George Fielding’s been in touch as well. Eddie apparently had warned him he’s taking the north. Not a chance. I owe George so I told him I’d take care of it, although George was quite eager to do it himself, Eddie had made it personal with me so George is gracious enough to take a back seat.
And if that’s not enough, I got a call from Nikolai in Russia. Eddie’s been trying to intercept my arms deliveries.
OUT OF FUCKING ORDER.
What the fuck is wrong with the guy? Does he not realise who he’s fucking with?
Lately there’s been this cold trickle in my bones that causes my blood to itch whenever I get angry. It’s like I lose control. I don’t quite know what happens but I zone out and when I come back to shit has kicked off. My rage takes over and cuts off the part of my brain that’s attached to reality.
On a happier note, I’ve been invited to the BAFTA awards ceremony. They appear to think because I own a lot of businesses in London that I’m worthy of an invite. I find it comical really. I’ve robbed over four banks, I supply arms to the underbelly of the UK. I take out fuckers who so much as look at me the wrong way. I even have a few of the Metropolitan police force on my payroll to hide shit that goes down, but they seem to think I’m an asset to the country. Maybe I am. There’s a turn up, huh?
Rebecca is in her element. She’s already picked out a damn dress. So it looks like I’m taking her as my plus one.
We sorted out the shit between us. And I’m still fucking her whenever I’m horny and there’s no one else around. I think I’m crueller to her because I want to keep her at arm’s length in a way. I don’t want her to think she’s getting close to me so I’m a bastard to her to keep it real. However, it doesn’t appear to be working.
For a laugh I told her that she was to fuck Dane while I watched. Tears had pooled in her eyes but she’d nodded.
So then of course I felt like a dick again. Yet I can’t help myself. I need her to see me for who I am instead of this fucking person she’s put on a pedestal but she never does. She allows anything I ask of her because she thinks it will make me love her.
She’s snorting more and more and I get the feeling she does it because it gives her the attachment to me, plus it lets her let go when I’m fucking her. She’s more relaxed when she’s high and my ‘suggestions’ don’t seem as horrific.
Maybe I am a monster. But I can’t understand why she can’t see it.
12th November 2004
Something really strange happened last night. Kerrie had invited me and my mother to hers for dinner. Then right in the middle my mother gets a phone call from George, of all people. Turns out he’s taken a young girl in. He found her in a state and asked for my mother to go take a look at her because she didn’t want the authorities involved.
When my mum got back she said this girl had been beaten but worse, she was really withdrawn. Homeless chick by the sounds of it, but the really weird thing is that George has taken her in. He’s offered her a place to stay.
Now, I like George, he’s a good guy but he’s also merciless. He’s a cruel fucker and this girl is only young. I’m just a bit concerned what he wants with her. I’ll stay out of it but I’m going to keep a close eye on this. In fact Brian Cox is on both my payroll and George’s so I’ll have a quiet word for him to keep his ear to the ground. I respect George, I do but if I find out he’s fucking with young girls then that’s something I won’t be able to turn a blind eye to.
14th November 2004
Eddie is right now sat in the solitary chair in one of my warehouses. What a complete tosser. He had the cheek to laugh in my face so, quite rightly, I removed the smile from his face – with a blade.
Greg’s doing much better so I’m keeping Eddie alive (barely) for Greg to take the bastard out. He’s a bit insane actually. I can’t quite figure him out. He had the foolish idea that London was owed to him because his grandfather used to run it in the fucking 1700’s. What a nutter! He also thought he was in a much better position than George and myself and he presumed that me and George would just step back and hand it over.
Crazy. I swear some of the new ones trying to make a name on the scene were born in a mental hospital for insane pregnant women. Nothing in life is yours for the taking so why they seem to think it is is beyond me. Work for things! That’s how it goes, how it has always been.
Hey, guess who is getting married? Sam and Marcy. I’m so pleased for them. Marcy’s a bit… odd but she’s good for Sam. She’s also very soft-hearted and I find it difficult to see how she copes with what Sam is, but it works for them and Sam loves her to bits and at the end of the day that’s all that matters.
He’s asked me to be best man and I’m honoured. Trouble is I have to do a bloody speech. Oh the joy.
Rebecca is pissed because she hasn’t been invited. Sam told me Marcy can’t stand Bec and point plank refused to invite her so of course I got it in the neck. Told her straight that’s it’s not my wedding so quit fucking whining at me about it.
Fucking women, they’re such drama queens, I’m sure they thrive on it. But it’s Marcy’s day so it’s up to her who she invites.
Kerrie has been off lately. I’m not sure what’s up with her and she won’t open up to me. I asked if it had anything to do with Kade but she says not. In fact she said there was nothing wrong but I know her. If I find out Kade is fucking about then I’ll kneecap the twat.
24th November 2004
Eddie screamed like a fucking girl. So funny. The first guy I’ve ever seen piss himself. Greg did a proper job on him though. Seems my friend has quite a sinister side.
