Fire & Shadows

by Rochelle Maya Callen

  Lynx paused. He lifted his hand to Jade’s cheek, cupping it and looked into her eyes. It looked like he was about to say something; she crinkled her nose when he didn’t. Instead, he searched her face and an unreadable sad expression passed over his face. He leaned forward, and kissed her forehead and then patted her shoulder. She narrowed her eyes at him confused. “Lynx, I—”

  He turned away from her, his eyes purposefully on me. He did a quick nod toward the door and I knew I had to follow. “I’ll be back, my dear. I need to talk to the angel.”

  The way he said ‘the angel’ sent a shot through me. It sounded like a curse word, an accusation, an ugly thing. I immediately felt defensive, as if I needed to reinstate the dignity in the word. I followed him out into the garden. As soon as the door clanged shut, he turned on me. “Why did you come?”

  It had been months since I had been with Jade and Lynx, and the reason I came to their doorstep so long ago was foggy even to me. It seemed as if years had passed... decades even. As if that day was a million smiles, jests, stolen touches and secret glances away. Lynx took my hesitation as if I was preparing to lie.

  “Don’t.”

  I wasn’t going to lie. I was about to utter the most true words I had ever spoken. I was about to confess to this man in robes, smudged grey, and wrinkled because he was the only one I could tell. “I came because Heaven wanted Jade. I didn’t leave because I realized that I wanted her more.”

  Although Lynx’s eyebrows only tipped up the slightest bit, I could tell that he was surprised by my confession. His eyes drifted to the door behind me, one eyebrow arching up. “Are you and Jade...”

  “No,” I said quickly. “She doesn’t know... how I feel,” I said. “I don’t want her to know. I just... don’t want to leave.”

  “Why can’t she know?”

  “Because... there is no way in Heaven or ellHell to be with her. And I’d rather think that is the reason I have to keep my distance, than the idea that she knew and simply does not want me back.”

  Lynx smiled at this; which it seemed like the cruelest thing to do in the moment. “I am not sure that would be the case.” I wanted to ask him if he knew something about her feelings, but he plowed on with more urgency. “We are being tracked.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “We are being tracked and they are getting closer. We don’t have much time...”

  “How are we being tracked? I never disclosed your location. I never...”

  “The angels have gotten hold of a Memory Weaver and the demons are following their trail.”

  I deflated. A Memory Weaver. A person who could tap into the mind of another and search through memories for answers. She could also twist memories and take them away. But what could she have used? What could... my shoulders hunched in. The bloodied cloth. The cloth that I had used to know the scent and feel of Jade’s presence. The one I had tossed aside because I didn’t want to have a piece of her in my pocket. They were coming and it was my fault. I raked my hand through my hair. “What are we going to do?”

  “What we must.” The tinge of sorrow in his voice sounded alarm bells in me.

  “And what is that?”

  “We have to strip her of her memories and send her away.”

  I gasped in a breath, startled. “You mean...” I shook my head. “No. No! We can’t do that to her.” It wasn’t a selfless statement. Of course, it seemed like a terrible betrayal to do that, but more so, I would have no place in her world. I would be a stranger and so would Lynx.

  “You would go with her. You would protect her. You would help her remember,” Lynx said calmly as if he knew exactly what I was thinking.

  The anger subsided slightly. I would go with her. I looked to the closed door that went into the house. Jade was on the other side trying to practice how to fend off a demon, a demon that lived inside her.

  I looked back at Lynx, pain tearing at my voice. “How do we do it?”

  Weaker, I couldn’t hold off the memories. Weaker, everything felt too heavy. Lynx was here, but with the way the icy walls were stealing my energy, I didn’t know if I would be able to leave this place intact. I looked at Jade as we stepped into a new corridor and we both skid to a stop. Gnarled, grotesque bodies stared back at us. I gasped as we saw hundreds of beasts frozen in the ice walls.

  “What is this?” Jade breathed.

  I knew the tales, the stories told to the children of the Gold City. The devil had an army of beasts that would tear apart the angels limb from limb and gnaw on their bones. The stories had faded into legend, into myth. But here they were... frozen and waiting.

