed. Declan took her foot into his hands and rubbed the arches and her aching toes. It was great to be out of the rain and humidity and crowd. The day wouldn’t have a perfect ending; Jade continued to think about her mother.
“It will be okay,” Declan said.
“When Livia is caught, it will be better. For now, I have to hope that she’s fixated on other things. Edith and River are leaving for their honeymoon tomorrow and getting out of town will be good for them. Every Colton has their guard up. She went after each of them, so she could go after them again.”
“Livia seems to have an ax to grind with her children. That’s incomprehensible to me. You’re her children. What could she possibly think you’ve done to deserve punishment?” Could Livia know Jade had told the authorities about the password book?
Jade took a deep, shuddering breath. “There are reasons. My mother did many bad things. She broke the law. She lied and hurt people without any remorse. Even during her trial, she didn’t apologize to her victims. When she was sentenced, she had the opportunity to express remorse for what she had done, both to the community and to her victims. She said her only regret was being caught. After she went to prison, she knew I’d betrayed her. And now, I’m afraid she’s figured out what I know.”
“Figured what out?” Declan asked. He stopped rubbing her foot and his face was filled with concern.
Their eyes connected. “I saw my mother kill my father.”
Declan set her foot on the mattress and drew her to him. “Jade, I’m so sorry.”
Jade nestled against him, enjoying the comfort of his touch. “I’m not sure how much she knows. But she might have known that I saw her bludgeon my father. I never said anything to her. I never asked her why. But I told the authorities her passwords to her bank and investment accounts, and the information gathered from that was a huge part of the case against her. If she’s put that together, that I was the one who revealed her passwords, she’ll want revenge. Me being her daughter has no meaning to her and after what I did to her, I expect only retaliation.” She had been waiting for that backlash for ten years. Until she spoke the words, she didn’t realize how burdened she had become.
Declan and Jade settled back on the pillows and Declan pulled the sheet over them. It was cool and crisp and tucked against Declan, she felt cozy and warm.
Declan kissed the top of her head. “She won’t come tonight. You’ll be safe with me.”
* * *
Jade was becoming accustomed to the protesters following her around town and showing up at the places where she did business. She’d seen the flyers and pamphlets, the long looks when she passed by someone in the group who recognized her, but they weren’t always confrontational enough to sling angry words at her. Between them and her mother lurking around Shadow Creek, almost nowhere felt safe. The only safe place in Jade’s world was with Declan.
He had been spending the night at Hill Country since Edith and River’s wedding the week before. They’d fallen into an easy pattern of work, dinner and early bed. Sometimes they read, sometimes they talked, sometimes they watched a movie, but it was developing into an intimate relationship that was shedding light on the more lonely parts of her life. With Declan in her life, she felt like she had more than her work, and that was good, because the protesters were having an impact on her business, scaring off donations and possibly making potential buyers change their minds about her horses.
Jade hadn’t realized how much she enjoyed Declan’s company until he was working in Austin and messaged her that he’d be late. They hadn’t made official plans and he hadn’t promised to meet her at any given time, but the disappointment was real and palpable. It put her in a low mood. He said he would call if he could make it by that night.
Her phone rang at nine. Reading in bed, she set her book on her bedside table and answered the phone. Declan’s number on the display made her heart flip-flop. “Hey, you.”
“Hey. Am I calling too late?” Declan asked.
“No, you’re fine. I was up.” Her eyes were heavy though. She had been up since four in the morning and she was ready for sleep. One of her horses had mistakenly pushed her against a fence, and her calf was bruised and aching.
“I’m twenty minutes out from Shadow Creek, but the FBI has a roadblock up. They’re stopping cars, and it’s either a drunk driving checkpoint or they’re looking for Livia.”
Jade shivered and rose to her feet. Though she had checked the locks on the doors and windows before bed, she wanted to check them again. “I’d love for you to stop by. Call when you’re outside.” Though being woken to answer the door wasn’t ideal, she wouldn’t be able to sleep with her door unlocked. This could be the unlucky night that Livia came after her.
A memory split into her brain and Jade winced as it rolled over her. “Oh my God.”
“What’s wrong?” Declan asked, alarm in his voice.
“I just remembered something. Something about Livia.” The memory was so disturbing, she wanted to purge it from her mind.
“Do you want to talk about it?” Declan asked. “I wish I could be there right now.” He swore under his breath.
The memory was filling in, little details coming to mind. “When I was little, I remember waking one night to hear voices in the house. It didn’t sound like my father or brothers, but it was a male voice. I was worried that something was wrong, that maybe someone needed to go to the hospital. I got out of my bed.” She had been scared and had tried to listen harder to hear what was going on. The floor had been cold beneath her feet and she had moved to the railing of the grand entrance and looked down. Only two lights by the front window were lit and she couldn’t see anyone. Checking her brothers’ and sisters’ rooms, she found they were sleeping quietly. Claudia was her first pick of someone to wake, but if it was nothing, she didn’t want to get in trouble.
Hearing the voices again, Jade had crept down the stairs, praying they didn’t creak.