Speaking of sinister, I’ve been hearing some rumours about Dane. Not sure whether to believe them or not though. One or two have said that he’s into violent sex. I look at him and I just can’t see it. I know he likes kinky shit but if the stories going round are true he likes to ‘pretend’ to rape women.
He’s my mate and he always will be but that shit is sick. He also knows how I feel about rape especially after what Kerrie went through. I think it’s just all been blown out of proportion but I’m keeping my ear to the ground. He’ll need dealing with if these fantasies ever become a reality. No way would I allow my name to be associated with shit like that.
Brian tells me that the girl George took in, Ava I think he said, is doing okay. As far as he can tell George’s reasons are innocent, he just wanted to help her. I just can’t see George doing that. The stories I’ve heard about him, and sometimes what I’ve witnessed myself, George is the least compassionate one out of all of us.
This gets me thinking that… well I know how I’ve been feeling lately, wondering what happens when I die. Well I’m kind of wondering if George is feeling the same. Thing is, he’s a damn site older than me, he’s nearly 60, so if I’m feeling a little alone then I’m sure he must be. He never married and he never had kids. Perhaps he’s softening in his old age.
Aged 26
31st August 2005
Well shit! I have a lodger! And it’s a woman.
I dunno where to start.
I’ve been visiting The Panther for a while, just mainly because I like the atmosphere there and William is a great guy. I’ve been a bit curious about Doms and subs and there’s been this bloke who visits every now and again. Calls himself Diablo – don’t ask. Anyway I got talking with him and it turns out he’s a proper Dom, has submissive’s in his place up in Sheffield, proper slave shit.
Yet he told me they were all willing participants.
Anyway, he invites me along for a weekend. So of course I wasn’t going to say no was I?
Well I got there and it turned out that his current sub wasn’t all that willing to be there. The bastard had beaten the living daylights out of her. She was chained in a basement and I swear to God, every single hole on her bruised and broken body had been used and abused.
I nearly fucking puked all over her, the poor cow. Her names Kayla Winters (Well now it’s Layla Summers and she has a co
mplete new identity) and she’s the sweetest little thing ever. She’s so timid and scared, she has these huge eyes that flit around like she’s frightened of the fucking air. Every time I go near her she jumps like a damn kitten.
Diablo won’t be walking for a while, put it that way. I kicked the shit out of the fucker! How can any man do this shit? I know I’m a cruel bastard but fuck, what makes a man hurt a woman like this? My thoughts always go back to my childhood and how my father used to treat women, and I always think that depraved shit he did will forever make me detest any man that hurts a woman in any physical way.
So Layla (I’ll have to start calling her that) is currently in my spare room. Rebecca can’t quite understand why I have a woman living with me but what the fuck it has to do with her I have no idea, although I must say I’m quite amazed by what I’ve done.
It kind of reminds me of George with Ava, the way he took her in. It’s the same thing really. I’m actually helping someone without profit to me and I’m not sure how that makes me feel. But I couldn’t just leave her there. And from what I’ve managed to find out about Diablo he will assume that she’s his property and will want her back. I’ll keep a close eye on her and if he makes a reappearance then I’ll have to deal with him.
Kerrie loves her to bits and has been here every day trying to get Layla to come out of her shell a bit. I called my mother over to take a look at her. The poor cow is a mess but with a bit of security she’ll be back to who she was soon – I hope.
11th November 2005
Layla is doing really well, she even allowed me to take her out last night. Very slowly she’s started to trust me. Why that makes me happy I have no idea. There’s something about the girl that makes something in me want to gain her friendship.
She knows what I do and it doesn’t seem to make her wary of me. She’s still scared of her own shadow though so I just took her to The Loft but she enjoyed dancing and let go with a few drinks. I hate to say it but I find myself watching her, she’s really fit and I’ve caught her looking at me now and again.
We were dancing and we’d had a few, anyway she slides her little bottom against my groin and of course my dick decided he liked the feel of it and paid attention. I felt her tense when she felt my hard-on dig into her but then she started to grind harder against me.
All the way home there was this awkward atmosphere between us and it’s the first time I’d hated getting turned on. I hope to God it hasn’t spoiled things between us. I finally get her to come out of this bubble she hides in and one fucking hard-on and I could have ruined it.
I’m not sure what it is about her that makes me want to be her friend but she’s fun and I see this strength in her. I’ve been sending her for self-defence training with Greg and I think that is helping though.
25th December 2005
I don’t usually write on Christmas day but this time I need to.
Me and Layla celebrated the turn of Christmas day with a fuck. Yeah I know. Me all over again!
Things had progressively been growing between us. Layla is very sexual and slowly she’d been getting over what happened to her. We’d had a few drinks and the conversation turned to submissive behaviour. She was telling me all this stuff what arouses her, like giving her control over to a man completely. She finds it a huge turn on. Well I couldn’t understand how that could turn someone one so she gave me these fucking eyes that gets to me every time and told me a few of the commands that she had been trained to submit to.
Holy shit.
