51
JADE
GIOVANNI WAS FAR ahead on the trail, but I could feel him glancing back every few minutes. I rubbed my neck and the raised flesh there. It stung as if it were an open wound and alcohol was being splashed on it. I rolled back my shoulders and stepped back on the path, careful not to trip into the demonic energy. I wouldn’t be able to survive that again. That is when it hit me—a blow to my belly that knocked me back. I grasped onto a tree branch to steady me. The strangest sensation sprang up in me and I felt like I was pulling, yanking, dragging something toward me. My body bowed forward, hollowing out as the breath sputtered out of me. Dizziness racked me and I felt nauseous. But then... something, something tickled my mind... then his full image blossomed there and I held onto it, staving off the faint feeling. Soap, sweat, his old house, sunlight, and him... Connor. The image of him was so vivid and beautiful that I wanted to fall back into the wet grass and dream he was here beside me, and I was wrapped up in his arms. I closed my eyes tightly, vaguely registering Giovanni calling far away. Wind picked up. I could feel the trees swaying and the leaves dancing around me as the burst of air hit me hard. I didn’t open my eyes, because I didn’t want to lose the beautiful sight of him.
I felt warm strong arms wrap around me. I furrowed my brow for a moment... was this a part of my daydream? Had I really fallen back into dreams? “Jade?” It was a light sound, a breath on my cheek. I smiled a bit. Yes, I was dreaming, and in my dream, Connor was holding me. “Jade, Jade, I’m here!” It was the enthusiasm and the hands on my shoulders shaking me that finally got me to open my eyes.
I gasped. Breath tore out of me and it took considerable effort to force it back in. He was there. His tall, lean form. The light in his amber eyes, the tan of his skin. He looked older with a little stubble on his chin, his eyes more intense, the skin beneath them dark, but this, this was my light-filled man, my Connor. Even now, an overpowering bright green flooded the air around him. He was blazing... and here. I blinked at him, still stunned.
He looked almost as shocked, even with his warm, calloused hands cupping my cheeks, his thumbs tenderly gliding back and forth on my cheekbones. He looked at me as if I wasn’t actually there, or that if he let go, I would fall and break. I swallowed hard. “I—I can’t believe that you are here.”
He let out a choked, small laugh. “Well, I can. I worked my ass off to get here.”
A giddy feeling rose up in me. He was here! My arms went around his neck and I pulled him closer to me. So close to me that I could almost hear my ribs protesting. “I missed you so much. I didn’t—I didn’t know if I would see you again.”
“Hey,” he pulled back, and tapped me under my chin, “do you remember what we said? That night before the dance? I will never let you go.”
Those were the precise words I had said when the life was breathed back into him. When my tears saved him. And then, I had left him in a hospital bed... alone. With just a note. I stiffened. A note he never received. I couldn’t muster the anger back up for Giovanni. I couldn’t even spare a glance in his direction; I was too consumed with happiness to be in Connor’s arms. I stood on my tiptoes and brushed my lips against his. His eyes widened before a huge smile spread across his lips. “You know, I dreamed of kissing you. A lot. I almost didn’t believe that I had really kissed you that night. Everything had gone so fast. But we did, didn’t we? Kiss.”
I didn’t answer him. Instead, I pulled his face down to mine, slanting my lips over his, tasting him with the same languid strokes of my tongue and press of my lips, with the same fervent need that he had kissed me with that first night. I felt my body edged back against a tree and I was pinned between the trunk at my back and Connor’s body. Our breath was heavy and tangled together, lost between kisses, whispers and little smiles. My fingers dug into his back because I just needed him closer, so close, so much closer, and I didn’t know how it would be possible, but I knew that it was... somehow.
Suddenly, I felt Connor tear away from me. The absence of him felt like I had fallen into a tremendous void, breathless. I opened my eyes just in time to see Giovanni’s ruthless face contorted by a sneer as he cocked his arm back and punched Connor straight in his face.
