Marcus stirred slightly and settled again. Annie waited for his even breathing to resume. Annie suddenly had a thought. Jen was right about her needing to tell him, but she never said he had to be awake when she did.
“Marcus, are you asleep?” Annie asked in a whisper, feeling stupid for asking such a question. When he didn’t answer she took a deep breath and began. “I want to tell you how I feel. The last week of my life has been one of the most awesome of my entire life.” She stopped and bit her lip when she remembered him pointing out that she used that word a lot. She took a breath. “I’ve learned so much about myself and what a relationship could be... I’m grateful to you for everything. But… I don’t want it to end. I want to get on that plane tomorrow and know that I’ll see you again after we land. I want to go places with you and share ideas and dreams. I want to be with you Mar…” She stopped abruptly when she heard him sigh. She looked toward him in the dark; his snoring had stopped. “Marcus?”
“I’m awake.”
“Oh…” Annie grimaced, closing her eyes. “How long have you been awake?”
“Since you asked if I was asleep.”
“And you didn’t say anything? That’s rude.”
“I know, I’m sorry.”
Annie was embarrassed he’d heard everything she’d said. Even though she was technically saying it to him, it didn’t mean she’d intended him to ever hear it.
“Annie,” he began with a sigh. “You don’t want to be with me.”
“I don’t?”
“No, you don’t because you don’t know me. You only know Marcus but, I’m not really him.”
Annie was silent as what he was saying sunk deep into her soul.
“Me, the real me, I’m what people would call damaged. I’m not boyfriend material. Not in the real world.”
“Why not? Why are you any more damaged than the rest of us?” Annie asked, hoping against hope he wouldn’t shut her out.
He exhaled loudly, and there were a couple minutes of silence. Annie thought he’d fallen back asleep until he took a deep breath and began, “Seven years ago…”
Annie’s heart picked up as she realized he was actually going to tell her something.
“Seven years ago I was in a car accident. It was a bad one; a semi lost control on the freeway and I swerved to get out of the way. My girlfriend Lindsay was in the passenger seat. I swerved left and the truck hit her side. She was killed instantly.”
Annie felt as if she couldn’t breathe. So much about him made more sense knowing this little bit of information. She was silent, hoping he’d go on.
“I was in the hospital for just over four weeks. My body healed but…” He took a deep breath. “My heart and soul never have. Lindsay wasn’t just my girlfriend, she was my best friend. We’d known each other since first grade and had been together since high school. And then in a flash, she was gone.”
“You don’t think it was your fault do you?” Annie asked quietly.
“I should have swerved right. If I had she’d be alive today.”
“But you’d be dead.”
“The world would be a better place with her in it. It would be better with her instead of me.”
“Marcus…” Annie started but he cut her off.
“Anyway I tried to go on with my life. I went back to work and everyone tried to support me but they wanted me to talk about it, like that would help and I knew it wouldn’t. Eventually I moved and found new friends who didn’t know anything about it. I could never bring myself to get serious with anyone because, I always saw Lindsay’s face. I was always thinking of her; I still do. I miss her.”
“I can understand, to some degree.”
“I know you can.”
“So, why did you get into this business?”
“I didn’t want to date anyone. I wanted to be left alone. When Todd came to me about this job I turned him down at first, but the more I thought about it, the better it seemed. I was able to go places and see things, but with no commitments or expectations. I’ve been on so many trips to different places posing as people’s boyfriends; it’s really a sweet deal for me. I can go, have a good time; they pay me and pay for me. We get home, they say thank you and I go on with my life.”
“It seems like you’d get lonely.”
“I do sometimes.” There was silence for several seconds. “So you can see,” he went on, “why you wouldn’t want to get tangled up with a guy like me. I’m just a mess.”
“What if I’m already tangled?” Annie whispered.
Marcus exhaled loudly. “You deserve someone who isn’t damaged, someone who thinks only of you. I’m just not that person Annie, I can’t be that person.”
“Because you still love her?”
“Yes.”
“Will you always love her?”
“Yes.”
“Will you always, only love her?”
“I don’t know. I haven’t met anyone that I’ve felt even a fraction of what I felt for her.”
Annie closed her eyes and a tear slid silently down the side of her face. There were a few more minutes of silence as she processed what he’d told her. She finally said, “Thank you for telling me.”
“Thank you for understanding.”
Chapter 14
Sitting at the airport Annie felt so different than she had just one week earlier. She watched the people come and go. So many in a hurry; she wondered what was so important. Did they have someone or something to get to? She thought it strange how life is measured by how fast you can get from one point to the next. Annie couldn’t understand the constant need for everything, including time to move faster. In her experience she had always wanted time to slow down, or even stop. When her mother was dying she prayed every night to have one more day; prayed that every day would be longer than the one before it so she had more time with her. And now, waiting for their plane in a hustling, bustling airport, sitting next to a man that had come into her life with his own set of problems, she realized she felt the same way. Annie knew she felt as damaged as he did. It was strange to her to realize that everyone was damaged in their own way.
