by Ruby Dixon
I can’t imagine why he didn’t return to the tribe to get their help. He had to know the danger. Or did he just not care?
Raahosh pulls his bow free and carefully places an arrow. He aims it, and I watch as he launches an arrow. A moment later, the sa-kohtsk kit bellows in pain, and one of the adults bugles in distress. Feet move and the ground shakes. The hunt has begun.
The men split off, yelling and shaking their spears as they surge forward, chasing the confused animals. One lumbers into a trot, and the ground feels as if it is about to shake apart. Another follows it, and then the herd is moving forward, prodded by spears and screams from our hunters. We are small against them, but it is working.
At the center of the herd, the kit staggers. The mother noses it, trying to get it to move, and when it collapses to its knees, she bellows and then turns away from it, abandoning her child in favor of self-preservation. I see this from my vantage point next to Raahosh, and I’m suddenly frozen. My memories turn back to my father. This is what he chose. He sacrificed his own child – his firstborn son, Raahosh – when he was too injured. For a moment, I want the mother sa-kohtsk to turn around, to nudge her kit to its feet.
Instead, she gives a plaintive howl and lumbers away from it, abandoning it to us.
My heart feels as if it shatters in my breast. I think of Raahosh and his scarred face and come to a devastating realization.
My father was so broken that if I had been wounded like the sa-kohtsk kit before us, I suddenly have no doubt in my mind that my father would have left me behind like the mother beast does now. He would have abandoned me like he did Raahosh, to the ones he deemed as ‘bad’. Or worse, left me in the snow one day and turned his back on me.
I think of doing that to my own son – my Rukhar – and want to vomit.
Never.
I would never leave him or Har-loh behind. Ever. My father was wrong. He did what he thought he had to do to survive, but I realize now that it was not survival. It was mindless instinct. The man I have imagined as my father for so long in my bits of memories? The man I have revered? It is not the man I should be looking to for answers. It should be the man at my side, my brother. My brother who has tirelessly hunted at my side and gave me company even when I did not want it. Who brings his pregnant wife and has her sit with mine so she will not be lonely. Who risks his own family to help me protect mine. Who opened his home to me without question, and has never expected thanks.
These are not the bad ones.
“Move, Rukh,” Raahosh says, and gives me a shove.
I stagger off to the side, just as another one of the sa-kohtsk lumbers past, lowing in anger. I’ve been standing like a dazed fool in the midst of the hunting fields. Even as I roll away, another hunter moves between myself and the animal, driving it away. Protecting me.
These men all risk themselves for my Rukhar. For my family. I am humbled.
The rest of the hunt passes in a daze. I join the hunters as we circle loosely around the kit, bleating in pain and anger. Even though it is a young creature, it’s still twice my height, and could easily crush a man. It moves faster than the adults, limping as we surround it.
In moments, it is over. It is not a glorious hunt, but an effective one. I give silent thanks to the creature that died so that my son might live, and kneel near its chest. With my knife, I slice open the ribs and pry them apart, revealing the pulsing heart full of glowing blue slips of light.
“Is it safe to come?” Liz calls out from afar.
Raahosh waves her forward and one of the young hunters pulls Har-loh’s sled. My brother looks over at me and scowls. “You are an idiot. You nearly let one of the herd trample you.”
He’s mad at me. He’s mad like I would be at Har-loh if she did something so foolish…and it’s because he’s my family and he wants me to be safe. I’m oddly pleased by this, and I reach out and enfold him in a hug.
Raahosh is stiff, and eventually returns the hug awkwardly.
“Thank you,” I tell him.
“You are my brother,” Raahosh says in a low voice. “I will always help you.”
“Oh my God,” Liz cries out. “Can you two make out? For me? That would be so hot.”
Har-loh giggles. Raahosh shoves me, and then I move to my mate’s side, smiling. Har-loh gets to her feet and then she hands me the baby. “Is it time?” She seems nervous, smoothing her hands down her loose clothing.
I hold my son close. Even though it’s cold and his tiny face is scrunched up with anger, he’s not crying. It worries me. I look to Raahosh, because I’ve no idea how I get the khui in him.