52
GIOVANNI
RAGE. VIOLENT RAGE rocked my entire body. How was he even here? My knuckles ached where they made contact and I was even angrier that the boy hadn’t flung straight back into the air. He had fallen back, but not the same way a mortal should bend and break to the might of an angel. I picked him up by the collar and punched him again across the jaw. He stumbled back dazed. I pivoted toward Jade; her mouth was in a wide-open O and her eyes so wide that I thought they might pop out of her head. Her lips were still wet and swollen from her kisses with the boy, and that just caused the anger to coil up in me like a snake and ready to strike again. I wanted to shake the confusion, anger and lingering sweetness off her face. I wanted to break the boy until he was splinters on the ground. I wanted to tear the world apart.
“Hey, asshole.” I bristled. The boy spoke to my back. I jerked back around just in time to see the huge tree trunk attached to his hand hit me square in the face. And right on impact, the day sputtered out and I was falling; I knew for certain that no one was going to catch me.
EPILOGUE
GIOVANNI
I COULD HEAR them giggling and kissing in the dark. I felt hollowed out and torn. I dropped my head into my hands, and then cupped my hands over my ears trying to ease out the noise, their noise. Jade looked at him in a way that she never looked at me. She was animated and alive. Her enthusiasm and her smiles came so easily. I tried to call up the golden spires, the chariot of honor, and the blazing torch of service. Glory. Honor. War. Glory. Honor. War. It was a chant that I let repeat in my mind repeatedly. That is what I wanted. Glory. Honor. War. That is why I pushed her away. Glory. Honor. War. That is why I hid every feeling. But as I kept training my thoughts on the stark yellow of the city, instead of feeling empowered and renewed, I felt defeated.
What was it all anyway? I let my hands drift away from cupping my ears and heard the whispers, laughter and touches. What would it be like... to not be a slave to this honor? What would it be like to be the one sprawled out on the floor of the forest with someone touching, kissing and wanting me? I had known it once so long ago, yet the same woman who invoked such emotions inside of me, was just a few meters away, with no recollection of it, holding and loving someone else. I couldn’t muster up the rage or feeling of betrayal, because in it all, I could have tried... tried to get her to remember, but my pride was so fierce and strong that I constantly humiliated her and pushed her far away from anything intimate and real that simmered inside of me. “Tears are real,” she had said; I remembered it feeling like a stab to my chest. It was irrational for me to react the way that I did, but I was real and right there.
Instead of letting her glimpse our past, instead of caressing her cheeks, or telling her how she was beautiful, or how I missed her, or how I knew she would be more powerful than I even imagined, I lied to her. I had gritted my teeth through the pain, and lied to myself, which was painless, but were truly the worst lies of all. How many days and nights had we even been together? Weeks? Months? It all seemed to blend.
We had been alone, and I had so many chances to try to make her love me again... to admit to myself that I still loved and wanted her. Instead, I buried it all so deeply that even when the feelings came bubbling back up, I dismissed them and shoved them back down.
I was alone by a fire, desperate, shaking and wanting. Wanting her. Wanting her so very fiercely. I grabbed my hair wishing I could rip it off, along with all the thoughts that were bombarding me.
“Giovanni?” I bristled at her voice so close to me. I hadn’t even heard her approach.
I measured my response and waited till I didn’t think my voice would shake. “Yes.”
“Are you okay?” Are you okay? Those three words that she always asked. They infu
riated me before, but that was because her expressed concern tugged at the feelings dormant within me, and it took that much more control to tuck them away again. Everything was raw and aching since then. .
She came and sat beside me on the log and I could feel my chest tighten. I shifted my weight away and quickly put some distance between us as I scooted over. “Why wouldn’t I be okay?”
“I—I don’t know. You are... grey.”
“What?”
I looked back to her and saw her studying the air around me. I looked around to see what she did, but saw nothing. My aura. The bastard aura was betraying me. “I am fine.” The pain pooled in my gut, ripping at me, but I schooled my face into a blank expression. She noticed too much when I didn’t.
“Connor told me that angels can’t lie. Or that when they do, they experience incredible pain.” She looked at me, at me, not the air around me. “I think you lie to me a lot.”
I glared at her. “What do you mean?”
“I think you are lying to me right now. You are not all right.”
“How would you know that?”
“You were trying too hard to not show that you weren’t in pain. The way you breathed in; the way you swallowed; the way that muscle ticked in your jaw.”