Standing by the French doors leading to the backyard was a man and Livia. The man had his hand on Livia’s throat. He was speaking to her and she was hissing words back at him. Jade knew she should call the police, except her mother had been strange about the police. Even when they had learned in school about calling for assistance in an emergency, Livia had told Jade to never call for help without asking Livia first. It had struck her as odd and not what the teacher had explained, but Jade knew better than to question her mother.
Jade thought about getting her father and then had remembered that he was traveling to look into the purchase of another horse. She could get her siblings to help. Would it be too late? She peered around the corner again and saw her mother kissing the other man.
Livia wasn’t fighting him. He had her on top of the giant kitchen island, her legs wrapped around his waist and they were kissing. Not her father. Her mother was doing something she shouldn’t. Jade knew it and she was in no position to confront her mother over it. Worry and confusion had tightened around her, making her feel dizzy and sick.
She had slinked back to her room, got into bed, closed her eyes and waited for morning. “My mother was cheating on my father. And after my father returned from a trip, I saw the man my mother had kissed around the house. He worked for my mother, but in what regard, I didn’t know. I avoided him. I never made eye contact and I never told my father what I had seen.”
“That’s a terrible burden for you to have carried,” Declan said.
“It was another moment that made me hate my mother. Hate her. When I had the opportunity to lash out at her years later when the police questioned me, I took it. My desire for justice was second only to my need for revenge. That’s why I feel guilty. My motives we
re not pure in confessing to the police about my mother’s secret accounts and her book of passwords. I wanted to hurt her. I wanted to make her suffer like I had.” Jade waited for the judgment in Declan’s voice, for him to tell her that she shouldn’t have betrayed her family.
“You did the right thing helping to bring down your mother. That’s all that matters. Reasons aside, you did what was needed.”
His acceptance was healing salve on her soul. “I wish you were here,” Jade said.
“I know, me too, and I’ll be there soon.”
* * *
Declan had brought Jade dinner every day for the last week, including cooking for her twice in her home with groceries he had bought. She appreciated his company and his dining choices hit the spot every time. Tonight, she had told him she’d arrange dinner. Ticking through the list of possible meals she could serve—slow-cooker beef, lasagna, microwave dinner—she settled on El Torero’s. The location of their first sort-of date, and this time, she would pull out all the stops.
She had remembered what he ordered and she arranged for takeout of the same items, adding extra chips and salsa and a double order of flan. After picking up the meal from the hostess and paying, she exited the restaurant. At six thirty, Main Street was crowded, and she’d needed to park a couple of blocks away.
She heard shuffle of feet behind her and then a quiet, raspy voice. “You have a black heart like your mother.”
Jade froze. Keep walking. Don’t take the bait. If it was another of her mother’s victims, their anger blinded them. They wanted revenge and they didn’t care if that meant lashing out at the Colton children. Their anger needed a release.
“Black heart. Dead inside.”
Jade whirled and met the eyes of an elderly woman wearing a calf-length, button-down, burnt-orange dress. She had a yellow scarf over her head and she was supporting herself on a knobby wood cane. Despite the weather, she was wearing black leather calf-high boots.
Jade struggled for calm and peace in her words. Getting into a throw-down on the street wasn’t helpful to anyone. “I am not dead inside. What my mother did to me, my family and this town is inexcusable. But I won’t answer for her crimes.”
“You know where she is. She hides in your home.” The woman’s voice was low and scratchy and she pointed an accusatory finger.
Passersby stared as they walked by.
“I do not know where she is. If I see her, I will call the sheriff,” Jade said.
The woman poked at Jade with her cane. “Lies. Lies! A Colton mouth only speaks lies.”
Tears burned behind her eyes. Her mother was evil. She didn’t defend her or deny it. But to carry the blame of her mother’s choices was a burden she didn’t deserve. “Good day, ma’am.” She turned and stalked away, clutching the bag of food in her arms. She got into her car and set it on the passenger seat.
Her legs felt weak and her hands were shaking. Deep breathing. The old woman wasn’t wrong. Livia Colton was somewhere in Shadow Creek, lurking around, waiting to do God-knew-what to her and her siblings. People walked by on the sidewalks, oblivious to Jade’s distress. A young couple strolled past, laughing and holding hands. A family of four hurried down the sidewalk. She had never felt more alone. Rejected by the town where she had grown up and an outsider in her own family.
Jade set her arm on the steering wheel and laid her head on top of it. After several minutes, she was composed. If nothing else, through being Livia’s daughter, she had learned to mask her feelings and shut down parts of her emotions she didn’t want to confront.
She turned the key in the ignition and then checked her mirrors. A dark sedan was parked behind her. A man with a mustache sat in the driver’s seat.
He looked out of place, though Jade couldn’t pinpoint why. Perhaps an FBI agent following her, waiting to see if she was going to visit her mother. Jade sighed and decided after her encounter with the elderly woman on the street, she wasn’t up for another confrontation. Instead, she pulled out of her spot and drove to Hill Country. The mustached man in the dark sedan didn’t follow her. Perhaps she was being paranoid.