“You’re quiet,” Marcus commented from the seat next to her.
“Just thinking,” she told him. She felt his eyes on her but didn’t look at him.
They boarded the plane in silence. Annie tried to sleep but her mind refused to rest. Giving up altogether she turned to Marcus who was reading yet another book. “So, what do you do from here?”
He looked at her and thought a moment. “The same thing I always do, go on with my life until Todd gives me a call. I wait for the next job.”
Job, Annie thought. What a cold and correct way of putting it, yet, somehow it made sense to her for him to think of people as jobs. She supposed it made it easier to leave. “Is it ever hard for you?”
He looked at her with question in his eyes. She continued, “You know, to leave the girls? Has it ever been hard?”
He didn’t answer right away, and when he did his voice was low and quiet. “Sometimes. I’ve made quite a few friends over the years, some of whom I still stay in contact with.” He opened his book and continued with his reading.
Annie leaned her forehead against the window, watching absentmindedly as the clouds flew around them.
The plane landed and the two of them made their way to the baggage claim. Still silent they retrieved their luggage and walked to the front door, the line of cabs awaiting them.
“So this is it?” Marcus asked without looking at her.
“Yes, I suppose it is.”
“I feel like I need to apologize, for my conduct the other night at the party.”
“Do you?”
He turned to her. “Annie, I didn’t mean to… what I did was…”
“Unprofessional.” Annie finished his sentence. She looked up at him. “I know.”
“I don’t want you to think that it…”
“Meant something?” Annie cut him off again, looki
ng into his eyes.
He met her gaze and nodded.
“Don’t worry, I paid you so I guess we can just say it was part of the job.” She tried to hide the fact that she was hurting inside. She wanted him to go away thinking she would be alright, even if she didn’t believe it herself.
Marcus looked hurt by her words. He opened his mouth to reply but then closed it and remained silent. They watched the cabs come and go, neither one wanting to be the first to leave.
“I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t going to miss you, if I said I didn’t have an awesome time this past week,” Marcus said with a slight smile.
She laughed, thinking it funny he’d used the word awesome. “Me too,” she said as she kicked at a piece of ice on the sidewalk.
He reached into his luggage and pulled out a small, rectangular shape. “This is for you,” he told her. She took it, admiring the beautifully wrapped package. She looked at him and he smiled as she began opening it. It was heavier than it looked. She carefully pulled on the bow and then pulled the wrapping paper away from the box. She opened the tab at the end and felt the glass object hidden inside. Fingers shaking for a reason she couldn’t explain, she carefully pulled a picture frame from the box. Her heart stopped when she saw the image staring back at her. It was the picture of her and her mother she’d shown Marcus that night in their room, only larger. Annie’s eyes stung as the tears made their way to the surface. “Where did you get this picture?” she asked in a hoarse whisper.
“I hope you aren’t upset. I took your picture and got it copied, so now you have two. It was such a wonderful photo I felt it deserved a sturdy frame. I returned your original to your bag where you had it.”
Annie touched her mother’s face affectionately. The frame was glass with snowy edges and engravings of flowers and vines. It was the most beautiful, thoughtful… romantic thing anyone had ever done for her. She looked into his eyes; they were full of compassion. “It’s awesome, Marcus. Thank you so much.” A tear sprang and made its way down her cheek. She wiped it quickly and sniffed. “I’ll treasure it always.”
Marcus stepped forward and kissed her on the forehead. His hand rested on her cheek, warm and comforting. Annie allowed herself to lean into it briefly before he stepped back and raised a hand at a cab. The yellow vehicle pulled up and Annie watched as he loaded his luggage in the trunk and opened the side door to get in.
“Will you tell me one thing?” she called after him.
He turned back to her and gave slight nod.
“What’s your real name?”
He looked down at his shoes for a moment before looking back up at her. “Adam. Adam Montgomery.”
Annie smiled. “It’s a nice name.”
He gave her a half smile. “Goodbye Annie.” He turned, got in the car, closed the door and drove away. Annie watched until she could no longer see the cab. She felt pathetic, standing out in the cold, all alone, watching as a man she didn’t even know and yet loved drove out of her life forever. She held the picture frame in her hands, tracing the edges with her finger. Another tear fell and she sniffed and wiped it away as quickly as the last one. She put the frame back in the protective packaging and picked up her bag. She hailed a cab of her own, got in and told the driver where to go. As they made their way through the traffic and onto the freeway she took the frame back out of the box. She shook her head, trying to understand why Marcus… Adam, would do something so nice for her. She leaned her head back and took a deep breath. It wasn’t until she put the frame back for the second time that she noticed the envelope hidden in the box under some tissue paper. She pulled it out quickly. Her name was written on the front in neat letters. With trembling fingers she opened it, and then gasped. It was full of one hundred dollar bills! She pulled the money out and counted it quickly; twelve hundred dollars. Confused, she spotted another paper inside the envelope. She opened it slowly and read the words written in Adam’s clean, precise handwriting.