  “This is the lost army,” I said. “This is the army we will have to face.”

  Jade shuddered, before reaching out her hand to graze the ice in front of one of the monstrous soldiers. Her face flickered for a moment and I thought I saw something like pride before the fear settled back in place. She tore her hand away and grabbed mine. “We have to hurry!”

  45

  JADE

  A SICK KNOT in my stomach was twisting as we passed the monsters in all the icy corridors. I wouldn’t stop again—I couldn’t look into their glassy black eyes, or the scarred tissue of their faces. I followed the screaming, and deep down in the darkest part of me where Dejanira rested, I could feel something like glee bubble up with every ear-splitting screech. The knot twisted harder. My tattoo blazed brighter. His screams echoed in the crystalline ice chambers. Every scream from Lynx was a stab to my chest. The previous night, it was his voice who comforted me in my dream; he was the one who had saved me from this place; he was the one who sacrificed so much... and now this. Tears streamed down my face.

  The screams echoed from a large, cavernous blue void past the monster. If it weren’t for the screaming, it would have been beautiful. But with Lynx’s body misshapen and frozen in the ice, it was nothing but an ugly prison chamber. Giovanni and I ran and slid on our knees on the floor as the ice changed from flat crystalline floor to rough-like frozen undulating waves. Lynx’s shifty eyes wouldn’t focus on me; it was as though he couldn’t see me at all. “Lynx. Lynx!” The tears streamed down my face like rivers. They wouldn’t stop. “Listen to me! We are here. We are going to get you out.” I tried pulling at him, but his body was partway submerged in the ice.

  Giovanni quickly stepped forward; his arms reached up around me and braced themselves on the wall of ice around Lynx. Giovanni’s voice shook, his breath hot against my ear. “Jade, Jade, please. Reach deep, try to feel the Seraph inside you. I can’t do this alone.” Giovanni never, never, had pleaded or begged me of anything. Then why was the tremble and desperation in his voice something that clenched my heart in such a familiar ache? His heat radiated off him and burned into my back.

  The ice started to melt and drip down in rivulets breaking the ice, and freeing the lake, inch by inch, releasing Lynx’s broken limbs. I held his cheeks in my palms, sniffling and remembering the strong, proud white-haired man behind his red door. This man was a twitching, lackluster man, his bones splintered and his skin frost bitten. Reach. Reach. Reach. I tried. Tried so hard to find the well of heat and strength and heaven, but I grasped at nothing. Just an oily sea of her grasped at me.

  There is nothing else to reach for, Dejanira cooed. Nothing else at all. I gritted my teeth and retreated from my mind. Giovanni was grunting from the effort as his cobalt energy continued to melt the ice. My fingers grazed Lynx’s cheeks. “I remembered, Lynx. I remember you saving me. I promise,” I said, throat raw and weak, “We will save you now.”

  As soon as his arms were free of the ice, he began to wiggle his fingers as if he disbelieved that he was actually seeing his own hands in front of him. His eyes rolled back for a moment so I could only see the white of them. I gasped and shook his face. “Stop it, Lynx! Look at me!”

  He did. His pupils dilated to pinpoints, his eyes widening. A furious snarl appeared on his lips as he lashed his hands out at me, trying to scratch at my face. All th
e melted ice had started to break apart and create a lagoon on glacial water. I jumped back, colliding with Giovanni. His arms wrapped around me for a brief moment protectively. Lynx had started to slip under. Giovanni turned me around to face him and inspected my face. “You’re fine.” He pushed me aside while Lynx was snarling. Giovanni started to haul him out of the water. Lynx’s gaze never left me; he was predatory and determined.

  I shivered. A wave of black tar swooshed into my mind. You shouldn’t fear anyone. You shouldn’t shake, cower or tremble. You are perfectly made and the world should bow and tremble to you.