When she arrived home, Declan was seated on her porch in the wooden rocking chair she had bought at a yard sale a few months ago and had spray painted aqua. Even after a long day at work, he managed to look unbearably handsome. His gray pants and white shirt were still crisp and his posture was relaxed and inviting. Success in business probably had something to do with how he carried himself. Confident and calm, the type of man who was unwavering and firm, even in the worst storms.
“Sorry I’m late,” she said, getting out of the car and holding up the bags for dinner.
“No problem. I was enjoying the view. It’s so peaceful and after the day I had, I need some quiet.”
Sounded like a rough day. Ups and downs with her horses were the norm, but she liked that she worked with animals and not people. People created complicated problems.
Unlocking her front door, they entered the house. Twenty minutes later, they were eating. Jade debated telling him about the run-in with the woman and the strange man parked behind her just off Main Street.
“When I was leaving the restaurant, I had another person tell me I was a liar. Among other things.” The words were harder to speak than she would have guessed and the emotion she had tamped down rose in her throat.
Declan’s eyes creased in concern. “That sounds bad. Are you okay?”
“I was upset. Am upset. But I’m okay.”
“You should have told me right away.”
“It’s not something I like thinking about. Will my mother’s legacy ever be forgotten?”
“Eventually. Because she escaped prison, the news ran those stories again and rehashed the past and everything they print is sordid and dark. It refreshed things in people’s minds, and even newcomers to town or people who didn’t know about what had happened with Livia now know the story.”
“Do you think I’m destined to become like her? Or one of my siblings?”
“You are nothing like her. I see goodness in you. You’re creating your own legacy. Running this farm, caring for the animals the way you do. It’s incredible. Giving and warm.”
Jade blushed at his compliment. “Thank you. This farm means a lot to me. I’ve invested everything I have in it. But when people scream at me in the street, I wonder if I shouldn’t move. Go where no one knows me. Take my father’s last name. It was strange that my mother insisted her children’s last names be hers. But I like the sound of Jade Artero.”
“Do it. Change your name. Give yourself a fresh start. Take it from me. No good can come from dwelling on the past or letting it define who you are.”
He sounded almost angry. Though he had never spoken about it to her, Edith had told Jade that she and Declan had met in foster care and that their experiences had not been great.
“But if I’m not a Colton, I lose that connection to my siblings,” Jade said.
“That might be healthy for all of you. Maybe you should all break ties with Shadow Creek and the mess your mother made. From what Edith tells me, Mac was a better parent than Livia. Take his last name.”
Jade heard open hostility in his tone and she wasn’t sure how to react. Declan had never been like this with her, usually a sympathetic ear and kindness all around, but tonight, something was bothering him. His anger felt personal. “Did I say something that upset you?”
Declan forked his fingers through his hair. “I’m sorry, Jade. You hit a nerve.”
“Can you explain what nerve I hit?” Jade asked.
Declan shook his head. “I need to get some sleep. I need to think.” He stood and pushed away from the table. “I’ll call you tomorrow.”
“You’re leaving?” She couldn’t keep the hurt from her voice.
“I need to pack and be in O
dessa tomorrow to deal with a legal matter. I’ll be there a few days.”
“Then you’re planning to leave in the middle of this discussion and not even tell me what’s on your mind?” Jade asked.
“Jade, just let it be,” Declan said. His voice was uncharacteristically irritated.
“I can’t!” He was the most stable and warm part of her life. In the span of a few weeks’ time, he had come to mean a lot to her. “Tell me what I said that upset you this much. Are you upset at me? Are you upset at what my mother did in a personal way?” He certainly had reasons to be.
Declan forked his fingers through his hair. “I can’t get into it right now. I have a lot on my mind. I’ll call you tomorrow.”
With that, he left, locking the door behind him.
Jade stared after him. Something about her mother had infuriated him. Again, her mother was causing problems in her life. But Jade wished she knew what exactly she had said to make him so upset.
* * *
When Jade had spoken of her mother and father, Declan thought of his own. From that point, thinking of Livia having an affair with his father and the turmoil and heartbreak that had followed brought up fresh wells of pain.
In purchasing La Bonne Vie, Declan had realized that he wasn’t over what Livia had done to his family. He wanted to see her burn for ruining his parents’ lives and destroying his.
Being in Shadow Creek, and spending time with the Coltons talking about Livia, was causing him to relive those dark moments from his childhood. His parents fighting, arguing, his mom throwing dishes, and pots and pans slamming to the ground. It had been so loud and violent, Declan had hid in his closet. When his father had died, his mother had lost it. There had been no one to help Declan. Alone and scared, he had done the best he could.
He sometimes wondered if living with his angry, depressed mother would have been better than being in the foster system. He had known his mother loved him. It was a strange, push-and-pull kind of love, never knowing what mood she would be in, walking on eggshells. But she had loved him. If Declan had been older, he might have been able to take care of the two of them enough that he wasn’t a burden. In his mother’s degraded mental state, she hadn’t been able to care for herself or him. The choices she had made were selfish, and yet she had loved Declan enough to know she could not care for him.