“Make a cut at the throat,” Raahosh says. “Shall I hold him?”
“I’ll do it,” Har-loh says. “He’s my child.” She steps forward, her movements slow and tired, but determined.
I reluctantly hand my son back to her and then give her a kiss. “He will not remember the pain,” I tell her, though it’s half to convince myself.
“I know.” She gives me a wry smile. “Remind me to tell you about something humans call ‘sir-come-see-shun’ sometime.”
Liz cackles behind her.
I touch my son’s cheek one last time, and his eyes open. So dull and lifeless. They don’t sing with the vibrant blue that radiates from Har-loh’s eyes and from the eyes of every other person with khui. Do not worry, my son, I quietly tell him. You will be better soon.
I move to the slain sa-kohtsk and cut the heart free. The slivers of blue wiggle madly, as if trying to break out of the dying organ. It pumps slowly once more, then stops once and for all.
“Just one is needed,” Raahosh instructs as I gaze down at the heart.
I nod and turn to my mate. Her face is resolute, and she pulls the furs away from Rukhar’s small chest, exposing his upper body.
I clutch the heart against my chest and pull my bone knife free with the other.
“A small incision at the neck,” Har-loh instructs me.
My mouth is dry. I hold the knife over my son…but I can’t do it. His big, dark eyes blink up at me and his tiny fists move. I can’t hurt him. “I am weak,” I admit to my mate, hoarse. “Raahosh—“
“I’ll do it,” Har-loh says, and I’m humbled by my mate’s strength. She takes the blade from me and sucks in a breath, then nods. “Get one of the khui ready.”
By the time I pull one of the wriggling slivers free, it is done. The child’s cry is weak, more of a hiccup than a yell, and Har-loh wipes the blood from his neck, soothing him with soft clucks. Gently, I place the khui against the baby’s neck—
It writhes and slides into the wound before my mind can grasp. A moment later, the kit shudders and jerks, and Har-loh clutches him close, her body stiffening with worry.
“Is he…”
I clasp her shoulder, both of us intently watching our son. Moments pass. Long, tense moments in which no one breathes. The laughing, boisterous hunting party is utterly silent, even Leezh.
Then, the baby coughs. A moment later, he breaks into a loud wail and his fists raise in protest. Har-loh breathes a happy sigh of relief, but I don’t release my breath until he opens his eyes and I see the bright-blue glow in them.
At that moment, I know it will be all right. Relieved, I sink to my knees.
The others break into cheers.
Har-loh kneels next to me and offers me the angry child. “Do you want to hold your son?”
I take him in my arms and stare down at him. Already the wound in his neck is healing and his fists move vigorously in the cold air. I hold him close. My son. I look at Har-loh, and my heart overflows when she smiles at me.
My mate.
“Let’s go home,” I tell her.
Her brows furrow. “Back to the sea cave?”
I shake my head. “Home. With the tribe. Together.”
She bites her pink lip. “You’re staying?” Her voice is shy, full of hope.
I reach out and touch her cheek. “I could never leave you. Not you, nor our son.
We are a family.”
Her radiant smile is better than a thousand memories of my father.
Epilogue
One Turn Of The Moon Later
HARLOW
“Ow!” I wince as Rukhar’s little gums bite down hard on my nipple. His tiny fist holds on to my finger like he wants to fight me if I even think about taking my breast away. “Your son is a biter.”
“My son is a warrior,” Rukh says lazily next to me. He plays with Rukhar’s small foot and grins up at me from our furs. “He wants what is his.”
I snort, but I can’t complain as the baby gazes up at me with bright-blue eyes as he feeds. Ever since he got his khui, little Rukhar is not so little anymore. The baby has nearly doubled in size, which is shocking to me. He’s now plump and happy and a lot stronger than I expected. The tiny tail lashes back and forth as he feeds, impatient, and I wonder if I’m going to have to go see the healer again to increase my milk production. I switch breasts and the freed one dribbles milk and still feels heavy. Nope. Rukhar’s just a little piggy. Strangely enough, I’m fine with that. He’s so healthy it makes me beam with happiness to see him. Even his tiny horns are growing.