Thank you for everything. This holiday has been the best I’ve had in a long time. I wish the best for you in everything you do. You deserve the best out of life.
It was short, sweet and to the point, and yet filled with emotion. Annie felt like a dam burst inside her as the tears spilled from her eyes. She sobbed openly the rest of the way, the driver giving her sympathetic looks in the rearview mirror but never asking.
When she finally reached her dorm room the sobs had slowed but her eyes and nose were puffy and red. She walked silently into the small room and took off her shoes. Dropping her luggage next to the bed she collapsed on it. Her head ached from crying and her body was exhausted from lack of sleep. She hadn’t felt this weighed down since her mother had died. She sniffed pathetically until she heard the lock on the door twist and it opened. Roxy walked in slamming the door behind her in her usual gruff manor. She turned on the light and threw her purse onto her bed. It wasn’t until she popped open a beer and sat down that she noticed Annie.
“Oh, I didn’t know you were home.”
“I just got here,” Annie said quietly, trying in vain to hide her tear streaked face.
“You alright?” Roxy asked with the slightest hint of caring in her voice.
Annie sighed and sat up. She looked into Roxy’s large dark eyes. They stared at each other for a few seconds before Roxy just shook her head. “I told you.” Her head continued to shake in disbelief. “I told you not to fall in love with him.”
Chapter 15
Annie sat in her dorm room, deeply engrossed in homework. She’d dove into her classes head first, pouring herself into them, reading every page, taking notes, and never missing a class. She felt she would do very well this semester. Roxy, of course, let her know that she couldn’t spend the rest of her life hiding behind her school work but Annie found that for the time being, it was working for her. The four weeks since New Year’s Day had been some of the longest she’d ever known. She found herself thinking about Adam nearly every waking moment, constantly wondering where he was and if he was having a good day. She had stopped hoping to bump into him after a couple weeks, but still caught herself holding her breath when she saw the back of a tall blond stranger. It never was him but she couldn’t stop herself from making sure. Annie had just finished another chapter in her anatomy book when someone knocked on her door. She opened it to find Jen standing in the hallway.
“Hey! What are you doing here?” Annie asked as they embraced.
“Oh, Zack had a few days off and I did too so we decided to make a surprise visit.”
“That’s great!” Annie beamed. “Where’s Zack?”
“He said he had some things to do. He wants to meet us later.”
Annie nodded and they chatted as she showed Jen around the small apartment and explained her roommate situation.
“Is this the roommate that told you to hire Marcus?” Jen asked.
Hearing his name, though it wasn’t technically his name, made Annie’s heart ache unexpectedly. “Yes she is.”
“And where is this roommate now?” Jen asked nonchalantly. “Does she spend most of her days in class?”
Annie shook her head. “No, Roxy is at work right now. She’s a bartender at that place on the corner.”
“I see.” Jen smiled.
Annie walked to her bed and began stacking her books. “And his name is actually Adam.”
Jen blinked a couple times. “Who?”
“Marcus. His real name is Adam.”
Jen nodded. “Ah, Adam huh? Yeah he looks like an Adam.” There was silence for a few seconds before Jen spoke again. “Speaking of which, whatever happened?”
“With what?”
“With Marcus, or Adam, or whatever his name is.”
“Oh, ummm nothing. He went his way and I went mine.”
Jen raised her eyebrows. “That’s it? That’s all you’re going to tell me?”
Annie shrugged. “There really isn’t much else to say. I told him how I felt and he didn’t want more. I t
ook your advice and now I know. He doesn’t want to date me.”
“Why the heck not?”
Annie shrugged again.
“Oh my gosh, he’s gay isn’t he? That totally makes sense.”
“No he isn’t gay,” Annie replied. “He was in a relationship that ended and he’s not over her. I understand, and it’s fine. I’m over it.”
“So he had a bad break up, big deal. We’ve all had break ups, you have to get back on the horse.”
Annie gave her a look and Jen smiled. “So to speak.”
“He didn’t break up with her…”
Jen sat quietly, waiting for Annie to continue.
She took a deep breath. “It really isn’t any of my business.”
“Well you’ve already begun to tell me so you might as well finish it. You know I’m not going to let it go.”
Annie put her stack of books on her desk and sat on the bed, facing Jen. “His girlfriend died in a car accident. Adam was driving and I think he still blames himself for her death.”
Jen thought a moment. “That’s too bad.”
“Yeah, so he’s not over her. He isn’t dating anyone and from what I understood he hasn’t since she died.”
Jen’s head tilted sideways and Annie swore she could see the thoughts running through her brain. “So you’re saying, it’s not that he doesn’t want to date you… he just doesn’t feel emotionally ready to date anyone?”
“Basically.” Annie nodded.
“Hmmmm.”
“What?”
“Nothing, hey I have some errands to run and I know you have a class in a few minutes so what if the three of us get some dinner tonight?”
Annie nodded. “Sounds good. Do you guys need to crash here?”
Love For Hire: The Helena's Grove Series Book 2 Page 9