“If you are so smart, then why are you even asking me?” I raised my voice and I could hear Connor rustling a little ways off, getting up to see if Jade needed back up, but more than that, I felt my chest tightened as I realized that she noticed all these little details. Details that I wanted her to know.
“I would like you to tell me.”
Connor was just to the right of the campfire. Keeping his distance, but there. “Leave me be, Jade. Just... leave me be.” I looked away from her.
“Don’t lie to me anymore, Giovanni,” she said as she stood. “I want to be able to trust my guardian.”
I closed my eyes and could practically taste the word guardian in my mouth. That’s what I was... for her. A guardian. At least, that is what I had arranged with Lynx. That is what I had told her when she was ripped away from me. But as she walked away from me and grasped Connor’s hand, I knew I would be lying to her. I had no choice now. Unless... I took a quick glance at them striding away. Unless I wanted to steal her back. Emotions warred within me, but as I looked into the fire, the smallest of smiles crept across my lips.
ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS
I thought that my Acknowledgements page in Ashes and Ice was long, but after publishing my first novel, I realized just how BIG your circle of friends becomes. Some of you I don’t even know. Some of you are readers tucked away in your corner of the world who bought and read my book and posted a sweet review. Do you know how much I love you? Um, yeah. A freakin’ ton. Bloggers, authors, readers, promoters, editors, beta readers, designers, formatters! You all are insanely gorgeous creatures and I adore you.
Becky Johnson from Hot Tree Editing is a saint. Seriously, I can practically see her halo. She was dedicated to Fire and Shadows and I am so grateful. Her team is awesome. Lady Amber Tours helped get Ashes and Ice onto three Amazon bestsellers lists within 24 hours of release. She’s a promotion rockstar. Najla Qamber Designs and Mae I Design and Photography have made incredible promotion banners, teasers, and more for my books. I always love getting emails from them. Who doesn’t like getting pretty stuff in their inbox? Inkstain Interior Book Designing has created my beautiful interiors. Her lovely page designs make my words look good. Thank you to Author Dominique Goodall for getting me sprinting. My online sprinters are the only reason I finished Fire and Shadows. Thank you to Author Tiffany Carmouche and musician/songwriter Martina Desiree for all the encouragement.
For every message of support, A&I love, or hilarious mischief, I heart you. Thank you for making my big fat happy dreams come true.
And finally, my family. My husband and daughter bring me so much happiness that I can’t even put into words how they light up my life. Thank you for making everyday beautiful. I love you both.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Rochelle grew up dreaming up stories. When she entered high school, she
tucked away her creative side and jumped head-first into academics, work, and service projects. She graduated summa cum laude with a degree in Political Science and Communication when she was twenty years old. After years away from her writing, Rochelle picked up a pen and started fleshing out a character sketch that she outlined when she was twelve. That sketch was the start of the Ashes and Ice story. Rochelle lives in the DC metro area with her husband and daughter. By day she works as a behavioral therapist. By night, she is a dreamer and is busy tapping out new stories on her keyboard.
Table of Contents
Copyright
PROLOGUE LILITH
1 JADE
2 CONNOR
3 GIOVANNI
4 NANAN
5 JADE
6 CONNOR
7 DESI
8 GIOVANNI
9 JADE
10 CONNOR
11 GIOVANNI
12 NANAN
13 DESI
14 CONNOR
15 JADE
16 GIOVANNI
17 CONNOR
18 JADE
19 GIOVANNI
20 CONNOR
21 JADE
22 GIOVANNI
23 CONNOR
24 JADE
25 CONNOR
26 JADE
27 CONNOR
28 JADE
29 GIOVANNI
30 CONNOR
31 JADE
32 CONNOR
33 JADE
34 CONNOR
35 JADE
36 CONNOR
37 JADE
38 CONNOR
39 JADE
40 GIOVANNI
41 JADE
42 CONNOR
43 DESI
44 GIOVANNI
45 JADE
46 CONNOR
47 JADE
48 GIOVANNI
49 JADE
50 CONNOR
51 JADE
52 GIOVANNI
EPILOGUE GIOVANNI
ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Fire & Shadows Page 14