Rukh’s hand brushes over the blondish fuzz on the baby’s head and then strokes my arm. I still, because his touchy-feely-ness is something I’ve sorely missed in the last month. We’ve been caught up with the new kit and adjusting to the tribe, and my body adjusting to post-baby. There hasn’t been a ton of time for sex.
Okay, there’s been no time for sex. And I’m dying for my mate to touch me again.
Rukh’s fingers trace up the curve of my arm, to my shoulder, as he watches me feed our son. Maybe I can put the baby down and we can—
Someone rattles the string of shells in front of our ‘door’. It’s a curtain, but since you can’t knock on a curtain, I made the next best thing. It allows Rukh to feel like we have a bit more privacy. I pull a leather throw over my body as I nurse and Rukh sits up. “Enter.”
Vektal comes in, and Rukh gets to his feet. The chief looks harassed. “Leezh’s kit is coming. Raahosh is…not himself.”
Which means he is panicking. Not surprising, considering that over the last few weeks, Liz has gone from sharp-tongued to downright crabby as her belly expanded and she grew nearer to birth. Raahosh hovered over his mate and obsessed over the smallest things to ensure that his Liz was happy. Consequently, he is driving everyone else in the tribe crazy. Vektal and Rukh had talked about taking Raahosh hunting while Liz gave birth so he wouldn’t drive poor Maylak insane with his questions and nitpicking.
Rukh immediately grabs his spear and his hunting bag. He looks at me, hesitating.
“Go,” I say, waving a hand at him. “I’ll bring Rukhar over to Liz and see if we can’t distract her. You take care of the father-to-be.”
My mate moves to my side and caresses my cheek. “I will bring you home your favorite. With the new birth, the tribe will want to feast tonight.”
I chuckle, nuzzling his hand. “Just bring home a calmer Raahosh and that alone will be worth celebrating.”
He looks as if he wants to say more, but then nods and heads out after Vektal. I finish feeding the baby, burp him, and then change his leather swaddling out for fresh wraps. Funny how Vektal, Raahosh, and now Rukh have become such close friends. They argue and bicker like brothers, but they also support each other quite a bit more than I expected. Rukh has adapted well to living in the tribe, though when he is in a bad mood, he complains about the noise. But hunting with Raahosh and Vektal helps, and I think he’s growing to enjoy the company instead of being irritated by it.
When Rukhar is changed, I put on my pre-pregnancy tunic dress and am pleased to find it fits. I’m feeling more like myself, though I still miss the touch of my mate. I’ve stopped bleeding, though, and everything feels like it’s back to normal. That means everything can go back to normal, right? I hope so.
Because I sure do miss sex. I love Rukhar, and I love being back with the tribe…but I want my mate back, too.
I tuck Rukhar under my arm and head over to visit Liz’s cave.
She and Raahosh are near Rukh and me, at the back of the spacious cavern system that houses the tribe. I’m not surprised to see Georgie there, though there’s no sign of the healer. “Where’s Maylak?” I ask as I settle in to join the women.
“Taking a nap,” Georgie says. “It’ll be a while yet, according to her. Liz is barely having contractions.” She pats her own enormous belly with a sigh. Georgie’s more than ready to give birth, though the child in her stomach doesn’t seem like it’s in any hurry.
Liz makes a face at Georgie. “The moment you feel anything close to a cramp, you’re going to scream bloody murder yourself, so don’t give me shit.” She raises her arms. “Now, gimme my favorite nephew.”
I hand off Rukhar, and settle in to wait with my friends. I’m a little annoyed Maylak isn’t here, because I want to ask her about sex and if I’m okay to have it again. She’s the closest thing we have to a doctor, and I’m impatient to make a change.
It’s time, I think.
• • •
Day passes into evening, and evening becomes night before Liz’s baby makes its way into the world. Raashel is a fat, healthy baby with a shock of her father’s dark hair and her mother’s pale coloring…and no tail. It’s different than Rukhar but she seems otherwise perfect, so even Maylak isn’t worried. Liz sobs happily and holds her child as if it might break. When Raahosh enters to see his mate and their child, I swear the man looks as if he’ll burst into tears of joy. Georgie, Maylak, and I quickly exit the cave to give the new family some private time.