  My hand started to rise on its own. I could feel a violent energy hum within it and it was not going to be merciful. I worked to keep my hand from rising and noticed that just a thin sliver of my tattoo was left... an amber glow amidst white raised skin. My arm flailed and jerked out of my grasp. Lynx snarled at me again, as if he recognized the gesture. As if he knew what was coming. I gasped in a breath, biting the inside of my mouth. I reached forward and snagged Giovanni’s knife looped into the side of his boot. I fell to my knees and started carving into my skin, re-opening the lines that were there before. The jerking in my arm dissipated, but I could hear a growl rising up within me in protest. I had no idea how we would even be able to get him out,

  Once the mark was made, I felt the calm, my clarity and strength settle back in. Almost immediately, the wound started closing and I could feel the lethal desire creeping in.

  “Oh daughter.” The familiar voice sounded behind me. “Stop cutting that lovely skin of yours. It won’t save you. Not here.”

  I turned around and saw my mother, Lilith in all her morbidly cold beauty, glide towards us.

  46

  CONNOR

  I COULD BARELY stand when the sun came up. I felt there was an incredible weight on my head, splitting it open. Shards of glass dug into my palms. I stumbled out of bed, barely missing the broken mirror on the floor. It took me a minute to register that the blood—the blood smeared on my hands, the bloody spots on the floor, the red on my sheets—was mine and it was everywhere. I heard the phone ringing. It was a shrill sound that sawed into my brain, but I had to get it. It could be Matt or Nanan. They had said they were close to figuring out the portal. My feet shuffled into the hallway, and plucked up the phone receiver. I heaved in a deep breath before I could say “Hello?”

  “We got it. Holy shitballs. We actually got it!” Matt’s voice was vibrating with energy, and feeling so weak and lethargic, I couldn’t imagine how so much energy was possible.

  “That’s...good.” I wheezed out.

  “Um, can I get a little more excitement? I mean, I was here at the witch lady’s—ouch! Sorry! No offense.” Matt’s voice dipped to a whisper. “Witch lady knows how to use a broom as a weapon. Anyway, we have it all set up here. Just come over... and, and we can...do this. Oh, and witch lady says bring something that Jade wore.”

  I nodded, but then said, “Okay” when I realized he couldn’t see me. I started shuffling back to my room to snag the shirt Jade had worn—my dad’s shirt—and stuff it in my back pocket.

  “Maybe have some coffee or something...because you don’t sound enthused enough for teleportation. Chin up, buttercup. Your demon girl is gonna be in your arms in no time.”

  I started to laugh, but the feeling was so ragged and painful that I just hung up instead. I leaned my shoulder against the wall as I descended the stairs. I reached for Jade... but she was shut off to me, so far out of reach. I walked into the kitchen and stopped, narrowing my eyes.

  Mom sat shaking at the kitchen table.

  “Mom? Mom, is everything all right?” I asked her and each word was like a blade to my throat.

  She jerked her head from side to side. “N-no. Connor. Th-things are n-not all right.”

  That is when I noticed them. Two men and... I cocked my head to the side. Dr. Trist? The psychiatrist from the hospital? “Mom? Mom, what are they doing here?” More knives in my throat.

  Mom burst into sloppy sobs. I wanted to go and wrap my arms around her, but I could barely move and then they were stepping between us.

  “Hello, Connor. We met in the hospital. I am Dr. Trist.” He trailed his fingers over the ten hairs that covered his bald head before pulling out a small notebook from his pants pocket. “Your mother contacted me about—some concerns—she has. I would like to talk to you about them.”

  He took my silence as permission to proceed. “She has mentioned some peculiar behavior on your part... obsessive rituals, lack of appetite, talking to yourself, talking to inanimate objects.”

  I was shaking my head before he was finished. “I—I’m not crazy.”

  “Oh, son, people rarely see when they are struggling.”

  “Don’t call me son.” My voice was sharper than I intended.

  “Okay, I won’t call you...”

  “I didn’t know what to do!” Mom’s voice clawed through her whimpering sobs. “You have to go with them, Connor. I can’t keep you unsafe. And you are unsafe here. I—I can’t lose you.”

  “Mom—you aren’t losing me. What do you mean? Go with them?”

  “We are here to take you to a residential mental health facility in New Orleans. We are hoping that our program there can help you with your—schizophrenia.”

  “I am not a schizophrenic!”