Watching her bow beneath me got my dick so fucking hard. Watching her drop to her knees before me and hand herself over totally was amazing. Every order I gave her I could see her pupils dilating, her little tits heaving as her nipples had strained through the light material of her t-shirt.
When she looked up at me I saw it in her, the need, and the desire. She was on her knees before me and I was sat on the sofa. Very slowly she nudged towards me, her eyes fixed on my own as she unbuttoned my jeans slowly. My cock was so damn hard it made her eyes widen when she freed it. Then she’d wrapped her cute mouth around me and sank all the fucking way down. Jesus holy hell. I nearly came right there.
I’d barked at her to take all of me, an order that had her gagging around my cock, her eyes watering but fuck, she did it and she took pleasure in it. So yeah, I came there and then and she swallowed every damn drop.
Of course I’m not a complete bastard so I threw her onto the sofa and buried my face between her fucking thighs and made her come on my face. But then of course I was fucking rock solid again, so I bent her over and fucked her like a bloody madman. Months of sexual chemistry between us just poured out. She looked over her shoulder to me and asked me to fucking take my belt to her arse. Jesus!
I was a bit dubious at first, especially after what Diablo had done to her so I was like this girl, barely touching her with the leather. She’d smiled back at me though, sensing I was a bit uneasy doing that to her but then she told me to hit her harder because she got off on it, and not to be frightened. So I did. The more I hit her the harder she fucking came. I swear a condom never took so much in its life!
Well I thought there’d be this atmosphere between us this morning but she was happy, her eyes had this twinkle that I’d never seen before. Then after giving me her Christmas gift she told me she couldn’t do a relationship, only sex. Yeah, I swear that fucking bugles heralded in my ears. I’d never got that from a women, shit I’ve never met a woman that just wants sex with no strings. So of course now we’re already fucking like bunnies.
Merry fucking Christmas.
13th March 2006
Layla’s been offered a job at The Panther as a pole dancer. Bloody hell, can that girl swing round that pole. She’s great to watch. She doesn’t entertain – as in fuck for money – (We’re still fucking BTW) but she makes some great tips and is finally getting her life back on track.
I introduced her to William just in case she ever wanted to experience a proper Dom again. I can see the need in her to be completely ruled, it’s just her thing. And anyway she was watching one of the girls dance and she got talking. The girl told her she’d teach her and Lay took to it like a duck to water.
She’s been getting close to this Dom at the Panther, they’re just friends and she says she finds it helpful to talk to him. He’s one of those that completely dotes on each of his submissive’s. He treats them with respect like they deserve and I have a feeling they’re going to be in a relationship very soon.
I’m not jealous or anything, actually I’m pleased for her. We fuck but other than that, we’re friends and I value her friendship more than I do her body. Get me!! Things must be changing inside me, eh?
I’m looking for a new club. It’s going to have to be the right one though, in the perfect place so I’m just looking and waiting for the right one to come available at the moment.
My mother is going out to America to visit and she’s asked if I want to go with her for a bit of a ‘bonding time’ as she put it.
I suppose after she’s tried so hard with me I should give it a go. I’m not sure if it’ll work out but I’m willing to give it a try.
Kerrie isn’t coming but there’s still some weird shit going on with her. I think Kade senses it too because he’s arranged a photo shoot for me and her. But at least he’s trying.
Dane’s been acting strange too. I swear every bugger is fucking premenstrual or something.
Oh I got a glimpse of the girl who George took in. It was this three second glance from her but I swear I shivered. I’d called round to give George some sensitive paperwork personally. I was stood in his hallway and my eyes caught movement in the kitchen area. I turned to look and this mass of red hair and shy but beautiful green eyes stared back at me. I blinked and she was gone but… fuck I’m losing my shit. I think the break will do me good.
5th May 2006
Well Lay is moving out. I got a message while I was in America that she’s found a flat a
nd is going to share with a friend. I’m so happy for her.
Anyway I took her out last night for our last night together. The little minx climbed under the tablecloth at the restaurant after the main course and gave me head. We got some funny looks but only because I grunted like a fucking animal when I shot my load down her throat. Then she climbed back out, made a show of wiping her mouth across her arm and said really loudly, “Your cum tastes much better than the chocolate torte, Mase.”
This little old lady nearly choked on her own teeth and called Den (The head of house) over. Of course he went blood red but whispered something in her ear. She tutted and left and when I asked him what he’d said, he told me that he’d told her he couldn’t really kick out the proprietor from his own restaurant.
I think we may have lost a customer… yeah, I shouldn’t laugh.
11th June 2006
Layla is in a relationship with the Dom. Of course because he orders exclusivity then our relationship is strictly just friends and I’m good with that. I love her, but only as a friend. I don’t feel any jealousy over her screwing someone else so I know it’s nothing romantic between us but I love her company and she listens to me, and I listen to her. She tells it like it is and for that I think I’ll always love her. Many people, even my friends, never dare to call me out on my shit, but Lay does and I respect her the more for it.
My Diary, by Mason Fox (Heart of Stone #8) Page 5