Outside in the main cavern, someone has broken out the sah sah and is passing it around. It’s a fermented drink that the sa-khui like, but I’m not a fan of it. Plus, I’m nursing and I’m pretty sure that’s not good for the baby. There are rowdy drunks and someone drums a song. Georgie yawns and makes a face. “I am happy for Liz, but I can’t say that I don’t wish it was me at this point.”
“You are close,” Maylak says, reaching out to touch Georgie’s swollen belly. “Your kit has dropped.”
Georgie brightens. “You think so? I’m so ready to give birth.” She rubs her enormous stomach. “I feel like I should have been the first one to have a baby, and you and Liz are ahead of me.”
“Babies come on their own time I guess,” I say, holding sleepy Rukhar against my shoulder. He’s just finished feeding again and is ready to nap. “You’ll have plenty of time once he gets here. Or she.”
Georgie nods and holds her arms out. “You want me to take him for a few hours? Give you and your mate some alone time?”
It’s like she can read my mind. I blush and hesitate, looking at my sweet baby’s face. He won’t need to feed for a bit, and I wouldn’t mind getting Rukh alone. I look over at Maylak as if asking for permission.
She puts a hand on my now-flatter stomach, which startles me. Her eyes glow bright for an instant, and then dim again. She nods. “Your body is well.”
Georgie wiggles her hands, indicating I should pass the baby over. “Were you guys planning this?” I grumble as I hand her Rukhar.
“It’s a little obvious that you guys need some alone time,” Georgie says with a grin, tucking my son against her with an adoring expression on her face. She cups his little head and then glances at me. “Vektal says Rukh can’t stop staring at you every time he sees you, and he’s distracted on hunts.”
I blush. “Well, we can’t have that, can we?”
She winks at me. “Besides, this’ll give me an excuse not to party other than ‘I’m too pregnant and tired’.” She disappears into the celebrating throng, heading back to her cave. For a moment my entire body itches, and it takes everything I have not to chase her down and snatch my baby back. A few hours away will be good for both of us, and Georgie is more than ready to get some baby practice time in.
Maylak chuckles at my expression and pats my shoulder. “It gets ea
sier, I promise. You will soon be excited for the days when someone offers to take your child for a few hours. For now, enjoy tonight and enjoy your mate.” She smiles and hides a yawn. “I’m off to find mine and my bed.”
Not the worst idea I’ve heard so far. I glance around the cavern, looking for a familiar pair of horns and a man that stands slightly differently than the others. I spot him easily – he’s off by the central fire pit, helping to butcher the kill and chatting with Vektal as he does. They chat with Oshen, one of the elders, as he spits some of the meat for the humans. Even though it’s been a year and some change, not everyone can get used to eating their food raw, and kills are divvied up accordingly. I still prefer mine cooked, and I’m guessing that’s why Rukh is waiting nearby.
As if he can hear my thoughts, my mate looks up and makes eye contact with me. A possessive gleam shines in his gaze as he watches me. I bite my lip, wondering if I want to wait for food, or if I want to enjoy the time with my man instead.
I tilt my head at our cave, suggesting Rukh meet me there. I’m going to go with ‘mate’ instead of food.
I watch his response, as his nostrils flare and his body stiffens. He cuts Oshen off mid-comment and leaves the group, heading directly for me. Oshen looks confused but Vektal merely grins knowingly as Rukh heads across the cave.
I meet him halfway, admiring how handsome my mate looks. He’s come a long way since the first time I saw him. His wild hair has been tamed into long, sleek braids that keep his mane off his face. Instead of the loincloth I had to fight to get him to wear months ago, he now has leggings decorated with dyed quills running up each side and thick fur boots. He wears no shirt, but I don’t think he needs one. He’s got a gorgeous chest and I’m selfish enough to want to look at it all the time. Heck, I can’t seem to stop staring at it right now. My mouth goes dry as he comes closer to me, and I press my hands to that gorgeous, blue flesh. “Hello there.”