  “Then explain what’s going on!” Mom yelled.

  “I can’t!” I yelled back and winced at the pain.

  “Now, Connor. It would be best if you just go with us quietly...” He took several strides toward me and placed his hands on my shoulders.

  “I won’t go anywhere with you.” I pushed him away.

  “Violence... violence isn’t tolerated.” Dr. Trist said as he straightened the lapels on his suit jacket and arranged his tie. “You are coming with us. Willing or unwilling.”

  “Mom? Mom!” I searched her face, but her eyes were glassy and far away. Desperation brought her to this. Fear. “Mom, tell them to leave.”

  Mom shook her head and ever so quietly, said, “No.”

  The two men behind Dr. Trist moved forward. One had a taser poised in his hand. What if they got me and dragged me to whatever car was waiting outside? What if I never got to Nanan’s? What if...

  “Stay away from me.” I growled as the men try to take my arms. Their faces contorted to a sneer and I could hear the hum of the taser turned on. I can’t be taken. I can’t.

  Then you won’t. Jade’s voice tickled my mind... but it wasn’t Jade’s. It was a slithering sound, but even as I questioned it, a well of strength bubbled up within me, and as the men in suits lunged forward, I jabbed my palms forward, and right as my hands made contact with their chests, frost webbed out over their bodies and they froze in place.

  “What the hell?” Dr. Trist reached for his men and his rage brimmed over in his gaze. “What have you done?”

  I lunged forward, wrapped my fingers around his throat and tightened, letting the frost unwind and coil around him. “I can’t be taken.” I whispered just as the frost shone over the lines of his face.

  Mom stood up and ran to the men, examining their faces, trying to shake them. Adrenaline pulsed in me and I was running to the door, only glancing back for a moment and yelling to my mom: “Don’t follow me!” And with that, I was out the door.

  Nanan and Matt were already there when I walked through the door. A large circle with runes and symbols were etched along the edges.

  Matt looked up at me, did a double take and blinked, “You seriously look like shit, man.”

  “Thanks.”

  “No offense, but were you hit by a truck since I saw you .yesterday?”

  I felt like I had been, but it was Nanan who answered. “She’s pulling on his strength.” She shuffled to me and took my face in her cold, withered hands. “Oh, my boy, you ain’t gonna last. Not like this.”

  She snapped her fingers at Matt. “Light them candles and draw the unbinding rune.” She looked
back at me. “Do you have it?”

  I pulled the shirt that I had shoved partway into my back pocket. Jade had worn it and it still smelled like her. Nanan nodded when she saw it. “Good.”

  “Step inside the circle, my boy.”

  “What?”

  “We are gonna need some of your blood, boy. Hers is linked to yours now, and since we don’t got her, you’re next best thing.”

  “How much blood?”

  Nanan pulled out a small gold dish and a blade. “Enough to fill the bottom of this.”

  I nodded and stretched out my arm to her. She made a cut and the blood spilled into the plate. I winced at the sting, but was amazed that I could see it healing before my eyes, slowly—but very real.

  I gasped as Matt let out a very loud, “Holy crap!”

  Nanan set the dish at the head of the circle and motioned for me to stand in the center. I breathed in deeply and moved to the center.

  “Once we start this, we can’t stop. And if we can, we will send you to her right after the Unbinding.”

  “I—I can’t reach her... I can’t get through to her mind to warn her.”

  Nanan’s eyes grew wider. “Dejanira is getting stronger since they are in Hell. She’s rejecting your presence.”

  “I just hope this works.”

  “I do too.”

  “Uh, yeah, me too. Don’t forget the brains behind this operation.”

  “Of course not.” I coughed and when I pulled my hand away from my mouth, it came away bloody. “Let’s get started.”

  47

  JADE

  I FACED LILITH, eyes blazing, poised to cut into my skin again. My heart pounded a frantic rhythm. I can’t give up.

  Lilith lifted her brow and sneered, “By all means keeping fighting. The more you fight the weaker you will become. The weaker he will become.”

  My gaze faltered. Connor?

  Her laugh was cruel, “It’s inevitable. Your true nature will win. This is the way it is meant to be.”